2. The Lord in mercy provided me comrades, that were tender of me, and took care of me. He fed me, and led me, though "I knew him not." 3. So far was I from being thankful, that my proud heart fretted, that I was kept from those things others followed. I would have been at rejoicing in my strength; and vexed I was, that I had an occasion of glorying cut off. And I was not thankful, either for the Lord's cutting off by this means many occasions of sin; nor for his mercy in providing persons to take care of me. O what reason have I to say, "The Lord is good to the unthankful and evil!"

CHAPTER IV.

An Account of the Progress of the Lord's Work, the Straits I was reduced to, and the Courses I took for Relief, from May, 1693, when I left Edinburgh, till I went to the family of Wemyss, August 1696.

THE air agreeing neither with my mother nor me, she was advised, and at length resolved, to leave Edinburgh, and go to St. Andrews, a place more wholesome, and more convenient for my education, to which she always had a special regard. Here I cannot but observe, the remarkable kindness of the Lord, in guiding me, though I then took no notice of it: "I am the Lord, and there is none else, there is no God beside me: I girded thee, though

thou hast not known me." 1. At a time when my heart inclined me most to folly, and by my entering into the college, I was exposed to many temptations to it, the Lord seasonably laid his hand on me, and visited me with trouble, that was a mean to restrain me, and keep me from contracting any intimacy with those whose converse might have proved prejudicial to me, and to engage me to choose sober comrades: "Thou shalt also consider in thine heart, that as a man chasteneth his son, so the Lord thy God chasteneth thee." Again, 2. This indisposition, during the first two months of my stay at the college, being only in my joints, did not hinder, but further my studies; and the Lord provided one, who, though a stranger, and under no special obligations, yet attended me as close as if he had been my servant, and was as tender of me as if he had been my brother. During this time, I made a greater proficiency in the Latin tongue than ever I had formerly done; the regent I was under being very skilful in teaching it, and attending very carefully. About this time he fell ill, and was not capable to attend; and I fell ill, and was thereby obliged to remove to St. Andrews, which was much to my advantage. For I came under the care of Mr. Thomas Taylor, a man very capable, and very careful of, and kind to me. And the class I left was broke up, the regent continuing indisposed that year, and falling next year into a frenzy. Thus the Lord chased me from place to place for my good, and every where provided me friends: "He found him in a desert land, and in the waste and howling wilderness he led him about and instructed him; he

kept him as the apple of his eye." But God's kindness in guiding me to places for my good, and keeping me from inconveniences, snares, and dangers, into which others fell, had no effect on, nor were they noticed by me: "Neither said they, Where is the Lord that brought us up out of the land of Egypt, that led us through the wilderness, through a land of deserts, and of pits, through a land of drought, and of the shadow of death. And I brought you into a plentiful country, to eat the fruit thereof, and the goodness: but when ye entered, ye defiled my land, and made mine heritage an abomination."

When I settled at St. Andrews, the Lord left not his work and striving with me, but the same sovereign grace that begun, went on with it: "I lifted up my hand unto them, to bring them out of the land of Egypt. But they rebelled against me, and would not hearken unto me. will pour out my fury upon them. for my name's sake." "Not for your sakes do I this, saith the Lord God, be it known unto you: be ashamed and confounded for your ways, O house of Israel."

Then said I, I
But I wrought

Here the Lord cast my lot under choice means of grace, the ministry of worthy Mr. Thomas Forrester. Under his searching ministry, the Lord began to give me some small discoveries of the more secret and spiritual evils of my heart, and carried me" into the secret chambers of imagery," to let me see what my heart did in the dark. 1. He opened mine eyes to discern somewhat of that world

of pride that is in the heart, and the wickedness of it. Though I was somewhat convinced of my own weakness, when I had any difficulty more than ordinary before me, and would seek help from God, yet when I got through, I valued myself upon my acquittance. Of the wickedness and injustice of this, the Lord in some measure convinced me: "What hast thou, O man, that thou hast not received? And if thou hast received, wherefore dost thou boast?"

2. He convinced me of the wickedness of the straying of my heart after idols, especially in the time of worship: "But as for them whose heart walked after the heart of their detestable things, and their abominations, I will recompense their ways upon their own heads, saith the Lord God." "For every one of the house of Israel, or of the stranger, which setteth up his idols in his heart, and putteth the stumbling-block of his iniquity before his face, and cometh to a prophet to inquire of him concerning me, I the Lord will answer him by myself." I was made to see, in some measure, the danger of offering such duties to him, who requireth us to "set our hearts" to what he speaks, and to "keep our foot when we come to the house of God. 3. I was likewise made to see somewhat of my trusting to my duties, and resting on the bare performance, inasmuch as I was not for the most challenged for unsuitable performance, but for the entire omission of them; and with the Pharisee, I thought it enough, if I could say, that I did the duty. But now the Lord let me see, that more was required; though with him I could say, "I

fast twice a-week," the Lord convinced me, that he might answer, "When ye fasted, did ye at all fast unto me, even to me?"

These, when added to former discoveries of guilt, gave frequently much disturbance, and cast me into racking perplexity and disquietude: but the darkness and enmity of my mind remaining, I still had recourse to wicked and vain courses for peace, such as these formerly mentioned; but they afforded me little quiet. Like Pharaoh, I engaged to amend those things wherein formerly I had failed; but with him I quickly broke, when the force that drove me to this was over. At last, finding no peace in any of these courses, I resolved to enter into solemn covenant with the Lord; and accordingly I wrote and subscribed a solemn covenant, whereby I bound myself to be for God, like Israel, when under the awful impressions of Sinai, and the dreadful appearance of God there; I said, "All that the Lord our God shall say unto us, we will hear and do it:" and, like the Scribe that came to Christ, "Master, I will follow thee whithersoever thou goest,"

When I had once done this, then I concluded all was right: For, 1. I found a sort of a present peace. Amendment I thought sufficient atonement, and such an engagement I looked on as performance. I now said, “I have peace-offerings with me; this day I have paid my vows." 2. I at this time found frequently an unusual sweetness in hearing the word; especially in hearing Mr. Forrester lecture on Acts xiii. 43. on the Sabbath night. Here, as I received sometimes the most piercing convictions, so