the Lincoln. White, by all means; black don't wash well, and get discoloured sometimes. S. 300,000 is a large batch. When must you have them? Lincoln. Directly, if possible. S. As I have not a sufficient supply on hand, I shall have to manufacture them by steam, and the material being somewhat scarce just now, you must pay me a higher price for them. Lincoln. I don't mind (squinting at Davis); we of the north are rich enough; plenty of greenbacks in the country S. Your greenbacks may do very well for home use; but we in England don't think much of them; therefore I shall take nothing but hard cash. Lincoln. Very well; you shall have it, though I should have to ransack all the Northern Banks. Davis. I likewise need a box of soldiers. S. You have not paid for the last you bought of me. Davis (pulls out of his pocket an enormous bundle of bank notes, which he hands to the Shopkeeper). Here is your money. S. Confederate paper, Poh! good only to light my cigar with. Have you nothing more valuable, Mr. Davis? Davis. I can give you a security on Southern cotton; we have a large quantity stored away. S. True; but Sherman is making very free with it. If you don't pay me cash down, I cannot satisfy your demand. Davis. Cash! Alas! there is no more in the South, all is gone, and no hope of getting a new supply. So long as we were successful, the English were willing enough to come to our assistance; but now that the tide has set against us, they turn a deaf ear to our demands. As the Latin poet has it: "Donec eris felix, multos numerabis amicos, S. Your Latin quotation sounds very well, but the clink of gold would please my ear much better just now. So, good bye, Mr. Davis; I must attend to my illustrious customers. While in the act of turning round, Davis perceives Old Abe indulging a grin of joy at his discomfiture. Davis in a rage, shakes his fist at him. (Exeunt ambo.) Palmerston. Can you accommodate me with an "Electoral Reform," something showy, that can be seen at a great distance? S. You purchased one five years ago, if I recollect well; you must have it still, since you have not given it away. Palmerston. Aye, but as it has been exposed for show all this while, it has lost somewhat of its freshness, and I wish to get a new one. S. And this time, I hope, you will present John Bull with it. Palmerston. Not likely, it answers my purpose well enough, if I only show it to him; he keeps me in office, and all is right for another period. S. But John Bull has been grumbling, and will grumble again. Palmerston. Oh! let him grumble to his heart's content; it does him good; he grows fat on it. S. Here is an Electoral Reform, very brilliant, all show, nothing in it. (Palmerston takes the article with a smile of satisfaction, and ties it to his coat button-hole. On making his way out, the Reform dangling all the while, he finds himself face to face with Louis Napoleon. They shake hands in a friendly way.) Napoleon. Ha! old friend, what is that you carry so triumphantly? Is it the badge of a new order of knighthood? Palmerston. Don't you see? it is an "Electoral Reform," and a splendid one. Napoleon. For the English people, I suppose. Palmerston. Yes. Napoleon. My little Frenchmen have got something better than that. Palmerston. Universal Suffrage, you mean? Napoleon. Aye. Palmerston (in a whisper). A sham. Napoleon. Just like your Electoral Reform. Napoleon to S. I want something for my Frenchmen. S. This time, I hope, I am going to sell you m Liberty. Napoleon. Liberty! what for? S. Why for the crowning of the edifice. Napoleon. God forbid ! S. But you have kept promising that blessed crowning of the edifice ever since you mounted the throne; methinks, it is high time to keep your promise. Napoleon. Nonsense! it is a very elastic promise; the crowning takes place only when the edifice is finished, and the edifice is not finished, and never will be; don't you guess? S. (aside.) What a humbug! Napoleon. What do you say? S. Oh nothing; I was only talking to myself. Are you not afraid that Jean Crapaud will lose patience, and send you back to Jermyn Street? Napoleon. No fear of that. S. Yet he kicked out Charles the Tenth and Louis Philippe. Napoleon. Two old geese; no pluck in them. I am made of a different stuff, and shall show Jean Crapaud again, if necessary, that I am the nephew of my uncle. S. Well then, what are you going to purchase? Napoleon. I want a gag for the Press. S. Bless me! is'n't she gagged enough? Napoleon. No; the last gag you sold me is not tight enough; the old lady talks now and then, and lets out things unpalatable. I want a gag with a padlock, the key of which I shall keep by me, so that she may open her mouth only when I please, and say nothing but what I please. Shopkeeper (perceives that his Liberty is missing). Plague on't! I have been robbed of my Liberty. Who has taken it? A Voice. A French journalist has just carried it away. Napoleon turns pale, and forgetting all about the gag, rushes out shouting: Police! Stop thief! Stop thief! (Exeunt omnes to see the fun.) Shopkeeper (who has been left alone): Ill fated Liberty! these confounded despots will never buy it, so that the people have to get it in an illegal way, and I am the victim. Scrivelsby, during the royal feast, entered the hall, completely armed in one of his majesty's best suits of white armour, mounted on a fine white horse, the same his late majesty's rode at the battle of Dettingen, richly caparisoned, in the following manner: Two trumpets, with the champion's arms on their banners; the serjeant trumpet, with his mace on his shoulder; the champion's two esquires, richly habited, one on the right hand, with the champion's lance carried up-right; the other on the left hand, with his target, and the champion's arms depicted thereon; the herald of arms, with a paper in his hand, containing the words of the challenge. The earl marshal, in his robes and coronet, on horseback, with the marshall's staff in his hand; the champion on horseback, with a gauntlet in his right hand, his helmet on his head, adorned with a great plume of feathers, white, blue, and red; the lord high constable, in his robes and coronet, and collar of the order, on horseback, with the constable's staff. Four pages apparelled, attendants on the champion. The passage to their majesties table being cleared by the knight marshal, the herald at arms, with a loud voice, proclaimed the champion's challenge, at the lower end of the hall, in the words following: "If any person, of what degree soever, high or low, shall deny or gainsay, Our Sovereign Lord King George III. king of Great Britain, France, and Ireland, defender of the faith, &c. [grandson] and next heir to our sovereign lord king [George II.] the last king deceased, to be the right heir to the imperial crown of the realm of Great Britain, or that he ought not to enjoy the same; here is his champion, who saith that he lyeth, and is a false traitor, being ready in person to combat with him; and in this quarrel will adventure his life against him, on what day soever shall be appointed." And then the champion throws down his gauntlet; which, having lain some small time, the herald took up and returned it to the champion. Then they advanced in the same order to the middle of the hall, where the said herald made proclamation as before and lastly, to the foot of the steps, when the said herald, and those who preceded him, going to the top of the steps, made proclamation a third time, at the end whereof the champion cast down his gauntlet; which after some time, being taken up, and returned to him by the herald, he made a low obeisance to his majesty: whereupon the cupbearer, assisted as before, brought to the king a gilt bowl of wine, with a cover; his majesty drank to the champion, and sent him the said bowl by the cupbearer, accompanied by his assistants; which the champion (having put on his gauntlet) received, and retiring a little, drank thereof, and made his humble reverence to his majesty; and being accompanied as before, rode out of the hall, taking the said bowl and cover with him as his fee. PEAT BEDS. From sections made in the neighbourhood of Thorney and other places, only one layer of black earth is found, and I should say that in looking at the fens generally, the existence of two distinct beds of peat is the exception, rather the rule. In the peat are found numerous trunks and branches of trees scattered about generally at the lower part of the bed, where they are frequently observed to have part of their trunks in the erect position, and their roots ramifying in the stratum on which the peat earth rests, from which circumstance it cannot be doubted that these trees grew on the spots where we now find them, and that our fens occupy the sites of vast ancient, if not primeval forests. These trees consist principally of oak, but there are also abundance of birch, beech, hazel, yew, and in short almost every kind that is indigenous to our island, including also fir trees, although these are by no means common in the fen districts of which we are now speaking, which verifies the statement of Dr. Rennie, that where the subsoil is clay the remains of the oak are most abundant, whereas when sand constitutes the substratum, the fir tribe predominate. Some of these trees are of enormous magnitude, and found in such a state of preservation as to have been sold to make the masts and keels of ships. In 1858 an oak was dug out of Connington Fen, Hunts., which measured 60 feet in length to the collar, and then divided into two large limbs, and its greatest diameter exceeded 4 feet. But perhaps the largest of these submerged trees is one recorded by De la Pryme, which was 14 feet in diameter, and 40 yards long. This wood, commonly known as bog oak, is dyed of a deep black by the oxide of iron with which it is impregnated.-Dr. H. Porter's Geology of Peterborough. QUERY.-I wonder, said a woman of hu mour, why my husband and I quarrel so often, for we agree uniformly in one grand point, for he wishes to be master, and so do I. MORE "MISERIES," By Sir Fretfull Murmur, Knt. Continued from page 37. At table after dinner hearing one of your children's little, but loud impromptus upon the pimples luxuriantly budding out upon the nose of one of your visitors. Being fumed with flattery to your face, by a miscreant, who you have reason to suspect, speaks ill of you behind your back. Walking upon Woburn sands with a wooden leg. Cutting bread and butter with a knife, the handle of which has been touched by some one, whose fingers have come in contact with honey. Invited to dine in the city; having the reputation of a great genius with the party, you are pleased at seeing one of the guests take out his pocket book and pencil, and write as often as you speak, you push all your brilliant puns and quaint sayings, after a little time you observe with timid modesty, that you must be careful, as your observations are recorded, upon which you are told, that the gentleman you allude to is a great Fishmonger, and that he is merely writing down such thoughts as occurred on business, such as "twentytwo salmon by the smack Arabella, &c." In the holidays being asked several classical questions by a dry learned old man, in the presence of your father and a large party. A boy however naturally audacious with his playfellows, just come from school, and entering a room where there are six young ladies and no gentlemen present. The horror of contriving how to adjust ones legs and arms at the age of nineteen in a drawing room. Meeting a young lady the first time after an intended match is broken off (love tolerably, but not excessively deep), looking like two shy cats, each obliquely watching the other to see what degree of dejection the separation has produced. In the country asking a man whether he will have port or white wine having only port in the house, when he gives the preference to white-No inn nearer than three miles. Going to a house to dine, where you expected to sleep, finding the house full, pressed to stay till the moon gets up, which at the expected hour is for the first time during its quarter, obscured by clouds, and in attempting to get home by a short cut, learn of a cottager, whom you arouse from his sleep, that you have driven four miles out of your way. ANECDOTES. The following sentences were put to a paper by a set of saucy fair ones, in the presence of their husbands, whom they accused of having adopted, since their marriage, a language different from that which they used when lovers. Lov. You do everything well, madam. Hus. My dear, you don't seem to me to know how to do anything. Lov. How well you look to day-indeed, you are charming in any dress. Hus. How frightful you are, I wish you would put on your clothes a little more becomingly. Lov. That's a pretty cap, how elegant is your taste! Hus. That hideous bonnet! my dear, you will never learn to dress yourself. Lov. What pretty sentiments! how well you express yourself on every subject. Hus. You know not how to talk on any subject as you ought to do, therefore, pray hold your tongue. Lov. Let me know your opinion, my dear madam, it shall ever guide me. Hus. What does it signify, my dear, what you say on the subject? I never consult women. Lov. How neat you carve that fowl, it is a pleasure to see you. Hus. How awkward you are; the meat grows cold before you can cut it up; and, after all, it is done in such a manner that I cannot eat it. Lov. I am so concerned to see you indisposed-can I offer nothing that will be of service to you, madam? Hus. It is all your own fault, my dear, that you have got this cold, you never take care of yourself. A dancer said to a Spartan, you cannot stand so long on one leg as I can. True, answered the Spartan, but any goose can. A young girl compelled by her friends to marry a very rich old man, being asked at the altar, Whether she would take this man for her husband, made a low curtsey to the priest-May it please your holiness, this is the first time that question has been put to me. A publican being sick, made his last will, and gave all his estate to fools and madmen; being asked the reason for so doing: From such, said he, I had it, and to such I give it again. An accomplished woman in company with the celebrated Fontenelle, asked, wherein laid the difference between herself and a watch? A silence ensued, when the philosopher very quickly replied, A watch madam, puts us in mind of time, and your ladyship makes us forget it. A gentleman in the country lately addressed a passionate billet-doux to a lady in the same town, adding this curious postscript: Please to send a speedy answer, somebody else in my eye. As a countryman was sowing his field, two London bucks happened to be riding by, one of whom, thinking to make fun of the old put (as they styled him), called out to him, Well, honest countryman! it is you that sow, but it is we that reap the fruit. Mayhap it may be so, master, bawled the countryman: there is many a true word spoken in jest,-I am sowing hemp. In a small party, the subject turned on matrimony, a lady said to her sister, I wonder my dear, you have never made a match, I think you want the brimstone. To which she replied, no not the brimstone, only the spark. An Irishman was once brought before a magistrate, charged with marrying six wives. The magistrate asked him how he could be so hardened a villain? Please your warship, says Paddy, I was trying to get a good one. A lady was some time ago followed by a beggar, who very importunely asked her for alms. She refused him, when he quitted her with a profound sigh; Yet the alms I asked would have prevented me from executing my present resolution. The lady was alarmed lest the man should make some rash attempt on his own life. She called him back, and gave him a shilling, and asked him, What he meant by what he had just said? Madam, said the fellow, laying hold of the money, I have been begging all day in vain, and but for this shilling I should have been obliged to work. An obscure physician, quarrelling with a neighbour, swore, in a great rage, that some time or other he would be the death of him. No, doctor, replied the other, for I shall never send for you. A crooked gentleman, on his arrival at Bath, was asked by another, what place he had travelled from? I came straight from London, replied he. Did you so, said the other; then you have been terribly warped by the way. A servant girl, who always attended divine service, but who also could not read, had, from constant attendance, got the service by rote, and could repeat it extremely well. But a few Sundays previous to her marriage, she was accompanied by her beau, to whom she did not like it to be known that she could not read: she, therefore took up the prayer-book, and held it before her. Her lover wished to have a sight of it also, but, unfortunately for her, she held it upside down. The man astonished, said, Good gracious! why, you have the book wrong side upwards. I know it, sir, said she, confusedly, I always read so, for I am left-handed. A Yorkshireman and Leicestershireman contending for the superior fertility of their respective counties, the Leicestershireman declared that he could turn a horse into a field new-mown, and the next morning the grass would be grown above his hoofs. Pho! that's nothing, cried the Yorkshireman, you may turn a horse into a field in Yorkshire, and not be able to find him next morning. A queen of Spain, on her road to Madrid, passing through a small town famous for the manufacture of gloves and stockings, the magistrates thought they could not pay her a greater compliment than by presenting her majesty with a sample of the articles for which the town was famed. The major-domo, who conducted the queen, received the gloves very graciously, but when the stockings were presented, he flew into a violent rage, and reprimanded the magistrates severely for this piece of indecency: Know said he, that a queen of Spain has no legs. The poor young queen, who had but an imperfect knowledge of the Spanish language, and had often been alarmed with accounts of Spanish jealousy, imagined they were preparing to cut off her legs, and began to weep bitterly, and begged they would conduct her back into Germany, as she was sure she should never be able to endure that operation, and it was with considerable difficulty they could appease her. THE CHRONICLE-1864. DEC. 2nd. The Rev. T. Campbell has been presented to the incumbency of Brothertoft, by Thomas Gee, esq., of Boston, patron of the living. Sibbertoft church re-opened after an extensive restoration. The Bishop of Peterborough preached. The Rev. T. Byers, assistant master at Oakham Grammar-school, presented to the Vicarage of Leake, near Boston. Several lots of freehold and leasehold property, building land, &c., in the parish of St. Peter's at Gowts, were offered for sale by auction at the Royal Oak, Lincoln. Lot 1, consisting of 2861 square yards of land, with warehouse, &c., lately occupied by Mr. Shaw, fellmonger, was bought by Mr. Huddleston, builder, for 8101. The bids for the other lots did not reach the minimum price put upon them. 3rd. At Oundle the price of gas is 7s. 6d. per 1000 feet. The returns rendered to the Government on the 30th Nov. last, show that the number of effective members upon the roll of the Peterborough Rifle Corps has been almost doubled since Dec. 1, 1863; and other circumstances tend to show the present healthy condition of the corps. 4th. Mrs. Symth, aged 48, widow of Mr. J. F. Symth, J.P., of Boston, died in the Wesleyan chapel, at evening service. Mr. Rd. Russell, engineer (a son of the late Dr. Russell, of Blyth), knocked down by a train between Sutton and Ranskill stations and killed. 5th. The Rev. J. H. Fludyer, of Ayston Hall, elected chairman of Rutland sessions, vice J. M. Wingfield, Esq., resigned. 8th. Died, at Cork, Dr. George Boole, Professor of Mathematics, at Queen's College, Cork, aged 49. He was a native of Lincoln, where he formerly was proprietor of an academy. 9th. At Birmingham Dog Show, last week, the first prize, in the champion class, for large-sized pointers, was awarded to Mr. John Swan, of Lincoln, for his Peter, 3 years old. The second prize for deer hounds, was awarded to the Countess of Cardigan, of Deene Park, for her Hector, 5 years. 10th. At the Smithfield Cattle Show, the Scotch bullock, exhibited by Mr. James Maxwell at the last Peterborough Agricultural Show, gained the first prize of 301. in class 24. 11th. The house of Mr. F. B. Drage, of Stilton, burglariously entered and robbed of 351. 15s. 15th. Covenham St. Bartholomew church re-opened for divine service after an extensive restoration. |