just debt: and let me give you a piece of advice worth more to you than the debt and costs: be careful not to

put it in any man's power to arrest you, either in public

or private, for the future."

66

THE BRIDE IN WAITING.

A celebrated Cantab, who, for his poetic taste and splendid imagination, might almost be designated the ANGEL OF THE WORLD," had the good fortune to lead to the altar of Hymen a blooming bride, and the misfortune, amidst his angelic speculations, to forget her. The happy pair were to start for Paris, to spend the honeymoon, immediately after the ceremony; the bridegroom begged an hour to pack for the occasion,-the smiling fair one granted his request,-the hour was past, but he did not appear; two, three, four, five hours, which, to the lady, were as many ages, had Sol laboured towards the western horizon, and she was still in waiting. A messenger was despatched in search of the truant, and Paris was found, not as many Cantabs are, in the midst of triangles, &c. but, forgetful of his Helen, rearing a temple to the muses, totally unconscious of the part he had so lately acted in the consummation of holy matrimony.

BON MOT.

"The Bishop of London," says Aubrey, " having cut down a noble cloud of trees at Fulham, Lord Chancellor Bacon told him, he was a good expounder of dark places.'

DR. HENNIKER'S DEFINITION OF WIT.

Dr. Henniker being one day in conversation with that celebrated statesman, the Earl of Chatham, amongst other questions, was asked, by his lordship, how he defined wit?" Wit," replied the learned doctor," is like what a pension would be given by your lordship to your humble servant,—a good thing well applied."

WHAT A DEBAUCH!

A pious queen's-man being invited to a spread, refused the invite, on the ground of the last evening's excesses,when, upon being pressed to tell when and how he had spent the previous night, he, with reluctance, confessed he had committed a great debauch, inasmuch as he had sat up till ten o'clock, and drank two bumpers of plum wine!! Silicet, raisin.

NEW READINGS.

Every son of Alma Mater has, a primis ephebis, appropriated to his own schoolmates the humorous translation of the words-coctilibus muris, by cocktailed mice; and not a few have thought that the arma virumque cano Troja qui primus ab oris, alluded to the archididascalus, with his cane for his arms, and his mouth as prim as a Trojan's; but we much question whether the sense of a Latin writer was ever more ludicrously misunderstood,

than in the lecture-room of Christ College, when a deepread freshman rendered the words-" anteponit tenuem victum copioso," (he prefers a slender diet to an abundant one), by "he places before them a thin man conquered by a stout one," which, when we consider that our author was alluding to the manners and customs of the gladiators, must cause a smile.

EPIGRAMS.

I.

Had thy spouse, Dr. Drumstick, been ta'en from thy side,

In the same way that Eve became Adam's fair bride,
And again by thy side on the bridal bed laid;

Though thou couldst not, like Adam, have gallantly said "Thou art flesh of my flesh,"-because flesh thou hast

none,

Thou with truth mighst have said "Thou art bone of my bone."

II.

On the Marriage of a very thin Couple.

St. Paul has declared that, when persons, though twain, Are in wedlock united, one flesh they remain.

But had he been by, when, like Pharoah's kine pairing, Dr. D-gl-s, of B-n-t, espoused Miss M-nw-r-ng, The apostle, no doubt, would have alter'd his tone,

And have said, "These two splinters shall now make one bone."

盒

III.

On a Petit-Maitre Physician.

When P-nn-ngt-n for female ills indites,
Studying alone not what, but how he writes,
The ladies, as his graceful form they scan,
Cry, with ill-omen'd rapture-" Killing man!"

IV.

On a Student being put out of Commons, for missing
Chapel.

To fast and pray we are by Scripture taught:
O could I do but either as I ought!

In both, alas! I err; my frailty such-
I pray too little, and I fast too much.

PARODIES ON COLLEGE EXAMINATIONS.

As we commenced the "Facetia" with a satirical imitation of a college examination-paper, we have introduced three more, from different sources, to wind up this part of the volume.

EXAMINATION I.

1. Prove, by syllogistic ratiocination, that chalk and cheese are not one and the same thing-that they are not

idem in genere; and then render an analytical exposition of the composition of chalk, and a disquisition synthetical on that of cheese. Show, further, which of these two kinds of exposition it is probable Aristotle would have adopted in treating such a subject.

2. Demonstrate by induction why it is, that, in his expedition into India, Alexander Magnus followed his

nose.

3. Give the definition of China pig-nominally, accidentally, physically, and metaphysically.

4. Convert the two first books of Aristotle's Treatise on Rhetoric into Latin hexameter and pentameter, and the third and fourth books of the Annals of Tacitus into pindarics.

5. Are you anywhere informed by Herodotus, which were the thickest, the heads of the Egyptians or the Persians?

6. Make a computation of the probable thickness of the eads of both nations; and then logically demonstrate the difference of inches in the skulls of one and the other.

7. Give the Greek appellations of the several terms— tea, coffee, snuff, and tobacco-printer's devil, leatherbreeches-maker, steam-packet, double-barrelled guntag, rag, and bobtail.

8. Why is it probable that Horace, if he could have gotten them, would have worn spectacles?—What was his height without his shoes?--Signify the colour of his complexion by two tropes, one metaphor, and three similes.

9. Prove the non-identity of Sylla the dictator and Scylla the sand-bank; and does not the sea or C make all the difference between them?