Изображения страниц

effect of being in the straw." In another letter, to a lady about to travel, he writes on the same subject "You must make up your minds to bad accommodations, frauds, stoppages, &c.-I would have added, and dirty sheets, if I did not presume that you would have the precaution to take your own. Two pair will be sufficient, or even one, for there will be sufficient time to wash them while you change horses—there's comfort for you. You must take a provision of small-toothed combs with you—your head will soon tell you why. Another thing which you must take with you is patience-you will want it at every inn. You will find the first horses yoked a hundred yards before the second horses: you may think that the reason of this is, in order to go before, for the purpose of ordering dinner; but it is not so."

[ocr errors]


During the administration of the famous Lord Chatham, who was educated at Trinity College, Cambridge, Dr. Markham, Archbishop of York, delivered a charge to his clergy, reflecting highly on the administration of the noble lord. It so happened, that the poet Mason preached a visitation sermon before the archbishop, in the Cathedral Church of York, soon after. Mason, who differed entirely with the archbishop in politics, facetiously chose the following text on the occasion:-"Yet Michael the archangel, when contending with the devil he disputed about the body of Moses, durst not bring against him a railing accusation, but said, the Lord rebuke thee." Jude 9.

Soon after the preaching of this sermon, by Mason,

some one was declaiming in the House of Lords against the clergy interfering in politics, and during whose speech Lord Chatham came into the house; but, not knowing what had passed at York, he leaned over a noble duke, lately deceased, and asked to what the speaker was alluding. On being informed, his lordship attacked the archbishop most eloquently, and so ably retaliated for the past, that the archbishop, wanting temper naturally, was disabled from replying with any coherence.


Soon after the appointment of Mr. Jebb, fellow of Peterhouse, and Mr. Watson, afterwards Bishop of Landaff, to the office of Moderators for the first time, they sent Paley, then in his third year (the time at which every under-graduate who contends for mathematical honours does the same thing), an act to keep in the schools. Paley was prepared with the mathematical question, and, referring to Johnson's Questiones Philosophicæ, a book then common in the University, in which the subject usually disputed in the schools, and the names of the authors who had written on each side, were contained, he fixed upon two others, as not having been proposed for disputation, to his knowledge, before: the one against capitul punishments,—the other against the eternity of hell torments. As soon as it was rumoured amongst the heads of colleges, that Paley, who was then young, and whose abilites were well known, had proposed such questions, the master of his college was desired to interfere and put a stop to it. Dr. Thomas consequently summoned him to the lodge,

and objected, in strong terms, to both his questions, but insisted upon his relinguishing the last. Paley immediately went to the Moderator, and acquainted him with this peremptory command. Mr. Watson was indignant that "the heads of colleges should interfere in a matter which belonged solely (as he said) to him, for he was the judge of the propriety or impropriety of the questions sent to him." "Are you, sir," continued Watson, "independent of your college! If you are not, these shall be the questions for your act." Paley replied, "that he should be sorry to offend the college; and therefore wished to change the last question."" Very well," replied the Moderator, "the best way, then, to satisfy the scruples of these gentlemen will be for you to defend the Eternity of Hell Torments:"—and, changing his thesis to the affirmative, he actually did so.


A gentleman, who had just taken his degree of B. A. in the University of Cambridge, going down into the north of England on a visit immediately after, was asked by a person (whose pronunciation savoured of the provincial), "whether he knew


The Cantab, supposing that he alluded to a person of that name who lived in the neighbourhood, replied-"I don't know Matthew Mattocks, but I know his brother Richard."



Dr. Glynn, whose name will long be remembered in Cambridge, was one of those beings who would occasionally unstring the bow, lest it should lose its elasticity. Being one day in attendance on a lady in the quality of her physician, he took the liberty of lecturing her on the impropriety of her eating cucumber, of which she was immoderately fond; and gave her the following humorous receipt for dressing them :-"Peel the cucumber," said the doctor, "with great care; then cut it into very thin slices, pepper and salt it well, and then— throw it away!"


The following extemporaneous effusion was poured forth by a gentleman of Benét, or Corpus Christi College, Cambridge :

Have you not heard the cock's loud crowing
Ere the day began to dawn?


you not heard the cattle lowing, And the huntsman's sounding horn?

Have you not heard the church bells ringing,
For some happy wedded pair?

Have you not heard the sky-lark singing,
Soaring in the limpid air?

Have you not heard the tempest roar,
Driving on the pelting rain?

If you have heard all these, and more,
you'll hear them all again!



They never interrupted an harmonious intercourse with him, who pays this tribute to his memory, and to whom, in a moment of confidence, he gave, in his own hand-writing, a pamphlet, written in answer to Mr. Burke's Reflections on the French Revolution. It is termed "A New Catechism for the Natives of Hampshire." The humour of the tract consists in playing upon the expression, “swinish multitude," said to have been applied to the common people by Mr. Burke. The following is the beginning and ending of the—


Question. What is your name?
Answer. Hog or Swine.

Q. Did God make you a hog?

A. No; God made me man in his own image: the right honourable Sublime and Beautiful made me a swine. Q. How did he make you a swine?

A. By muttering obscure and uncouth spells. He is a dealer in the black art.

Q. Who feeds you?

A. Our drivers, the only real men in this country.

Q. How many hogs are you in all?

A. Seven or eight millions.

Q. How many drivers?

A. Two or three thousand.

Q. With what do they feed you?

A. Generally with husks, swill, draff, malt, grains, and now and then with a little barley-meal and a few potatoes; and, when they have too much butter-milk themselves, they give us some.

« ПредыдущаяПродолжить »