feldom at a loss for an object of attack, or in making free quarters wherever we move. Men unacquainted with the political darings of this great town, may wonder why his Majelty's prefent Administration should be loaded with more personal abuse than their predeceffors in office. They naturally enough conclude, that, as Meffrs. Addington and Co. are effecting more in the conftitutional defence of the country, their merits ought gratefully to be estimated by their public fervices. But the very reverfe of this propofition forms, at this enlightened moment, the regulating principle; and therefore, in proportion as the King's Minifters are increafing in the moral eftimation of the people, we find a political neceffity for multiplying our arts to affail them. The fervice of state-vilifying, that is, of defaming every honourable member of the King's Government, though it now comprehends a numerous corps of artificers, is an occupation that requires the fmalleft portion of Stock, of all others, except in that ordinary commodity of fheer impudence, with which nature, now-a-days, fo liberally fupplies mankind: and as to tools, thefe we always trust to making with great facility as we go along. Hence it is that you fee fo many abufe-fhops fo rapidly opened against the good government of the country, under any Oppofition, or Ex-Miniftry, that choose to fet them up. The main attention of a state-vilifier is directed to a confcientious difregard of truth; fo that by no cross-grained accident he may be betrayed into any affertion, that by poffibility may bear the femblance of a fact. This being properly understood, our duty becomes fimplified, and is most pleasantly discharged against the higher powers, in a manner which I fhall hereafter explain. I SHALL not deny, but that the old arts of affailing his Majesty's Servants require at this moment fome auxiliary aid. The prefent band of courtiers have fkulkingly contrived fo to intrench themfelves in the public opinion, under a general notion of their being a corps of "honeft, well-intending" men, that fome new plan for diflodging them must be devised, or the country, as far as it refpects our interefts in it, is inevitably undone! To be plain, Sir, all of us statevilifiers, whether attached to the Old Oppofition, or the Ex-Miniftry, must be formed into a fingle brigade, before we can think of turning the well-fed flanks of the common enemy, or charging them in front with any profpect of fuccefs! It is a worse than wafteful expenditure of ammunition to continue popping at them feparately, and at random, as we have long done; for, though most of us are sharp-shooters, our fire generally annoys each other, far more than the foe we are fo anxious to deftroy. It is, however, at length underflood, that we are, if poffible, to act in concert together at the opening of the next parliamentary campaign; and, therefore, I am deputed to prepare as much ammunition as poffible for the confederate fervice. I have laid in great ftores of combustibles, which will be formed into fecret ambufcades, infernal machines, &c. In the mean while, as it may be neceffary to create a diverfion by the ufual vollies of inflammatory epithets, to be difcharged against the enemy, I have fubjoined a few rounds that are full Tower-proof, and cannot fail to effect confiderable annoyance. The monofyllable cartridges may be used in hand grenades; the bi and tri fyllable ones are better adapted for the calibre of nine and fix pounders, pro vided they are of brafs ordnance. This fpecies of bombardment, though it may not effect the immediate overthrow of the Minifter, cannot fail to make fome impreffion on the alarmist at leaft, who, even from thefe crackers, will be led to conclude that there cannot be fo much fmoke without fome fire! RETURN of INFLAMMATORY EPITHETS for For Hand-grenades. For Six-pounders. For Nine-pounders. Tame! Timid! Pitiful! Pert! Senfeless! Arrogant! Prim! Sniv'ling! Ruinous! Dull! Trimming! Miferable! Vain-glorious! Weak! Wretched! Rapacious! Illiberal! Proud! Sordid! Ill-omen'd! Seven Dials, No. 3. HAVE received what, in my own country, is called a leeberal education; and being well verfed in the English language, my family were of opinion that I was very likely to make a fortune by literature. 'I therefore came up to London, with ftrong recommendations to divers bookfellers, and have tried my hand at fuch fubjects as I was most verfant in. I cannot fay I have quite fucceeded to the expectations of my family; but there is one line in which I am almoft fure I could cut a figure, having ftudied politics in the famous Scotch Convention in 1792, and afterwards in a fecret divifion of the Correfponding Society. I allude, Sir, to that of writing leading paragraphs for newfpapers. I have applied to the proprietors of the principal oppofition papers; but I understand they are fo well fupplied from the difcarded United Irishmen, and fome of my own countrymen, that there is no vacancy at prefent. However, I have not the least objection to fupport the prefent Ministry, and I am willing to ferve you upon very reasonable terms. I enclofe you a fpecimen of my talents in this line. It was intended for one of the oppofition papers above mentioned; but not having time to prepare a new one in your own way, I was determined to fubmit it to your inspection. You fee it is in fuch general terms, that he farcafins will fuit any Ministry, or indeed any men whatever; and even with a few alterations, fuch as reading for Administration, Oppoftion, and instead of in place, out of place, &c. I could even adapt it to Lord Ge or Mr. D-s, alias Lord Me, or any one you please. I have ftudied very deligently the most famous writers at prefent in this department of literature, and I think I have hit their ftyle to a T. If you choose to print it as a fpecimen, I hope you will have it leaded, that we may fairly fee how it looks. I am, Sir, Your very humble fervant, at command, ARCHY MAC-DOO-ALL. LEADING ARTICLE FOR A CAPITAL OPPOSITION PAPER. THE troubles in the diftant provinces of the Turkish empire feem to increafe; no lefs than two Pachas of three three tails have been beheaded on fufpicion of being connected with the infurgents. But we are not at all surprised at this: while we have Mr. Addington for a Minifter, we fhall not wonder at any thing that is done. in Turkey, in Perfia, or even in Thibet itfelf. The British authority cannot be respected while we have fuch drivellers at the helm. They are reprefented as honeft, well-meaning men, as if we wanted either honeft or well-meaning men at the head of affairs! We could easily prove, on the contrary, that honest and well-meaning men must be fools.-What has honefty to do with placemen? It is the bufinefs of a Minister to make all he can, and to provide well for all the dependants of his party. With fuch men as the prefent, Britain can never be refpected.-Lord Chatham would have cut off his right hand before he would have fuffered a paltry Pacha of three tails to have caufed difturbance in the Ottoman empire, that old and faithful ally of Great Britain. But the hirelings of Minifters ftill tell us, they are "men of integrity and honour, well-intentioned men:" we fuppofe they mean by this, that they are men who pay their debts.-Who ever heard of ftatesmen and politicians paying their debts? But this it comes to, when all the great talents of the country are excluded from the adminiftration. If Mr. and Lord &c. &c. had been in office, we fhould have had no fuch paltry doings as this; but the diminutive details of the fhopkeeper. are, alas introduced into the great departments of the ftate; and thefe nincompoops expect the fame credit for honour and integrity in public life, as would be claimed by a petty trader on the Exchange! and The fame hireling mifcreants tell us, "the country is faved," "the plans of the enemy are difconcerted," and why, truly? Truly because these blockheads have not been afraid to truft the people of |