than in the lecture-room of Christ College, when a deepread freshman rendered the words-" anteponit tenuem victum copioso," (he prefers a slender diet to an abundant one), by "he places before them a thin man conquered by a stout one," which, when we consider that our author was alluding to the manners and customs of the gladiators, must cause a smile.

EPIGRAMS.

I.

Had thy spouse, Dr. Drumstick, been ta'en from thy side,

In the same way that Eve became Adam's fair bride,
And again by thy side on the bridal bed laid;
Though thou couldst not, like Adam, have gallantly said
"Thou art flesh of my flesh,"-because flesh thou hast

none,

Thou with truth mighst have said "Thou art bone of my bone."

II.

On the Marriage of a very thin Couple.

St. Paul has declared that, when persons, though twain,
Are in wedlock united, one flesh they remain.

But bad he been by, when, like Pharoah's kine pairing,
Dr. D-gl-s, of B-n-t, espoused Miss M-nw-r-ng,
The apostle, no doubt, would have alter'd his tone,
And have said, "These two splinters shall now make
one bone."

III.

On a Petit-Maitre Physician.

bl

When P-nn-ngt-n for female ills indites,
Studying alone not what, but how he writes,
The ladies, as his graceful form they scan,
Cry, with ill-omen'd rapture-" Killing man!”

IV.

On a Student being put out of Commons, for missing Chapel.

To fast and pray we are by Scripture taught:

O could I do but either as I ought!

In both, alas! I err; my frailty such

I

pray too little, and I fast too much.

PARODIES ON COLLEGE EXAMINATIONS.

As we commenced the "Facetia" with a satirical imitation of a college examination-paper, we have introduced three more, from different sources, to wind up this part of the volume.

EXAMINATION I.

1. Prove, by syllogistic ratiocination, that chalk and cheese are not one and the same thing-that they are not

idem in genere; and then render an analytical exposition of the composition of chalk, and a disquisition synthetical on that of cheese. Show, further, which of these two kinds of exposition it is probable Aristotle would have adopted in treating such a subject.

2. Demonstrate by induction why it is, that, in his expedition into India, Alexander Magnus followed his

nose.

3. Give the definition of China pig-nominally, accidentally, physically, and metaphysically.

4. Convert the two first books of Aristotle's Treatise on Rhetoric into Latin hexameter and pentameter, and the third and fourth books of the Annals of Tacitus into pindarics.

5. Are you anywhere informed by Herodotus, which were the thickest, the heads of the Egyptians or the Persians?

6. Make a computation of the probable thickness of the eads of both nations; and then logically demonstrate the difference of inches in the skulls of one and the other.

7. Give the Greek appellations of the several terms——— tea, coffee, snuff, and tobacco-printer's devil, leatherbreeches-maker, steam-packet, double-barrelled gun— tag, rag, and bobtail.

8. Why is it probable that Horace, if he could have gotten them, would have worn spectacles?—What was his height without his shoes?---Signify the colour of his complexion by two tropes, one metaphor, and three similes.

9. Prove the non-identity of Sylla the dictator and Scylla the sand-bank; and does not the sea or C make all the difference between them?

10. Translate the following passage from Tag's Ode to Miss Pickle, into a Sapphic stanza, both in Greek and Latin :

·

"Not pickled onion, nor yet pickled bean,
Nor pickled cabbage, either red or green,
Nor pickled cucumber, nor pickled Chili,
But my own darling little Picklelilly."

11. Oxford must, from all antiquity, have been either somewhere or nowhere. Where was it in the time of Tarquinius Priscus? If it was nowhere, it surely must have been somewhere. Where was it?

12. Should you, upon consideration, say that the ancients could find the way to their mouths in the dark as well as the moderns? Do you believe the Athenians wore Wellington-boots, or ate mince-pies at Christmas.

13. Mention any instances that occur to you of ancients visiting any part of the United States. Are we not to infer, from the frequent occurrence of the word yas in their most celebrated authors, that the Athenians were perfectly acquainted with that valuable commodity?

14. Trace the derivation of pump from 785, according to the example afforded you of that of bump from Bus.B85, Ionicé Boos, per apocopen Bos, poetic Bus, per pepper-castor But, and per epenthesin Buμ, hence you may easily trace the derivation of pumpkin and bumpkin.

15. State logically how many tails a cat has.

From these specimens, however much he may admire the erudition they display, the reader will, perhaps, not think very favourably of the utility of university examinations, but useful they are. The answers would occupy

too much space; suffice it, therefore, to say, our communicant got off with flying colours, the delight of his connections, and an honour to his house. The answer to the last question, however, amused us so much that we cannot refrain from giving it.

15. State logically how many tails a cat has?—Ans. Cats have three tails-no cat has two tails-every cat has one tail more than no cat-ergo, every cat has three tails.

EXAMINATION II.

1. Give a comparative sketch of the principal English theatres, with the dates of their erection, and the names of the most eminent candle-snuffers at each. What were the stage-boxes? What were the offices of prompter-ballet-master-and scene-shifter? In what part of the theatre was the one-shilling gallery? Distinguish accurately between operas and puppet-shows.

2. Where was Downing Street? Who was primeminister when Cribb defeated Molineux-and where did the battle take place? Explain the terms milling -fibbing-cross buttock-neck and crop-bang upand-prime.

3. Give the dates of all the parliaments, from their first institution to the period of the hard frost on the Thames. In what month of what year was Mr. Abbot elected speaker? Why was he called "the little man in the wig?" When the speaker was out of the chair, where was the mace put?

4. Enumerate the principal houses of call in and about London, marking those of the tailors, bricklayers, and shoemakers, and stating from what brewery each house