above, and, not being wanting in wit, subscribed, extempore,

"Knew I but the wag that writ these verses in bravery, I'd commend him for his wit, but whip him for his knavery."

SARCASTIC EPIGRAM.

When death unrelentingly cut short the career of Porson, and the election of a Greek professor took place, a Cantab (who was cotemporary with him at a public school) wrote the following epigram on one of the candidates:

EPIGRAM.

Actum est Porsono! descendit "Polos Axawr:"
M**kius en! lampas nil, nisi nigra manet.

TRANSLATED.

Lo! Porson's dead! the sun of Greece is sunk,
And nought is left but farthing-rushlight, M**k.

ALL WAITERS.

In St. John's Hall, one day, during dinner, there happened to be a great paucity of waiters. A gentleman, impatient at the delay, at length exclaimed, "D-n it, we can't get a waiter!"-"The devil we can't," said Mr. K- who sat opposite, "I think we are all waiters."

A BLUNDER.

A reverend gentleman of Queen's College, whose duty it was, being unable to perform divine service at his church, in Chesterton, near Cambridge, deputed a divine of Trinity College, for the Sunday. The Trinitarian, who dined at a lady's in the parish, before service, unwittingly left his sermon on the table. Having finished the prayers, and mounted the pulpit, he put his hand in his coat-pocket for his sermon; but, alas! it was not there. However, with great presence of mind, he leaned over the desk and whispered to the clerk (who happened unfortunately to be deaf, and, withal, like most village clerks, a rustic),—-" Run, fetch my sermon, which I left on the table in Mrs. Chitteau's parlour."-Amen, misunderstanding the words, immediately bawled out, with stentorian voice, “This is to give notice, that the sermon will be preached, this afternoon, in Mrs. Chitteau's parlour."

A MUSICAL BLOW-UP.

The Rev. Mr. B, when residing at Canterbury, was reckoned a good violencello-player; but he was not more distinguished for his expression on the instrument, than for the peculiar appearance of feature whilst playing it. In fact, when lost in the midst of the adagios of Corelli or Avison, the muscles of his face all sympathized with his fiddle-stick, and kept up a reciprocal movement. His sight, being dim, obliged him very often to snuff the candles, and, when he came to a bar's rest, in lieu of snuffers, he generally employed his fingers in

I

that office; and, lest he should offend the good housewife by this dirty trick of his, he used to thrust the spoils into the sound-holes of his violencello. A waggish friend of his, who had observed B's whim, resolved to enjoy himself" at the parson's expense," as he termed it; and, for that purpose, he popped a quantity of gun-powder into B's instrument. The rest were informed of the trick, and of course kept at a respectable distance. The tea equipage being removed, music became the order of the evening, and, after B― had tuned his instrument, and drawn his stand near enough to snuff his candles with ease, feeling himself in the meridian of his glory, he dashed away at Vanhall's 47th. B came to a bar's rest, the candles were snuffed, and he thrust the ignited wick into the usual place;-fit fragor, and bang went the fiddle to pieces.

AN LLUSTRATION.

Milton, the British Homer, and prince of modern poets, in his latter days, and when he was blind (a thing some men do with their eyes open), married a shrew. The Duke of Buckingham, one day, in Milton's hearing, called her a rose. "I am no judge of flowers," observed Milton," but it may be so, for I feel the thorns daily."

NON PAR ERIS.

When the mastership of Harrow School became vacant, Dr. Parr applied for it, but was opposed by a learned gentleman, who was detested by the boys on account of his temper. At a meeting, previous to the election of a master, the latter gentleman was endeavouring to per

suade the boys, in a long harangue, that no person was so well qualified for the mastership as himself. At last, however, breathless with speechifying, he made a momentary pause, when one of his juvenile auditors, with most witty and pretty classical allusion, vociferated,—

"Si te ruperis, non par eris.”

(If you burst yourself, you'll never equal Parr). A fine compliment to the doctor, alluding to Horace's Fable of the Frog and the Ox. The pun on the word par was so rapturously received, that the doctor's opponent was obliged to sit down amidst the laughter of the whole assembly.

A NEW READING.

At a party of Cantabs, soon after the late queen's trial, one of the gentlemen proposed as a toast, "the queen's pure innocence." Upon which another of the party rose and said, "I have no objection to the toast, with the substitution of a letter." To which innovation the proposer consenting, he gave," the queen's pure in no sense."

DOUBLE ENTENDRE.

A person ycleped Danger kept a public inn on the road from Cambridge to Huntingdon. Another inn, nearly opposite his own, happening to become vacant, Danger applied for it, thinking it a more eligible situation; in fact, Danger changed sides. Danger's late residence was, in consequence, in want of a master, and

advertised to be let. A tenant was soon found, who, being a waggish fellow, and, withal, desirous that the change of proprietors should be known to wayfaring men, posted over his door, on a board, "No Danger here now." Mr. Danger was sorely troubled at these words, conceiving that they intended to imply something more than a mere change of masters, and took an opportunity of mentioning the circumstance to some Cantabs, who called at his house soon after; one of them advised him to place over his door, in equally conspicuous characters, "Danger from the other side of the way." This double entendre was highly relished, and many, in consequence, were often induced to seek Danger.

"A RARE MATHEMATICAL WIND."

The late Professor Vince, one morning (several trees having been blown down the night previous), meeting a friend in the walks of St. John's College, Cambridge, was accosted with, " How d'ye do, sir? quite a blustering wind this."-"Yes," answered Vince, "it's a rare mathematical wind."-" Mathematical wind !" exclaimed the other, "How so?"—" Why," replied Vince," it has extracted a great many roots!"

MILTON'S BEAUTY.

The beauty of Milton, during the period that he pursued his studies at the University of Cambridge, and to a much more subsequent period, was a subject upon which his friends frequently dwelt. Wandering one day during