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THE

LADIES' REPOSITORY.

SEPTEMBER, 1852.

.

HINTS TO YOUNG LADIES ON MANNERS.

BY REV. J. M'D. MATHEWS.

I ADMIT that kindness and benevolence of heart are much more important than any mere outward expression of these feelings. But how shall we know that the kindness exists if there is no expression of it? You could scarcely feel that your parents loved you if their words and actions never expressed that love. It is true there may be many people in the world who express much kindness and affection when they feel none. But this is no reason why we should not cultivate good manners and use kind expressions in our social intercourse. Counterfeit money may be circulated, but we should not, therefore, refuse all money. There must be some good and genuine, or there would not be that which is spurious.

When you go into company, you pass the time much more agreeably when you meet with polite persons, who strive to make you happy, than when you are with such as are indifferent to your comfort or only intent on their own enjoyment. As the golden rule requires us to treat others as we desire to be treated, we should strive, when in company, and especially when we have company at our own house, to make every one as happy as possible.

It is, therefore, important to avoid all personal habits that are offensive or disagreeable to others. You would be disgusted to see a gentleman picking his teeth at the table, and at the same time you may have some habit that is equally disgusting to others. We very often desire to take the "mote" out of our neighbor's eye when, perhaps, a "beam" is in our own eye. A very good way to ascertain what would be an improper action in company is to notice what you consider improper in others. You will find most of those things pointed out by those who have written on the subject of manners. Miss Beecher in her "Domestic Economy," Mr. Newcomb in "How to be a Lady," and Mrs. Farrar in the "Young Ladies' Friend," have written some of the best things I have seen. Lord Chesterfield and Count D'Orsay have also given many good rules, but most of what they say is not applicable

VOL. XII.-25

to American society. Their works apply to an aristocratical community, from which all are excluded who have not the requisite polish of manners, or the requisite wealth, or blood, or standing in society. We should not despise those who have had fewer opportunities of refinement and improvement than ourselves; for many a noble and worthy heart is concealed under a rough exterior. We may some day be among those whose advantages have been far superior to our own, and then we shall wish some indulgence to be extended to our defects.

Human beings are very apt to be puffed up and spoiled by every little circumstance that seems to make them superior to others. The little girl who has been a few months at school is apt to look down upon her playmates who are not so learned as herself. If she can play a few tunes on the piano, she thinks herself much better than one who can not. If her father has a fine, costly carriage, she is altogether superior, in her own estimation, to those who ride in a plain, cheap one. Very amusing anecdotes are told about the girls at boarding-schools, who are eager to ascertain whether every boarder that comes is sufficiently genteel to be entitled to their friendship. The marks by which they judge are not the moral worth, or intelligence, or good sense of the stranger, but her equipage and dress-a very incorrect standard, indeed, by which to choose associates; for the most worthless girl in the world might be rich, and ride in a fine carriage, and wear a costly dress, but the most upright, and amiable, and estimable might be destitute of such things. While, therefore, you strive to be, in all respects, a lady, and to possess the utmost refinement of manners, do not despise those whose manners are defective. This would show that you lacked a kind and generous heart-a much greater defect than unpolished manners. Man looks at the outward appearance; God looks at the heart.

The writers on manners tell you rather what is inappropriate rather than what is appropriate; they point out rather what is to be avoided than what is to be done. We might illustrate by large quotations, but this would occupy too much space. We

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