P. S. I expect, Sir, that you will make immediate atonement for this injury, by paying me 3s. 6d. the price of the letter agreed upon between me and my employer. Second P. S. If the very great importance of the communication be confidered, you will find 3s. 6d. very moderate demand. STATE PAPERS. REAL OFFICIAL INTELLIGENCE. [From the Brah Prefs.] Secret Inftructions from General Le Clerc, Commander in Chief of St. Domingo, to Cit. Du Verrie, Chef de Brigade, upon his Miffion to Hifpaniola, to negotiate a subsidiary Treaty with the King of the Blood-hounds *. AT your first interview with Citizen De Growl, the Prime Minifter of his Canine Majefty, you muft declare, in the name of the First Conful, his great esteem for the whole Canine race; and that it is the fincere with of France to continue in peace with all the world. You are to hope that he will not furn tail upon you, or hark in with the English bull-dogs, the perfonal enemies of the First Conful; but that he will fcent and trace their defigns, and run them breaft high with a view hollow of all their atrocious machinations. You may prefent him with a few young negroes, of whom a fufficient fupply fhall be provided, for the ufe of his own table. It was thus that Eneas conciliated the Prime Minister Cerberus, and gained adimiffion into H-1 by a fop. Upon your introduction to, and first audience with, his Canine Majefty, prefent him with the high refpects and * See the secret inftructions of Talleyrand to Andreoffi on his arrival in England as Ambaffador from the French Republic.—REVOLUTIONARY PLUTARCH, art. Andreoffi. VOL. VIII. admiration admiration of the First Conful, for his great fagacity, extraordinary docility, and swiftnefs of foot, to which France and all Europe afcribe the peace, happiness, and civilization of Hifpaniola. Achilles, you may remind him, was called by way of fuperiority' the "Swift-footed.' This hint cannot fail to heighten the compliment. Endeavour to work yourself into the good graces of her Canine Majefty, who is a d-n'd intriguing b-ch, and therefore never refufe an invitation to court, or her private parties, and be a conftant attendant at her levees. Upon all these occafions ftudy to imprefs upon her Majefty's mind the harmony in manners, temper, and character, between her Majefty. and the celebrated ladies of the Confular Court; their paffion for intrigue, their promifcuous love, their contempt of marriage-ties, their difpofition to roving, their defire to appear in public juft with the covering that nature gave them, &c. This line of remark conftantly pursued, will lead you into the very receffes. of her heart, which is known to be the depofitary of, all his Majefty's ftate fecrets. Puppyifm is natural to a Frenchman; and you cannot exercife it too much on your prefent miffion. In the fociety of private citizens, always introduce fubjects of converfation that may flatter the national vanity of the Canine race. Extol the exploits of the Blood-hounds under Pizarro. Extol the part they acted at the fiege of Troy, as appears from the paffage in Homer, where he fays, The plague firft attacked the quarters of the dogs in the Grecian camp.' Hector, Cæfar, Pompey, &c. were all, as appears by their names, the ancestors of the prefent race of the Blood-hounds. Although the citizens may at firft grumble and growl a little, you cannot fail thus to become a general favourite. "Upon declaring the object of your miffion to his Canine Majefly, fhould you find him inclined to accede to the propofal of a fubfidiary treaty, for the 5 purpose purpose of promoting the caufe of liberty and equality, and the hunting of Negroes in St. Domingo, prefs immediately for its execution. As to the terms and conditions, fign any that are required of you; the performance you may leave to the honour and integrity of the French Government. This point once gained, take an opportunity of introducing to his Canine Majefty the war with England, and the great advantage the world would derive from a fuccefsful landing of an army of Blood-hounds in that devoted country. His Majefty, aware, perhaps, that the race of Jacobins and Bull-dogs is nearly extinct in England, will probably urge the impolicy of invading a country without a profpect of allies in it, and particularly the hoftile oppofition of Mr. Dent; but then you may quote a few paffages from the debates upon the Bull-baiting Bill in the English Houfe of Commons, and perfuade him that Mr. Windham may be eafily gained over to the fide of his Canine Majefty. As a further inducement to embark in the caufe, you may promife that the Ifle of Dogs, his Majefty's paternal inheritance near London, which England has unjustly seized, and in her ambition and tyranny converted into a wet dock, for the deftruction of the infant offspring of the Canine race, fhall be restored to his Majefty in full fovereignty. Promife that all the days in the year fhall be dog-days, and a new French calendar fhall be made to that effect. Promise, alfo, that every Blood-hound intermarrying with a French citizen, fhall be entitled, as alfo the children of fuch marriage, to all the rights of citizenship in France; and that provifion accordingly fhall be made in the civil code now digefting by the Confular Government. Remind him, alfo, that his Majesty is the natural enemy of the British monarchy, and the natural ally of republican government; in proof of which you may repeat the anecdote, which fays, Honour. The children of Don Towlero and Don Howlero, two brave Canine Captains, who fell in attempting to quell the mutiny, I trust you will recommend to the Firft Conful to fill places in the Prytancum, or one of the primary fchools. I have ordered the body of Don Towlero to be flayed, and the skin to be ftuffed and fent home for the Mufeum Napoleon. "Hereto is fubjoined, a lift of killed, wounded, and miffing, of the Canine fubfidiaries. "Killed-1 Lieutenant, 2 Sergeant, 9 Rank and File. "Wounded-3 Lieutenants in the ears and toes -17 Rank and File flightly. "Miffing+49 ears, 18 tails. 40 "I have the honour to falute you, " VATTEVILLE.” [Here follow the Proclamation and General Orders of the Commander in Chief of the Canine Subfidiaries to his troops upon their landing in St. Domingo an armistice entered into between him and the black General Chriftophe upon the 8th Germinal, year 115 and several official letters and dispatches.] TO THE PUBLIC. -The above official articles were fent in a packet to our office, and they appeared evidently of Frencht manufacture. A note accompanied them in a difguifed hand. We therefore do not know who fent it; but we have no doubt, as it was marked in tar upon the back," a fhip letter," that it came from a French port, and was brought over by fome neutral" veffel, and thence communicated through the medium of the Poft-office. We pledge ourfelves that the original is in the hands of the printer. IF RECIPE HOW TO BADGER A MINISTER. F he form alliances, or fend out expeditions, you may talk of our blood and treasure being loosely, wantonly, and prodigally wafted, while poor Old England is left naked and defencelefs. If, on the contrary, when the danger is at our doors, he calinly and firmly waits in a defenfive attitude, ufing every means to concentrate the national force, and to direct it as occafion requires to the neceffary point, then you must change your battery, and abuse him for not fending out expeditions to diftrefs the enemy by depriving him of pepper to his foup, and of coffee for his afternoon repaft.-Probatum eft. PARODY ON A WELL-KNOWN ENGLISH SONG. AD SODALEM NOBILISSIMUM PRÆSAGEM, AB EXCURSIONE NAVALI REVERTENTEM. WELCOME, welcome, brother Croaker! To this debt-demolish'd ifle! Sons of Freedom's fond adoption, F 4 Like |