The Collegian and the Porter 21 ..... .. ...... ..... 106 The Retort 45 ......... The Post-Boy ................. .... 99 Treason............................................. ...... Utopia-a Satire in Imitation The Exception.............. 130 Very easy to write like a Fool 34 47 43 Way of using Books 10 White Teeth................ 33 11 You'll get there before I can 30 31 ......... 5 Facetiæ Cantabrigienses. UTOPIA. A Satire, in imitation of a Mathematical Examination Paper; said to be written by a Gentleman of Sidney Sussex College, A. D. 1816. 1.-FIND the actual value of 0, and from thence explain the general expression of a man sending a circular letter to his creditors. 2. Construct a craniometer on the principle of the hydrometer, pointing out the uses to which such an instrument will be applicable. 3. An orifice is cut reaching from the surface to the centre of the ; in what time will a cub of given magnitude descend with the velocity in a chase of a given number of miles? 4. Find the periodic time of the honey-moon, and determine, in general, when the horns are first apparent. 5. The successive ascents of wind in the stomach are in musical progression: required, a proof. 6. Where must an eye be placed to see distinctly the books missing from the University Library, the fountain of the Nile, and the author of these problems? B 7. Given that a man can stand twenty-four hours on two legs; show that the same man can stand twelve hours on one. 8.-Investigate an expression for the law of the centrifugal force of modern extempore discourses. 9.-To determine the least possible quantity of material out of which the modern dress of a fashionable female can be constructed. 10.-Prove all the roots of radical reform to be either irrational or impossible. 11. Given the three sides of a steel triangle immersed in sulphuric acid: required, a solution of the triangle. 12. Compare the eccentricities of Lord Stanhope, the comet of 1811, and Sir Frederick Flood? 13.-Reconcile Hoyle and Euclid, the latter of whom defines a point to be without magnitude, the former to equal five. 14-Sum your rental to N terms by the method of increments, your debts ad infinitum by the differential method. 15. Find practically the nature and length of a lunar caustic. 16.-Seven funipendulous bodies are suspended from different points in a common system at the Old Bailey: to find the centre of oscillation. 17.-Required to express the function of a sinecure. 18.-To compare the dimensions of the base of the Hottentot Venus, and that of the broad-bottomed administration. 18.-The curve is an old woman bent double very nearly; determine the point of contrary flexure, and find, if possible, the latus rectum. 20. Find the whole area of the wooden spoon, and compare that of the Holy Land with the area of that part of it generally called Clapham Common. 21.-Investigate the magnifying power of the eye of the Baron Munchausen, and show that any straight line placed before it will form a conic section, no other than the common hyperbola. 22.-Construct a theorem, by the assistance of which the periodic time of status pupillaris may be extended to any number of terms. 23. In the general equation (Algebra, Part Second), show that the probable reason why Wood invariably uses P and q, in preference to the other letters of the alphabet, may be deduced from the general expression, mind your P's and Q's. 24. Given a Berkshire pig, a Johnian pig, and a pig of lead; to find their respective densities. PORSON'S VISIT TO THE CONTINENT. Soon after the late Professor Porson returned from a visit to the Continent, at a party where he happened to be present, a gentleman solicited a sketch of his journey. Porson immediately gave the following extemporaneous one : "I went to Frankfort and got drunk I went to Worts and got more drunken |