coufin, "has long been accustomed to fee half-booted ladies, but I do not recollect the feeing one of our op preffed fex in trowfers, except upon the ftage. I fhall make the experiment," added the, with an air of triumph; and if this improvement fhould obtain the fanction of Fashion, my name will be immortalized! Only think, my dear Nancy, how glorious it will be to read in the hewspapers that the Duchefs of R

Lady L, and Mrs. W, appeared at the Marchioness T.'s rout, dreffed in Whimfey-trowsers, adorned with brilliants! I own," replied Mifs T.. "that although I perfectly coincide, I'm afraid the gentlemen will not be willing to give up the trowfers." Let us make the trial, however, my dear," rejoined Mrs. W.; "there are no bounds to the powerof female influence."

Enthufiaftic in the profecution of her favourite improvement, the lady fent for her husband's tailor, and defired him to make her half a dozen pair of trowsers, fimilar to thofe worn by the modern fine gentlemen. Snip fuppreffed a rifing laugh, and went home to obey the lady. An afpiring mind like hers, panting for celebrity, was not to be confined to the mere improvement of drefs at the fuggeftion of Sophifter; the entreated her husband to convert his counting-house into an obfervatory! Full of this fublime philofophic idea, fhe communicated the project to her husband. He confidered this whim as another symptom of approaching madness, and only anfwered with a deep figh. She then repeated the propofal with all the power of female eloquence, exclaiming, "O my dear! you will make me happy by complying with this reasonable request. You know I have long objected to your countinghoufe being joined to the dwelling-houfe, it looks fo mercantile and vulgar; and then the rank fmell of your famples of rum, fugar, and tobacco, must be very offenfive to the delicate olfactory nerves of perfons of distinction,,

G 4

diftinction, who honour us with an occafional vifit." "I know nothing about their oil-factory nerves," replied Mr. Whimfey; "but I cannot comply with your wifhes in this inftance."-" I infift upon it, my dear," rejoined the, with infinite fpirit, and in an authoritative tone; then, foftening her voice to the perfuafive, "Pray, my love," faid fhe, "oblige me; this grand improvement will excite the envy, and perhaps the imitation, of all the merchants' wives in town. The obfervatory must be built at least as high as the dome of St. Paul's; and even when furnished with a variety of aftronomical inftruments, Mr. Sophifter fays the whole expenfe will not exceed five thousand pounds. Confider, my dear, how celebrated we fhall be. All polite and learned foreigners will honour us with a vifit; and Mrs. Whimfey's fplendid obfervatory will be a favourite topic in the fafhionable circles." This flood of eloquence was loft on Mr. W. who not only continued inexorable refpecting his countinghoufe, but, tired with the importunities and frenzy of his wife, he refolved upon a feparation, and wrote to his father-in-law on the fubje&t.

Mr. Trueman haftened to town, demanded an explanation from his daughter, and finding that the had been deluded by Mr. Sophifter, he fent for that gentleman, and on threatening him with manual chaftifement, compelled him to acknowledge, in the prefence of the ladies, that his defign was to corrupt their hearts, and afterwards feduce them. Mrs. Whimsey was fhocked; her eyes were opened to her own extravagant levity and credulity; the befought and obtained her father's and husband's pardon, and refumed her place as the mistress of her own houfe, not a domineer. ing virago inflated with pride. She now finds that the felicity of the human race depends upon both fexes performing the moral and focial duties of their respective

refpective fituations, and laughs at the abfurdity of her former projects when she aspired to the character of a philofophic wife.

MODERN SONNET.

BENEVOLUS.:

ARTHUR. A SUBLIME DESCRIPTIVE PIECE.

DARK was the night, and loud the wind-storm howl'd;,
Around, above, the vivid lightnings glare::

The thunder's awful noife unceafing roll'd
In dreadful peals along the troubled air!
When Arthur, filent, bent his careful way
Across the landing's dun and dang❜rous gloom; :
Seiz'd on the maffy door-that straight gave way-
And enter'd flow the horror-breathing room!
Trembling, with dumb amazement now he trod,
While hope and fear his breast alternate fway'd!
Reach'd where full well he knew there erft had stood :
A table dimly gleaming in the fhade.

He felt-but utter'd, with terrific fear—

"G— d―n the tinder-box! it is not here!!!"

EVERY abfurdity has an end-and, as I obferve that

almost all novels are now of the terrific caft, I hope the infipid repetition of the fame bugbears will at length work its own cure. In the mean time, fhould any of your female readers be defirous of catching the feafon of terrors, they may compofe two or three very pretty volumes, from the following recipe:.

Take-An old caftle, half of it ruinous;

A long gallery with a great many doors, fome fecret

ones;

Three murdered bodies, quite fresh;

As many skeletons, in. chefts and preffes;

An

An old woman hanging by the neck, with her throat

cut;

Affaffins and defperadoes, quant. suff.

Noifes, whispers, and groans, threefcore at least. Mix them together, in the form of three thin pills, or volumes, and let them be taken or fwallowed, at bedtime or any other hour, in any city, village, or watering-place, in England or Wales, and the town of Berwick upon Tweed (as proclamations are), where they will be found equally palatable and fanative by young and middle-aged ladies; with or without pockets! I mean in the way of fashion only !-No offence to the provincial ladies, from

PROBATUM EST.

THE SQUEAKING GHOST!

A TALE IMITATED FROM THE GERMAN, ACCORDING

TO THE TRUE AND GENUINE PRINCIPLES OF THE

HORRIFIC, BY M. G. LS, ESQ OF Spectre Hall, IN THE County of Hobgoblin.

[From the fame.]

THE wind whiftled loud! Farmer Dobbin's wheat ftack
Fell down! The rain beat 'gainft his door!
As he fat by the fire, he heard the roof crack!.
The cat 'gan to mew and to put up her back!.
And the candle burnt-just as before!

The Farmer exclaim'd, with a piteous figh,

To get rid of this curs'd noise and rout,

Wife gi'e us fome ale." His dame straight did cry,
Hem'd and cough'd three times three, then made this reply-
"I can't mun!"-" Why ?"-"'Cause the cafks out !"*
By the fide of the fire fat Roger Gee-ho,

Who had finish'd his daily vocation :

With Cicely, whofe eyes were as black as a floc,
A damfel indeed who had never faid no,
And becaufe-She ne'er had an occafion!

Alt

All these were alarm'd by fome loud piercing cries,
And thrown into a terrible state;

Till opening the door, with wide-ftaring eyes,
They found to their joy, no less than furprise,
"""Twas the old fow faft ftuck in a gate!"

THE IRISH GHOST..

BY OLD NICK.

[From the British Prefs.]

O nuova, o fiera, o ftrana maraviglia * ! !

IN days of yore, but fince the flood,
While Teague in bed was fnoring,
A fpectre 'fore him ghaftly stood,
And wak'd him with its roaring.
No nose it had, nor e'en an eye,
Nor mouth to eat its bread;

And, would you know the reason why?
Alas! it had no head!'

With horrid gape Teague view'd the sprite,
Then cried, "Ah! now be paking,
And aife, me from my fad affright,
And tell me if I'm waking?"

"Arrah, my dear," the fhade replied,
"I cannot pake, you know;
But I'm thy father's ghoft; who died,
Beheaded, Lord knows how!"

"Alack, poor ghost!" the fon exclaim'd, i,

"No wonder thou 'rt not frifky,,

For he moft furely must be d-

-d,

Who cannot drink his whiskey.".

*This ejaculatory line is taken from the 11th canto of the Ricciardetto of Forteguerri, where it relates to a certain gentleman much more cunning than our Irishman, who, after his head had been cut of. by Count Orlando, fnatched it up, and carried it down ftairs with him,, to the great surprise of the good Count.

Il buon Conte),
Non cade il tronco bufto, anzi s'inchina;;

E la recifa tefta in mano piglia,

E le fcale difcende.-ST. 16.