Pleas'd with his prize, my Lord, in hafte,
Convey'd the ftranger home,
Indulging his capacious mind
With wonders yet to come!
But, oh! the ftern decrees of Fate
Man's fondest projects break;
For foon he found, with anguish torn,
The Puppet would not speak!

MORAL.

This tale, methinks, may greatly ferve
Our fage Administration;

The Treasurer of the Navy Board

Can make the application.

PILPAY, Jun.

ALARM S.

[From the Morning Chronicle.]

MR. EDITOR,

NOTHING feems more wanted at prefent than

fome certain criterion, or fet of rules, by which we can judge of our actual fituation. Perhaps there never was a time when it was more neceffary that Minifters of State fhould be acquainted with the philofophy of the paffions. For fome months paft they have been playing off the paffion of Fear among us, without feeming to understand how far it ought to be carried, and where to ftop. I cannot pofitively fay that what they have done is wrong, but I am certain they do not themfelves know that it is right. One event may juftify, and another condemn them, in the ufe they have made of the powers of alarm.

We all talk of invafion; but how? One day its horrors are placed before our eyes, and we are afraid to go to bed in the dark. Next day we look at caricature prints, and read pofting-bills on the walls, and fnap our fingers at Bonaparté and all his legions. One

day,

day, the gun-boats which are to invade us, amount to eight hundred, each capable of carrying seventy men; the next, we cannot count above two hundred in all the enemy's harbours, and few of those fit for fea. One day, the volunteers are told they are too numerous; and the next they are defired to prepare for actual fervice.

I know not what effect the rebound of thefe reports may have in France; but I can confidently affure the Doctor, that if they be continued, and equally inconfiftently, they will bring his patients into what the nurfes call a very low, nervous way.

I am, Sir,

MEDICULUS.

THE CONTRAST; OR, THE STATESMAN AND THE DOCTOR.

[From the Oracle.]

WHEN the immortal Chatham funk in death,
The fainting ftatefinan with his parting breath

Gave his lov'd fon-'t was all he had to give

The nobleft gift a fon could e'er receive

Proud independent dignity of mind,

Improv'd by precept, and by tafte refm'd,

With talents, eloquence, and truth combin'd!

Such was the youth! the ftatefman well we know→→→

And the vast debt of gratitude we owe

While nations, fav'd by England's glories, tell
"By him he triumph'd, and with him he fell!"
Mark the reverfe-the fage Old Doctor dies,
The fon inherits all his properties-
The fapient wig, that grac'd the Speaker's chair-
The folemn empty fcull-the vacant ftare--
Land, money, ftock, much caution not to spend it,
And prudent precepts how to fave and mend it;
With smootheft words of sweetest fugar-candy,
He duly watch'd Pitt's "molle tempus fandi;

Then

Then on his K's unguarded favour steals,
And bids his juggled patron quit the feals;
Barters the proudeft gems of victory
For danger, ruin, fhame, and obloquy !
And thus, the fcorn and jeft of every one,
In peace or war, too weak to govern shown,
Our fate still hangs on Doctor Ad--n !

CONFIDENCE IN THE DOCTOR.
[From the fame.]

BRODUM,

WHEN Philip threaten'd to invade our land,

Howard, Vere, Clifford, Sydney, led our band,
And form'd their Queen's and country's fure defence;
Cecil and Walfingham her councils fway'd,
Our wifeft nobles lent their patriot aid,

And claim'd Old England's love and confidence.
See the fame spirit beam in every eye,

For their lov'd King each English heart beat high;
But, ah! what confidence-when Jenkinson,

Bond, Hiley, Tierney, Golding, Bragge, appear (Names for high worth and wisdom truly dear) Joint minifters with Doctor Addington!

How, like Roman or Greek,

MARVEL.

Great Britain the world did fubdue;

These glories are goue,

But the Doctor has won

Demarara and Eequibo.

When Pitt guided the war,

Through the nations afar

Our standards with victory flew :

Deeds like those we despise,

For the Doctor's rare prize

Demarara and Effequibo.

Let

Let each furgeon, physician,
Quacks of ev'ry condition,

Nurfe, druggift, and apothecary,

Their clyfter-pipes raise
To the Doctor's loud praife,
For Effequib' and Demarara.

THE DOCTOR FOR ENGLAND.

[From the fame.]

BRODUM.

(See Percy's Reliques of A. P. Vol. III. p. 312.) You read in Tooke's Pantheon, how The god of verfe, Apollo,

OU

Was prince of all Quack Doctors, and
The conj'ror's trade did follow.
In Agamemnon's camp he fhew'd
His knowledge in prefcriptions,
First kill'd the mules and dogs, and then
The troops of all defcriptions.
So modern furgeons practise first
On frogs their skill galvanic,
Till, put upon the staff, they throw
Whole armies in a panic,

At Delphi he bamboozled all

The Greeks with false predictions;
And, when detected, brav'd them out
With ftill more monstrous fictions.

But far in all these arts excelling,
We boaft our ftate phyfician,
That never-failing prophet and
Profound arithmetician.

No quack alive can match our quack

In boasting or bravado :

Your purfe to bleed, your ftrength to drain,

He beats the great Sangrado.

To vomit, purge you, or compofe,
He has the true fpecific;

His very air will make you fick,
His fpeech is foporific.

c 6

No

No brazen head, no leaden fkull,
His oracles can equal;

And what cares he, if time, or fact,
Difproves them in the fequel?
His furplus funds, his peace profound,
Of wicked wags the laughter;.
His fifty hips all fit for fea,

The crews to follow after!

How calm is Ireland's peaceful state,
The Conful's mind how friendly,
How juft and good the Door's heart,
Go afk of Mr. Bentley *.

"The Doctor is for England; the Corfican for France;
Sing Honi foit, qui mal y pense.

THE NEAR OBSERVER;

OR, A BOLUS FOR BENTLEY.

[From the fame.]

AN encomiaft was purchas'd-and wrote-as he ought When encomium for men without merit is bought:

Virtue gave not her fpirit, nor genius its aid,

And the cause he was hir'd to defend--he betray'd;

His excufes fhew'd guilt; and his praise, ridicule;

And whene'er he wrote "wife" every reader read "fool !”
The Treafury-devil, who brought to his garret
Two-and-fixpence, whenever the Treas'ry could fpare it,
Once roaring and ftamping came up for "a proof;"
And, kicking the door open wide with his hoof,

Cried, "My mafter, the Doctor, now fends half-a-crown,
With orders-that you will no more write him down:
He bids me to fay, you miftake in your puff

Of confiftency, energy, for fight, and stuff!

Words fuggefting the names of Pitt, Grenville, and Windham,

And throwing good Addington's far back behind 'em

The fuppofed author of "Curfory Remarks upon the State of Politics."

As