HAYDN AND ORPHEUS.
IS faid of old, when Orpheus thrum'd his lute, The fticks and ftones he mov'd to tell his fame: may be true; for Haydn's German flute
In France has lately done the very fame.
[From the Morning Herald.]
THE little Mifs at three years old
Plays with doll, and prattles:
But little Mafter, ftout and bold,
Plays with drums and rattles.
The Boy, detefting musty books,
Loves romping with the laffes:
And Mifs, grown older, ftudies looks,
And plays with looking-glaffes.
The Jolly Toper, fond of fun,
Plays with his friends at drinking:
The Sportfinan plays with dog and gun,
And Wife Men play at thinking.
The Beauty, full of haughty airs,
When young plays at tormenting;
But, wrinkled, turns to other cares,
And fports at last repenting.
Wretched from self-created woe,
The Mifer's game is hoarding;
And when he meets his country's foe,
The Sailor plays at boarding.
The Alderman, with bloated face,
A Glutton plays at eating;
And fuch as long to have a place
In Parliament at treating.
We, ledger-bufied Merchants, take
A game at calculation;
And Minifters too often make
A plaything of the Nation.
With looks profound, and thoughtful mind,
Projectors play at scheming;
Till, worn with care, at last they find,
They 've all along been dreaming.
The Lover fad, and woful wan,
Plays day and night at fretting;
Whilft laughing at the filly man,
His Delia fports coquetting.
Cowards, with none but cowards nigh,
Are fond of gafconading;
And Courtiers fawn, and cringe, and lie,
And play at masquerading.
The Lounger plays at killing time,
The Soldier plays at flaying,
The Poet plays at making rhyme,
The Methodist at praying.
The Player plays for wealth and fame,
And thus all play together,
Till Death at last disturbs the game,
And stops the play for ever.
OF SOME OF THE PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS
DUTCHESS OF BEDFORD'S MASQUERADE AT WOBURN
ABBEY, ON TWELFTH NIGHT, JAN. 6, 1804.
[From the Morning Chronicle.]
WHAT a strange rabble-rout was collected together!
Two fcarcely alike, yet all birds of a feather!
There were Turks without harams, if not without wives;
Though horn'd with the crefcent, yet Chriftian their lives!
Who, in Mahomet's spite, guzzled wine with their cake ;-
And Jews, who pay intereft much more than they take;
Dull Wits, for ftale jokes who their memories were jogging;
Sturdy Beggars, who never had met with a flogging;
Pious Nuns, whose fad tears had a mischievous twinkle;
Old Witches, without a grey hair or a wrinkle:
A fweet little Girl, who foon chang'd to a Boy;
A group of young Miffes, nor bashful nor coy,
Whose tongues ran too faft! a Chinese Mandarin,
Exactly the fame as you fee on a screen;
Brave Tars, whofe fweet perfons ne'er ventur'd to fea;
Grave Phyficians, whofe palms never itch'd for a fee;
And a Quack, who would drug the political body—
Like the regular Doctor, he feem'd a Tom Noddy;
Gave phyfic to Chriftians not fit for the ftables,
And ficken'd the fick by mistaking the labels:
There were Pilgrims from Mecca, Loretto, and Rome;
And a Stranger I noted, who feem'd quite at home.
A grave Matron appear'd in a child's flip array'd;
We will candidly hope 't was the first flip fhe made.
An Old Scotchman was there from the island of Skie,
Who could paint this affembly much better than I:
With Carters and Carmen, and Old Clothes-man Mofes,
And Gipfies, that rubb'd out their lilies and roses,
Who por'd on Fate's volume, pretending to spell it,
Who could make a man's fortune, much fooner than tell it.
A ftrange creature was one, whom I could not but mark---
An impudent Baggage in queft of her spark;
Her tongue went as faft as the fly of a jack
I wish that her wit had kept pace with her clack.
There were Tailors who knew not their goofe from their fcaffars,
And bare-fac'd Divines, who came there without vizors.
A Jew Broker I met, whom I knew upon 'Change;
That the Stocks fhould be fteady he thought very strange,
For Omnium was plenty (no thanks to the war),
Sober fenfe at a difcount, and wit above par.
An Old Fiddler was there, and his merry Old Wife;
I wish that their mirth may continue for life.
Among others with whom this affembly was ftor'd,
Were a learned grave Sergeant, if not a law Lord,
And an honeft Young Barrister, modeft and wife;
Yet they both (and I fear it is more than furmife)
Scon infolvent muft prove, with their deeds and their claufes
For effects, we all know, can proceed but from causes;
And their palms (now can any thing make the cafe plainer?)
Ne'er had felt a refrefher-no, not a retainer.
But hearing the Humdrums, a fplenetic race,
Had conceiv'd the design of indi&ting her Grace,
For disturbing the peace of our Sovereign the King,
By making with riot the Abbey roof ring,
And for levying of forces to aid her design,
(Who her fummons obey'd from the pole to the line,)
They both had come here with intention to plead,
(But not till they both by both fides had been fee'd.)
The grave learned Sergeant first open'd the cafe,
Then the young one replied with a still graver face-
"Shall the Humdrums pretend that their peace is destroy'd,
Because with my client each moment's enjoy'd?
Shall they fancy life's current is running to waste,
When with pleafure it flows, they want fpirit to tafte?
As well might the oysters, pack'd close in a barrel,
With my client's fweet notes, when the fings, pick a quarrel;
As well might complain their fine feelings the wounds,
When light in the dance like a fairy fhe bounds.
Of our final fuccefs we've no fears, I affure ye-
Prepare for the trial, empannel the jury;
Of her peers, a fair jury is all we exact,
A jury to try both the law and the fact."
Says the man of the coif, " Through the whole country
Her peers (for I've fearch'd) are no where to be found;
So, of course, the indictment must fall to the ground."
Their labours how fruitless, how idle their fears!
For how could the peerlefs be tried by her peers?
There were Quakers, who horrible oaths out were rapping,
And rough-handed Shavers, whofe wit wanted strapping:
Kitchen Wenches and Scullions, fo fweet with perfume!
And a Housemaid who never yet handled a broom;
We every one thought her a fweet pretty blowze,
A lively young huffy, who rul'd the whole houfe
There were Dairymaids too, who, if rightly I deem,
Of pleasure, perhaps, may have kimm'd off the cream s
But as for their butter, were 't all he could get,
Rouvere would have thrown up his place in a pet;
We, hungry and fulky, had fat on our cruppers,
Or been fent, like bad children, to bed without fuppers.
There were Haymakers too, now fo blooming and gay-
Then while the fun fhines, my advice is, "Make hay ;"-
*The Dutchefs herself, as a Housemaid.
That cheerful and happy, when hay-time is over,
Though their fun may decline, they may ftill live in clover. An Old Spark caught my eye, who, though turn'd of fourfcore,
Had I daughter or wife, fhould not enter my door.
And his Grandmother too! he, who makes her a wife,
Will find the young romp be the plague of his life;
Turning night into day is her deareft delight!
But another fweet Gueft had turn'd day into night-
Such a night as is not to be purchas'd with money-
May its stars be propitious! its moons be all honey!
Who their days for a night fuch as that would not barter?
And the mild moon, it seem'd too, was in the first quarter;
And yet, had we judg'd by the whirl in each skull,
We all must have thought it had been at the full.
THE LAWYE R.
[From the Monthly Mirror.]
PROFESSIONS will abuse each other:
The priest won't call the lawyer brother;
While Salkeld ftill beknaves the parfon,
And fays he cants to keep the farce on!
Yet will I readily suppose
They are not truly bitter foes,
But only have their pleasant jokes,
And banter, just like other folks,
As thus; for fo they quiz the Law!
Once on a time th' attorney Flaw,
A man, to tell you as the fact is,
Of vaft chicane, of course of practice,
(But what profeffion can we trace
Where fome will not the corps disgrace?
Seduc'd, perhaps, by roguifh client,
Who tempts him to become more pliant,)
A notice had to quit the world-
And from his desk at length was hurl'd!
Obferve, I pray, the plain narration :—
'Twas in a hot and long vacation,
When time he had, but no affiftance,
Though great from courts of law the diftance,
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