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The following must be allowed not to be destitute
Q. What are the interpreters* called ?
A. The black-letter sisterhood.
Q. Why do they give the office to women?
A. Because they have a fluent tongue and a knack of scolding.
Q. How are they dressed?
A. In gowns and false hair.
Q. What are the principal orders?
A. Three writers, talkers, and hearers; which last are also called deciders.
Q. What is their general business?
A. To discuss the mutual quarrels of the hogs, and to punish their affronts to any or all of their drivers.
Q. If two hogs quarrel, how do they apply to the sisterhood?
A. Each hog goes separately to a writer.
Q. What does the writer?
A. She goes to a talker.
Q. What does the talker?
A. She goes to a hearer, or decider.
Q. What does the hearer decide?
A. What she pleases.
Q. If a hog be decided to be in the right, what is the consequence?
A He is almost ruined.
Q. If in the wrong, what?
A. He is quite ruined.
After some facetious remarks on the clergy, who are termed peace-makers, the dialogue proceeds:—
Q. How are these peace-makers rewarded?
A. With potatoes.
Q. What, all?
A. Ten per cent. only.
Q. Then you have still ninety left in the hundred?
A. No; we have only forty left.
Q. What becomes of the odd fifty?
A. The drivers take them, partly for a small recompense for protecting us, and partly to make money of them, for the prosecution of law-suits with the neighbouring farmers.
Q. You talk sensibly for a hog; where had you your information?
A. From a very learned pig.
The following is given by way of answer to the question-by what ceremony the hog is disenchanted, and resumes his natural shape:
4. The hog is going to be disenchanted, grovels bcfore the chief driver, who holds an iron skewer over him, and gives him a smart blow on the shoulder, to remind him at once of his former subjection and future submission. Immediately he starts up, like the devil from Ithuriel's spear, in his proper shape, and ever after goes about with a nickname. He then beats his hogs without mercy, and, when they implore his compassion, and beg him to recollect he was once their fellow-swine, he denies that ever he was a hog.
This curious dialogue thus concludes :
Q. What is the general wish of the hogs at present?
Chorus of Hogs.
A Johnian, now deceased, one day met a Trinity man, walking under the piazza of Neville's Court, of whom he had some knowledge. Going suddenly up to the Trinitarian, he addressed him with,-"Sir, you are a thief!" The Trinitarian, all astonishment at the tone in which the accusation was made, demanded an explanation. "Sir," answered the Johnian, smiling, "You steal from the sun.
THE CANONICAL WIG.
It so happened one day, that Doctor Howard passed by the shop of a peruke-maker, when his pocket, which was too often the case, overflowed with emptiness. He saw a canonical wig in the window, which took his fancy very much, and, in order to obtain credit, he informed the master of the shop he was rector of St. George's Southwark, and chaplain to the Princess Dowager of Wales. Happy in the acquisition of such a customer, the hair-dresser, who had received the doctor's order to that effect, finished a wig with the utmost despatch; but before he sent it home, he heard some whispers about the reverend doctor, which did not perfectly please him, and he therefore ordered his journeyman, whom he sent with the wig, not to deliver it without the money. "I have brought your wig, sir," said the barber, when ushered into the doctor's presence. "Very well," said his reverence, "put it down." "I can't, sir," replied the barber, "without the cash." The doctor, who was just then very low in the pocket, and anxious to possess the wig, said "Let me try whether it will fit me?"
This was so reasonable a request, that the barber readily consented, and the doctor had no sooner put it on his head, than he ordered the poor barber out of the room, giving him to understand that, since it was sold to him, it was now become his property.
At a party in Cambridge, where the merits of a certain belle happened to be discussed, two Cantabs, who had some knowledge of the lady, took opposite sides, and contended very warmly for each other's opinion; indeed, so high did the question run, that they became quite clamorous on the subject. Upon which, a lady of the party jocosely observed, "that she feared they would be obliged to end the affair by fighting a duel!" "In that case, madam," replied one of the Cantabs, "we should do ill!"
PRINCIPAL AND INTEREST.
It is related of the celebrated Burke, that he sent his son to St. John's College, Cambridge, to complete his studies; and, after the young gentleman had resided there some time, the bills were of course sent to him by the tutor, for payment. Burke suffered them to remain unpaid, nor did he take any notice of the circumstance. The tutor, at length, grown tired of waiting payment, wrote to request, that, if it was not convenient for Mr. Burke to pay the principal, he would pay the interest. To this reasonable request Burke laconically answered ;-" Sir, it is neither my principle to pay the interest, nor my interest to pay the principal."
When Paley was installed as sub-dean, in the Cathedral of Lincoln, 1795, he proceeded from thence to take his degree of D.D. in Cambridge. He preached his Concio ad Clerum in February, and on that occasion, as he was no poet, and little skilled in Latin prosody, he unfortunately pronounced the word profugus, profugus. This blunder of Paley's gave rise to the following epigram from one of the University wits :
"Italiam, fato profugus, lavinaque venit
Errat Virgilius forte profūgus erat.”
Who was of Jesus College, Cambridge, was once asked by a friend, why he did not publish his ser"They shall sleep,” answered the doctor, "till
ABSENCE OF MIND.
The effect of absence of mind is well exemplified in an incident which happened some time since to a well-known gentleman of Magdalen College, Cambridge. He had taken his watch from his pocket to mark the time he intended to boil an egg for his breakfast, when a friend, en