umphantly to the Greek professor, and said,-"Porson, with all your learning, I do not think you well versed in metaphysics."—"I presume you mean your metaphysics," was the reply. At another time, when something which the same gentleman had written and published much interested the public attention, and occasioned many squibs, paragraphs, and controversial letters in the newspapers, Porson wrote the following epigram :— "Perturbed spirits spare your ink, And heat your stupid brains no longer; Your persecuted monger." ANIMALS THREE MILES LONG. Dr. Sydal, Bishop of Gloucester, used to say, that a person of his college, Corpus Christi, Cambridge, not famous for his acumen, once asserted that there were animals several miles long: this was said in a large company, and, when the persons present began to stare, and to express their doubts of the fact, he said he could demonstrate the thing to any of them who would come to his chamber. In a day or two some went, upon which he took out his compasses, and, going to a map which hung up in his room, he first measured the figure of an animal engraved thereon by way of ornament, and then clapped them to the scale of miles, saying, "Look you there, gentlemen, this animal is at least three miles long, and there are others of greater dimensions." Sir," replied the doctor, "for in that case I should not have met you in this place." ELEGANT RETORT. It is no uncommon occurrence in the University of Cambridge, for the undergraduates to express their approbation or disapprobation of the Vice-Chancellor, on the resignation of his office. Upon an occasion of this kind, it seemed a certain gentleman had enacted some regulations which had given great offence to those gentlemen in statu pupillari; and, when the senate had assembled in order that he might resign his office to another, a great hissing was raised in disapprobation of his conduct; upon which, bowing courteously, he made the following elegant retort : "Laudatur ab his." THE TEETH POWER. A fellow of St. John's College, remarkable for his predilection for algebra, being one day seated at table near a gentleman of the same college who was a professed punster, was in the act of putting some apple-pie into his mouth; on which his friend facetiously observed-" That he was raising apple-pie to the teeth (th) power." METAPHYSICS. On a time, a certain personage, enjoying his afternoon's pipe with the late Professor Porson, turned tri umphantly to the Greek professor, and said,—“Porson, with all your learning, I do not think you well versed in metaphysics."-"I presume you mean your metaphy→ sics," was the reply. At another time, when something which the same gentleman had written and published much interested the public attention, and occasioned many squibs, paragraphs, and controversial letters in the newspapers, Porson wrote the following epigram : "Perturbed spirits spare your ink, And heat your stupid brains no longer; Your persecuted -monger." ANIMALS THREE MILES LONG. Dr. Sydal, Bishop of Gloucester, used to say, that a person of his college, Corpus Christi, Cambridge, not famous for his acumen, once asserted that there were animals several miles long: this was said in a large company, and, when the persons present began to stare, and to express their doubts of the fact, he said he could demonstrate the thing to any of them who would come to his chamber. In a day or two some went, upon which he took out his compasses, and, going to a map which hung up in his room, he first measured the figure of an animal engraved thereon by way of ornament, and then clapped them to the scale of miles, saying, "Look you there, gentlemen, this animal is at least three miles long, and there are others of greater dimensions." THE METAMORPHOSIS. A party of Cantabs one day, walking along a street in Cambridge, espied an ass tied to a door, and being in want of an object wherewith to kill a little time, they resolved to play bumpkin a trick, who, having disposed of his wares, was enjoying his pipe and his pint within doors. The Cantabs were not long at a loss what to be at, one of them proposing that the panniers should be put upon his back, and the bridle on his head, whilst the rest led the ass astray. In this condition stood the scholar, when bumpkin, who had by this time finished his pipe and pint, came to the door; all amazement at what he saw, he stood gaping for a minute or two, when the Cantab thus addressed him:-" You must know, Sir, that I quarrelled with my father about seven years since, and, for my disobedience, I was changed into the degrading shape of an ass, to endure every hardship for that space of time; which being now expired, you are bound to set me at liberty." Bumpkin, believing the tale, took off the panniers and bridle, and set the scholar at large. A few days after, Bumpkin went to a neighbouring country fair to purchase another ass, in lieu of the one he had lost; and, after viewing different beasts, to his no small surprise, his old identical ass was offered to him; which, on seeing its master, brayed most piteously in token of recognition; but Hodge, nothing moved thereat, passed on to another, exclaiming-" So you have quarrelled with your father again, have you? But dang me if I'll have you again!" "I DIDN'T GET IT.". A certain doctor, head of a college, stood candidate for a professorship which happened to be vacant at the same time his lady was delivered of a fine boy. A friend called on the doctor about the time the professorship was decided, and for which he was one of the unsuccessful candidates, to congratulatę him on the birth of his son; and accordingly, in the usual phrase, "wished him joy." The doctor being rather deaf, and mistaking his meaning, replied rather smartly, "I didn't get it ;-I didn't get it." ST. PETER A BACHELOR. In the list of benefactors to Peter-House is Lady Mary Ramsay, who is reported to have offered a very large property, nearly equal to a new foundation to this college, on condition that the name should be changed to Peter and Mary's; but she was thwarted in her intention by Dr. Soame, then master. "Peter," said the crabbed humourist, "has been too long a bachelor to think of a female companion in his old days.” THE NIGHTCAP. The Rev. George Harvest, fellow of Magdalen College, Cambridge, with a good heart possessed many oddities. One night, seated amidst all the pageantry of politeness with Lady O- and the family, in the front box of a London theatre, poor Harvest, on pulling out |