PATIENCE.

A fellow of Trinity College, Cambridge, on the eve of his departure from the university, preached at St. Mary's upon these words-" Have patience with me, and I will pay you all;" and, owing a large sum of money in the town, enlarged mightily on the first part of the text,— "Have patience." "Now," says he, "I should come to the second part of the text, and I will pay you all; but, having pressed too long on your patience, I must leave that till the next opportunity; so pray have patience with me!"

BUT ONE GOOD TRANSLATION.

Dryden's translation of Virgil being commended by a right reverend bishop, Lord Chesterfield said, "The original is indeed excellent; but everything suffers by a translation-except a bishop!"

"THERE I LEAVE YOU."

The witty and licentious Earl of Rochester, meeting with the great and learned Isaac Barrow in the Park, told his companion that he would have some fun with the rusty old pot. Accordingly, he went up with great gravity, and, taking off his hat, made the doctor a profound bow, saying, "Doctor, I'm your's to my shoe-tie." The doctor, seeing his drift, immediately pulled off his beaver, and returned the bow, with, "My lord, I'm your's to the

E

ground." Rochester followed up his salutation by a deeper bow, saying, "Doctor, I am your's to the centre." Barrow, with a very lowly obeisance, replied, " My lord, I am your's to the Antipodes." His lordship, nearly gravelled,'exclaimed, "Doctor, I am your's to the lowest pit of hell!" "There, my lord," said Barrow, sarcastically, "I'll leave you!" and walked off.

JUDGMENT.

James the Second, when Duke of York, made a visit to Milton the poet, and asked him, amongst other things, if he did not think the loss of his sight a judgment upon him for what he had written against his father, Charles the First. Milton answered,-"If your Highness think my loss of sight a judgment upon me, what do you think of your father's losing his head?"

QUEERING A FULL-BOTTOM.

Lord Mansfield used to relate the following anecdote of himself, with great good-humour. A St. Giles's bird appeared before him as an evidence in some trial concerning a quarrel in the street, and so confounded his lordship with slang, that he was obliged to dismiss him without getting anything from him. Being desired to give an account of all he knew, "My lord," says he, “as I was coming by the corner of a street, I stagged the man." "Pray," said Lord Mansfield, "what is stagging a man?" "Stagging, my lord,-why you see Iwas down upon him." "Well, but I don't understand down

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upon him, any more than stagging; do speak to be underWhy, an't please your lordship, I speak as well as I can; I was up, you see, to all he knew." "To all he knew,-I'm as much in the dark as ever." "Well then, my lord, I'll tell you how it was." "Do so." "Why, my lord, seeing as how he was a rum kid, I was one upon his tibby." The fellow, being at length sent out of court, his lordship not being able to make anything of his jargon, was heard in the hall to say to one of his companions" that he had gloriously queered old fullbottom!"

THE TOBACCO-STOPPER.

It is said that Sir Isaac Newton did once in his life go a wooing, and, as was to be expected, had the greatest indulgence paid to his little peculiarities, which ever accompany a great genius. Knowing that he was fond of smoking, the lady assiduously provided him with a pipe, and they were seated as if to open the business of Cupid. Sir Isaac smoked a few whiffs-seemed at a loss for something-whiffed again—and at last drew his chair near to the lady: a pause of some minutes ensued; he seemed a little uneasy; "Oh the timidity of some!" thought

the lady when, lo! Sir Isaac had got hold of her hand. The lady cast her eyes down towards the floor, and the palpitations began: he will kiss it, thought she, no doubt, and then the matter will be settled. Sir Isaac whiffed with redoubled fury, and drew the captive hand near his head; already the expected salute vibrated from the hand to the heart-when, pity the damsel, gentle reader! Sir Isaac only raised the fair hand, to make the fore-finger what he much wanted-a tobacco-stopper !

THE FORCE OF SATIRE.

Jacob Johnson, the most eminent of his profession as a publisher, having refused to advance Dryden a sum of money for a work upon which he engaged, the incensed bard sent a message to him, and the following lines, adding, "Tell the dog that he who wrote these can write more:"

"With leering looks, bull-faced, and freckled face,
With two left legs, and Judas-coloured hair,
And frowzy pores, that taint the ambient air!"

Johnson felt the force of the description; and, to avoid a completion of the portrait, immediately sent the money.

EXTEMPORE LINES BY LORD
CHESTERFIELD.

Lord Chesterfield, on viewing Lady M, a reputed Jacobite, adorned with orange ribands at the anniversary ball at Dublin, in the memory of King William, thus addressed her,

EXTEMPORE :

"Thou little Tory, where's the jest
To wear those ribands in thy breast;
When that breast, betraying, shows
The whiteness of the rebel rose?"

TILLOTSON,

Who was then Archbishop of Canterbury, on King William's complaining of the shortness of his sermon, answered, "Sire, could I have bestowed more time upon it, it would not have been so long!"

THE POST-BOY

Dr. Roger Long, the famous astronomer, walking one dark evening with Mr. Bonfoy in Cambridge, and the latter coming to a short post fixed in the pavement, which in the earnestness of conversation he took to be a boy standing in his way, said hastily, "Get out of my way, boy!" "That boy, Sir," said the doctor very drily, "is a post-boy, who never turns out of his way for anybody."

PUNNING

Was, at least, no crime in the days of the first Stuarts : neither kings nor nobles were above it. The great Lord Bacon was reduced to such extreme poverty towards the latter end of his life, that he wrote to James the First, for assistance, in these words :—“ Help me, dear sovereign lord and master, and pity me so far, that I, who have been born to a bag, be not now in my age forced in effect to bear a wallet; nor that I, who desire to live to study, may be driven to study to live." The following, in a letter to Prince Charles, may not be so pardonable, particularly from so great a man:wherein he hopes, "that, as the father was his creator, the son will be his redeemer."