Изображения страниц
PDF
EPUB

66

his handkerchief, brought with it an old greasy nightcap, which fell into the pit." Who owns this?" cries a gentleman below, elevating the trophy at the same time on the point of his cane; Who owns this?" The unaffected Harvest, little considering the delicate sensations of his friends, and overjoyed at the recovery of this valuable chattle, eagerly darts out his hand, seizes the cap, and in the action cries out, "It is mine!" The party were utterly disconcerted at the circumstance, and blushed for their companion, who rather expected their congratulations at the recovery of his property.

A CUNNING SHAVER.

It is sufficiently notorious that Porson was not remarkably attentive to the decorating of his person; indeed he was at times disagreeably negligent. On one occasion he went to visit a friend, where a gentleman, who did not know Porson, was anxiously expecting a barber. On Porson's entering the library where he was sitting, the gentleman started up, and hastily exclaimed,

"Are you the barber?"-" No, Sir," answered Porson; "but I am a cunning shaver, much at your service."

ARCHBISHOP HERRING IN PICKLE.

Herring, afterwards archbishop, slipt down a bank, and fell into the mud in a ditch near St. John's College. A wag, passing by at the time, exclaimed, "There, Herring, you are in a fine pickle now!" A Johnian, to which college the immemorial privilege of punning had been conceded in the Spectator's time, and who had consequently

a disposition to be pleased with puns, went home laughing most immoderately all the way at the joke. Some of his fellow-collegians inquiring the cause of his merriment: "I never heard," said he," a better thing in my life. Herring, of Jesus, fell into the ditch in the piece, and an acquaintance said, as he lay sprawling, There, Herring! you are in a fine condition now !"—" Well,” said his companions, "where is the wit of it, pray?"Nay," he said, "I am sure it was a good thing when I heard it."

66

[ocr errors]

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM ?"

It has been a custom in the University, from time im→ memorial, to cap the Vice-Chancellor. A student meeting Dr. Master of Clare Hall, when he held that office, and omitting to pay him the accustomed compliment, the doctor, conceiving it to be an insult to his dignity, stopped the student, exclaiming, at the same time, 66 Do you know who I am, Sir?" The student, taking his glass, coolly eyed the doctor from head to foot, answering, "Upon my word, Sir, I have not that pleasure. Sir," said the doctor, "I am the Vice-Chancellor."-" Indeed!" said the student: at the same instant capping the doctor, he walked on.

66

TREASON.

It is related of the two admirable wits, Beaumont and Fletcher, that, meeting once in a tavern to contrive the rude draught of a tragedy, Fletcher undertook to kill the king therein; whose words being overheard by a listener,

he was accused of high treason; but the mistake soon appearing, that the plot was only against a dramatical and scenical king, it passed off in merriment.

PARLIAMENTARY CASE.

Bishop Andrews, who was master and a great benefactor of Pembroke Hall, was one day at court with Walter the poet and others. While King James was at dinner, attended by Andrews, Bishop of Winchester, and Neale, Bishop of Durham, his Majesty said to the prelates," My Lords, cannot I take my subjects' money when I want it, without all this formality in Parliament?" Bishop Neale quickly replied,-" God forbid, Sir, but you should: you are the breath of our nostrils." On which the king said to the Bishop of Winchester,"Well, my Lord, and what say you ?" "Sir," replied Andrews, "I have no skill to judge of Parliamentary cases. Come, come," answered his Majesty, no put-offs, my Lord; answer me presently."" Then, Sir," said Andrews, "I think it lawful for you to take my brother Neale's money, for he offers it."

[ocr errors]
[ocr errors]

SALUTING A DOG WITH HIS OWN LATIN.

During the time that Mr. F. was Moderator, a dog one day happened, not being initiated in the etiquette necessary to be observed, to stray into the schools at Cambridge, when a student was keeping an act. It fell to the turn of Mr. F. to preside that day, and the moment the poor dog made his entré, Mr. F. thundered out the following apophthegma-" Verte canem ex !”

AS GREAT A ROGUE AS HIMSELF.

Jemmy Gordon, a well-known character in Cambridge, once went to the late Bishop of Bristol, of facetious memory, who was then Master of Trinity College, to request that he would give him half-a-crown. "So I will," replied the bishop, if you can find me as great a rogue as yourself." Jemmy Gordon, nothing doubting but he should be able to accommodate the bishop, and obtain the desired half-crown, went immediately to Mr. B-, who was at that time one of the Esquire Bedells of the university, and told him the bishop wanted to speak with him. Mr. B-, not suspecting Jemmy's trick, went directly to the bishop, followed, unperceived, by Jemmy Gordon; and, on entering his presence, he desired "to know his lordship's pleasure?" The bishop, to his surprise, said he had not sent for him! But Jemmy Gordon, who was nigh at hand, informed his lordship, "that he told him he would give him half-a-crown if he could find as great a rogue as himself, and, having produced Mr. B-, he claimed the promised reward." The bishop was so well pleased with the joke, that he gave Jemmy the half-crown.

PRINCE'S METAL.

When the Prince of Orange, afterwards William the Third, came over to this country, five of the seven bishops who were sent to the Tower declared for his highness; but the other two would not come into the measures. Upon which Dryden said, "that the seven

golden candlesticks were sent to be assayed in the Tower, and five of them proved prince's metal.”.

PALEY,

Soon after he had completed his fifteenth year, went to Cambridge, accompanied by his father, to be admitted a sizar of Christ College; to which society his father had belonged before him. He performed this journey on horseback, and used often thus humorously to describe the disasters which befel him on the road:

"I was never a good horseman, and, when I followed my father on a pony of my own, on my first journey to Cambridge, I fell off seven times. I was lighter then than I am now, and my falls were not likely to be serious :-"My father, on hearing a thump, would turn his head half aside, and say,- Take care of thy money, lad.'"

MODERN LEARNING,

Exemplified in the form of a College Examiuation,

A JEU D'ESPRIT,

Said to be written by the late PROFESSOR PORSON; and intended as a Satire on the mode of Examination at Oxford.

METAPHYSICS.

Professor..-What is a salt-box?

Student.-It is a box made to contain salt.

Professor.-How is it divided?

Student. It is a salt-box, and a box of salt.

Professor.-Very well; show the distinction?

« ПредыдущаяПродолжить »