A LAY FOR THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER.
REMEMBER, remember, the fifth of November,
And gunpowder treason plot;

I know no reason why winking at treason
Should ever be forgot.

So, holloa, boys, holloa, and bring out the guys
That every true Englishman needs must despise.
Instead of Old Guy, who in years long gone by
Used gunpowder kegs for a tool,

We've a certain old man who does all he can
To break up the House with Home Rule.
Bring the effigy out, and take it about;
On to the Bonfire with laughter and shout,
And all the good people who see it will cry,
"Holloa! boys, holloa! for Gladstone the Guy.

Remember, remember, the fifth of November,
As years have rolled on we have got

Fresh guys for the season of gunpowder treason
So now let us bring out the lot.

Here's Charley Parnell, and Dillon as well,
With Labby so fond of abuse,

And Harcourt may find a place close behind
With a jar of the Parnellite juice.

And give to each one a moonlighter's gun,
A mask, and some powder and shot,
With Fenian dynamite somewhere concealed
To finally blow up the lot.

Holloa, boys, holloa, and pile the chips well,
For Gladstone of Hawarden has plenty to sell.
Bring the effigies out and take them about,
On to the bonfire with laughter and shout,
With cheers for the empire, with hooting and cries
Of "Holloa! boys, holloa! boys, down with the guys!'
J. E. CLARKE.

Judy. November 7, 1888.

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THE HUSBAND'S REVENGE.

A Warning to wives who will keep bad Cooks.

PROVISIONS raw

Long time he bore,

Remonstrance was in vain ;

To escape the scrub

He join'd a club;

Nor dined at home again.

March 1, 1856.

Truth. June 14, 1888.

REMEMBER, remember, the recreant member

Who with Tories has cast in his lot,

I see no reason why Chamberlain's treason

Should ever be forgot.

Clever, smart, and spry,

With his eye-glass in his eye,

Send him to the House of Lords

And there let him lie!

EPITAPH ON A LOCOMOTIVE.

COLLISIONS four

Or five she bore,

The signals wor in vain ;
Grown old and rusted,

Her biler busted,

And smash'd the Excursion Train

'Her end was pieces "

MONODY ON PROTECTION.

PROTECTION Sore long time we bore,

Seditions were in vain ;

But now his friends have given him o'er,

He'll never wake again.

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NURSERY RHYMES FOR CYCLISTS.

Here is a touching little thing to "teach the young idea

how to shoot "-down nasty hills:

"SING a song of wheeling,

Mind that no one squeals-
Four-and-twenty black boys
Riding on their wheels,
When down hill they ventured,
They 'braked' it rather rash,
And four-and-twenty cripples
Resulted from the smash!"

The pathetic address of the bicylist to his lamp :

"TWINKLE, twinkle, little light

Struggle through the murky night,
Round about the corners trot

Many a blue for-get-me-not (i.e., the Bobby),
"Who would drag me to the Beak

For a fine or for a 'week,'

And they'd always serve me so

If you did not twinkle so!"

"LITTLE Jack Jumber

Sat on his Humber,

Waiting till cows go by,

When one in a flurry

Sent him in a hurry

Sow-so into the old pig-stye!"

Ladies are invited to

"RIDE a machine to What's-the-name Green,
To see whatever there is to be seen,
Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,
She shall have music wherever she goes!"

"JACK and Jill

Rode down the hill,

With joke and jeer and laughter, Jack fell down,

And broke his crown,

And Jill came tumbling after !"

JACK and Gill came down the hill
Upon a Humber tandem,

Jack turned round to Gill and frowned,
"Eugh!" you don't understand 'em

Put up your feet, stick to your seat,

I'm going to do a 'flyer,'

For goodness sake don't touch the brake.
We're spilt! oh Jeremyur!

Wheeling Annual. 1885.

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QUESTIONS FOR SIR CHARLES.

O WHERE, O where, are your little wee dogs,
O where are they gone, Sir C.?

Says Chawles "Down in Surrey,
They fled in a hurry,

And never came back to me,"

Chief Commissioner of Metropolitan Police.
During his Tenure of Office

He Lectured on the Holy Land,
And Trampled Under his Feet

Our Free and ancient laws,

Daily insulting the law-abiding people of London.
Contrary to the Regulations of the Service
He wrote an article in Murray's Magazine,
The grammar of which was shaky,

And the spelling of which is said to have been corrected
By the Printer's Devil.

He resigned rather than submit to
Merited censure.

Forbear, pious reader,

To spit upon his tomb,

For though his actions were despotic,
His resignation brought joy and gladness
To the homes of thousands.

"When the wicked perish there is shouting."

From The Star. November, 1888. Just after the resignation of Sir C. Warren as Chief Commissioner of the London Police, much to the delight of the London people.

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In Carols of Cockayne (London, Chatto & Windus, 1874) the late Mr. Henry S. Leigh gave some poetical versions of Nursery Rhymes, which he termed "Chivalry for the Cradle." The stories selected were "Humpty-Dumpty," "Ride a Cock-horse to Banbury Cross," and "Babie Bunting."

THE ROMAUNT OF HUMPTY-DUMPTY.

'Tis midnight, and the moonbeam sleeps Upon the garden sward :

My lady in yon turret keeps

Her tearful watch and ward. "Beshrew me !" mutters, turning pale, The stalwart seneschal ;

"What's he that sitteth, clad in mail,
Upon our castle wall?

"Arouse thee, friar of orders gray;
What, ho! bring book and bell!
Ban yonder ghastly thing, I say;
And, look ye, ban it well.

By cock and pye, the Humpty's face!
The form turn'd quickly round;
Then totter'd from its resting-place-

That night the corse was found.

The king, with hosts of fighting men,
Rode forth at break of day;
Ah! never gleam'd the sun till then
On such a proud array.

But all that army, horse and foot,
Attempted, quite in vain,

Upon the castle wall to put

The Humpty up again.

THE BALLAD OF BABYE BUNTING

THE Knight is away in the merry green wood,
Where he hunts the wild rabbit and roe:
He is fleet in the chase as the late Robin Hood-
He is fleeter in quest of the foe.

The nurse is at home in the castle, and sings
To the babe that she rocks at her breast:
She is crooning of love and of manifold things,
And is bidding the little one rest.

"Oh, slumber, my darling! oh, slumber apace! For thy father will shortly be here;

And the skin of some rabbit that falls in the chase Shall be thine for a tippet, my dear."

USEFUL MEMS. FOR 1885.

JANUARY is first month

(It commences with the oneth).

FEBRUARY'S days are twenty-eight
(Wanting more, four years you wait).

In MARCH you find mad hares and Lent (25th's the day for rent).

APRIL's days are only thirty

(And even most of those are dirty!)

Thirty-one there are in MAY
(24th's Victoria's day).

Thirty days are there in JUNE
(Rent-day the 24th-too soon!)

Thirty-one days in JULY

(A month for eating greengage pie). In AUGUST thirty-one you'll find (If you don't care, well, I don't mind).

Thirty days, please, hath SEPTEMBER
(And 29th's the rent, remember!)

Thirty-one days hath OCTOBER
(Quite enough, if you keep sober!)

NOVEMBER it has thirty (why?—

You'd best ask some one else than I).

DECEMBER-thirty-one (contrive

To scrape up rent by 25).

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THE THREE JOLLY RATSMEN.

(With Apologies to the Memory of Randolph Caldecott). Ir's of three politicians, and a rattin' they did go; An' they ratted, an' they ranted, an' they blew their horns also. Look ye there!

An' one said, "Mind yo'r een, an' keep yo'r noses reet i' th' wind,

An' then, by scent or seet we'll leet o'summat to our mind." Look ye there!

(Portraits of Chamberlain, Goschen and Hartington.) They ratted, an' they ranted, an' the first thing they did find

Was a Grand Old_Statesman in a field, an' him they left behind. Look ye there!

Then one unto the other said, "This rattin' doesn't pay ; But we'n powler't up an' down a bit, an' had a rattlin' day.' Look ye there!

Pall Mall Gazette. July 7, 1886.

Mr. Randolph Caldecott must have founded his well known children's ballad upon the following very old nursery rhyme :

THERE were three jovial Welshmen,

As I have heard them say,
And they would go a hunting
Upon St. David's day.

All the day they hunted,

And nothing could they find,
But a ship a-sailing,
A-sailing with the wind.

One said it was a ship,

The other he said, nay;
The third said it was a house,
With the chimney blown away.

And all the night they hunted,
And nothing could they find
But the moon a-gliding,
A-gliding with the wind.

One said it was the moon,

The other he said, nay; The third said it was a cheese, And half o't cut away.

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The following old rhyme was sung to the tune of Chevy Chace. It was taken from a poetical tale in the "Choyce Poems printed in London in 1662. John Poole introduced the song in his Hamlet Travestie in 1810, without any acknowledgment, perhaps thinking it was too well known to require mention.

THREE children sliding on the ice

Upon a summer's day,

It so fell out they all fell in,

The rest they ran away.

Now had these children been at home,
Or sliding on dry ground,

Ten thousand pounds to one penny
They had not all been drown'd,

You parents all that children have,
And you that eke have none,

If you would have them safe abroad,
Pray keep them safe at home.

CARMEN CANINUM. LABENTES super glaciem, In medio æstatis, Tres pueri sunt mersi, et Succubuêre fatis.

Ah, si in terrâ lapsi sint, Vel domi si mansissent Sestertium ad denarium Non aquâ periisent.

Parentes quibus nati sunt,

Et vos qui non habetis Si salvos vultis foris hos, Clausos domi servetis.

The Hornet. 1872.

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THE COW.

THANK you, pretty cow, that made
Pleasant milk to soak my bread,
Ev'ry day and ev'ry night,

Warm, and fresh, and sweet, and white,

Do not chew the hemlock rank,
Growing on the weedy bank;
But the yellow cowslips eat,
They perhaps will make it sweet.

Where the purple violet grows,
Where the bubbling water flows,
Where the grass is fresh and fine,
Pretty cow, go there and dine.

TO A PET REPTILE.

THANK you, pretty spotted snake,
Thus to as your mistress try me.
What a charming pet you make,

Cold and creepy, damp and slimy !

How you wriggle up my sleeve.

How you coil around my shoulder Causing visitors to leave,

Terrifying each beholder.

Come, then, where your breakfast waits, Reptile of eccentric habits;

Come, and seal the several fates

Of these frogs and two plump rabbits.

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THE CAT.

I LOVE little Pussy, her coat is so warm,
And if I don't hurt her, she'll do me no harm
So I'll ne'er pull her tail, nor drive her away.

But pussy and I together will play;

She shall sit by my side, and I'll give her some food, And she'll love me because I am gentle and good.

TO MY NEW PET.

I LOVE my ichneumon, Its tongue is so queer, Its ways are so human, It has such a leer.

'Tis fond of the emmet
For dinner and tea;
But ere you condemn it,
Pray listen to me.

And know that though ants it
Delights in so much;

Its fiercest foe grants it
An uncle won't touch.

"BE lenient with lobsters, and ever kind to crabs,
And be not disrespectful to cuttle-fish or dabs;
Chase not the Cochin-China, chaff not the ox obese,
And babble not of feather-beds in company with geese.
Be tender with the tadpole, and let the limpet thrive,
Be merciful to mussels, don't skin your eels alive;
When talking to a turtle don't mention calipee-
Be always kind to animals wherever you may be.'

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SPEAK roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes ;

He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.

Alice in Wonderland.

SPEAK when not spoken to,

Sulk when you're chid,

Bang the door after you

Good little kid!

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Be kind to the panther! for when thou wert young, In thy country far over the sea,

'Twas a panther ate up thy papa and mama, And had several mouthfuls of thee!

Be kind to the badger! for who shall decide
The depth of his badgerly soul!
And think of the tapir, when flashes the lamp
O'er the fast and the free flowing bowl.

Be kind to the camel! nor let word of thine
Ever put up his bactrian back;

And cherish the she-kangaroo with her bag,
Nor venture to give her the sack.

Be kind to the ostrich! for how canst thou hope
To have such a stomach as it?

And when the proud day of your "bridal" shall come,
Do give the poor
""bit."
birdie a

Be kind to the walrus! nor ever forget

To have it on Tuesday to tea;

But butter the crumpets on only one side,

Save such as are eaten by thee.

Be kind to the bison! and let the jackal
In the light of thy love have a share ;
And coax the ichneumon to grow a new tail,
And have lots of larks in its lair!

Be kind to the bustard! that genial bird,
And humor its wishes and ways;
And when the poor elephant suffers from bile,
Then tenderly lace up his stays!

Figaro's Natural History. (O. P. Q. Smiff.)

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MARY'S LAMB.

MARY had a little lamb,

Its fleece was white as snow, And everywhere that Mary went, The lamb was sure to go.