ics; whereupon the audience were marvellously de- | firmament of fashion; among the number I have lighted, flourished their hands, and stroked their discovered another planet, which rivals even Venus whiskers three times, and the matter was carefully in lustre, and I claim equal honour with Herschel for recorded in the next number of a paper called the my discovery. I shall take some future opportunity flim flam. (English—town.) to describe this planet, and the numerous satellites which revolve around it. We were much pleased with Mrs. VILLIERS in Lady MACBETH: but we think she would have given At the last assembly the company began to make a greater effect to the night-scene, if, instead of hold- some show about eight, but the most fashionable ing the candle in her hand or setting it down on the delayed their appearance until about nine-nine betable, which is sagaciously censured by neighbouring the number of the muses, and therefore the best Town, she had stuck it in her night-cap. This would possible hour for beginning to exhibit the graces. have been extremely picturesque, and would have (This is meant for a pretty play upon words, and I marked more strongly the derangement of her mind. assure my readers that I think it very tolerable.) Mrs. Villiers, however, is not by any means large Poor WILL HONEYCOMB, whose memory I hold enough for the character; Lady Macbeth having in special consideration, even with his half century been, in our opinion, a woman of extraordinary size, of experience, would have been puzzled to point out and of the race of the giants, notwithstanding what the humours of a lady by her prevailing colours; she says of her "little hand"-which being said in for the "rival queens" of fashion, Mrs. ToOLE and her sleep, passes for nothing. We should be happy to Madame BOUCHARD, appeared to have exhausted see this character in the hands of the lady who played their wonderful inventions in the different disposi Glumdalca, queen of the giants, in Tom Thumb; tion, variation, and combination of tints and shades. she is exactly of imperial dimensions; and, provided The philosopher who maintained that black was she is well shaved, of a most interesting physiogno- white, and that of course there was no such colour my as she appears likewise to be a lady of some as white, might have given some colour to his theory nerve, I dare engage she will read a letter about on this occasion, by the absence of poor forsaken witches vanishing in air, and such common occur- white muslin. I was, however, much pleased to see rences, without being unnaturally surprised, to the that red maintains its ground against all other colannoyance of honest "Town." ours, because red is the colour of Mr. Jefferson's We are happy to observe that Mr. Cooper profits******, Tom Paine's nose, and my slippers. by the instructions of friend Town, and does not dip the daggers in blood so deep as formerly by a matter of an inch or two. This was a violent outrage upon our immortal bard. We differ with Mr. Town in his reading of the words "this is a sorry sight." We are of opinion the force of the sentence should be thrown on the word sight, because Macbeth, having been shortly before most confoundedly humbugged with an aerial dagger, was in doubt whether the daggers actually in his hands were real, or whether they were not mere shadows, or as the old English may have termed it, syghtes; (this, at any rate, will establish our skill in new readings.) Though we differ in this respect from our neighbour Town, yet we heartily agree with him in censuring Mr. Cooper for omitting that passage so remarkable for "beauty of imagery," &c., beginning with "and pity, like a naked, new-born babe," &c. It is one of those passages of Shakspeare which should always be retained, for the purpose of showing how sometimes that great poet could talk like a buzzard; or, to speak more plainly, like the famous mad poet Nat Lee. Let the grumbling smellfungi of this world, who cultivate taste among books, cobwebs, and spiders, rail at the extravagance of the age; for my part, I was delighted with the magic of the scene, and as the ladies tripped through the mazes of the dance, sparkling and glowing and dazzling, I, like the honest Chinese, thanked them heartily for the jewels and finery with which they loaded themselves, merely for the entertainment of by-standers, and blessed my stars that I was a bachelor. As it is the first duty of a friend to advise-and as we profess and do actually feel a friendship for honest "Town"- -we warn him, never in his criticisms to meddle with a lady's "petticoats," or to quote Nic Bottom. In the first instance he may "catch a tartar;" and in the second, the ass's head may rise up in judgment against him; and when it is once afloat there is no knowing where some unlucky hand may place it. We would not, for all the money in our pockets, see Town flourishing his critical quill under the auspices of an ass's head, like the great Franklin in his Monterio Cap. NEW-YORK ASSEMBLY. BY ANTHONY EVERGREEN, GENT. THE assemblies this year have gained a great accession of beauty. Several brilliant stars have arisen from the east and from the north to brighten the The gentlemen were considerably numerous, and being as usual equipt in their appropriate black uniforms, constituted a sable regiment which contributed not a little to the brilliant gayety of the ballroom. I must confess I am indebted for this remark to our friend, the cockney, Mr. 'SBIDLIKENSFLASH, or 'Sbidlikens, as he is called for shortness. He is a fellow of infinite verbosity-stands in high favourwith himself-and, like Caleb Quotem, is "up to every thing." I remember when a comfortable, plump-looking citizen led into the room a fair damsel, who looked for all the world like the personifica tion of a rainbow: 'Sbidlikens observed that it reminded him of a fable, which he had read somewhere, of the marriage of an honest, painstaking snail; who had once walked six feet in an hour for a wager, to a butterfly whom he used to gallant by the elbow, with the aid of much puffing and exertion. On being called upon to tell where he had come across this story, 'Sbidlikens absolutely refused to answer. It would but be repeating an old story to say, that the ladies of New-York dance well;-and well may they, since they learn it scientifically, and begin their lessons before they have quit their swaddling clothes. The immortal DÚPORT has usurped despotic sway over all the female heads and heels in this city;hornbooks, primers, and pianoes are neglected to attend to his positions; and poor CHILTON, with his pots and kettles and chymical crockery, finds him a more potent enemy than the whole collective force of the "North River Society." 'Sbidlikens insists that this dancing mania will inevitably continue as long as a dancing-master will charge the fashionable price of five-and-twenty dollars a quarter and all the other accomplishments are so vulgar as to be attain. able at "half the money;"-but I put no faith in | torn-no ladies fainted-no noses bled-nor was 'Sbidlikens' candour in this particular. Among his there any need of the interference of either manainfinitude of endowments he is but a poor proficient gers or peace officers. in dancing; and though he often flounders through a cotillion, yet he never cut a pigeon-wing in his life. In my mind there's no position more positive and unexceptionable than that most Frenchmen, dead or alive, are born dancers. I came pounce upon this discovery at the assembly, and I immediately noted No. II.-WEDNESDAY, FEB'Y 4, 1807. STAFF, ESQ. IN the conduct of an epic poem, it has been the custom, from time immemorial, for the poet occasionally to introduce his reader to an intimate acquaintance with the heroes of his story, by conducting him into their tents, and giving him an opportunity of observing them in their night gown and slippers. However I despise the servile genius that would descend to follow a precedent, though furnished by Homer himself, and consider him as on a par with the cart that follows at the heels of the horse, without ever taking the lead, yet at the present moment my whim is opposed to my opinion; and whenever this is the case, my opinion generally surrenders at discretion. I am determined, therefore, to give the town a peep into our divan; and I shall repeat it as often as I please, to show that I intend to be sociable. it down in my register of indisputable facts :-the FROM THE ELBOW-CHAIR OF LAUNCELOT LANG public shall know all about it. As I never dance cotillions, holding them to be monstrous distorters of the human frame, and tantamount in their operations to being broken and dislocated on the wheel, I generally take occasion, while they are going on, to make my remarks on the company. In the course of these observations I was struck with the energy and eloquence of sundry limbs, which seemed to be flourishing about without appertaining to any body. After much investigation and difficulty, I at length traced them to their respective owners, whom I found to be all Frenchmen to a man. Art may have meddled somewhat in these affairs, but nature certainly did more. I have since been considerably employed in calculations on this subject; and by the most accurate computation I have determined that a Frenchman passes at least three fifths of his time between the heavens and the earth, and partakes eminently of the nature of a gossamer or soap-bubble. One of these jack-o'-lantern heroes, in taking a figure which neither Euclid or Pythagoras himself could demonstrate, unfortunately wound himself-I mean his feet, his better part-into a lady's cobweb muslin robe; but perceiving it at the instant, he set himself a spinning the other way, like a top, unravvelled his step without omitting one angle or curve, and extricated himself without breaking a thread of the lady's dress! he then sprung up, like a sturgeon, crossed his feet four times, and finished this wonderful evolution by quivering his left leg, as a cat does her paw when she has accidentally dipped it in water. No man "of woman born," who was not a Frenchman or a mountebank, could have done the like. The other night Will Wizard and Evergreen called upon me, to pass away a few hours in social chat and hold a kind of council of war. To give a zest to our evening I uncorked a bottle of London particular, which has grown old with myself, and which never fails to excite a smile in the countenances of my old cronies, to whom alone it is devoted. After some little time the conversation turned on the effect produced by our first number; every one had his budget of information, and I assure my readers that we laughed most unceremoniously at their expense; they will excuse us for our merriment-'tis a way we've got. Evergreen, whc is equally a favourite and companion of young and old, was particularly satisfactory in his details; and it was highly amusing to hear how different characters were tickled with different passages. The old folks were delighted to find there was a bias in our junto towards the "good old times;" and he particularly noticed a worthy old gentleman of his acquaintance, who had been somewhat a beau in his day, whose eyes brightened at the bare mention of Kissingbridge. It recalled to his recollection several of his youthful exploits, at that celebrated pass, on which he seemed to dwell with great pleasure and selfcomplacency; he hoped, he said, that the bridge might be preserved for the benefit of posterity, and as a monument of the gallantry of their grandfathers; and even hinted at the expediency of erectI would praise the sylph-like grace with which ing a toll-gate there, to collect the forfeits of the another young lady acquitted herself in the dance, ladies. But the most flattering testimony of approbut that she excels in far more valuable accomplish-bation, which our work has received, was from an ments. Who praises the rose for its beauty, even though it is beautiful. Among the new faces, I remarked a blooming nymph, who has brought a fresh supply of roses from the country to adorn the wreath of beauty, where lilies too much predominate. As I wish well to every sweet face under heaven, I sincerely hope her roses may survive the frosts and dissipations of winter, and lose nothing by a comparison with the loveliest offerings of the spring. 'Sbidlikens, to whom I made similar remarks, assured me that they were very just, and very prettily exprest; and that the lady in question was a prodigious fine piece of flesh and blood. Now could I find it in my heart to baste these cockneys like their own roast-beef-they can make no distinction between a fine woman and a fine horse. The company retired at the customary hour to the supper-room, where the tables were laid out with their usual splendour and profusion. My friend, 'Sbidlikens, with the native forethought of a cockney, had carefully stowed his pocket with cheese and crackers, that he might not be tempted again to venture his limbs in the crowd of hungry fair ones who throng the supper-room door; his precaution was unnecessary, for the company entered the room with surprising order and decorum. No gowns were old lady, who never laughed but once in her life, and that was at the conclusion of the last war. She was detected by friend Anthony in the very fact of laughing most obstreperously at the description of the little dancing Frenchman. Now it glads my very heart to find our effusions have such a pleasing effect. I venerate the aged, and joy whenever it is in my power to scatter a few flowers in their path. The young people were particularly interested in the account of the assembly. There was some difference of opinion respecting the new planet, and the blooming nymph from the country; but as to the compliment paid to the fascinating little sylph | his attentions to the ladies-is in a state of rapid who danced so gracefully-every lady modestly took improvement; and there is no doubt but that by the that to herself. time he arrives at years of discretion, he will be a Evergreen mentioned also that the young ladies very accomplished, agreeable young fellow."-I adwere extremely anxious to learn the true mode of vise all clever, good-for-nothing, "learned and aumanaging their beaux; and Miss DIANA WEAR-thentic gentlemen," to take care how they wear this WELL, who is as chaste as an icicle, has seen a few cap, however well it fits; and to bear in mind, that superfluous winters pass over her head, and boasts our characters are not individuals, but species: if, of having slain her thousands, wished to know how after this warning, any person chocses to represent old maids were to do without husbands;-not that Mr. Ding-dong, the sin is at his own door;-we she was very curious about the matter, she “only wash our hands of it. asked for information." Several ladies expressed their earnest desire that we would not spare those wooden gentlemen who perform the parts of mutes, or stalking horses, in their drawing-rooms; and their mothers were equally anxious that he would show no quarter to those lads of spirit, who now and then cut their bottles to enliven a tea-party with the humours of the dinner-table. Will Wizard was not a little chagrined at having been mistaken for a gentleman, "who is no more like me," said Will, than I like Hercules.""I was well assured," continued Will, "that as our characters were drawn from nature, the originals would be found in every society. And so it has happened every little circle has its 'Sbidlikens; and the cockney, intended merely as the representative of his species, has dwindled into an insignificant individual, who having recognised his own likeness, has foolishly appropriated to himself a picture for which he never sat. Such, too, has been the case with DING-DONG, who has kindly undertaken to be my representative;--not that I care much about the matter, for it must be acknowledged that the animal is a good animal enough;-and what is more, a fashionable animal-and this is saying more than to call him a conjurer. But, I am much mistaken if he can claim any affinity to the Wizard family.Surely every body knows Ding-dong, the gentle Ding-dong, who pervades all space, who is here and there and every where; no tea-party can be complete without Ding-dong--and his appearance is sure to occasion a smile. Ding-dong has been the occasion of much wit in his day; I have even seen many whipsters attempt to be dull at his expense, who were as much inferior to him as the gad-fly is to the ox that he buzzes about. Does any witling want to distress the company with a miserable pun? nobody's name presents sooner than Ding-dong's; and it has been played upon with equal skill and equal entertainment to the by-standers as Trinitybells. Ding-dong is profoundly devoted to the ladies, and highly entitled to their regard; for I know no man who makes a better bow, or talks less to the purpose than Ding-dong. Ding-dong has acquired a prodigious fund of knowledge by reading Dilworth when a boy; and the other day, on being asked who was the author of Macbeth, answered, without the least hesitation-Shakspeare! Ding-dong has a quotation for every day of the year, and every hour of the day, and every minute of the hour; but he often commits petty larcenies on the poets-plucks the gray hairs of old Chaucer's head, and claps them on the chin of Pope; and filches Johnson's wig, to cover the bald pate of Homer ;-but his blunders pass undetected by one-half of his hearers. Ding-dong, it is true, though he has long wrangled at our bar, cannot boast much of his legal knowledge, nor does his forensic eloquence entitle him to rank with a Cicero or a Demosthenes; but bating his professional deficiencies, he is a man of most delectable discourse, and can hold forth for an hour upon the colour of a riband or the construction of a work-bag. Ding-dong is now in his fortieth year, or perhaps a We all sympathized with Wizard, that he should be mistaken for a person so very different; and I hereby assure my readers, that William Wizard is no other person in the whole world but William Wizard; so I beg I may hear no more conjectures on the subject. Will is, in fact, a wiseacre by inheritance. The Wizard family has long been celebrated for knowing more than their neighbours, particularly concerning their neighbours' affairs. They were anciently called JOSSELIN; but Will's great uncle, by the father's side, having been accidentally burnt for a witch in Connecticut, in consequence of blowing up his own house in a philosophical experiment, the family, in order to perpetuate the recollection of this memorable circumstance, assumed the name and arms of Wizard; and have borne them ever since. In the course of my custoinary morning's walk, I stopped in a book-store, which is noted for being the favourite haunt of a number of literati, some of whom rank high in the opinion of the world, and others rank equally high in their own. Here I found a knot of queer fellows listening to one of their company, who was reading our paper; I particularly noticed Mr. ICHABOD FUNGUS among the number. He Fungus is one of those fidgeting, meddling quidnuncs, with which this unhappy city is pestered: one of your "Q in a corner fellows," who speaks volumes with a wink;-conveys most portentous information, by laying his finger beside his nose,-and is always smelling a rat in the most trifling occurrence. listened to our work with the most frigid gravity— every now and then gave a mysterious shrug-a humph-or a screw of the mouth; and on being asked his opinion at the conclusion, said, he did not know what to think of it ;—he hoped it did not mean any thing against the government—that no lurking treason was couched in all this talk. These were dangerous times-times of plot and conspiracy; he did not at all like those stars after Mr. Jefferson's name, they had an air of concealment. DICK PADDLE, who was one of the group, undertook our cause. Dick is known to the world, as being a most knowing genius, who can see as far as any body-into a millstone; maintains, in the teeth of all argument, that a spade is a spade; and will labour a good half hour by St. Paul's clock, to establish a self-evident fact. Dick assured old Fungus, that those stars merely stood for Mr. Jefferson's red what-d'ye-coll'ems, and that so far from a conspiracy against their peace and prosperity, the authors, whom he knew very well, were only expressing their high respect for them. The old man shook his head, shrugged his shoulders, gave a mysterious Lord Burleigh nod, said he hoped it might be so; but he was by no means satisfied with this attack upon the President's breeches, as "thereby hangs a tale." MR. WILSON'S CONCERT. BY ANTHONY EVERGREEN, GENT. IN my register of indisputable facts I have noted little more-rivals all the little beaux in the town, in it conspicuously that all modern music is but the mere dregs and draining of the ancient, and that all | unhappy victims of a fiddle-stick without feeling a the spirit and vigour of harmony has entirely evapo- sentiment of compassion. His whole visage is disrated in the lapse of ages. Oh! for the chant of the torted; he rolls up his eyes, as M'Sycophant says, Naiades, and Dryades, the shell of the Tritons, and "like a duck in thunder," and the music seems to the sweet warblings of the Mermaids of ancient days! operate upon him like a fit of the cholic: his very where now shall we seek the Amphion, who built bowels seem to sympathize at every twang of the walls with a turn of his hurdy-gurdy, the Orpheus cat-gut, as if he heard at that moment the wailings who made stones to whistle about his ears, and trees of the helpless animal that had been sacrificed to hop in a country dance, by the mere quavering of his harmony. Nor does the hero of the orchestra seem fiddle-stick! ah! had I the power of the former how less affected: as soon as the signal is given, he seizes soon would I build up the new City-Hall, and save his fiddle-stick, makes a most horrible grimace, the cash and credit of the Corporation; and how scowls fiercely upon his music-book, as though he much sooner would I build myself a snug house in would grin every crotchet and quaver out of counteBroadway-nor would it be the first time a house nance. I have sometimes particularly noticed a has been obtained there for a song. In my opinion, hungry-looking Gaul, who torments a huge bass-viol, the Scotch bag-pipe is the only instrument that rivals and who is, doubtless, the original of the famous the ancient lyre; and I am surprised it should be "Raw-head-and-bloody-bones," so potent in frightalmost the only one entirely excluded from our con-ening naughty children. certs. The person who played the French-horn was very Talking of concerts reminds me of that given a few excellent in his way, but Snivers could not relish his nights since by Mr. WILSON; at which I had the performance, having sometime since heard a gentlemisfortune of being present. It was attended by a man amateur in Gotham play a solo on his proboscis, numerous company, and gave great satisfaction, if I in a style infinitely superior;-Snout, the bellowsmay be allowed to judge from the frequent gapings mender, never turned his wind instrument more muof the audience; though I will not risk my credit as sically; nor did the celebrated "knight of the burning a connoisseur, by saying whether they proceeded lamp," ever yield more exquisite entertainment with from wonder or a violent inclination to doże. I was his nose; this gentleman had latterly ceased to exdelighted to find in the mazes of the crowd, my par-hibit this prodigious accomplishment, having, it was ticular friend SNIVERS, who had put on his cognos-whispered, hired out his snout to a ferryman, who centi phiz-he being, according to his own account, had lost his conch-shell;-the consequence was that a profound adept in the science of music. He can he did not show his nose in company so frequently tell a crochet at first sight; and, like a true English-as before. man, is delighted with the plum-pudding rotundity of a semibref; and, in short, boasts of having incontinently climbed up Paff's musical tree, which hangs every day upon the poplar, from the fundamental concord, to the fundamental major discord; and so on froin branch to branch, until he reached the very top, where he sung "Rule Britannia," clapped his wings, and then-came down again. Like all true trans-atlantic judges, he suffers most horribly at our musical entertainments, and assures me, that what with the confounded scraping, and scratching, and grating of our fiddlers, he thinks the sitting out one of our concerts tantamount to the punishment of that unfortunate saint, who was frittered in two with a hand-saw. The concert was given in the tea-room, at the City-Hotel; an apartment admirably calculated, by its dingy walls, beautifully marbled with smoke, to show off the dresses and complexions of the ladies; and by the flatness of its ceiling to repress those impertinent reverberations of the music, which, whatever others may foolishly assert, are, as Snivers says, "no better than repetitions of old stories." Mr. Wilson gave me infinite satisfaction by the gentility of his demeanour, and the roguish looks he now and then cast at the ladies, but we fear his excessive modesty threw him into some little confusion, for he absolutely forgot himself, and in the whole course of his entrances, and exits, never once made his bow to the audience. On the whole, however, I think he has a fine voice, sings with great taste, and is a very modest, good-looking little man; but I beg leave to repeat the advice so often given by the illustrious tenants of the theatrical sky-parlour, to the gentlemen who are charged with the "nice conduct' of chairs and tables-“make a bow, Johnny-Johnny, make a bow!" SITTING late the other evening in my elbow-chair, indulging in that kind of indolent meditation, which I consider the perfection of human bliss, I was roused from my reverie by the entrance of an old servant in the COCKLOFT livery, who handed me a letter, containing the following address from my cousin and old college chum, PINDAR COCKLOFT. Honest ANDREW, as he delivered it, informed me that his master, who resides a little way from town, on reading a small pamphlet in a neat yellow cover, rubbed his hands with symptoms of great satisfaction, called for his favourite Chinese inkstand, with two sprawling Mandarines for its supporters, and wrote the letter which he had the honour to present me. As I foresee my cousin will one day become a great favourite with the public, and as I know him to be somewhat punctilious as it respects etiquette, I shall take this opportunity to gratify the old gentleman by giving him a proper introduction to the fashionable world. The Cockloft family, to which I have the comfort of being related, has been fruitful in old bachelors and humourists, as will be perceived when I come to treat more of its history. My cousin Pindar is one of its most conspicuous members-he is now in his fifty-eighth year-is a bachelor, partly through choice, and partly through chance, and an oddity of the first water. Half his life has been employed in writing odes, sonnets, epigrams, and elegies, which he seldom shows to any body but myself after they are written; and all the old chests, drawers, and chair-bottoms in the house, teem with his productions. In his younger days he figured as a dashing blade in the great world; and no young fellow of the town wore a longer pig-tail, or carried more buckram in I cannot, on this occasion, but express my surprise his skirts. From sixteen to thirty he was continually that certain amateurs should be so frequently at con- in love, and during that period, to use his own words, certs, considering what agonies they suffer while a he be-scribbled more paper than would serve the piece of music is playing. I defy any man of com- theatre for snow-storms a whole season. The evenmon humanity, and who has not the heart of a Choc-ing of his thirtieth birthday, as he sat by the firetaw, to contemplate the countenance of one of these side, as much in love as ever was man in this world TO LAUNCELOT LANGSTAFF, ESQ. DEAR LAUNCE, and writing the name of his mistress in the ashes, į please, and perplex the whoe town, and completely with an old tongs that had lost one of its legs, he establish his claim to the laureateship he has solicitwas seized with a whim-wham that he was an old ed, and with which we hereby invest him, recomfool to be in love at his time of life. It was ever one mending him and his effusions to public reverence of the Cockloft characteristics to strike to whim; and respect. and had Pindar stood out on this occasion he would LAUNCELOT LANGSTAFF. have brought the reputation of his mother in question. From that time he gave up all particular attentions to the ladies; and though he still loves their company, he has never been known to exceed the bounds of common courtesy in his intercourse with them. He was the life and ornament of our family circle in town, until the epoch of the French revolution, which sent so many unfortunate dancing-masters from their country to polish and enlighten our hemisphere. This was a sad time for Pindar, who had taken a genuine Cockloft prejudice against every thing French, ever since he was brought to death's door by a ragout: he groaned at Ca Ira, and the Marseilles Hymn had much the same effect upon him that sharpening a knife on a dry whetstone has upon some people ;-it set his teeth chattering. He might in time have been reconciled to these rubs, had not the introduction of French cockades on the hats of our citizens absolutely thrown him into a fever. The first time he saw an instance of this kind, he came home with great precipitation, packed up his trunk, his old-fashioned writing-desk, and his Chinese ink-stand, and made a kind of growling retreat to Cockloft-Hall, where he has resided ever since. a -- My cousin Pindar is of a mercurial disposition,humourist without ill-nature-he is of the true gunpowder temper;-one flash and all is over. It is true when the wind is easterly, or the gout gives him a gentle twinge, or he hears of any new successes of the French, he will become a little splenetic; and heaven help the man, and more particularly the woman that crosses his humour at that moment ;she is sure to receive no quarter. These are the most sublime moments of Pindar. I swear to you, dear ladies and gentlemen, I would not lose one of these splenetic bursts for the best wig in my wardrobe; even though it were proved to be the identical wig worn by the sage Linkum Fidelius, when he demonstrated before the whole university of Leyden, that it was possible to make bricks without straw. I have seen the old gentleman blaze forth such a volcanic explosion of wit, ridicule, and satire, that I was almost tempted to believe him inspired. But these sallies only lasted for a moment, and passed like summer clouds over the benevolent sunshine which ever warmed his heart and lighted up his countenance. Time, though it has dealt roughly with his person, has passed lightly over the graces of his mind, and left him in full possession of all the sensibilities of youth. His eye kindles at the relation of a noble and generous action, his heart melts at the story of distress, and he is still a warm admirer of the fair. Like all old bachelors, however, he looks back with a fond and lingering eye on the period of his boyhood; and would sooner suffer the pangs of matrimony than acknowledge that the world, or any thing in it, is half so clever as it was in those good old times that are "gone by." trash'd; As I find you have taken the quill, mind, In moments of thought, as the soul looks behind. We are old-fashion'd fellows, our nieces will say: Old-fashion'd, indeed, coz-and swear it they may— For I freely confess that it yields me no pride, To see them all blaze what their mothers would hide: To see them, all shivering, some cold winter's day, So lavish their beauties and graces display, And give to each fopling that offers his hand, Like Moses from Pisgah-a peep at the land. Is to offer my help in the work you pursue; But a truce with complaining-the object in view And as your effusions and labours sublime, May need, now and then, a few touches of rhyme, I humbly solicit, as cousin and friend, A quiddity, quirk, or remonstrance to send: Or should you a laureate want in your plan. By the muff of my grandmother, I am your man! I believe I have already mentioned, that with all You must know I have got a poetical mill, his good qualities he is a humourist, and a humour- Which with odd lines, and couplets, and triplets I fill: ist of the highest order. He has some of the most And a poem I grind, as from rags white and blue intolerable whim-whams I ever met with in my life, I can grind down an ode, or an epic that's long, The paper-mill yields you a sheet fair and new. and his oddities are sufficient to eke out a hundred Into sonnet, acrostic, conundrum, or song: tolerable originals. But I will not enlarge on them-As to dull hudibrastic, so boasted of late, enough has been told to excite a desire to know The doggerel discharge of some muddled brain'd pate more; and I am much mistaken, if in the course of I can grind it by wholesale-and give it its point, half a dozen of our numbers, he don't tickle, plague, | With billingsgate dish'd up in rhymes out of joint. |