The effect of this unfortunate ducking was a violent cold, which for a time impaired the mental power which had directed the fluent tongue that had so often set the Trinitarian tables in a roar, and caused the fat sides of Dean B to shake by the half-hour together, and whose monstrous corporation, when once put in motion by the well-told tale, queer pun, pointed retort, or ludicrous accident, vibrated like a pendulum. The natural strength of D.'s constitution ultimately triumphed over the disease, save a severe deafness, which remained, a memento of the event, and defied the potency of medicine, though prescribed by the most favoured disciples of Esculapius, or the votaries of Quackiana; and he was ever after obliged to use an ear-trumpet. One brilliant morning in June, he set out from Cambridge on a visit to his father, a sporting character, well-known at Tattersal's, and who lived within half an hour's ride of Bury St. Edmunds; but D- meeting with an old acquaintance at Newmarket, he was persuadad to tarry awhile: accordingly, he put up his nag at the Ram, of that place, and adjourned with his friend to an elegant entertainment then about to grace the board. Having dissected the joints, fowls, &c. and demolished the pasties, the cloth was removed and the glass was filled to many a favourite toast; but D― was, with reluctance, obliged to quit the converse of congenial souls and the delights of Bacchus, for H-, whither his destination led him, and for which place he again started at the fall of eve. Whether by the potency of the wine or some abstract philosophic speculation, no one can say; but certain it is, D-- was beguiled from the right course, and, after three hours' riding, he found his pegasus at a dead stand-still, where four cross-roads met, and in a part of the country to

Misfortune seldom

which he was an utter stranger. comes single-handed, and so it proved with poor D-~; for the direction-post, which appeared full in his view, had been rendered useless by the attacks of time and little wanton boys; and as well might he have attempted to decipher the cabalistic characters of Solomon's seal as those on the post. Just at this nick of time he espied an old farmer in a jog-trot pace, making towards him, to his no small consolation; but so impatient was D, that, before the farmer could approach him, he bawled out,"Hallo! my good man, can you tell me the way to my father's, Mr. D- at H- for I am quite at fault?"—"Lack-a-daisy, sir," answered Hodge, you're mortally out o' your way; whoy, if it be that you want to go to your father's, you must go down hin hinder lane, and then turn round to the left over yin yinder common, then you'll see a hol and a pightal, and the old mills, and master's noine acre-piece o' whate; then keep along the right, and then the left, and down our home medders, and then up the"- -"Stay, stay, my good friend! (exclaimed D, in the midst of the farmer's harangue,) you don't know I am unfortunately deaf." At the same instant he began to pull out his faithful trumpet; but the farmer no sooner espied the shining end of it, than, setting spurs to his steed, he galloped off with the swiftness of the wind for clod, not comprehending D―'s last words, mistook it for a blunderbuss, and D-- for a highwayman. Away went clod, and away went Dafter him, bawling out for the fellow to stop, and the fellow roaring out for mercy, not daring to look behind him.

* Hin hinder, yin yinder, common expressions in Suffolk, meaning, a little further on.

Thus they proceeded three or four miles, the muzzle of D's horse close upon the rump of the farmer's, till at last, coming to the Earl of Bristol's park, the farmer, espying a breach in the paling, rode through in a twinkling, and got clear off, leaving poor D-- as he had found him. Fortunately, however, D- discerned a cottage, which having gained, he was by the inmates put in the right way, with the consoling information that he had ten or twelve miles still to travel. He had the inexpressible felicity of ending the adventure by making dulce domum about twelve at night.

"I TAKES 'EM AS THEY COME.

A Cantab, one day observing a raggamuffin-looking boy scratching his head at the door of Alderman Purchase, in Cambridge, where he was begging, and thinking to pass a joke upon him, said, "So, Jack, you are picking them out, are you?"" Nah, sar, retorted the urchin; "I takes 'em as they come!"

CATCHING COLD.

Dr. B—, well known in the University for his urbanity of manners, is characterized for many eccentricities and singularities. He not unfrequently rises at four in the morning; and, that he may not disturb those who have no relish for so doing, lights his own fire. One morning, he sent express for his barber, a little dapper man of four feet some inches, to shave and dress him. When he entered, the doctor his usual custom, inquired

smiling; "how can it be otherwise, when you are six feet long, and your bed but four."

"PUPPIES NEVER SEE TILL THEY ARE NINE DAYS OLD."

It is related, that when the late Bishop of Bristol held the office of Vice-Chancellor of the University of Cambridge, he one day met a couple of undergraduates, who neglected to pay the accustomed compliment of capping, which has prevailed in the University from time immemorial. The bishop arrested their steps, and inquired the reason of the neglect. The two men, all trembling, begged his lordship's pardon, observing, they were freshmen, and did not know him. "How long have you been in Cambridge?" asked his lordship.-"Only eight days," was the reply. Very good," said the bishop; "puppies never see till they are nine days old!"

"

CHARACTERISTICS.

The late Dr. Brand was remarkable for his spirit of contradiction, and seemed to make it a part of his creed to differ with others. One extremely cold morning, in the month of January, returning from a walk, he was addressed by a friend with—“It is a very cold morning, doctor."-" I don't know that," was the doctor's observation, though he was at the instant covered with snow. At another time he happened to dine with some gentle

men, and, after the cloth was removed, and general conversation introduced, the doctor, in a very dogmatical manner, engrossed it almost entirely to himself, and interlarded his observations with Greek and Latin quotations, to the annoyance of the company. A gentleman of no slight erudition, seated next the doctor, remarked to him, "that he ought not to quote so much, as many of the party did not understand it."- And them," observed the learned bear.

you are one of

SMART RETORT.

Jemmy Gordon, a well-known character in Cambridge, and an occasional visitor at the White Horse, Fetter Lane, was one day walking down Trinity Street, a short time after he had been employed at the tread-mill for a month, with a view to remedy his abusive propensities (which degradation did not sit on his mind with perfect ease), when he was accosted by a collegian, from his window, who knew Jemmy's antipathy to the event, with, "How do you like the tread-mill, Jemmy?”—“ I don't like your d-d ugly face!" was the reply.

It may not be amiss to inform some of our readers, that the only work which has come down to posterity from the pen of Longinus (who held the important situation of first minister to Zenobia, Queen of Palmyra, when it was sacked by the Emperor Aurelian, by whom he was shamefully put to death, although he had been pro