watchman; he hoaxed an honest mechanic, and nounced a certain proof that he had been used to was soundly kicked. Thus disappointed in all his better company in Birmingham. He became the attempts at notoriety, Straddle hit on the expedient which was resorted to by the Giblets-he determined to take the town by storm.-He accordingly bought horses and equipages, and forthwith made a furious dash at style in a gig and tandem.

great man of all the taverns between New-York and Haerlem, and no one stood a chance of being accommodated, until Straddle and his horses were perfectly satisfied. He dd the landlords and waiters, with the best air in the world, and accosted As Straddle's finances were but limited, it may them with the true gentlemanly familiarity. He easily be supposed that his fashionable carcer in- staggered from the dinner table to the play, entered fringed a little upon his consignment, which was in- the box like a tempest, and staid long enough to be deed the case, for, to use a true cockney phrase, bored to death, and to bore all those who had the Brummagem suffered. But this was a circum- misfortune to be near him. From thence he dashed stance that made little impression upon Straddle, who was now a lad of spirit, and lads of spirit always despise the sordid cares of keeping another man's money. Suspecting this circumstance, 1 never could witness any of his exhibitions of style, without some whimsical association of ideas. Did he give an entertainment to a host of guzzling friends, I immediately fancied them gormandizing heartily at the expense of poor Birmingham, and swallowing a consignment of hand-saws and razors. Did I behold him dashing through Broadway in his gig, I saw him, "in my mind's eye," driving tandem on a nest of tea-boards; nor could I ever contemplate his cockney exhibitions of horsemanship, but my mischievous imagination would picture him spurring a cask of hardware, like rosy Bacchus bestriding a beer barrel, or the little gentleman who bestraddles the world in the front of Hutching's al

manac.

off to a ball, time enough to flounder through a cotillion, tear half a dozen gowns, commit a number of other depredations, and make the whole company sensible of his infinite condescension in coming amongst them. The people of Gotham thought him a prodigious fine fellow; the young bucks cultivated his acquaintance with the most persevering assiduity, and his retainers were sometimes complimented with a seat in his curricle, or a ride on one of his fine horses. The belles were delighted with the attentions of such a fashionable gentleman, and struck with astonishment at his learned distinctions between wrought scissors and those of cast-steel; together with his profound dissertations on buttons and horse flesh. The rich merchants courted his acquaintance because he was an Englishman, and their wives treated him with great deference, because he had come from beyond seas. I cannot help here observing, that your salt water is a marvellous great sharpener of men's wits, and I intend to recommend it to some of my acquaintance in a particular essay.

Straddle was equally successful with the Giblets, as may well be supposed; for though pedestrian merit may strive in vain to become fashionable in Gotham, yet a candidate in an equipage is always Straddle continued his brilliant career for only a recognized, and like Philip's ass, laden with gold, short time. His prosperous journey over the turnwill gain admittance every where. Mounted in his pike of fashion was checked by some of those stumcurricle or his gig, the candidate is like a statue ele-bling-blocks in the way of aspiring youth, called vated on a high pedestal: his merits are discernible from afar, and strike the dullest optics. Oh! Gotham, Gotham! most enlightened of cities !-how does my heart swell with delight when I behold your sapient inhabitants lavishing their attention with such wonderful discernment!

creditors-or duns ;—a race of people who, as a celebrated writer observes, "are hated by gods and men." Consignments slackened, whispers of distant suspicion floated in the dark, and those pests of society, the tailors and shoe-makers, rose in rebellion against Straddle. In vain were all his remonstrances, in vain did he prove to them that though he had given them no money, yet he had given them more custom, and as many promises as any young man in the city. They were inflexible, and the signal of danger being

back. Straddle saw there was but one way for it; he determined to do the thing genteelly, to go to smash like a hero, and dashed into the limits in high style, being the fifteenth gentleman I have known to drive tandem to the--ne plus ultra-the d—l.

Thus Straddle became quite a man of ton, and was caressed, and courted, and invited to dinners and balls. Whatever was absurd or ridiculous in him before, was now declared to be the style. He criticised our theatre, and was listened to with rev-given, a host of other prosecutors pounced upon his erence. He pronounced our musical entertainments barbarous; and the judgment of Apollo himself would not have been more decisive. He abused our dinners; and the god of eating, if there be any such deity, seemed to speak through his organs. He became at once a man of taste, for he put his malediction on every thing; and his arguments were conclusive, for he supported every assertion with a bet. He was likewise pronounced, by the learned in the fashionable world, a young man of great research and deep observation; for he had sent home, as natural curiosities, an ear of Indian corn, a pair of moccasons, a belt of wampum, and a four-leaved clover. He had taken great pains to enrich this curious collection with an Indian, and a cataract, but without success. In fine, the people talked of Straddle, and his equipage, and Straddle talked to his horses, until it was impossible for the most critical observer to pronounce, whether Strad-great respect; and I love to look back to the period dle or his horses were most admired, or whether Straddle admired himself or his horses most.

Straddle was now in the zenith of his glory. He swaggered about parlours and drawing-rooms with the same unceremonious confidence he used to display in the taverns at Birmingham. He accosted a lady as he would a bar-maid; and this was pro

Unfortunate Straddle! may thy fate be a warning to all young gentlemen who come out from Birmingham to astonish the natives!-I should never have taken the trouble to delineate his character, had he not been a genuine cockney, and worthy to be the representative of his numerous tribe. Perhaps my simple countrymen may hereafter be able to distinguish between the real English gentleman, and individuals of the cast I have heretofore spoken of, as mere mongrels, springing at one bound from contemptible obscurity at home, to day-light and splendour in this good-natured land. The true-born and true-bred English gentleman is a character I hold in

when our forefathers flourished in the same generous soil, and hailed each other as brothers. But the cockney!-when I contemplate him as springing too from the same source, I feel ashamed of the relationship, and am tempted to deny my origin. In the character of Straddle is traced the complete outline of a true cockney, of English growth, and a descend

ant of that individual facetious character mentioned | of Augustine Torniel-that they are the descendants by Shakspeare, "who, in pure kindness to his horse, buttered his hay."

THE STRANGER AT HOME; OR, A
TOUR IN BROADWAY.

BY JEREMY COCKLOFT, THE YOUNGER.

PREFACE.

YOUR learned traveller begins his travels at the commencement of his journey; others begin theirs at the end; and a third class begin any how and any where, which I think is the true way. A late facetious writer begins what he calls "a Picture of New-York," with a particular description of Glen's Falls, from whence with admirable dexterity he makes a digression to the celebrated Mill Rock, on Long-Island! Now this is what I like; and I intend, in my present tour, to digress as often and as long as I please. If, therefore, I choose to make a hop, skip, and jump, to China, or New-Holland, or Terra Incognita, or Communipaw, I can produce a host of examples to justify me, even in books that have been praised by the English reviewers, whose fiat being all that is necessary to give books a currency in this country, I am determined, as soon as I finish my edition of travels in seventy-five volumes, to transmit it forthwith to them for judgment. If these trans-atlantic censors praise it, I have no fear of its success in this country, where their approbation gives, like the tower stamp, a fictitious value, and make tinsel and wampum pass current for classic gold.

CHAPTER I.

of Shem and Japheth, who came by the way of Japan to America-Juffridius Petri says they came from Friezeland, mem. cold journey.-Mons. Charron says they are descended from the Gauls-bitter enough. -A. Milius, from the Celta-Kircher, from the Egyptians-L'Compte, from the Phenicians-Lescarbot, from the Cannaanites, alias the Anthropophagi-Brerewood, from the Tartars-Grotius, from the Norwegians--and Linkum Fidelius has written two folio volumes to prove that America was first of all peopled either by the Antipodeans or the Cornish miners, who, he maintains, might easily have made a subterraneous passage to this country, particularly the antipodeans, who, he asserts, can get along un der-ground as fast as moles-quere, which of these is in the right, or are they all wrong?-For my part, I don't see why America had not as good a right to be peopled at first, as any little contemptible country in Europe, or Asia; and I am determined to write a book at my first leisure, to prove that Noah was born here-and that so far is America from being indebted to any other country for inhabitants, that they were every one of them peopled by colonies from her!-mem, battery a very pleasant place to walk on a Sunday evening-not quite genteel though

every body walks there, and a pleasure, however genuine, is spoiled by general participation-the fashionable ladies of New-York turn up their noses if you ask them to walk on the battery on Sunday

quere, have they scruples of conscience, or scruples of delicacy?-neither-they have only scruples of gentility, which are quite different things.

CHAPTER II.

upon the market women, who don't care a straw about any of them.-Origin of the distinction of ranks-Dr. Johnson once horribly puzzled to settle the point of precedence between a louse and a flea— good hint enough to humble purse-proud arrogance.

CUSTOM-HOUSE-origin of duties on merchandise this place much frequented by merchants-and why?-different classes of merchants-importersa kind of nobility-wholesale merchants-have the privilege of going to the city assembly!-Retail traders cannot go to the assembly.-Some curious speculations on the vast distinction betwixt selling tape by the piece or by the yard.-Wholesale merBATTERY-flag-staff kept by Louis Keaffeechants look down upon the retailers, who in return Keaffee maintains two spy-glasses by subscriptions-look down upon the green-grocers, who look down merchants pay two shillings a-year to look through them at the signal poles on Staten-Island-a very pleasant prospect; but not so pleasant as that from the hill of Howth-quere, ever been there?-Young seniors go down to the flag-staff to buy peanuts and beer, after the fatigue of their morning studies, and Custom-house partly used as a lodging house for sometimes to play at ball, or some other innocent the pictures belonging to the academy of artsamusement-digression to the Olympic, and Isth-couldn't afford the statues house-room, most of mian games, with a description of the Isthmus of Corinth, and that of Darien: to conclude with a dissertation on the Indian custom of offering a whiff of tobacco smoke to their great spirit, Areskou.Return to the battery-delightful place to indulge in the luxury of sentiment.-How various are the mutations of this world! but a few days, a few hours-at least not above two hundred years ago, and this spot was inhabited by a race of aborigines, who dwelt in bark huts, lived upon oysters and Indian corn, danced buffalo dances, and were lords "of the fowl and the brute"-but the spirit of time and the spirit of brandy have swept them from their ancient inheritance and as the white wave of the ocean, by its ever toiling assiduity, gains on the brown land, so the white man, by slow and sure degrees, has gained on the brown savage, and dispossessed him of the land of his forefathers.-Conjectures on the first peopling of America-different opinions on that subject, to the amount of near one hundred-opinion VOL. II.-17.

them in the cellar of the City-hall-poor place for the gods and goddesses after Olympus.-Pensive reflections on the ups and downs of life-Apollo, and the rest of the set, used to cut a great figure in days of yore.-Mem.-every dog has his day-sorry for Venus though, poor wench, to be cooped up in a cellar with not a single grace to wait on her!Eulogy on the gentlemen of the academy of arts for the great spirit with which they began the under taking, and the perseverance with which they have pursued it.-It is a pity, however, they began at the wrong end-maxim-If you want a bird and a cage, always buy the cage first-hem! a word to the wise!

CHAPTER III.

BOWLING-GREEN-fine place for pasturing cows -a perquisite of the late corporation-formerly ornamented with a statue of George the 3d-people

pulled it down in the war to make bullets-great | bad company, because they are a couple of fine fel pity, as it might have been given to the academy-lows--mem. to recommend Michael's antique snuffit would have become a cellar as well as any other. box to all amateurs in the art.-Eagle singing Yan-Broadway-great difference in the gentility of kee-doodle-N. B.-Buffon, Penant, and the rest of streets-a man who resides in Pearl-street, or Chat- the naturalists, all naturals not to know the eagle ham-row, derives no kind of dignity from his domicil; was a singing bird; Linkum Fidelius knew better, but place him in a certain part of Broadway, any and gives a long description of a bald eagle that serewhere between the battery and Wall-street, and he naded him once in Canada;-digression; particular straightway becomes entitled to figure in the beau account of the Canadian Indians;-story about Aresmonde, and strut as a person of prodigious conse- kou learning to make fishing nets of a spider-don't quence!-Quere, whether there is a degree of purity believe it though, because, according to Linkum, and in the air of that quarter which changes the gross many other learned authorities, Areskou is the same particles of vulgarity into gems of refinement and as Mars, being derived from his Greek names of polish? A question to be asked, but not to be an- Ares; and if so, he knew well enough what a net swered-Wall-street-City-hall, famous place for was without consulting a spider ;-story of Arachne catch-poles, deputy-sheriffs, and young lawyers; being changed into a spider as a reward for having which last attend the courts, not because they have hanged herself;-derivation of the word spinster business there, but because they have no business from spider ;-Colophon, now Altobosco, the birthany where else. My blood always curdles when I place of Arachne, remarkable for a famous breed of see a catch-pole, they being a species of vermin, who spiders to this day;-mem.-nothing like a little feed and fatten on the common wretchedness of scholarship-make the ignoramus, viz., the majority mankind, who trade in misery, and in becoming the of my readers, stare like wild pigeons-return to executioners of the law, by their oppression and vil-New-York a short cut-meet a dashing belle, in a lainy, almost counterbalance all the benefits which are little thick white veil-tried to get a peep at her face derived from its salutary regulations-Story of Que- --saw she squinted a little-thought so at first;vedo about a catch-pole possessed by a devil, who, never saw a face covered with a veil that was worth on being interrogated, declared that he did not come looking at ;- -saw some ladies holding a conversation there voluntarily, but by compulsion; and that a de- across the street about going to church next Sunday cent devil would never of his own free will enter into-talked so loud they frightened a cartman's horse, the body of a catch-pole; instead, therefore, of doing who ran away, and overset a basket of gingerbread him the injustice to say that here was a catch-pole with a little boy under it ;-mem.—I don't much see be-deviled, they should say, it was, a devil be-catch- the use of speaking-trumpets now-a-days. poled; that being in reality the truth-Wonder what has become of the old crier of the court, who used to Inake more noise in preserving silence than the audience did in breaking it—if a man happened to drop his cane, the old hero would sing out "silence!" in a voice that emulated the "wide-mouthed thunder"

CHAPTER V.

BOUGHT a pair of gloves; dry-good stores the -On inquiring, found he had retired from business genuine schools of politeness-true Parisian manto enjoy otium cum dignitate, as many a great manners there-got a pair of gloves and a pistareen's had done before-Strange that wise men, as they are worth of bows for a dollar--dog cheap!-Courtthought, should toil through a whole existence merely to enjoy a few moments of leisure at last! why don't they begin to be easy at first, and not purchase a moment's pleasure with an age of pain?-mem. posed some of the jockeys—eh!

CHAPTER IV.

landt-street corner-famous place to see the belles go by-quere, ever been shopping with a lady?— some account of it-ladies go into all the shops in the city to buy a pair of gloves-good way of spending time, if they have nothing else to do.--Oswegomarket-looks very much like a triumphal arch-some account of the manner of erecting them in ancient times;-digression to the arch-duke Charles, and some account of the ancient Germans.-N. B. quote Tacitus on this subject.-Particular description BARBER'S pole; three different orders of shavers of market-baskets, butchers' blocks, and wheelbarin New-York-those who shave pigs; N. B.-fresh- rows:-mem. queer things run upon one wheelmen and sophomores,-those who cut beards, and Saw a cartman driving full-tilt through Broadwaythose who shave notes of hand; the last are the most run over a child-good enough for it—what business respectable, because, in the course of a year, they had it to be in the way?-Hint concerning the laws make more money, and that honestly, than the whole against pigs, goats, dogs, and cartmen-grand aposcorps of other shavers can do in half a century; be- trophe to the sublime science of jurisprudence;— sides, it would puzzle a common barber to ruin any comparison between legislators and tinkers; quere, man, except by cutting his throat: whereas your whether it requires greater ability to mend a law higher order of shavers, your true blood-suckers of than to mend a kettle?-inquiry into the utility of the community, seated snugly behind the curtain, in making laws that are broken a hundred times in a watch for prey, live on the vitals of the unfortunate, day with impunity;—my lord Coke's opinion on the and grow rich on the ruin of thousands.-Yet this subject: my lord a very great man-so was lord last class of barbers are held in high respect in the Bacon: good story about a criminal named Hog world; they never offend against the decencies of claiming relationship with him.-Hogg's porterlife, go often to church, look down on honest poverty house ;-great haunt of Will Wizard; Will put down walking on foot, and call themselves gentlemen; yea, there one night by a sea captain, in an argument men of honour!-Lottery offices-another set of concerning the era of the Chinese empire Whangpo; capital shavers !-licensed gambling houses!-good-Hogg's a capital place for hearing the same stories, things enough though, as they enable a few honest, the same jokes, and the same songs every night in industrious gentlemen to humbug the people--ac- the year-mem. except Sunday nights; fine school cording to law;--besides, if the people will be such for young politicians too-some of the longest and fools, whose fault is it but their own if they get bit? thickest heads in the city come there to settle the -Messrs. Paff-beg pardon for putting them in such | nation.-Scheme of Ichabod Fungus to restore the

balance of Europe;-digression;-some account of the balance of Europe; comparison between it and a pair of scales, with the Emperor Alexander in one and the Emperor Napoleon in the other: fine fellows --both of a weight, can't tell which will kick the beam:-mem, don't care much either--nothing to me:--Ichabod very unhappy about it-thinks Napoleon has an eye on this country-capital place to pasture his horses, and provide for the rest of his family:-Dey-street-ancient Dutch name of it, signifying murderers'-valley, formerly the site of a great peach orchard; my grandmother's history of the famous Peach war-arose from an Indian stealing peaches out of this orchard; good cause as need be for a war; just as good as the balance of power.

FROM THE MILL OF

PINDAR COCKLOFT, ESQ.

And call up the days of past youth to my mind,
How often I cast my reflections behind,
When folly assails in habiliments new,
When fashion obtrudes some fresh whim-wham to view!
When the foplings of fashion bedazzle my sight,
Bewilder my feelings-my senses benight;
I retreat in disgust from the world of to-day,
To commune with the world that has moulder'd away;
To converse with the shades of those friends of my
love,
Long gather'd in peace to the angels above.

In my rambles through life should I meet with

annoy,

Anecdote of a war between two Italian states about a bucket; introduce some capital new truisms about the folly of mankind, the ambition of kings, poten-One rear'd in the mode lately reckon'd genteel, From the bold beardless stripling—the turbid pert boy, tates, and princes; particularly Alexander, Cæsar, Which neglecting the head, aims to perfect the heel; Charles the XIIth, Napoleon, little King Pepin, and Which completes the sweet fopling while yet in his the great Charlemagne.-Conclude with an exhortation to the present race of sovereigns to keep the king's peace and abstain from all those deadly quarrels which produce battle, murder, and sudden death: mem. ran my nose against a lamp-post-conclude in great dudgeon.

FROM MY ELBOW-CHAIR.

OUR cousin Pindar, after having been confined for some time past with a fit of the gout, which is a kind of keepsake in our family, has again set his mill going, as my readers will perceive. On reading his piece I could not help smiling at the high compliments which, contrary to his usual style, he has lavished on the dear sex. The old gentleman, unfortu- | nately observing my merriment, stumped out of the room with great vociferation of crutch, and has not exchanged three words with me since. I expect every hour to hear that he has packed up his moveables, and, as usual in all cases of disgust, retreated to his old country house.

teens,

And fits him for fashion's light changeable scenes;
Proclaims him a man to the near and the far,
Can he dance a cotillion or smoke a segar;
And though brainless and vapid as vapid can be,
To routs and to parties pronounces him free :-
Oh, I think on the beaux that existed of yore,
On those rules of the ton that exist now no more!
I recall with delight how each yonker at first
In the cradle of science and virtue was nursed:
-How the graces of person and graces of mind,
The polish of learning and fashion combined,
Till softened in manners and strengthened in head,
By the classical lore of the living and dead,
Matured in his person till manly in size,
He then was presented a beau to our eyes!

nest,

My nieces of late have made frequent complaint
That they suffer vexation and painful constraint
By having their circles too often distrest
By some three or four goslings just fledged from the
Who, propp'd by the credit their fathers sustain,
Alike tender in years and in person and brain,
But plenteously stock'd with that substitute, brass,
For true wits and critics would anxiously pass.
So common to all the coxcombical gang,
They complain of that empty sarcastical slang,
Who the fair with their shallow experience vex,
By thrumming for ever their weakness of sex;
And who boast of themselves, when they talk with
proud air
Of MAN's mental ascendancy over the fair.

Pindar, like most of the old Cockloft heroes, is wonderfully susceptible to the genial influence of warm weather. In winter he is one of the most crusty old 'Twas thus the young owlet produced in the nest, bachelors under heaven, and is wickedly addicted to Where the eagle of Jove her young eaglets had prest, sarcastic reflections of every kind; particularly on Pretended to boast of his royal descent, the little enchanting foibles and whim-whams of And vaunted that force which to eagles is lent. women. But when the spring comes on, and the Though fated to shun with his dim visual ray, mild influence of the sun releases nature from her The cheering delights and the brilliance of day; icy fetters, the ice of his bosom dissolves into a gen- For dull moping caverns of darkness and night: To forsake the fair regions of æther and light, tle current which reflects the bewitching qualities of Still talk'd of that eagle-like strength of the eye, the fair; as in some mild clear evening, when nature Which approaches unwinking the pride of the sky, reposes in silence, the stream bears in its pure bo-Of that wing which unwearied can hover and play som all the starry magnificence of heaven. It is un- In the noon-tide effulgence and torrent of day. der the control of this influence he has written his piece; and I beg the ladies, in the plenitude of their harmless conceit, not to flatter themselves that because the good Pindar has suffered them to escape his censures he had nothing more to censure. It is but sunshine and zephyrs which have wrought this wonderful change; and I am much mistaken if the first north-easter don't convert all his good nature into most exquisite spleen.

Dear girls, the sad evils of which ye complain,
Your sex must endure from the feeble and vain,
'Tis the commonplace jest of the nursery scape-goat,
'Tis the commonplace ballad that croaks from his
throat;

He knows not that nature-that polish decrees,
That women should always endeavour to please.
That the law of their system has early imprest
The importance of fitting themselves to each guest;
And, of course, that full oft when ye trifle and play,
'Tis to gratify triflers who strut in your way.
The child might as well of its mother complain,
As wanting true wisdom and soundness of brain :
Because that, at times, while it hangs on her breast.
She with "lulla-by-baby" beguiles it to rest.

'Tis its weakness of mind that induces the strain,
For wisdom to infants is prattled in vain.

'Tis true at odd times, when in frolicksome fit,
In the midst of his gambols, the mischievous wit
May start some light foible that clings to the fair
Like cobwebs that fasten to objects most rare.—
In the play of his fancy will sportively say
Some delicate censure that pops in his way.
He may smile at your fashions, and frankly express
His dislike of a dance, or a flaming red dress;
Yet he blames not your want of man's physical force,
Nor complains though ye cannot in Latin discourse.
He delights in the language of nature ye speak,
Though not so refined as true classical Greek.
He remembers that Providence never design'd
Our females like suns to bewilder and blind;
But like the mild orb of pale ev'ning serene,
Whose radiance illumines, yet softens the scene,
To light us with cheering and welcoming ray,
Along the rude path when the sun is away.

I own in my scribblings I lately have nam'd
Some faults of our fair which I gently have blam'd,
But be it for ever by ali understood

My censures were only pronounc'd for their good.
I delight in the sex, 'tis the pride of my mind
To consider them gentle, endearing, refin'd;
As our solace below in the journey of life,
To smooth its rough passes;-to soften its strife:
As objects intended our joys to supply,
And to lead us in love to the temples on high.
How oft have I felt, when two lucid blue eyes,
As calm and as bright as the gems of the skies,
Have beam'd their soft radiance into my soul,
Impress'd with an awe like an angel's control!
Yes, fair ones, by this is for ever defin'd
The fop from the man of refinement and mind;
The latter believes ye in bounty were given
As a bond upon earth of our union with heaven:
And if ye are weak, and are frail, in his view,
'Tis to call forth fresh warmth and his fondness renew.
'Tis his joy to support these defects of your frame,
And his love at your weakness redoubles its flame:
He rejoices the gem is so rich and so fair,

And is proud that it claims his protection and care.

No. XIII.-FRIDAY, AUGUST 14, 1807.

FROM MY ELBOW-CHAIR,

sequa; or, that something had gone wrong in the alterations of the theatre-or that some new outrage at Norfolk had put him in a worry; in short, I did not know what to think; for Will is such an universal busy-body, and meddles so much in every thing going forward, that you might as well attempt to conjecture what is going on in the north star, as in his precious pericranium. Even Mrs. Cockloft, who, like a worthy woman as she is, seldom troubles herself about any thing in this world -saving the affairs of her household, and the correct deportment of her female friends-was struck with the mystery of Will's behaviour. She happened, when he came in and went out the tenth time, to be busy darning the bottom of one of the old red damask chairs; and notwithstanding this is to her an affair of vast importance, yet she could not help turning round and exclaiming, “I wonder what can be the matter with Mr. Wizard?" Nothing," replied old Christopher, only we shall have an eruption soon." The old lady did not understand a word of this, neither did she care; she had expressed her wonder; and that, with her, is always sufficient.

"

I am so well acquainted with Will's peculiarities that I can tell, even by his whistle, when he is about an essay for our paper as certainly as a weather wiseacre knows that it is going to rain when he sees a pig run squeaking about with his nose in the wind. I, therefore, laid my account with receiving a communication from him before long; and sure enough, the evening before last I distinguished his free-mason knock at my door. I have seen many wise men in my time, philosophers, mathematicians, astronomers, politicians, editors, and almanac makers; but never did I see a man look half so wise as did my friend Wizard on entering the room. Had Lavater beheld him at that moment he would have set him down, to a certainty, as a fellow who had just discovered the longitude or the philosopher's stone.

Without saying a word, he handed me a roll of paper; after which he lighted his segar, sat down, crossed his legs, folded his arms, and elevating his nose to an angle of about forty-five degrees, began to smoke like a steam engine;-Will delights in the picturesque. On opening his budget, and perceiving the motto, it struck me that Will had brought me one of his confounded Chinese manuscripts, and I was forthwith going to dismiss it I WAS not a little perplexed, a short time since, with indignation; but accidentally seeing the name by the eccentric conduct of my knowing coadju- of our oracle, the sage Linkum, of whose inestitor, Will Wizard. For two or three days, he was mable folioes we pride ourselves upon being the completely in a quandary. He would come into sole possessors, I began so think the better of it, old Cockloft's parlour ten times a day, swinging and looked round to Will to express my approbahis ponderous legs along with his usual vast tion. I shall never forget the figure he cut at that strides, clap his hands into his sides, contem- moment! He had watched my countenance, on plate the little shepherdesses on the mantel-piece opening his manuscript, with the argus eyes of an for a few minutes, whistling all the while, and author: and perceiving some tokens of disapprothen sally out full sweep, without uttering a word. bation, began, according to custom, to puff away To be sure, a pish or a pshaw occasionally escaped at his segar with such vigour that in a few minutes him; and he was observed once to pull out his he had entirely involved himself in smoke: except enormous tobacco-box, drum for a moment upon his nose and one foot, which were just visible, the its lid with his knuckles, and then return it into latter wagging with great velocity. I believe I his pocket without taking a quid:-'twas evident have hinted before-at least I ought to have done Will was full of some mighty idea-not that his so-that Will's nose is a very goodly nose; to restlessness was any way uncommon; for I have which it may be as well to add, that in his voyages often seen Will throw himself almost into a fever under the tropics, it has acquired a copper comof heat and fatigue-doing nothing. But his in- plexion, which renders it very brilliant and luminous. flexible taciturnity set the whole family, as usual, You may imagine what a sumptuous appearance it a wondering: as Will seldom enters the house made, projecting boldly, like the celebrated promonwithout giving one of his "one thousand and one "torium nasidium at Samos with a light-house upon stories. For my part, I began to think that the it, and surrounded on all sides with smoke and late fracas at Canton had alarmed Will for the vapour. Had my gravity been like the Chinese safety of his friends Kinglun, Chinqua, and Con- philosopher's "within one degree of absolute frigi l