disappeared in a moment. Being chid by his companions, he replied, “Who would have thought the rabbits understood Latin?" THE GREAT CALF. A company disputing on the superiority of Oxford to Cambridge, a gentleman present remarked that the decision could not affect him, because he was educated at both:-"That," said an old gentleman present, "puts me in mind of a calf, which I remember, when I was a lad, was suckled by two cows." "Really," said the university gentleman; "and pray, sir, what was the consequence?" "Why, sir, he turned out the greatest calf I ever saw in my life." A DELICATE COMPLIMENT. Dr. Parr, who, it is well known, is not very partial to the "thea linensis," although lauded so warmly by a French writer as "nostris gratissima musis," being invited to take tea by a lady, with true classic wit and refined gallantry, uttered the following delicate compliment :"Non possum tea cum vivere, nec sine te!" A MATHEMATICIAN'S EPITHALAMIUM, BY A GENTLEMAN OF TRINITY COLLEGE, CAMBRIDGE. Though the sum, my dear wife, of the days of thy life I would love thee, for years, sine limite. While the years roll away and our bodies decay, But firmly conjoined we will always be found, Jealous fears too, I ween, shall ne'er intervene, For divisions shall never love's vinculum sever, In sweet conversations and chaste oscillations To thy wishes I ne'er will incline a surd ear,— My direction thou ever shalt be; And each thought of thy mind, when imparted, shall find A sure co-efficient in me. And functions so prime, in the process of time, Shall sweet little increments generate, Who shall grow up as fair as the parents now are, Thus I, love, and you, combined, two and two, And think not, my Mary, my affections will vary- For round thee my soul in its orbit shall roll, SPOILING A COMPLIMENT. During the time that Paley was staying with the Bishop of Durham, an old clergyman perchance visited the palace, who asserted, during conversation, "Although he had been married almost forty years, he had never had the slightest difference with his wife." The bishop, much pleased with so rare an instance of connubial felicity, was on the very point of complimenting the divine, when Paley archly observed, "Don't you think, my lord, it must have been very flat?" OH, ASS! Porson was one day conversing in Latin with a certain learned Theban, from the sister university, when the latter, wishing to convince the professor that he was better acquainted with the writings of Cicero than any man living, affirmed that he had spent thirteen years "in perlegendo Cicerone;" to which the Greek professor, with admirable wit, replied, "And echo answered, ovɛ.” (Oh, ass!) CURE FOR A DISEASE. A Cantab, who happened to be under Sir Busick Harwood, when professor, was enjoined to live temperately, as a cure for his malady. The doctor called upon him one day, and found him enjoying himself over a bottle of Madeira. "Ah, doctor!" exclaimed the patient, at the same time reaching out his hand to bid him welcome, "I am glad to see you; you are just in time to K taste the first bottle of some prime Madeira!" "Ah!" replied Sir Busick, "these bottles of Madeira will never do-they are the cause of all your sufferings!" "Are they so?" cried the patient, "then fill your glass, my dear doctor; for, since we know the cause, the sooner we get rid of it the better." JEMMY GORDON. Jemmy Gordon, nimis notus omnibus, ignotus sibi, the well-known writer of many a theme and declamation for varmint-men, alias non-reading Cantabs, who may be said to merit the cognomen of Trismegistus, having been complimented by an acquaintance on the result of one of his themes, to which the prize of a certain college was awarded, quaintly enough replied, "It is no great credit to be first in an ass-race." THE EXCEPTION. When England was threatened with invasion by France, a certain corporation agreed to form a volunteer corps, on condition that they should not be obliged to quit the country. Their proposal was submitted to Mr. Pitt, the premier, who facetiously observed, he had no objection to the terms, if they would permit him to add, "except in case of invasion." FIE! ROWE! The Cocoa-Tree Tavern, in St. James's Street, in those days designated the Wits' Coffee-House, was the frequent resort of the celebrated Cantab, Dr. Garth. He was one morning seated there, conversing with some persons of rank, when Rowe, the poet, well known as a dramatic writer and commentator on Shakspeare, entered, and seated himself in an opposite box to that in which was the doctor and his friends. Rowe was not only inattentive to his dress and appearance, but insufferably vain, and fond of being noticed by persons of consequence. He endeavoured for some time to catch the doctor's eye, but, failing, he desired the waiter to ask for his snuff-box, which he knew to be a valuable one, set with diamonds, which had been presented to Garth by some foreign prince. After taking a pinch, he returned it; but asked for it so repeatedly, that Garth, out of all patience, and perceiving his drift, wrote on the lid the two Greek characters-. P. (Phi Rho). This the mortified poet interpreted FIE! ROWE! and instantly quitted the room. To this specimen of the doctor's wit may be added the following example of his humanity and compassion. The doctor was one day detained in his chariot, in a narrow street, near Covent Garden, through a crowd collected to witness a bruising-match between two Amazonian ladies of the Billingsgate tribe, when an old woman hobbled up to him, and begged him "for God's sake to take a look at her husband, who was in a mortal bad way;" adding, "I know you are a sweet-tempered gentleman, as well as a cute doctor, so make bold to ar your advice." The doctor, not a jot offended at her liberty of speech, immediately quitted his chariot, and followed her to her abode of misery, where he found that the patient wanted food rather than physic; and, finding from their answers to his questions, that they deserved |