The First Time, and the Last Way, of Asking. THE HE readers of this publication may not be aware of the existence among them of an Association that very industriously circulates its prospectus. Its existence is a fact. I, the writer of this, don't choose to identify myself with myself; but the existence of the Association which I shall presently mention, is a FACT. Put a case. My name is Damon. Now I, Damon, want to take you-put a case you are a spinster-to have and to hold. I'm a man of nineteen, lightly built, considering my years. Never mind that, at present. I shall hand you my description presently. If you are in the habit of carrying halfpence about in your pocket, and will pull them out and look among them, I dare say you will find stamped upon one of them the name of the weekly paper I take in. There I saw that all the letters in the alphabet, and all the names of females in the dictionary, were corresponding with the editor, and asking him to get them husbands, so I went in with all the other letters in the, alphabet and names of males, to join in begging of the editor to find us wives. I saw there were correspondences in every stage of love-sickness, and notes of gratitude to the editor from married couples, for having brought them together: those notes being doubt less accompanied with pieces of wedding-cake, which were inserted only in the editor's oesophageal column. (I beg to say that I spelt that long word out of the dictionary, so I am sure it's right.) Well, I went in one Sunday, “Damon, a gentleman of nineteen, having a small salary, with great hope that it will increase, being five feet four and light complexioned, seeks a sympathizing woman with black hair and a shop not previously married." That was what I put into the paper, and the same day that it appeared I looked among the applications from the lady correspondents. Unfortunately most of them wanted their husbands to be six feet long, and stained mahogany, I being neither. But there was one who said she preferred intellect to bodily appearance, and having capital of her own, sought nothing but worth in her life's partner. She signed herself "Lilly." I replied to her, and, through the editor obtained her address, with leave to call and introduce myself-at No.-, Berkeley Square. She proved to be the cook, and a very large person. She had saved wages. Our interview was short, not unmingled with proud disdain on her part, which I attributed to the caprice of wealth, and, perhaps, in her own opinion, beauty. I left not without hope, but in a few days a note was transmitted to me, by which I found that I was declined, for a reason which I have not yet been able to understand-that I was a trumpery wipersnaber. The solitary answer to Damon was from a young lady, who proved to be only eleven years old; I did not then know what difficulties were before me; I therefore respectfully declined her overtures. I need not trouble you with the history of my defeats during a struggle of some months, carried on through the medium of the public press. I underwent the degradation of being dismissed by two ladies to whom I went for inspec tion, as a "tallowy boy." At length I yielded to despair, and gave up taking in my paper. Cut off from temptation, ignorant of the matrimonial markets, I galloped my horse about London in a frantic manner-I assist Mr. * * the eminent butcher-and endeavour to forget my grief. I saw the hearts of sheep and bullocks daily bought with money, while mine, a man's heart, was refused even when offered as a gift! Despair overcame me. I lost flesh. Wandering with thoughts pre-occupied, joints frequently were stolen from my tray. I should have lost my situation, if an event had not occurred which suddenly threw energy and life again into my operations. My dear friend, William Smith,-a name so honourable why should I care to conceal?-had retired with me, for a friendly game at chuck-farthing, to the mews behind our shop. Our evening had passed off very agreeably, when my friend-who is out-door assistant to a skilful surgeonopened his basket, and there, among the bottles of medicine which he had kindly consented to postpone delivering until the ensuing morning, lay two papers, which he drew forth with a roguish look: a look in which my friend excels. "Damon," he says, "I intend to commit matermony." "That's rather a bold thing for a man to do at thirteen, Bill," I answered; "is that your license, and who's the happy one?" No," says he, "it's a paper what I found in the kitchen, and it tells one how to get a wife, and have the pick of a whole file on 'em where there's a firstrate stock to be disposed of." That news fell upon me as a spark falls upon tinder, and now, thought I, we shall not have to wait long for the match. 66 We took our seat, therefore, upon the nearest substance able to afford us that accommodation, and were proceeding to inspect the papers, when we were accosted by a mutual friend, Mr. Thomas Brown. Mr. Brown is a scholar upon a charity foundation, a most estimable man and full of wit, although, at the same time, a compelled eccentricity about his leggings renders him, to a disagreeable extent, the cause of wit in others. We admitted our friend Brown to our councils, and proceeded to inspect the paper. I beg to assure you, sir, that the fond hopes which dawned upon me out of the prospectus which I am now about to lay before you, were not based upon a phantom. I was not the victim of a hoax, and I enclose you, herewith, copies of the documents issued from a house in London, which, at the moment of which I am now speaking, gave a fugitive sense of delight to me, and Mr. Brown, and Mr. Smith. Smith read as follows:- "MATRIMONIAL ALLIANCE ASSOCIATION.' "Very good," said Mr. Brown, "there's nothing like the principle of combination. People who want to get married ought to co-operate with one another. Go on, Smith; very good." 666 "Bravo!" said I, "Matrimony unites folks, Alliance unites folks, and Association unites folks; so that's what I consider an emphatic title." "Hold your tongue," said Mr. Smith, "and let me go on reading, will you?" "Established as a Medium for the introduction of Parties unknown to each other who are desirous of entering into Matrimony.'" "That's your sort," said Brown, in his sarcastic manner. I see at once that the writer of this is thoroughly well up in his materials. Parties unknown to each other, always are the sort who are desirous of being united in the bonds of matrimony. If they knew a little more, they'd think a little longer. Go on, Smith." "conducted on the system so successfully adopted in New York and Paris. "The most INVIOLABLE SECRESY being SECURED to both sexes. "The Application of the system is not confined to one Class of Individuals, but presents equal advantages to the TRADESMAN as well as to the PEER. "All Forms of Application, being duly and properly filled up with particulars, to be enclosed in a Double Cover, addressed to the Secretary, numbered 1 and 2-No. 1 being the Form filled up with the Initials and Address (real or nominal), with other particulars, for the Secretary: No. 2, to contain real Name and Address (under sealed cover), which will only be opened when the proper opportunity arrives, and matters appear propitious. But if from any circumstance it may not be required, it will be returned (unopened) as per Address real or nominal, as contained in Form No. 1, -thus securing secresy and honourable conduct. "FOR EXAMPLE:-Any lady or gentleman may receive the Form of a likely candidate, for perusal, and who approve the same, but decline a personal interview, can forward their PORTRAIT to the Secretary-" I was glad at hearing that, for it was then not a week since I had procured myself to be cut out in a black profile by an artist who occupies a tent in the Blackfriars Road. I rejoiced now, therefore, over that well-invested penny. Smith continued reading "(prepaid), who will show it only to interested parties; after which the same will be returned at any time when required. |