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could wholly exclude the regard of fortune in their importunate with me to make an example of the
conversations. Horace, in the discourse from coquette, as I have already done of the beau. It
whence I take the hint of the present speculation, is therefore in compliance with the request of
lays down excellent rules for conduct in conversa- friends, that I have looked over the minutes of my
tion with men of power; but he speaks with an former dream, in order to give the public an exact
air of one who had no need of such an application relation of it, which I shall enter upon without
for any thing which related to himself. It shows further preface.

he understood what it was to be a skilful courtier, Our operator, before he engaged in this visionary
by just admonitions against importunity, and show-dissection, told us, that there was nothing in his art
ing how forcible it was to speak modestly of your more difficult than to lay open the heart of a co-
own wants. There is, indeed, something so shame-quette, by reason of the many labyrinths and re-
less in taking all opportunities to speak of your cesses which are to be found in it, and which do not
own affairs, that he who is guilty of it towards appear in the heart of any other animal.
him on whom he depends, fares like the beggar
who exposes his sores, which, instead of moving
compassion, makes the man he begs of turn away
from the object.

He desired us first of all, to observe the pericardium, or outward case of the heart, which we did very attentively; and by the help of our glasses, discerned in it millions of little scars, which seemI cannot tell what is become of him, but I re-ed to have been occasioned by the points of innut to his member about sixteen years ago, an honest fellow, merable darts and arrows, that from time to time credit is res who so justly understood how disagreeable the men- had glanced upon the outward coat; though we merit imation or appearance of his want would make him, could not discover the smallest orifice, by which that I have often reflected upon him as a counter- any of them had entered and pierced the inward part of Irus, whom I have formerly mentioned.* substance. This man, whom I have missed for some years in Every smatterer in anatomy knows that this pemy walks, and have heard was some way employed ricardium, or case of the heart, contains in it a thin about the army, made it a maxim, that good wigs, reddish liquor, supposed to be bred from the vadelicate linen, and a cheerful air, were, to a poor pours which exhale out of the heart, and, being dependant, the same that working tools are to a stopped here, are condensed into this watery subpoor artificer. It was no small entertainment to stance. Upon examining this liquor, we found that me, who knew his circumstances, to see him, who it had in it all the qualities of that spirit which is had fasted two days, attribute the thinness they told made use of in the thermometer, to show the change him of, to the violence of some gallantries he had of weather. lately been guilty of. The skilful dissembler car- Nor must I here omit an experiment one of the ried on this with the utmost address; and if any company assured us he himself had made with this suspected his affairs were narrow, it was attributed liquor, which he found in great quantity about the to indulging himself in some fashionable vice ra- heart of a coquette whom he had formerly dissectther than an irreproachable poverty, which saved ed. He affirmed to us, that he had actually inclosed his credit with those on whom he depended. it in a small tube made after the manner of a weaThe main art is to be as little troublesome as you ther-glass; but that instead of acquainting him with can, and make all you hope for come rather as a the variations of the atmosphere, it showed him the favour from your patron than claim from you. But qualities of those persons who entered the room I am here prating of what is the method of pleas where it stood. He affirmed also, that it rose at ing so as to succeed in the world, when there are the approach of a plume of feathers, an embroi crowds who have, in city, town, court, and coun-dered coat, or a pair of fringed gloves; and that try, arrived to considerable acquisitions, and yet it fell as soon as an ill-shaped periwig, a clumsy seem incapable of acting in any constant tenor of pair of shoes, or an unfashionable coat came into life, but have gone on from one successful error to his house. Nay, he proceeded so far as to assure another: therefore, I think I may shorten this in-us, that upon his laughing aloud when he stood by quiry after the method of pleasing; and as the old it, the liquor mounted very sensibly, and immedibeau said to his son, once for all, Pray, Jack, be ately sunk again upon his looking serious. In short, a fine gentleman;' so may I, to my reader, abridge he told us, that he knew very well by this invenmy instructions, and finish the art of pleasing in a tion, whenever he had a man of sense or a coxword, Be rich.' comb in his room.


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Having cleared away the pericardium, or the case, and liquor above-mentioned, we came to the heart itself. The outward surface of it was extremely slippery, and the mucro, or point, so very cold withal, that upon endeavouring to take hold of it, it glided through the fingers like a smooth piece of ice.

Pectoribus inhians spirantia consulit_exta. The fibres were turned and twisted in a more Anxious the reeking entrails he consults. intricate and perplexed manner than they are usuHAVING already given an account of the dissection ally found in other hearts; insomuch that the whole of a beau's head, with the several discoveries heart was wound up together in a Gordian knot, made on that occasion;t I shall here, according to and must have had very irregular and unequal momy promise, enter upon the dissection of a co-tions, while it was employed in its vital function. quette's heart, and communicate to the public such One thing we thought very observable, namely, particularities as we observed in that curious piece that upon examining all the vessels which came into it, or issued out of it, we could not discover any communication that it had with the tongue.

of anatomy.

I should perhaps have waved this undertaking, had not I been put in mind of my promise by several of my unknown correspondents, who are very

* No. 264. See also No. 360.

+ See No. 275.

We could not but take notice, likewise, that several of those little nerves in the heart which are affected by the sentiments of love, hatred, and other passions, did not descend to this before us

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from the brain, but from the muscles which lie ter for their own sorrow and disappointment. That about the eye. which produces the greatest part of the delusions Upon weighing the heart in my hand, I found it of mankind, is a false hope which people indulge to be extremely light, and consequently very hol-with so sanguine a flattery to themselves, that their low, which I did not wonder at, when, upon look- hearts are bent upon fantastical advantages which ing into the inside of it, I saw multitudes of cells they have no reason to believe should ever have and cavities running one within another, as our his-arrived to them. By this unjust measure of calcutorians describe the apartments of Rosamond's lating their happiness, they often mourn with real bower. Several of these little hollows were stuffed affliction for imaginary losses. When I am talking with innumerable sorts of trifles, which I shall for- of this unhappy way of accounting for ourselves, bear giving any particular account of, and shall cannot but reflect upon a particular set of people, therefore only take notice of what lay first and who, in their own favour, resolve every thing that uppermost, which upon our unfolding it, and ap- is possible into what is probable, and then reckon plying our microscopes to it, appeared to be a on that probability as on what must certainly hap flame-coloured hood. pen. Will Honeycomb, upon my observing his We were informed that the lady of this heart looking on a lady with some particular attention, when living, received the addresses of several who gave me an account of the great distresses which made love to her, and did not only give each of had laid waste that her very fine face, and bad them encouragement, but made every one she con-given an air of melancholy to a very agreeable versed with believe that she regarded him with an person. That lady, and a couple of sisters of eye of kindness; for which reason we expected to hers, were,' said Will, fourteen years ago, the have seen the impression of multitudes of faces greatest fortunes about town; but without having among the several plaits and foldings of the heart; any loss, by bad tenants, by bad securities, or any but to our great surprise, not a single print of this damage by sea or land, are reduced to very nar nature discovered itself until we came into the row circumstances. They were at that time the very core and centre of it. We there observed a most inaccessible haughty beauties in town; and little figure, which, upon our applying our glasses to their pretensions to take upon them at that unmer it, appeared dressed in a very fantastic manner. The ciful rate, were raised upon the following scheme, more I looked upon it, the more I thought I had according to which all their lovers were an seen the face before, but could not possibly recol-swered.

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lect either the place or time; when, at length, one 'Our father is a youngish man, but then our mo of the company, who had examined this figure ther is somewhat older, and not likely to have any more nicely than the rest, showed us plainly by children: his estate being 8007. per annum, at the make of its face, and the several turns of its twenty years purchase, is worth 16,000l. Our un features, that the little idol which was thus lodged cle, who is above fifty, has 4001. per annum, which, in the very middle of the heart, was the deceased at the aforesaid rate, is 8,000. There is a widow beau, whose head I gave some account of in my aunt, who has 10,000l. at her own disposal, left by last Tuesday's paper.*

As soon as we had finished our dissection, we resolved to make an experiment of the heart, not being able to determine among ourselves the nature of its substance, which differed in so many particulars from that of the heart in other females. Accordingly we laid it in a pan of burning coals, when we observed in it a certain salamandrine quality, that made it capable of living in the midst of fire and flame, without being consumed, or so much as singed.

her husband, and an old maiden aunt, who has 6,000l. Then our father's mother has 900 per annum, which is worth 18,000l. and 1,000%. each of us has of our own, which cannot be taken from us. These summed up together, stand thus:

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Uncle's.......400............ 8,000
...... 16,000
Grandmother.900.... 18,000
Own 1,000 each..... 3,000


This equally divided be tween us three amounts to 20,000%. each: an allowance being given for enlarge ment upon common fame, we may lawfully pass for 30,000l. fortunes."

As we were admiring this strange phænomenon, and standing round the heart in a circle, it gave a most prodigious sigh, or rather crack, and dispersed In prospect of this, and the knowledge of their all at once in smoke and vapour. This imaginary own personal merit, every one was contemptible noise, which methought was louder than the burst in their eyes, and they refused those offers which of a cannon, produced such a violent shake in my had been frequently made them. But mark the brain, that it dissipated the fumes of sleep, and end. The mother dies, the father is married again left me in an instant broad awake.

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and has a son; on him was entailed the father's, uncle's, and grandmother's estate. This cut off 42,000l. The maiden aunt married a tall Irishman, and with her went the 6,0001. The widow died, and left but enough to pay her debts and

No 282. WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 23, 1711-12. bury her; so that there remained for these three

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girls but their own 1,0007. They had by this time passed their prime, and got on the wrong side of thirty; and must pass the remainder of their days, upbraiding mankind that they mind nothing but money, and bewailing that virtue, sense, and mo desty, are had at present in no manner of esti mation.

I mention this case of ladies before any other, because it is the most irreparable; for though youth is the time least capable of reflection, it is in that sex the only season in which they can advance their fortunes. But if we turn our thoughts to the men, we see such crowds of unhappy, from no

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PERS. Prolog. ver. 10.

other reason, but an ill-grounded hope, that it is
hard to say which they rather deserve, our pity, or
contempt. It is not unpleasant to see a fellow, No 283. THURSDAY, JANUARY 24, 1711-12.
after growing old in attendance, and after having
passed half a life in servitude, call himself the
unhappiest of all men, and pretend to be disap-
pointed, because a courtier broke his word. He
that promises himself any thing but what may
naturally arise from his own property or labour,
and goes beyond the desire of possessing above
two parts in three even of that, lays up for him-
self an increasing heap of afflictions and disap; could not agree whether they should admit riches
LUCIAN rallies the philosophers in his time, who
pointments. There are but two means in the world
of gaining by other men, and these are by being the severer sects threw them quite out, while
into the number of real goods; the professors of
either agreeable or considerable. The generality others as resolutely inserted them.
of mankind do all things for their own sakes; and

Necessity is the mother of invention.


when you hope any thing from persons above you, polite, the rigid doctrines of the first were wholly
I am apt to believe, that as the world grew more
if you cannot say, 'I can be thus agreeable, or discarded; and I do not find any one so hardy at
thus serviceable,' it is ridiculous to pretend to the
dignity of being unfortunate when they leave you; tages in the enjoyment of a plentiful fortune. In-
present as to deny that there are very great advan-
you were injudicious in hoping for any other than deed the best and wisest of men, though they may
to be neglected for such as can come within these possibly despise a good part of those things which
descriptions of being capable to please, or serve the world calls pleasure, can, I think, hardly be
your patron, when his humour or interests call for insensible of that weight and dignity which a mo-
their capacity either way.
derate share of wealth adds to their characters,
counsels, and actions.

It would not, methinks, be a useless comparison between the condition of a man who shuns all the pleasures of life, and of one who makes it his bu- and trades, that the richest members of them are We find it is a general complaint in professions The followingsiness to pursue them. Hope in the recluse makes chiefly encouraged, and this is falsely imputed to his austerities comfortable, while the luxurious man the ill-nature of mankind, who are ever bestowing gains nothing but uneasiness from his enjoyments. their favours on such as least want them. WhereWhat is the difference in the happiness of him who is macerated by abstinence, and his who is suras if we fairly consider their proceedings in this feited with excess? He who resigns the world has case, we shall find them founded on undoubted no temptation to envy, hatred, malice, anger, but reason: since supposing both equal in their natural is in constant possession of a serene mind: he who foul play from an indigent person, rather than from integrity, I ought, in common prudence, to fear Theres follows the pleasures of it, which are in their very one whose circumstances seem to have placed him wn dispa nature disappointing, is in constant search of care, above the bare temptation of money. den a solicitude, remorse, and confusion.

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Jan. the 14, 1712.

This reason also makes the commonwealth regard her richest subjects, as those who are most conI Am a young woman and have my fortune to fittest to be intrusted with her highest employcerned for her quiet and interest, and consequently make, for which reason I come constantly to church ments. On the contrary, Catiline's saying to those to hear divine service, and make conquests; but men of desperate fortunes, who applied themselves one great hindrance in this my design is, that our to him, and of whom he afterwards composed his clerk, who was once a gardener, has this Christ

The first and most infallible method towards the

mas so over-decked the church with greens, that army, that they had nothing to hope for but from he has quite spoilt my prospect; insomuch that I sions he desired. a civil war, was too true not to make the impreshave scarce seen the young baronet I dress at| these three weeks, though we have both been said in praise of money, will be more than suffiI believe I need not fear but that what I have very constant at our devotions, and do not sit cient with most of my readers to excuse the subnose above three pews off. The church, as it is now [ject of my present paper, which I intend as an esequipped, looks more like a green-house than a hose place of worship. The middle aisle is a very pretty art of gowing rich. say on the ways to raise a man's fortune, or the shady walk, and the pews look like so many arbours son each side of it. The pulpit itself has such clusters of ivy, holly, and rosemary about it, that a light fel-attaining of this end is thrift. All men are not The low in our pew took occasion to say, that the conequally qualified for getting money, but it is in the gregation heard the word out of a bush, like Moses. Power of every one alike to practise this virtue, Sir Anthony Love's pew in particular is so well they please to reflect on their past lives, will not and I believe there are very few persons, who if hedged, that all my batteries have no effect. I am find that had they saved all those little sums which obliged to shoot at random among the boughs, they have spent unnecessarily, they might at prewithout taking any manner of aim. Mr. Spectator, sent have been masters of a competent fortune. unless you will give orders for removing these greens, I shall grow a very awkward creature at Diligence justly claims the next place to thrift; church, and soon have little else to do there but I find both these excellently well recommended to to say my prayers. I am in haste, common use in the three following Italian proverbs :


'Dear SIR,
'Your most obedient servant,


Never do that by proxy which you can do yourself.
Never defer that till to-morrow which you can do to-day.
Never neglect small matters and expenses.

A third instrument of growing rich is method
in business, which as well as the two former, is also
attainable by persons of the meanest capacities.

The famous De Witt, one of the greatest states- | of brick-dust, and having disposed of it into seve men of the age in which he lived, being asked by ral papers, writ upon one, Poison for monsieur;' a friend, how he was able to despatch that multitude upon a second, Poison for the dauphin;' and on of affairs in which he was engaged? replied, that a third, Poison for the king.' Having made this his whole art consisted in doing one thing at once. provision for the royal family of France, he laid "If,' says he, 'I have any necessary despatches to his papers so that his landlord, who was an inqui make, I think of nothing else until those are fi-sitive man, and a good subject, might get a sight nished; if any domestic affairs require my atten- of them.

are set in order.'

tion, I give myself up wholly to them until they The plot succeeded as he desired. The host gave immediate intelligence to the secretary of state.

In short, we often see men of dull and phlegma- The secretary presently sent down a special mes tic tempers arriving to great estates, by making a senger, who brought up the traitor to court, and regular and orderly disposition of their business, provided him, at the king's expense, with proper and that without it the greatest parts and most accommodations on the road. As soon as he ap lively imaginations rather puzzle their affairs, than bring them to a happy issue.

peared, he was known to be the celebrated Rabe. lais, and his powder upon examination being found From what has been said, I think I may lay it very innocent, the jest was only laughed at; for down as a maxim, that every man of good common which a less eminent droll would have been sent sense may, if he pleases, in his particular station to the galleys. of life, most certainly be rich. The reason why Trade and commerce might doubtless be still we sometimes see that men of the greatest capa- varied a thousand ways, out of which would arise cities are not so, is either because they despise such branches as have not yet been touched. The wealth in comparison of something else; or at famous Doily is still fresh in every one's memory, least are not content to be getting an estate, un-who raised a fortune by finding out materials for less they may do it in their own way, and at the such stuffs as might at once be cheap and genteel. same time enjoy all the pleasures and gratifications I have heard it affirmed, that bad not he discovered this frugal method of gratifying our pride, we But besides these ordinary forms of growing should hardly have been able to carry on the last rich, it must be allowed that there is room for ge- war. nius as well in this, as in all other circumstances of life.

of life.


I regard trade not only as highly advantageous to the commonwealth in general, but as the most Though the ways of getting money were long natural and likely method of making a man's forsince very numerous, and though so many new ones tune; having observed, since my being a Spectato: have been found out of late years, there is cer- in the world, greater estates got about 'Change, tainly still remaining so large a field for invention, than at Whitehall or St. James's. I believe I may that a man of an indifferent head might easily sit also add, that the first acquisitions are generally down and draw up such a plan for the conduct attended with more satisfaction, and as good a and support of his life, as was never yet once conscience. thought of. I must not, however, close this without We daily see methods put in practice by hungry observing, that what has been said is only intended and ingenious men, which demonstrate the power for persons in the common ways of thriving, and of invention in this particular. is not designed for those men who from low beginIt is reported of Scaramouch, the first famous nings push themselves up to the top of states, and Italian comedian, that being at Paris and in great the most considerable figures in life. My maxim want, he bethought himself of constantly plying of saving is not designed for such as these, since near the door of a noted perfumer in that city, and nothing is more usual than for thrift to disappoint when any one came out who had been buying the ends of ambition; it being almost impossible snuff, never failed to desire a taste of them: when that the mind should be intent upon trifles, while he had by this means got together a quantity made it is at the same time forming some great design. up of several different sorts he sold it again at a I may therefore compare these men to a great lower rate to the same perfumer, who finding out poet, who, as Longinus says, while he is full t the trick, called it Tabac de mille fleurs, or the most magnificent ideas, is not always at leisure Snuff of a thousand flowers.' The story further to mind the little beauties and niceties of his art tells us, that by this means he got a very comfort- I would, however, have all my readers take able subsistence, until making too much haste to great care how they mistake themselves for uncom grow rich, he one day took such an unreasonable mon geniuses, and men above rule, since it is very pinch out of the box of a Swiss officer, as engaged easy for them to be deceived in this particular, him in a quarrel, and obliged him to quit this ingenious way of life.


No 284. FRIDAY, JANUARY 25, 1711-12.

Posthabui tamen illorum mea seria ludo.

VIRG. Eel, vii. ver. 17. Their mirth to share I bid my business wait.


Nor can I in this place omit doing justice to a youth of my own country, who, though he is scarce. yet twelve years old, has with great industry and application attained to the art of beating the grenadiers march on his chin. I am credibly informed that by this means he does not only maintain himself and his mother, but that he is laying up money every day, with a design, if the war continues, to purchase a drum at least, if not a pair of Ax unaffected behaviour is without question aver great charm; but under the notion of being I shall conclude these instances with the device strained and disengaged, people take upon of the famous Rabelais, when he was at a great to be unconcerned in any duty of life. A genera distance from Paris, and without money to bear negligence is what they assume upon all occasions, thus sharp set, got together a sufficient quantity [ness and attention. I am the carelessest creature his expenses thither. This ingenious author being and set up for an aversion to all manner of bus




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isposed of it, in the world, I have certainly the worst memory municate the contents of this to no one living; but of any man living,' are frequent expressions in the believe me to be, with the greatest fidelity, mouth of a pretender of this sort. It is a proHagefessed maxim with these people never to think; there is something so solemn in reflection, they, forsooth, can never give themselves time for such a way of employing themselves. It happens often that this sort of man is heavy enough in his nature to be a good proficient in such matters as are at-I HATE Writing, of all things in the world; howthe secretaritainable by industry; but, alas! he has such an ever, though I have drank the waters, and am told ardent desire to be what he is not, to be too vola-I ought not to use my eyes so much, I cannot fortile, to have the faults of a person of spirit, that bear writing to you, to tell you I have been to the he professes himself the most unfit man living for last degree hipped since I saw you. How could any manner of application. When this humour you entertain such a thought, as that I should hear enters into the head of a female, she generally of that silly fellow with patience? Take my word professes sickness upon all occasions, and acts all for it, there is nothing in it; and you may believe things with an indisposed air. She is offended, but it when so lazy a creature as I am undergo the only laugher her mind is too lazy to raise her to anger, therefore pains to assure you of it, by taking pen, ink, and would have bee she lives only as actuated by a violent spleen, and paper in my hand. Forgive this; you know I shall ht doube gentle scorn. She has hardly curiosity to listen to not often offend in this kind. I am very much scandal of her acquaintance, and has never attention enough to hear them commended. This affectation in both sexes makes them vain of being useless, and take a certain pride in their insignifi

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"The fellow is of your country; pr'ythee send Opposite to this folly is another no less unrea-me word, however, whether he has so great an sonable, and that is, the impertinence of being al-estate.' ways in a hurry.' There are those who visit ladies,

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their chairs, that they just called in, but are obliged I AM clerk of the parish from whence Mrs. Simto attend business of importance elsewhere the per sends her complaint, in your Spectator of Wedvery next moment. Thus they run from place nesday last. I must beg of you to publish this to place, professing that they are obliged to as a public admonition to the aforesaid Mrs. Simbe still in another company than that which per, otherwise all my honest care in the disposition they are in. These persons who are just a going of the greens in the church will have no effect: I somewhere else should never be detained; let all shall therefore, with your leave, lay before you the world allow that business is to be minded, and the whole matter. I was formerly, as she charges their affairs will be at an end. Their vanity is to me, for several years a gardener in the county of be importuned, and compliance with their multi- Kent: but I must absolutely deny that it is out of plicity of affairs would effectually despatch them. any affection I retain for my old employment that The travelling ladies, who have half the town to I have placed my greens so liberally about the see in an afternoon, may be pardoned for being church, but out of a particular spleen I conceived in constant hurry; but it is inexcusable in men to against Mrs. Simper (and others of the same sistercome where they have no business, to profess they hood) some time ago. As to herself, I had one day absent themselves where they have. It has been set the hundredth Psalm, and was singing the first remarked by some nice observers and critics, that line, in order to put the congregation into the tune; there is nothing discovers the true temper of a she was all the while curtsying to Sir Anthony, in person so much as his letters. I have by me two so affected and indecent a manner, that the indigepistles, which are written by two people of the nation I conceived at it made me forget myself so different humours above-mentioned. It is wonder-far, as from the tune of that psalm to wander into ful that a man cannot observe upon himself when Southwell tune, and from thence into Windsor he sits down to write, but that he will gravely tune, still unable to recover myself, until I had commit himself to paper the same man that he is with the utmost confusion set a new one. Nay, I in the freedom of conversation. I have hardly have often seen her rise up and smile, and curtsy seen a line from any of these gentlemen, but spoke to one at the lower end of the church in the midst them as absent from what they were doing, as they of a Gloria Patri; and when I have spoken the asprofess they are when they come into company. sent to a prayer with a long Amen, uttered with For the folly is, that they have persuaded them- decent gravity, she has been rolling her eyes around selves they really are busy. Thus their whole about in such a manner, as plainly showed, howtime is spent in suspense of the present moment ever she was moved, it was not towards an heavento the next, and then from the next to the succeed-ly object. In fine, she extended her conquests so ing, which, to the end of life, is to pass away with far over the males, and raised such envy in the fepretence to many things, and execution of no- males, that what between love of those, and the thing.

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jealousy of these, I was almost the only person that looked in a prayer-book all church-time. I had several projects in my head to put a stop to this THE post is just going out, and I have many other growing mischief; but as I have long lived in Kent, letters of very great importance to write this even- and there often heard how the Kentish men evaded ing, but I could not omit making my compliments the Conqueror, by carrying green boughs over to you for your civilities to me when I was last in their heads, it put me in mind of practising this town. It is my misfortune to be so full of busi-device against Mrs. Simper. I find I have preness, that I cannot tell you a thousand things which served many a young man from her eye-shot by I have to say to you. I must desire you to com

See the last letter in No. £32.

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