pending, but at length it was signed and sealed between Mr. Smith and the Earl of Rottenborough, that his lordship should, for and in consideration of the sum of six hundred per annum, to be paid to him, the Earl of Rottenborough, by the said Mr. Smith, consent to be cured in public advertisements, by means of Mr. Smith's Omnipotent Pill, of any disease of which the said Mr. Smith might choose to call upon him, the Earl aforesaid, to testify he had been cured. Under these auspices Mr. Smith's Pills had thrived exceedingly, but it was not till Mr. Smith conferred upon himself a diploma, and inducted himself into the chair in a college which he endowed, for that single purpose, somewhere, that the Universal Pill was found in every respectable house in the three kingdoms, as the special and particular pill of Professor Smith, M. D., without whose signature all others were spurious.

Poor Prattles! how could he, who had not twenty pounds in the world, hope to compete with the rich Professor Smith? When he recounted the advantages which his rival possessed, and reflected upon his own moneyless condition, he was ready to give up his idea in despair. At this crisis of his fate his wife, one day in purest jest, told him that care would soon make him look as old as Methusaleh. This simple remark, he affectingly tells at the present time, decided him. He would have a Methusaleh Pill! His wife tried hard to persuade him from embarking in so expensive a speculation, but he was deaf to her pleading. He wrote forthwith to his cousin, who was a chemist at Bath, and asked him to mix him a harmless pill. "Let the properties it contains neutralize one another." This was the simple direction. A bribe of a third share in the speculation decided his cousin, the chemist, to set to work immediately. The next step was to frame a very learned

history of the pill-to trace its descent from Methusaleh to Prattles. With this object, Prattles consulted a battered old schoolmaster of his acquaintance, whose scraps of ancient lore sufficed for the printer's purpose. In a few hours a very interesting story, narrating the history of the receipt, was fabricated and ready for the press. It ran as follows:

"It is well known to most people that the venerable Methusaleh lived to the good old age of NINE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-NINE YEARS. The secret of so long a life has for ages remained an IMPENETRABLE MYSTERY. In these degenerate days men seldom live to gaze upon their grandchildren; but in the days of Methusaleh matters were very different. Men lived for centuries. What potent power-what subtle elixir-held body and soul together for so long a period? That is the question.' About two years ago two gentlemen were travelling in THE ARID DESERTS OF ASIA MINOR. They fell in, one evening, with an encampment of Arabs. They were most hospitably received by the Mussulmen. The first peculiarity they remarked among the Arabs was that there were several men in the encampment who, though they looked very old, were nevertheless active in their gait and lively in conversation. Our travellers entered into conversation with one of these hoary sons of the desert; the old man was very communicative.

"I was in your country many years ago, when Charles the Second was King, I played tricks before him he was a jovial fellow. Ah! I was young then," and the old man heaved a deep sigh. The travellers, it may well be imagined, were surprised; and, at first, somewhat incredulous. "There is a man- —but he is very old now-who fought in Palestine when one of your king's sons helped in a fool

It

ish war-I think you Christians call it the Holy War.' The old man pointed to a figure crouched to the earth. was that of a very old man, whose hair was white as silver. 'That man,' continued the Arab, who was addressing the travellers, is upwards of six hundred years old!'

"Incredible!' our travellers exclaimed.

"Hush the old Arab continued; 'you of the degenerate West know nothing of this matter. The secret remains with us to you it is unknown--an undiscovered mystery. Have you ever heard of Methusaleh ?'

"The travellers replied in the affirmative.

"Do you know by what secret he prolonged his life to the ripe old age of nine hundred and sixty-nine years?'

"The travellers confessed their profound ignorance, Forthwith the old Arab fumbled, with his ebon hands, about the folds of his turban, and presently drew therefrom a tattered piece of parchment, so dirty, besmeared with grease and discolored by age, that the Arabic characters written upon it could be deciphered only by the most practised Arabic scholar. One of the travellers happened to be a proficient in Arabic. He begged the old man to allow him to peruse the precious document. To this the wily Arab consented, on the conditions that it should be read in his own hands, and that he should receive a large sum of money for allowing the travellers to transcribe its contents. These preliminaries having been arranged, the party entered the nearest tent, and the travellers became possessed of the invaluable life-preserver. On their return to England the travellers entered into a negotiation with the present proprietor of the recipe, who offers his

METHUSALEH PILLS

to the British public at thirteenpence-halfpenny per box.

None are genuine unless signed by the proprietor, John Prattles. Agents wanted for every part of the world. N. B. The Methusaleh Pills are carefully made up after the Methusaleh Receipt, from particular herbs known only to the proprietor of this invaluable medicine. As a proof of the efficacy and wonderful properties of the Methusaleh Pill, Her Majesty's Government have granted to the proprietors, to the exclusion of all pretenders, the use of a splendid RED AND BLACK STAMP. All pills pretending to be Methusaleh Pills without this stamp are forgeries, and all imitation of it is felony."

This notable prospectus was concocted in the back parlor of Mr. Prattles's house. Mr. Prattles had not been a printer all his life for nothing; he had picked up, with his types, the trick of editorship, and revised the schoolmaster's rough draft with skill. Mr. Prattles then wore a paper cap and an apron. He published his prospectus, adding now and then new bits, to give it additional zest. At one time it was headed

66

66 CHEAT THE UNDERTAKERS, AND LIVE SIX HUNDRED

YEARS!"

Another, the prospectus began with

LIFE PROLONGED TO AN INDEFINITE PERIOD BY THE

METHUSALEH PILLS!"

In a few years Mr. Prattles was a man of property. In time he was even able to sneer at Professor Smith, with his tool, my Lord Rottenborough.

When some foolish old man, in a remote rural district, died at an advanced age, public attention was particularly called to Prattles's patent, by a statement on the part of the firm, that the instance of longevity in question was undoubt

edly the effect of the Methusaleh receipt. Prattles pocketed his shillings, and smiled at the world: he laughed and won. To make all square, as far as possible, he even went to the length of eating a few charity dinners, and subscribing a few pounds in aid of hospital and other funds.

Prattles's Pills sold prodigiously. Whenever a doubt was expressed respecting their efficacy, it was silenced by reference to the sanction of Her Majesty's Government, whose mark picturesquely adorned each box, to prove the genuineness of the Methusaleh Pills; just as plate and jewelry are stamped by the assay authorities to show the standard excellence of the gold or silver. Publicly, Mr. Prattles complained that the Government charged him threehalfpence per impression, for these "Hall Marks;" privately, he whispered that to them he owed his fortune.

Like all those who have much, Mr. Prattles wanted more. After he had exported millions of his Methusaleh Pills to every corner of the Queen's Colonial dominions, he attempted to introduce them into foreign medicine markets. To his chagrin, he found that in no other country in the world but in these dominions (except the United States of America) were articles of that description allowed to be vended-much less are they sanctioned for the sake of a paltry revenue. On the contrary, individuals, Mr. Prattles learnt, who were discovered selling such things on the Continent, are severely punished; even newspapers who advertise them, are fined. Although he met with native patent medicines during his travels on the Continent, yet they are real remedies; having all been submitted to a Board of Government Officers distinguished for their proficiency in pharmacy and medicine, who decide whether the non-professional public can be safely trusted with them or not. Mr. Prattles, however, made a brilliant fortune by his gullible countrymen.