He followed her to school one day,- (Two verses omitted.) DOT LAMBS VOT MARY HAF GOT. MARY haf got a leetle lambs already : Und every times dot Mary did vend oud, Dot lambs vent also oud vid Mary. Dot lambs did follow Mary von day to der school-house, Vich was obbosition to der rules of der schoolmaster, Alzo, vich it dit caused dose schillen to schmile out loud Ven dey did saw dose lambs on der insides of der schoolhouse. Und so dot schoolmaster did kick dot lambs quick oud, Und den dot lambs did run right away quick to Mary, "Vot vos de reason aboud it, of dot lambs and Mary? Vell, doand you know it, dot Mary lov dose lambs already, Dot schoolmaster did zaid. MORAL. Und zo, alzo, dot moral vas, Boued Mary's lambs' relations : Of you lofe dose like she lofe dose, Dot lambs vas obligations. MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB. A TALE. MARY was the proprietress of a diminutive incipient sheep, whose outer covering was as devoid of colour as congealed atmospheric vapour, and to all localities to which Mary perambulated, her young South-down was morally sure to follow. It tagged her to the dispensary of learning one diurnal section of time, which was contrary to ali precedent, and excited cachinnation to the seminary attendants when they perceived the presence of a young mutton at the establishment of instruction. Consequently the preceptor expelled him from the interior, but he continued to remain in the immediate vicinity, without fretfulness, until Mary once more became visible. What caused this specimen of the genus ovis to bestow so much affection on Mary?" the impetuous progeny vociferated. "Because Mary reciprocated the wool-producer's esteem, you understand," the teacher answered. The love of that mutton for Mary was more THOMAS MOORE. I SAW that lamb rise from the hallowed ground Dark corridors of rotting years he followed her to school BOUNCE, bounce, bounce, For Mary's poor pet wool! But the tenderness of three days' grace Can't get him back to school; Oh, well for the sailor lad That he bit his sister's thumb, For the contribution box goes round And the lamb is deaf and dumb! TENNYSON. PRITHEE, good pedagogue, we lend our ears 0: WILLIAM had a big gingham, SHAKESPEARE. Its folds were strong and broad; Lord Rosey put it up one day, And many sheltered there; It made the Tories laugh and play To shut it up their leaders tried, "Why do they all love William so?" "Because he trusteth us you know," The people loud reply. Truth. October 15, 1885. SCRAWLER. MARY'S LITTLE LAMB. Verses culled from different Authors. Oн, who has not heard of Sweet Mary's pet sheep, With fleece like the lilies by Alaway's stream, When the day on the breast of the night falls asleep With the fragrance of lilies to perfume its dream? MARY had a little corn And everywhere that Mary went MARY had a pot of jam And every where that Mary went, She carried it to school one day, At last the teacher found her out, Now Mary soon began to roll And felt dismayed, and much afraid The jam had done her harm. "Oh! why does Mary's head ache so " The curious children cry, "Quaejam est, ea sic erit," The teacher did reply. Newcastle Weekly Chronicle. 1887. C. W. G. MARY had a cactus plant Her little brother often heard And so he pulled it up one day Placed it in a chair he did, Then laughed with ghoulish glee- Nor thought of Mary's lover, Or even dreamed they'd take a stroll, The eve drew on. The lover came. They sought the trysting tree, Where has the little cactus gone? The lover-where is he! :0: SONG. AIR. .—“If I had a donkey vot vouldn't go, Do you think I'd wallop, &c." HAD I an ass averse to speed, Deem'st thou I'd strike him? No, indeed Martin, thy law had needless been Of speechless brutes from blows to screen The poor head; For had I an ass averse to speed I ne'er would strike him; no indeed! And "Go on, Edward!" Why speak I thus? This very morn, I saw that cruel William Burn, Whilst crying "Greens!" upon his course, He smote him o'er the head and thighs, They call'd the creature into court, As though he strove to plead his cause: Exclaim'd, by her Minister, Cried William to his Judge, "Tis hard Nought spoke the Judge, but closed his book; As gently whispering in his ear, I said, 66 Punch. February 17, 1844. &c. THE CRY OF THE CHILDREN. (A propos of Jumbo.) IF I owned Jumbó, Would I sell him to a show? No, no, not I! When the Titan I saw I would shout "Hooraw!" For his bra-ve-ry. Chorus. If an army of Yankees should proffer their pay, I'd button my pockets, and send them away. Punch. March 4, 1884. ON LORD GUMBOIL. WHAT are you doing, my pretty maid? I'm mashing a lord, kind sir, she said. Then pray be careful, my pretty maid; I'm more than seven, sir, she said. What is his father, my pretty maid? His father's a lawyer, sir, she said. ["The capacity of our Legislative Organ is limited. Its strength is overtaxed. In its perspective, the first place is held by the great and urgent Irish question. Still more limited are the means, especially as to the future, possessed by a man on the margin of his eightieth year."—Mr. Gladstone's letter.] SEATED long since at the organ, I know not what I was doing, Like the sound of a Home Rule Bill. It startled the House and the Empire, Like a thunderbolt from the blue. Yet still on that worn-out Organ I shall strike those chords once more; In tune to a plundering Plan, The St. James's Gazette. 1889. •:0: AN UTTER PASSION UTTERED UTTERLY. This poem, inserted on page 81, was disfigured by a misprint, the third line should have read : "And drapen in tear-colour'd minivers." The author (Dr. Todhunter) wishes it to be understood that the poem was intended as a skit on the imitators of Mr. Swinburne's style in general, and not on any particular individual. It was therefore a little out of place amongst the Parodies of Mr. Oscar Wilde, as it was not intended to refer in any way to the writings of that gentleman.— ED. Parodies. -:0: PARODIES & POEMS IN PRAISE OF TOBACCO. HE following poems, devoted entirely to the laudation of Tobacco, either as smoked in the pipe, cigar, or cigarette, or as taken in the form of snuff, have been collected from many different works. One of the principal sources of information has been that entertaining journal Cope's Tobacco Plant, which has now unfortunately ceased to exist. Another useful authority was a little book published at the office of Tobacco in Gracechurch Street, London, entitled Tobacco Jokes for Smoking Folks, which contained many amusing anecdotes, and humorous illustrations. A few of the latter are here inserted by the kind permission of the proprietors. Following the Parodies some of the most noted Poems on Tobacco are given, so as to make the collection on this interesting topic more complete. One of the earliest burlesque poems in praise of Tobacco was that written by Mr. Isaac Hawkins Browne about one hundred and fifty years ago, entitled "A Pipe of Tobacco, in imitation of Six Several Authors." This poem has been repeatedly reprinted, although there is little in it that strikes a modern reader as either remarkably humorous or clever. The authors imitated are Colley Cibber (the Poet Laureate), Ambrose Phillips, James Thomson, Edward Young, Alexander Pope, and Jonathan Swift, Dean of St. Patrick's. It is stated that the imitation of Ambrose Phillips was not written by Mr. I. H. Browne, but was sent to him by a friend, whose name has not been transmitted to us. This is to be regretted, as this particular imitation (the second) is generally considered the best in the collection. According to Ritson this was written for the collection by Dr. John Hoadley. Recitativo. Like Neptune, Cæsar guards Virginian fleets, Air. Happy mortal! he who knows Recitativo. Let foreign climes the vine and orange boast, Air. Smiling years that gayly run, Object of my warm desire, IMITATION IV. Bullatis mihi nugis, Pagina turgescat, dare pondus idonea fumo. PERS. CRITICKS avaunt; Tobacco is my theme; She will not smoke (ye gods !) but she will drink : For which we drink, eat, sleep, smoke,-ev'rything. O THOU, matur'd by glad Hesperian suns, Oh be thou still my great inspirer, thou My Muse; oh fan me with thy zephyrs boon, 1 Poem on Liberty, ver. 12. 2 Ibid. ver. 16. 3 Ibid. Ibid. ver 309. 6 Poem on Lib 8 Ibid. ver 171. BLEST leaf! whose aromatick gales dispense |