I'm stripped ;-'tis raining cats and dogs."
"Hush, hush!" quoth Hal; "I'm fast asleep ;"
And then he snored as loud and deep
As a whole company of hogs.

"But, hark ye, Ben, I'll grant admittance
At the same rate I paid myself."

Nay, master, leave me half the pittance,"
Replied the avaricious elf.

"No; all or none-a full acquittance ;-
The terms, I know, are somewhat high;
But
you have fixed the price, not I-
I won't take less-I can't afford it;"

So, finding all his haggling vain, Ben, with a oath and groan of pain, Drew out the guinea, and restored it.

Surely you'll give me," growled th' outwitted Porter, when again admitted,

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Something, now you've done your joking, For all this trouble, time, and soaking." “Oh! surely, surely,” Harry said, "Since, as you urge, I broke your rest, And you're half drown'd and quite undress'd, I'll give you leave to go to bed!"

N. M. M.

INTREPIDITY, ABILITY, AND ROGUERY.

On the sudden elevation of Bonaparte to the supreme direction of affairs in the French republic, Dr. Paley observed to a party of gentlemen who were dining with him a few days after the intelligence of that extraordinary

event, "That the French were rapidly approaching to absolute monarchy again: the conventional government was established on a very broad basis, which has been narrowed on every subsequent alteration, and is progressively tending to a point." In allusion to the various actors who had successively filled the busy scene, in that distracted country, from the commencement of the revolution, he still more forcibly remarked, "That in similar convulsions, none can ultimately succeed in bearing sway, but men of great intrepidity, great ability, and great roguery. Without great intrepidity, no man will intentionally venture on so hazardous a career; without great ability, no man can get forward; and without great roguery, no man can bring his designs to a successful close."

THE ART OF APPLYING FIRE.

A certain Cantab, who was fellow of a college, and resided a short distance from the town in a neighbouring village, was suspected, by some of his bons vivans, of keeping a certain fille de joie, and with which they had often accused him; but he invariably denied the fact. They, however, resolved to adopt some plan to unravel the mystery. At length, one of the party, in concert with another of their joint companions, who was un bel esprit, with all his wits about him, hit upon the following expedient for ascertaining the fact, viz. :-That he and his companions should, at midnight, proceed to the village on horse-back, where resided their friend, taking with them a bundle of wet straw. This they did, being especially provided with every necessary for carrying their design

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into effect. After having reconnoitred the outposts, lest they should be taken by surprise, finding all quiet, they placed the wet straw under the window of their unsuspecting friend, who was fast locked, either in the arms of Morpheus or mademoiselle. Having fired the straw, they set out shouting, with stentorian voices, Fire, fire, fire!" This soon alarmed the enamoured pair, and the stratagem succeeded to their utmost wishes; for, in a few moments, mon cher ami rushed from the house, with no covering on but his shirt, followed close by his inamorata, veiled in her chemise.

PRAYER FOR AN ENEMY.

A Cantab, having been offended by the mayor of Cambridge, who was by trade a butcher, resolved to take an opportunity of being even with him, when it came to his turn to preach before the corporation. This happening soon after, in his prayer before the sermon, he introduced the following pointed expressions :-" And since, O Lord! thou hast commanded us to pray for our enemies, herein we beseech thee for the right worshipful the mayor: give him the strength of Samson and the courage of David; that he may knock down sin like an ox, and cut the throat of iniquity like a suckling-calf; and let his horn be exalted above his brethren."

CHARACTERISTICS.

Dr. Richard Farmer, the celebrated commentator on Shakspeare, was formerly master of Emanuel College,

Cambridge. He was very remarkable for many eccentricities, and made his likes and dislikes so well known, that they became almost a proverb in his days. There were three things, it was said, which the master of Emanuel loved above all others, viz.:-Good old port! old clothes! and old books! And three things which nobody could persuade him to perform, viz. :-To rise in the morning! to go to bed at night! and to settle an account! When in Cambridge, if an old house was pulled down, the master of Emanuel was always there, in an old blue great-coat and rusty hat. When in London, he was sure to be found in the same garb at an old book-stall; or standing at the corner of a dirty lane, poring through his glass at an old play-bill. It is related, that Pitt once offered him a bishopric; but the social delights of a pipe and a bottle in Emanuel parlour outweighed, in his estimation, the dazzling splendour of a mitre. He is said to have possessed that species of generosity which results rather from inattention than from a knowledge of the use of wealth; but it seems he parted with his money as easily as he obtained it. To his honour be it spoken, many a person in distress experienced his liberality; and it was frequently bestowed on learned men and learned publications, of which he was the unwearied patron.

A FORTUNATE EXPEDIENT.

A gentleman of Trinity College, travelling through France with a friend, in what, on that side of the water, was called a chaise, was very much teased with the mode of travelling, particularly as they made so little progress, and he wanted to reach the next town at a set time. He

tried gentle means of persuasion to induce the postillion to urge his steeds, but in vain. After floundering about in French, till he was out of all patience, for he was no great dab at it, and, withal, not being in possession of any of those emphatic phrases which are equivalent to such as Englishmen are accustomed to vent their anger in, he bethought himself, that, if he was not understood, he might at least frighten the fellow by using some highsounding words; and, collecting all the powers of eloquence of which he was master, with the voice of a stentor, he roared into the ear of the postillion :"Westmoreland, Cumberland, Northumberland, Durham!" which the fellow mistaking for some tremendous oath, accompanied with a threat, had the desired effect, and induced him to increase his speed.

NOVEL INSCRIPTION.

A bishop of Exeter, having established a poor-house for twenty-five old women, one day being in conversation with Lord Mansfield, soon after, the bishop asked his lordship for an inscription to place in front of the building, upon which his lordship directly took out his pencil, and wrote on a slip of paper as follows:

"Under this roof

The Lord Bishop of Exeter

Keeps
Twenty-five Women."