already cited a passage on the power and province of medicine wisely observes 'He who lives physically must live miserably. The truth is, too great nicety and exactness about every minute circumstance that may impair our health, is such a yoke and slavery as no man of a generous, free spirit would submit to. "Tis, as a poet expresses it, "to die for fear of dying." And to forbear or give over a just, charitable, or generous office of life, from a too scrupulous regard to health, is unworthy of a man, much more of a Christian. But then, on the other hand, to cut off our days by intemperance, indiscretion, and guilty passions—to live miserably for the sake of gratifying a sweet tooth, or a brutal itch—to die martyrs to our luxury and wantonness, is equally beneath the dignity of human nature, and contrary to the homage we owe the Author of our being. Without some degree of health, we can neither be agreeable to ourselves, nor useful to our friends; we can neither relish the blessings of divine Providence to us in life, nor acquit ourselves of our duties to our Maker, or our neighbour. He that wantonly transgresseth the self-evident rules of health, is guilty of a degree of self-murder; and an habitual perseverance therein is direct suicide, and, consequently, the greatest crime he can' commit against the Author of his being; as it is slighting and despising the noblest gift he could bestow upon him, viz., the means of making himself infinitely happy; and also as it is a treacherous forsaking the post wherein his wisdom has placed him, and thereby rendering himself incapable of answering the designs of his Providence over him. The infinitely wise Author of nature has so contrived things, that the most remarkable rules of preserving life and health, are moral duties commanded us, so true it is, that godliness has the promises of this life, as well as that to come.' ART. III.-BROKEN FRIENDSHIPS. 66 'They are not Suttees who perish in the flames, O Nanuk; WHATEVER WHATE HINDU POEM. may be the reason, whether for insult offered or injury inflicted, or some deed of wanton treachery, or manifold ingratitude, or the speck of rottenness which brings about a swift and startling decay, or the unforeseen but inevitable collision of old and new principles, views, or affections, there is no sight in the world more sad and grievous than the scandal of a broken friendship. It has been well said that the last inexcusable word or deed seldom comes until affection or reverence has been already enfeebled by the strain of repeated excuses. The more swift and unexpected the rupture, the more chance there is of ultimate re-union; but a gradually dissolving friendship cools the heart like evaporating dew. In the healing of a breach the quarrel usually is retraced step by step, if there have been first sorrow, then anger, then indifference; so the indifference must revive into anger, and the anger melt into grief, before the healing can be brought about, and then perhaps affection returns, returns, not, it may be, like that which has never been tried, and so has never failed, but sincere and good of its kind. In what follows, reference is only intended to those friendships which, solid and certain in their basis, and containing the vital elements of truth and tenderness, are fitted to afford reciprocal aid and comfort through all the chances and changes of our mortal life; and by no means to 'the leagues struck with cheap persons,' of which Emerson speaks, where no real attachment exists. Nor needs any account be made of disparities of humour or peculiarities of character and intellect, provided only the dispositions be well and truly matched; for a habit of sudden and unseasonable apathy, or epilepsies of wit and animal spirits which would damp or disgust one man, another would endure with equanimity, or even with pleasure. As a general rule, the smaller the original point of disagreement, and the more petty and mean its nature, the more bitter and lasting is the feud which follows. Hence, family quarrels are commonly full of animosity and ill-blood, because mercenary interests are often involved. It will also be found that great and suddenly-arising causes, such as any of those before enumerated, insult, treachery, deliberate ingratitude or injustice, or a direct conflict of principles, bring about an instant and violent wrench of separation; while the smaller motives, as absence, petty injustices, impatience under obligation, a want of tenderness, generosity, or temper, tend rather to a gradual cooling of affection, a process of dissolution which is longer but infinitely more fatal in its operation. Other faults, such as pride, inconstancy, untruthfulness, or a suspicious or contentious turn of mind, need not be discussed here; for though they are well calculated to cause divisions, they are qualities which, by a happy law of nature, exclude those who possess them from ever forming any friendship except of the most trifling, evanescent, and nominal kind, and these are foreign to our present subject. Again, some friendships are of that abstract and Platonic order that, firm and noble as they are, humanity conceives of them with difficulty. Splendid but cold, they radiate light, but emit no heat. "Why insist on rash personal relations with your friend?' says Emerson. Why go to his house, or know his mother and brother and sister? Why be visited by him at your own? Are these things material to our covenant? Leave this touching and clawing. Let him be to me a spirit.' These men meet as though they met not, and part as though they parted not. Now that which is bloodless has nothing in common with the ill blood, the hot blood, and the cold blood, which cause so many quarrels accordingly, ruptures rarely occur in friendships of this abstract and Platonic cast. Contrary Contrary to the common saying, that half a loaf is better than no bread, we are disposed to think that in absence or the. enforced separation of friends, unless the intercourse maintained can be frequent and unrestrained, it were better dropped entirely. You cannot be aggrieved by a silence to which you are held by mutual compact, nor can misapprehension arise about actions and proceedings of which you are in profound ignorance. We remember a case in point, of two men who had in their youth contracted a strong and ardent friendship. They were abruptly separated, under circumstances of a very painful and peremptory kind; the separation, then understood to be final, was absolute and complete, and not only physical but moral. Very sad and embittering events had been so complicated that no intercourse could be maintained without involving innocent people in undeserved distress and difficulty. So situated, these two accepted their position, embalmed their dead, if such an expression may be used, and the old familiar names passed their lips no more. Nearly a score of years elapsed, and they meet again, distinguished in their respective professions, and freed from all the entanglements of the past as regarded each other. Changed undoubtedly they were, as men must change, in the battle with time; but they certainly reaped the reward of the patient and silent fidelity with which they had borne their fate. As there had been no accusations, so there had been no recriminatory defence: they had not been tempted to think of each other the thing which was not; but were able to take up their friendship at the point where they had laid it down, only tightening, as it were, the loosened cords. And perhaps one of the best tests of the genuineness and excellence of an attachment is when, as in this case, absence becomes but the bridge which spans the gulf of separation. There is one cast of temper which is particularly inimical to the duration of affection, namely, that which is restive, ungracious, or impatient under a sense of obligation received. There are some men who know no peace until they have 'paid off,' as they call it, such and such a debt of kindness; and if they cannot do this, it becomes a positive grievance with them, and not unfrequently the source of a secret ill-will. There is a fundamental deficiency of generosity in this: it often requires more love to receive than give, but between friends such questions ought never to arise. At the same time there are people who have an oppressive mode of affording aid, or making presents; and it may be taken as a general rule that, wherever a gift is fettered with conditions, or is regarded as conferring the right to be always advising, criticising, criticising, dogmatising, and domineering about it, the value is enormously lessened, and that where the obligation is alluded to too often privately, or at all in public, the debt is wholly cancelled. Scenes and misunderstandings are trying matters to indulge in frequently, and women commonly delight in them more than do men. For the most part such things are best settled without an explanatory duel, or a rehearsal of arguments. Instinct, or what comes to the same thing-tact, experience, a healthy belief in yourself no less than in your friend, regard being had to the peculiarities of the respective characters, will tend to prevent such occurrences. The rarer they are in any case the better, but there are some people to whom such things never happen, and they are usually reliant on themselves and trusting towards others. On the other hand there are some people to whom such things are always happening, and such persons go about the world explaining themselves, and setting themselves right to whomsoever will listen to them. It is well, however, to remember that it is given to few to receive both pity and respect, and that in proportion as we demand sympathy we lose in influence. These men and women who govern and sway the minds of others with the least effort in practice and the least mutiny in result, are, it will be observed, rarely given to explanations or justifications. But thorough people like these are very few, fortunately, or they would subjugate the world too much. Silence is said to be the second power in the world, and continence of speech is a great element in friendship. We hardly need to be reminded that a whisperer separateth chief friends,' and this mainly because people who are not above listening to whispers are generally hardly sagacious enough to attach weight to evidence in proportion to the value of it. Neither must it be forgotten that if there were no listeners there would be no whisperers. 'Whether it be to friend or foe,' says the Eastern sage, 'talk not of other men's lives, reveal them not, for he heard and observed. thee, and in time to come he will hate thee.' But a babbling speech will sometimes be forgiven, because the speaker may yet be of a loving and faithful spirit; and in this aspect it may be said that a man is more disloyal in listening to abuse of his friend than in indiscreet complaint or accusation against him. If thou hast opened thy mouth against thy friend, fear not, for there may be a reconciliation,' especially if the intemperate word bears no after fruit, for men are prone to resent a fault according to the gravity of its consequences to them, rather than by the real culpability of the offender, or the amount of temptation under which it was committed. This, though common in practice, is wrong in principle. Whoso passes over in a child cruelty or untruthfulness, because no damage or palpable inconvenience is the result; or whoso punishes a youthful indiscretion, or a misfortune happening from carelessness, because direct loss or suffering accrues to him, teaches that child a very evil lesson. According to our notions, he who stands by and hears unkind things said of his friend, and remembers them and repeats them, is by many degrees worse than he who in the heat of vexation rashly clamours against his alter ego, because the first is a fault deliberately committed under no temptation, but the last is a transgression of a very different cast. It is worthy of note that in the Apocryphal book from which we have quoted, the betrayal of a secret is considered the most pregnant and insurmountable of all reasons for the dissolution of friendship. If thou betrayest his secrets follow no more after him, for as a man hath destroyed his enemy, so hast thou lost the love of thy friend. As for a wound, it may be bound up, and after revilement there may be reconcilement, but he that betrayeth secrets is without hope.' This is probably owing to the flavour of treachery, which is inseparably connected with this sort of lapsus, and also because it is in its nature an injury of an irremediable kind. Ill temper may be atoned for, and for injustice reparation may be made; but there are three things which cannot be recalled, 'the sped arrow, the lost opportunity, and the spoken word.' Women often complain that with their sex a man coming between two friends is often a cause of quarrel, but they need not suppose themselves exceptionally afflicted. Men quarrel quite as often about women, only they perhaps say less about it. We once heard of two young gentlemen who travelled over a great part of the world together, and continued in perfect amity and good feeling towards each other by help of a simple expedient. Whenever they entered a town, or staid in any place where there was a diversity of company and sufficient hotel accommodation, they separated, each betaking himself to a different inn, having, of course, previously arranged when and where to meet for the purpose of continuing their travels. In the interim they sedulously avoided each other, and any necessary communication was made in writing; by this means they had each seen different things and persons, and happened upon different adventures. But many an honest friendship has perished, not even from rivalry, but because a sincere but untimely warning has been ill received. 'I shall not hear such things said, sir, of a lady whom I hope to, &c., and who is in all respects, &c.' We Vol. 9.-No. 33. C have |