or out of season, and intertwined with the most opposite topics, it was continually dropping from his lips; or rather rattling with a strong guttural emphasis from his throat, as thus-" All r-r-r-r-right!-letthem-go!"

The night was close and sultry; the passengers were numerous, and the cabin was of course none the cooler for the arrival of such a huge warm breathing body, displacing an equal bulk of air.

66

Sapperment! qu'il fait chaud !" ejaculated the fat Frenchman as he seated himself next his friend at the end of one of the long tables. Allons, mon ami-we must drink," and, as he spoke, he intercepted the steward's mate, "Hold! boy! garçon-bring here some grogs." His companion vainly remonstrated against this order, alleging that the other had already drunk more than enough; but the Frenchman was resolute.

"Bah! ce n'est rien-I am not bottlesome-du tout! du tout! all rrrrrright-soyez tranquille-ah! ah! here come the grogs-letthem-go

A glass of rum-and-water was mixed and swallowed in a twinkling; and a second was about to follow when the friend anxiously interfered, and at last by signs desired the boy to take away the bottle and glass.

"All rrrright-let-them-go!" said the Frenchman, but meaning quite the reverse, for unsuiting the action to the word, he made a snatch at the departing spirit. "Diable! stop!-halte là! give me my grogs."

No, no, take it away."

"Mais, non-donnez-moi, vous dis-je !—give to me."

"But

my dear fellow-"

"Chut! chut !-vous êtes ivre. You see me drink two glasses for one."

"But the passengers want to go to sleep."

"All rrrright-let-them-go !" said the Frenchman. "Ah là voilà !" and he replaced the rum-bottle on the table: "à present-tenez-la vie est courte-il faut boire. Your good healths, gentlemens. Vive l'Angleterre ! I am going to ride all over you in a coach-ah si beaux chevaux! All rrrright-st-st-peste! I have broke the bottle all to bits-holo! boy!-more grogs.'

"My good fellow, do be quiet. You had better get into bed."

"A la bonne heure-get into it yourself-go inside; pour moi, non. I shall drink a bit more. Holo! boy!-steward !—come !—vite ! -quick-the grogs-the grogs-the grogs! Bon. C'est un brave garçon! Now then, sir, all rrrright-bon voyage-let-them-go!"

Pray don't drink any more.'

"Mon ami-à votre santé. It is good stuff!--encore un couptrink, boys, trink-grogs for ever!-Alions,-chanter un peu-La, la, la, lira la-"

"Hush, hush!-they're all in bed."

"No such thing. non, he is only one. friend, will you not change you hors!

There are two misters at the other table―mais, Never mind. Ah, ah,-voici le Capitaine !-my have some grogs?-Allons-goutez-where do you Alles?-ha! ha! all rrright-let-them-go!-n'est

ce-pas?—Attendez,-one day I will be a whip-parbleu de les ferai trotter-comme quatre !-eh! mon ami? Mai voyez donc, il est malade-c'est sa faute-he would not take some grogs-Oui, c'est ça -I must take warning of him-hola !-Boy!-some more-some more grogs. Quick!-fast!-or else I shall be sick. Look at my old fellow-ah le pauvre !-there he goes into his bed. Adieu, mon cher-dormez bien. A presentallons- buvons nous autres-bu -bu-bu-buvons-" and so forth, till the jovial Frenchman dropping his head on the table, fairly muttered himself into a dose. Sleep could now go to sleep; and snorings, pitched in various keys, began to sound from the different sides of the cabin.

--

The calm, however, was short. All at once there was a tremendous bounce that shook the very timbers of the vessel as if she had touched on a sand-bank. The Man Mountain had tumbled from his seat, and was rolling and talking on the floor.

"Mon Dieu ! qu-y-a-t-il ?-I have falled off the coach-oui, c'est ça-here is some bags and boxes-no, it is the ship!-help-hola! Boy! Garçon-ha! ha! ha! c'est bien drôle--Bon!-here is the boy!-tenez-tout doucement—all rrrright-pick up my head and my legs-let-them-go !"

The boy heaved and hauled, as the sailors say, "with a will" at the prostrate carcass, but to raise such a body on its legs was no easy task, and to keep it perpendicular was still more difficult. Long and ludicrous was the struggle, till even Sleep, who had waked in a cross temper, was compelled to smile at the awkwardness of the scramble. At last, by dint of hugging and tugging, and heaving and hoisting, the goodhumoured Monster, who had never ceased talking, was propped up in a corner of the cabin.

"Bon! all rrrright!-je vous remercie infiniment-come, you shall drink some-mais, regardez-quel dommage !-there has been onehow do you call it ?-quite a spill."

"Have you hurt yourself?" inquired the friend from the bed.

"Not a morsel !-Dieu merci!—sound wind and sound limb. Some grogs will make all well. Mais, parbleu, il fait grand vent!" And the speaker gave a tremendous stagger, and then a plunge over the opposite table.

"By Jove, I can't stand it !" exclaimed the friend, bolting feet foremost from his berth. "He'll dash out his brains!"

"All rrrrright," muttered the fat Frenchman-"let-them-go!"

*

The morning after my arrival in London, my good fortune afforded me another glimpse of the Jolly Foreigner. He was occupying rather more than his share of the box-seat of a long stage. The coach was on the point of starting; the driver was buckling his reins; and the helpers stood ready to snatch the cloths from the wheelers. The Fat Frenchman, with his lips moving as if silently rehearsing the favourite phrase, was intently watching the progress of the buckling; and no sooner was it completed than-anticipating the coachman, and with a gusto not to be described in print-forth rattled, as guttural as ever, the appropriate sentence

"All rrrrrright-let-them-go!"

GRADUATES AND UNDERGRADUATES;

OR,

THE PROCTOR'S NOTE-BOOK.

"Is not the post-boy come yet?" said I to my excellent old servant, Robert, as I paced up and down the little lawn in front of my cottage in my dressing-gown and in a great fidget. I hate waiting for my letters, because I cannot sit down to compile a book or compose an epigram until I have ascertained whether anything pleasant or unpleasant is likely to result from the contents of the epistles for the day. Robert, who had duly discharged his duties as groom, valet, milkman, and footman, and was now cultivating his cabbages in his capacity of gardener, reluctantly replied negatively to my query.

"Tuh, tuh, tuh!" said I. "Confound that boy Jem. I'll discharge him-deprive him of his shilling a-week, and restore him to pauperism,"

"Better buy him a new jackass," said Robert, "for this un's without conception the most stick-destroyingest animal as ever was foaled. He'll ruin you in ashen plants. Taint no fault of the boy's. He is one of the most donkey-stimulatingest lads in the village, and always carries a pin."

"Does what?" I inquired.

"Always provides himself with the most sharp-pointedest pin he can get," replied Robert, "and always carries it in his shirt-front, or the most-tenderest part of the animal, master."

Robert, I ought to inform the reader, was very much attached to me and to the use of compound words, which he contrived to put in the superlative degree, though he had never been in Germany, nor learnt the language of that country, so justly celebrated for its "superlative compounds."

66

Pray explain," said I.

Robert leaned on his spade, and with a peculiar movement of the eyelid, which to an inferior, or an equal, would have been exaggerated into a wink, replied,

66

Jem, sir, is one of the most sharpsightedest boys in the place. He soon discovered that our jackass was one of the most hard-hidedest in the world, the most unfeelingest of animals. Ash and even oak was a failure, though he selected the most toughestest twigs he could find. Spurs were beyond the reach of his pocket, so in the most cleverest way he invented a way to simulute an ass

"Stimulate," I suggested, greatly amused at the error.

"Well, sir, I beg pardon-I meant nothing by the illusion-he invented a substitute. He borrowed a pin of the housemaid, and in the most ingeniousest manner fixed it to the heel of his boot. The experiment succeeded for a time, but use is next to nature; after a month the donkey turned out the most unwincingest brute to every application of the pin. Jem was not to be beaten any more than the donkey. He set his wits to work and succeeded,"

"In what manner?" I inquired.

"Why, sir, he sticks the pin into the most tenderest part of the animal's tail at starting, and leaves it there till he gets home again." "Brutal!" said I, to Robert's great surprise, "I must either be summoned before a magistrate for encouraging cruelty to animals, or go to the expense of a fifty-shilling pony and give the donkey his discharge."

I had scarcely concluded this short speech, when the peculiar pat-apat of the ill-used animal's hoofs was heard coming up the lane. I looked over the hedge, and from the manner in which he carried his caudality and the lively grin in Jem's countenance, felt fully convinced that my servant's account of the boy's talents in tormenting was not incorrect.

Seeing, however, is believing. The result of the inspection was, that Master James had the pleasure of hearing a sermon on the subject of cruelty, and of feeling the elasticity of a cane which I applied to his person with a somewhat prolonged satisfaction.

After this little excitement, which I believe to be very serviceable to middle-aged men who take a diurnal pint of port and very little exercise, I retired to my study to open and inspect the contents of my letter-bag.

Epistles to kinsfolk, unless they are written expressly for publication, are not generally interesting, except to the parties to whom they are addressed. I therefore suppress my aunt Dorothy's complaints anent rats and rheumatism, with which her house and herself were infected, and my uncle Maximmian's moans caused by the degeneration of the present age and the introduction of the light wines of the continent. He was a three-bottle man. A magnum, in his opinion, was the perfection of the "inventive faculty in man."

Having closed my correspondence from my relatives, and committed the letters to the "unanswered" side of my letter-box, I took up one which bore the Oxford post-mark.

I felt a little queer at the first view of this remembrancer of my earlier and wilder days, and almost resolved to thrust it in the fire. I recollected, however, that I had long since paid off all my ticks, and that no dun would have wasted so much sealing-wax, as this letter bore upon it, impressed with "the pride of heraldry," a handsome coat of arms.

People may say what they please about the great distinction between the higher and lower classes of the community; the best definition I ever heard of these two great divisions of the human race is-that the former have a coat always ready for their arms, and the latter have arms ready for a coat-if they can get it.

This is parenthetic erraticity, so I beg pardon and return to my Oxford letter.

With the handwriting I was unacquainted, but the impression upon the seal could not be mistaken. It represented the family bearings of my old friend and college chum, the Reverend Fortescue Frumpleigh.

I opened the envelope, and found a short note written in a label-like hand, which ran thus:

"Respected Sir,

"I am called in by your friend and my patient, Mr. Fortescue Frumpleigh, of St. Mark's, M.A. and Senior Proctor, to request your attendance for a consultation on his mundane affairs, if the journey, which we charge for under the latin term iter, will not interfere with your practice in the country. Mr. F. F. is suffering acutely from some disorganization of his organs. The prognosis and the diagnosis are both dubious, and a metastasis is greatly to be desired. Whether the disorder be endemic, epidemic, or merely sympathetic, I have not yet decided. The case though probably painful to the patient is highly interesting to a medical practitioner. Mr. F. F. falls into most lively convulsions once a-day, which invariably terminate in syncope. At this I am particularly delighted, as it proves the truth of a theory I have promulgated in 1 vol., royal 8vo., that when nature is completely exhausted, she ceases to struggle any longer.' The book may not have engaged your attention, but I can say with pride and satisfaction that it is bought and read with avidity, by the three young men who attend my lecture in the anatomy schools twice a term, previously to taking the degree of M.D.

"I have the honour to be,

"Sir, Your's respectfully,

"GALLIPOT GALEN, M.D."

This to me proved a puzzler-it may do so to my readers. It proved another thing, too-the triumph of science, or the love of science, over the commonplace feelings of humanity. I suppose surgeons and doctors, quocunque nomine gaudent, are possessed of some private feeling for their fellow-creatures, but that fortunately for us who suffer they are able to controul them when engaged professionally about our persons. What delight Dr. Gallipot Galen could find in witnessing the convulsions-"the lively convulsions terminating in syncope" of my poor friend Fortescue Frumpleigh, I could not then conceive. I can

now.

I went one day with a friend of mine to witness an operation for aneurism, which was to be performed by a surgeon of local celebrity in our county hospital. My friend was merely an amateur cutter and maimer, but enthusiastic in his search after interesting cases and operations. He prevailed upon me to be present on this great important day with great difficulty, and I entered the operation-room with great reluctance.

I will not harrow up the feelings by a prolonged description of the horrors which I, as one of the uninitiated, suffered, but merely state sufficient of what passed to prove the truth of my opinion that, fortunately for their patients, doctors when professionally engaged have not much feeling for the operatée. Just as the knife entered the thigh of the poor sufferer on the table, and, in spite of his efforts to suppress it, a deep, loud groan issued from his lips, a gentleman with a most mild, benevolent countenance, who stood next to me, whispered, "What a beautiful cut!"

I confess I felt a sudden sickness come over me, and left the room. Had I remained, I should have fallen into what Doctor Gallipot Galen calls a syncope, and which I presume is Greek for a fit.