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The Judge was rich, the Sheriff poor,
Papa preferr'd his Lordship;

And Mammon fcorn'd for Cupid's lure,
Old Squaretoes deem'd a hardship.

But Mifs, whom rank nor wealth could move
To be by dotard bedded,

(For if Jack Ketch had gain'd her love,

The hangman fhe 'd have wedded,)

Said, "Since to love and cherish too,
Was wedlock's inftitution;

Judgment may have its weight with you,]
But I'm for Execution !"

FAT! FAIR! AND FORTY!

A BAGATELLE.

[From the General Evening Poft.]

HEN Delia was young, 't was the fashion to be

WHE

Not fo large round the waift, as fhe's now 'bout her. knee!

Then by acids and starving fhe kept herself under,

Till her shape, for its fize, was each thriving girl's wonder. She was Delia the flender, the gay, and the fmart;

And, though fmall, fhe made very large holes in each heart!
So graceful her motion, her gait was fo airy,

That, when dancing, you'd swear fhe 'd the foot of a fairy;
But now turn'd of forty, how chang'd is the fashion,
Since for flesh, and not bone-men have taken a paffion :
So, inftead of a monstrous long walk in the Park,
And picking for dinner the leg of a lark,

Delia crams every minute rich fauces and wines,
And cares not how often each day that she dines:

For no luscious tid-bit but with bon gout fhe 'il swallow,
And aloud for good drink like an Alderman holla!
Thus by ftuffing and cramming, by boozing and napping,
Delia's fwoln like a patient juft ready for tapping:
But though fhe may triumph no more with her eyes,
At Smithfield fhe's certain to bear off the prize,
For what can exceed her in weight, fat, or size ?

}

TWIRL.

WAR

WAR OR PEACE.

SAYS John to his wife, "A kifs, if you please!
Now tell which you like, Bet, a war or a peace?"
Replies Bet, "I don't wish with my husband to jar;"
So fhe gave him a blow on the cheek, and cried," War!"
TOM BOWLING.

EPIGRAM.

To lovely woman-fair, but chatt'ring race-
Nature, with reafon, gave a beardless face;
"For as," said she," their tongues they never fave,
What cutting will they fuffer-if they fhave!"

D. L.

LOVE A-LA-MODE.

LOVE ftill commands my heart and purfe,
Life elfe would not be worth poffeffing;
Yet never let me make a curse,

What Jove intended for a bleffing.

If faithless Chloe fhould deceive,
Am I to fuffer darts and anguish?
No, gentle ladies, by your leave,

I wish to love, but not to languish !

D.

FOLLY OF OPPOSING LOVE.

AGAINST Love a refistance to make,

Ye fair-ones, believe me, is vain :
Those who fly, he has wings to o'ertake;
Those who fight, by his arrows are flain.

BEAUTY.

BEAUTY.

FROM THE PORTUGUESE OF CAMOENS.

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-quando te vejo perdo a lingoa,

E quando nao te vejo perdo o fifo."

RHITMAS, V. iii. p. 53, Ed. Lisbon, 1783.

THY lovely charms, celeftial maid,
All hearts with ease fubdue;

Surpaffing e'en a poet's thought,
And as myfterious too.

What lips audacious, vain, and rath,
Shall dare to fing thy worth;
Thy num'rous fweets, that open here
A paradife on earth ?

Oh! I can ne'er the theme attempt,
In ftrain or good or bad;

Since when I fee thee, I am dumb-
And, when I do not, mad!

Temples

OLD NICK.

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CERTAIN DEATH.

A THOUGHT FROM THE FRENCH.

SHALL die-in the height of defpair,
Should my Delia perfift to deny-

I fhall die with delight, if the fair
Would attend to my tale, and comply.
How can I then cease to lament,

Since the fate of my paffion is fure?
My death is the certain event,
Alike of the evil and cure.

IMPROMPTU.

HUMDRUM complains his giddy wife
Diftracts his nights and days,

And vows he cannot bear a life
Of gaming, feafts, and plays.

His lot is hard as fate can give,
So much he thinks about her;
With her he fwears he cannot LIVE,
Yet DIES when he's without her.

T.B.

IMPROMPTU.

A Woman finging ballads for money to bury her Hufband, gave rife to the following jeu d'efprit.

F

'OR her husband deceas'd, Sally chants the fweet lay,
And faith it's a fingular forrow;

But, I doubt, fince fhe fings for a dead man to-day,
She'll cry for a live one to-morrow!

A

THE PORTRAIT.

WIFE Martin had, who was beauteous and young,
But whofe charms, in effect, were deftroy'd by her
tongue;

It was conftantly going, nor ever would ceafe,

And depriv'd the poor fellow of all hopes of peace.
The evil, alas! is too common, I fear,

And a burden it is, which few mortals can bear.

Her portrait was drawn by an eminent painter,

Whofe performance was not than th' original fainter
So exact had he copied her every feature,

The eyes, nofe, and mouth, were fo ftrictly from Nature,
That, when Martin faw it, impell'd by his fears

Of her tongue again going, he stopp'd both his ears.
Bruton Street.

G. B.

FEATHERS.

At a rout where the ladies' heads were profufely decorated with feathers, the following repartee took place:

"WHAT would you do," one day fays my Lord to a wit, "Should your wife thus with feathers equip her?" Why, nothing, my Lord, but what manners permit— I'd just take the freedom to frip her !”

THE RETORT.

FAN thought, t' other day, that with Con fhe'd be witty,
Contending the point about "ugly and pretty;"
She faid Con was frightful-'t was very uncivil,
For Fanny herself is as plain as-the D--!

PRO.

INSCRIPTI

INSCRIPTION FOR A MONUMENT AT OLD

SARUM.

[From the Suffex Chronicle.]

READER, if thou canst boaft the noble name
Of Englishman, it is enough to know
Thou ftandeft in Old Sarum. But if chance
'T was thy misfortune in fome other land,
Inheritor of flavery, to be born,

Read, and be envious!-Doft thou fee yon hut,
Its old mud moffy walls with many a patch
Spotted? know, Foreigner, fo wifely well
In England it is order'd, that the laws

Which bind the people, from theinfelves should spring;
Know that the dweller in that little hut,

That wretched hovel, to the Senate fends
Two delegates. Think, Foreigner, where fuch
An individual's right, how happy all!

WHO, HOW, AND WHEN.

AN INSCRIPTION FOR A GREAT HOUSE.

LD families of yesterday we fhew,

OLD

And Lords, whofe fathers were the Lord knows whe.

As fure as Bos is Ox, and Sus is Sow,

Here Lords have Lords become-the Lord knows how.

Such Lords they are, that not one Lord in ten

Will act as Lords fhould act-the Lord knows when!

SIR,

PAROLES AND COUNTERSIGNS.

[From the Morning Chronicle.]

AT T the prefent important crifis, when the country is threatened by an infolent and atrocious invader; when life, liberty, property, laws, focial order, and religion; every thing which conftitutes public happinefs and private felicity, every thing which is our boast as Britons, or is dear to us as men, is fo immediately

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