found myself obliged to have recourfe, upon my arrival at the Houfe, to the affiftance of Mrs. Bennet, the good and kind housekeeper, my very old and dear friend, who has more than once administered to me, with her own hands, fuch aid as her pocket or her cupboard afforded, before I became fit to appear in the Houfe with that gravity of mien and demeanour, for which, doubtlefs, you have heard me fo much extolled. I never fhall forget one time, Sir, when oppreffed as I have defcribed, Mrs. Bennet had kindly adminiftered fome lumps of fugar immerfed in a pungent, but not unpleafing fpirit, contained in a phial within her pocket; I proceeded inftantly to my place, and, refreshed and invigorated, delivered an oration, which my much-valued and eftimable friend Mr. I. Hawkins Browne declared to be the most brilliant and exquifite piece of oratory he had ever heard within thofe walls; and in confequence of which, my worthy and refpectably able friend, Sir Alderman Curtis, declared to me, he should lay his head upon his pillow with more content, and with the conviction of being able to obtain a founder fleep, than he had enjoyed for many a debate. I mention this only as one of the many favours I have received at this eftimable old woman's hands, and which I fhall never ceafe to remember with gratitude. But, Sir, to return: I no fooner find myfelf feated in my place, than an effect arifes which I can hardly defcribe, and defcribing cannot account for. A violent perspiration breaks forth, and lafts during the whole of the debate; every fymptom (even approaching to actual diarrhoea) which characterizes intense fear, appears moft ftrongly marked, accompanied by an affection of the mind moft diftreffing and embarraffing. Whilft I am fpeaking, a defire perfectly irrefiftible, involuntary in its commencement, and not to be checked in its progrefs, of perverting the truth of M 4 every every fact I state, carries me along with it. In this melancholy ftate I tell the most direct falfehoods; no fact fo plain that I do not miflate it; indeed, Sir, to fo melancholy a pitch have I known thefe attacks! carry me, that I have detected myfelf in fpeaking, for an hour and a half, without telling one word of truth from the beginning to the end of all I have faid. When I have done, the fit goes off, but returns the next day with the fame fymptoms; when I have often found myself ftating facts in direct contradiction to the facts I had ftated the day before. Only fancy, Sir, my embarraffment, my difficulties, and my diftrefs. Such, Sir, is the ftate of my cafe; which, upon the matureft confideration that I can give it, I can only conceive to proceed from the too great irritability of my nerves, firetched and kept upon the rack by intenfe application and overwhelming accefs of bufinefs. I know not whether you can relieve me: if you can, I think this a fit fubject for your Nervous Cordial; I beg of you to fend me immediately a large cafe thereof, deducting the value of the ftamps, which I will take proper care fhall not, in this inftance, be charged to you. I have the honour to be, my dear, great, and good Sir, with warm regard and efteem, Your very faithful humble fervant, "P. S. My poor little boy, the Cl-k of the P-Ils, is much and direfully afflicted with the worms; but as I believe you do not deal in the tape bufinefs, I fhall apply on that head to another practitioner." COALITION INTELLIGENCE EXTRA. YESTERDAY being a moft convenient day, as a faft ordained by the Chriftian Calendar, a meeting, though rather a fiender one, of the motley troop of Coalitionists, Coalitionists, was holden at the Guofe and Gridiron, in order to hit upon fome new mountebank tricks, more effectually to gull the gaping family of John Bull during the Eafter holidays. Reports were received, and read, of many of their late experimental performances; from which it appeared, that they had not been honoured with the popular fuccefs to which fuch ingenious devices were fo unquestionably entitled. The Chevalier P-tt's famous Marine Camera Obfcura, reprefenting a fea-fight, in which a French cock-boat engaged and funk an English man of war, though fo highly coloured and varnished, had not only failed of effect, but had been very roughly treated by an impudent Tar, who getting an early peep at it," ftove in," as he termed it," the dead lights," and then "capfized" the whole apparatus into a horfe-pond, where it went to the bottom! The Sieur W-d-m, fire-eater in ordinary to the troop, had been equally unfuccefsful in his moft dexterous trick: for, unfortunately forgetting previously to apply his metaphyfico-chemical antidote, he fo burnt the tip end of his delicate tongue, and palate, in exhibiting, with too broad a grin, how volunteers ought to eat fire! that it is feared, the undaunted Sieur will be obliged, through the rest of the feafon, "to laugh on the wrong fide of his mouth !'' The notorious Mafter G. C-n-g appeared as Merry Andrew of the troop, in propria perfona: he was characteristically habited in an oracular jacket, and trowfer-breeches, compofed of typographical bon mots, cut out of daily journals, hot-preffed, and neatly ftitched in fuit: the buttons on the jacket, though apparently in unifon, were fancifully covered with various epigrammatic mottos, fuch as, "Twig the Doctor!"" the Doctor in the Dumps !"-" Doctor Sangrado!"" Doctor Double Fee!"-" Doctor Factotum !" the Doctor's laft Shift!"-" Death and the Doctor!" &c.-His large pantaloon fmall clothes were as facetiously impreffed with emblematical devices, viz. clyfter-pipes, large wigs, gallipots, pefiles and mortars, &c. &c. On its being remarked by one of the meeting, that his jacket was growing fomewhat threadbare, Merryman, with a ferious air, faid he thought fo too, and therefore had a notion of turning it; but, inftead of provoking the fun he intended, it began to draw down upon himself fome cutting retorts, which he did not much admire. He added, "For my part, I think the D-l's in the Doctor; for, in fpite of all I can fcribble, or my mafter can fay, the people will continue to take his d―d plain pills, in preference to ours, though never fo well gilded nay, my cant cry of Quack! quack! quack! inftead of being fwallowed as a good joke, excites no more laughter now than the hobbling of a lame duck!”Poor Merryman, however, recovering his fpirits a little, clofed the bufinefs of the day with one of his beft ftrokes of Sheer wit,-humorously remarking, "that unless fome more fruitful tricks could be speedily. devifed for the general benefit of the troop, many of the inferior performers must recur to the degrading expedient of grinning through a horfe-collar for a hafty pudding,”—to avoid the more painful exhibitions of dancing on the tight rope!"-Adjourned to the Hole in the Wall. March 31. THE DOCTOR'S FRIENDS. [From the Oracle ] "He has good intentions!". WHEN Adn provides for friends, When he expends the public money, 4 When When he increases pofts and penfions The cry is" He has good intentions !” QIN THE CORNER. MORE OF THE DOCTOR! [From the fame.] "Be your cafe ever fo defperate, truft to the Doctor."-BRODUM. CONFIDE in us, the Doctor cries; Confide in us-but shut your eyes, Bethink ye not of fifty fail, (The Doctor's promis'd Navy :) Nor yet of Jenky's flattering tale, How Ruffia meant to fave ye. Bethink ye not of all ye heard That vouch'd for Ireland's quiet, Bethink ye not of all the gold Of wifer heads, or truer hearts, |