'Your most humble servant,

'WILLIAM WISEACRE.

'As soon as my son is perfect in this art (which I hope will be in a year's time, for the boy is pretty apt), I design he shall learn to ride the great horse, (although he is not yet above twenty years old) if his mother, whose darling he is, will venture him.'

in pain that I am not a man of power. If I her on purpose to learn the exercise, she being were, you should soon see how much I ap- already very well accomplished in all other arts prove your speculations. In the mean time, I which are necessary for a young lady to unbeg leave to supply that inability with the emp-derstand; my request is, that you will speak ty tribute of an honest mind, by telling you to your correspondent on my behalf, and in plainly I love and thank you for your daily re- your next paper let me know what he expects, freshments. I constantly peruse your paper as either by the month or the quarter, for teachI smoke my morning's pipe (though I cannot ing and where he keeps his place of rendezforbear reading the motto before I fill and vous. I have a son too, whom I would fain light,) and really it gives a grateful relish to have taught to gallant fans, and should be glad every whiff; each paragraph is fraught either to know what the gentleman will have for with useful or delightful notions, and I never teaching them both, I finding fans for practice fail of being highly diverted or improved. "The at my own expense. This information will in variety of your subjects surprises me as much the highest manner oblige, 'Sir, as a box of pictures did formerly, in which there was only one face, that by pulling some pieces of isinglass over it, was changed into a grave senator or a Merry-Andrew, a patched lady or a nun, a beau or a blackamoor, a prude or a coquette, a country 'squire or a conjurer, with many other different representations very entertaining (as you are) though still the same at the bottom. This was a childish amusement, when I was carried away with outward appearance, but you make a deeper impression, and affect the secret springs of the mind; you charm the fancy, sooth the passions, and insensibly lead the reader to that sweetness of temper that you so well describe; you rouse 'That it was your petitioner's misfortune to generosity with that spirit, and inculcate hu- walk to Hackney church last Sunday, where manity with that ease, that he must be misera- to his great amazement he met with a soldier bly stupid that is not affected by you. I cannot of your own training, she furls a fan, recovers a say, indeed, that you have put impertinence to fan, and goes through the whole exercise of it to silence, or vanity out of conntenance; but, admiration. This well-managed officer of methinks, you have bid as fair for it, as any your's has, to my knowledge, been the ruin of man that ever appeared upon a public stage; above five young gentlemen besides myself, and offer an infallible cure of vice and folly, and still goes on laying waste wheresoever for the price of one penny. And since it is she comes, whereby the whole village is in usual for those who receive benefit by such fa- great danger. Our humble request is theremous operators, to publish an advertisement, fore, that this bold Amazon be ordered immethat others may reap the same advantage, Idiately to lay down her arms, or that you think myself obliged to declare to all the world, would issue forth an order, that we who have that having for a long time been splenetic, ill- been thus injured may meet at the place of natured, froward, suspicious and unsociable, general rendezvous, and there be taught to by the application of your medicines, taken manage our snuff-boxes in such a manner as only with half an ounce of right Virginia to-we may be an equal match for her; bacco, for six successive mornings, I am become open, obliging, officious, frank and hospitable.

To the Spectator.

"The humble Petition of BENJAMIN EASY, Gent. 'Showeth,

R.

'And your petitioner shall ever pray, &c.

Let brevity despatch the rapid thought.

I HAVE Somewhere read of an eminent person, who used in his private offices of devotion to give thanks to heaven that he was born a Frenchman: for my own part, I look upon it as a peculiar blessing that I was born an Englishman. Among many other reasons, I think myself very happy in my country, as the language of it is wonderfully adapted to a man who is sparing of his words, an an enemy to loquacity.

As I have frequently reflected on my goodfortune in this particular, I shall communicate to the public my speculations upon the English Tongue, not doubting but they will be acceptable to all my curious readers.

The English delight in silence more than that are terminated in eth, by substituting an any other European nation, if the remarks s in the room of the last syllable, as in 'drowns, which are made on us by foreigners are true. walks, arrives,' and innumerable other words, Our discourse is not kept up in conversation, which in the pronunciation of our forefathers but falls into more pauses and intervals than were drowneth, walketh, arriveth.' This in our neighbouring countries; as it is observ-has wonderfully multiplied a letter which was ed, that the matter of our writings is thrown before too frequent in the English tongue, much closer together, and lies in a narrower and added to that hissing in our language, compass than is usual in the works of foreign which is taken so much notice of by foreignauthors for, to favour our natural taciturni-ers; but at the same time humours our tacitty, when we are obliged to utter our thoughts, urnity, and eases us of many superfluous sylwe do it in the shortest way we are able, and lables.

give as quick a birth to our conceptions as I might here observe, that the same single possible. letter on many occasions does the office of a This humour shows itself in several remarks whole word, and represents the 'his' and 'her' that we may make upon the English language. of our forefathers. There is no doubt but the As first of all by its abounding in monosylla-ear of a foreigner, which is the best judge in bles, which gives us an opportunity of deliver- this case, would very much disapprove of such ing our thoughts in few sounds. This indeed innovations which indeed we do ourselves in' takes off from the elegance of our tongue, some measure, by retaining the old terminabut at the same time expresses our ideas in tion in writing, and in all the solemn offices of the readiest manner, and consequently answers our religion.

the first design of speech better than the mul- As in the instances I have given we have titude of syllables, which make the words of epitomized many of our particular words to other languages more tunable and sonorous. the detriment of our tongue, so on other occaThe sounds of our English words are com-sions we have drawn two words into one, monly like those of string music, short and which has likewise very much untuned our transient, which rise and perish upon a sin- language, and clogged it with consonants, as gle touch; those of other languages are like the notes of wind instruments, sweet and swelling, and lengthened out into variety of modulation.

mayn't, can't, shan't won't,' and the like, for may not, can not, shall not, will not, &c. It is perhaps this humour of speaking no more than we needs must, which has so miIn the next place we may observe, that serably curtailed some of our words, that in where the words are not monosyllables, we familiar writings and conversations they often often make them so, as much as lies in our lose all but their first syllables, as in mob. power, by our rapidity of pronunciation; as rep. pos. incog.' and the like; and as all ridiit generally happens in most of our long words which are derived from the Latin, where we contract the length of the syllables that gives them a grave and solemn air in their own language, to make them more proper for despatch, and more conformable to the genius of our tongue. This we may find serious compositions, by throwing out the in a multitude of words, as 'liberty, conspiracy, theatre, orator,' &c.

culous words make their first entry into a language by familiar phrases, I dare not answer for these, that they will not in time be looked upon as a part of our tongue. We see some of our poets have been so indiscreet as to imitate Hudibras's doggrel expressions in their

signs of our substantives, which are essential to the Euglish language. Nay, this humour The same natural aversion to loquacity has of shortening our language had once run so of late years made a very considerable altera- far, that some of our celebrated authors, tion in our language, by closing in one syllable among whom we may reckon Sir Roger L'Esthe termination of our præterperfect tense, as trange in particular, began to prune their words in these words, drown'd, walk'd, arriv'd, for of all superfluous letters, as they termed them, 'drowned, walked, arrived,' which has very in order to adjust the spelling to the pronuncimuch disfigured the tongue, and turned a tion; which would have confounded all our tenth part of our smoothest words into so many etymologies, and have quite destroyed our clusters of consonants. This is the more re-tongue. markable, because the want of vowels in our We may here likewise observe that our prolanguage has been the general complaint of our politest authors, who nevertheless are the men that have made these retrenchments, and consequently very much increased our former scarcity.

This reflection on the words that end in ed, I have heard in conversation from one of the

per names when familiarized in English, generally dwindle to monosyllables, whereas in other modern languages they receive a softer turn on this occasion, by the addition of a new syllable.-Nick in Italian is Nicolina; Jack in French Janot; and so of the rest.

There is another particular in our language greatest geniuses this age has produced." I which is a great instance of our frugality of think we may add to the foregoing observation, words, and that is, the suppressing of several the change which has happened in our lan-particles which must be produced in other guage, by the abbreviation of several words tongues to make a sentence intelligible. This often perplexes the best writers, when they find the relatives' whom, which,' or they,' at their mercy, whether they may have admission for not; and will never be decided until we

* This was probably Dean Swift, who has made the same observation in his proposal for correcting, improve ing, and ascertaining the English Tongue, &c.-See Swift's Works.

have something like an academy, that by the so soldier-like a manner, and brought up those best authorities and rules drawn from the troops which were covered from the enemy at analogy of languages shall settle all contro- the beginning of the day; besides this, he had versies between grammar and idiom. at last the good fortune to be the man who

I have only considered our language as it took Count Piper.* With all this fire I knew shows the genius and natural temper of the my cousin to be the civilest creature in the English, which is modest, thoughtful, and sin- world. He never made any impertinent show cere, and which, perhaps, may recommend of his valour, and then he had an excellent the people, though it has spoiled the tongue. genius for the world in every other kind. I We might, perhaps, carry the same thought had letters from him (here I felt in my pockinto other languages, and deduce a great part ets) that exactly spoke the Czar's character, of what is peculiar to them from the genius of which I knew perfectly well; and I could not the people who speak them. It is certain, the forbear concluding, that I lay with his imperial light talkative humour of the French has not a majesty twice or thrice a week all the while he little infected their tongue, which might be lodged at Deptford. What is worse than all shown by many instances; as the genius of this, it is impossible to speak to me, but you the Italians, which is so much addicted to mu- give me some occasion of coming out with sic and ceremony, has moulded all their one lie or other, that has neither wit, humour, words and phrases to those particular uses. prospect of interest, or any other motive that The stateliness and gravity of the Spaniards I can think of in nature. The other day, when shows itself to perfection in the solemnity of one was commending an eminent and learned their language; and the blunt honest humour divine, what occasion in the world had I to of the Germans sounds better in the roughness say, Methinks he would look more venerable of the High-Dutch, than it would in a politer if he were not so fair a man?' I remember the tongue.

No. 136.] Monday, August 6, 1711.

Parthis mendacior

C.

Hor. Lib. 2. Ep. i. 112.

A greater liar Parthia never bred. ACCORDING to the request of this strange fellow, I shall print the following letter:

MR. SPECTATOR,

company smiled. I have seen the gentleman since, and he is coal-black. I have intimations every day in my life that nobody believes me, yet I am never the better. I was saying something the other day to an old friend at Will's coffee-house, and he made no manner of answer; but told me that an acquaintance of Tully the orator having two or three times together said to him, without receiving any answer, "that upon his honour he was but that very month forty years of age;" Tully answered, " Surely you think me the most incredulous man in the world, if I do not believe what 'I shall without any manner of preface or you have told me every day these ten years." apology acquaint you, that I am, and ever The mischief of it is, I find myself wonderfulhave been from my youth upward, one of the greatest liars this island has produced. I have ly inclined to have been present at every ocread all the moralists upon the subject, but currence that is spoken of before me; this has led me into many inconveniencies, but indeed could never find any effect their discourses had upon me, but to add to my misfortune by they have been the fewer, because I am no illnatured man, and never speak things to any new thoughts and ideas, and making me more man's disadvantage. I I never directly defame, ready in my language, and capable of some- but I do what is as bad in the consequence, for times mixing seeming truths with my improba- I have often made a man say such and such a With this strong passion towards lively expression, who was born a mere elder falsehood in this kind, there does not live an brother. When one has said in my hearing, honester man, or a sincerer friend; but my Such a one is no wiser than he should be," imagination runs away with me, and whatever I immediately have replied, Now 'faith, I is started, I have such a scene of adventures cannot see that, he said a very good thing appears in an instant before me, that I cannot to my lord Such-a-One, upon such an occasion, help uttering them, though to iny immediate and the like." Such an honest dolt as this has confusion, I cannot but know I am liable to been watched in every expression he uttered, be detected by the first man I meet. Upon occasion of the mention of the battle upon my recommendation of him, and consequently been subject to the more ridicule. I of Pultowa,* I could not forbear giving an aconce endeavoured to cure myself of this impercount of a kinsman of mine, a young merchant tinent quality, and resolved to hold my tongue who was bred at Muscow, that had too much for seven days together; I did so, but then I mettle to attend books of entries and accounts, had so many winks and unnecessary distorwhen there was so active a scene in the coun- tions of my face upon what any body else said, try where he resided, and followed the Czar as a volunteer. This warm youth (born at the that I found I only forebore the expression, instant the thing was spoke of) was the man who unhorsed the Swedish general, he was the occasion that the Muscovites kept their fire in

bilities.

*Fought July 8, 1709, between Charles XII. of Sweden and Peter I. emperor of Russia: wherein Charles was entirely defeated,and compelled to seek refuge in Turkey.

and that I still lied in my heart to every man I met with. You are to know one thing (which I believe you will say is a pity, considering the use I should have made of it) I never travelled

*Prime Minister of Charles XII.

↑ In the spring of the year 1698.

in my life; but I do not know whether I could the world, lest what happened between him have spoken of any foreign country with more and a great beauty should ever be known. Yet familiarity than I do at present, in company again he comforts himself" Hang the jade who are strangers to me. I have cursed the her woman. If money can keep the slut trusinns in Germany; commended the brothels at ty I will do it, though I mortgage every acre; Venice; the freedom of conversation in France; Anthony and Cleopatra for that; all for love and though I never was out of this dear town, and the world well lost."* and fifty miles about it, have been three nights together dogged by bravoes, for an intrigue with a cardinal's mistress at Rome.

Then, sir, there is my little merchant, honest Indigo of the 'Change, there is my man for loss and gain; there is tare and tret, there 'It were endless to give you particulars of is lying all round the globe; he has such a this kind; but I can assure you, Mr. Spectator, prodigious intelligence, he knows all the French there are about twenty or thirty of us in this are doing, or what we intend or ought to intend, town: I mean by this town the cities of Lon- and has it from such hands.-But, alas, whither don and Westminster; I say there are in town am I running! while I complain, while I rea sufficient number of us to make a society monstrate to you, even all this is a lie, and there among ourselves; and since we cannot be be- is not one such person of quality, lover, soldier lieved any longer, I beg of you to print this or merchant, as I have now described in the my letter, that we may meet together, and be whole world, that I know of. But I will catch under such regulation as there may be no oc-myself once in my life, and in spite of nature casion for belief or confidence among us. If speak one truth, to wit, that

you think fit, we might be called "The His

torians," for lier is become a very harsh word. T. And that a member of the society may not hereafter be ill received by the rest of the

'I am your humble servant, &c.

gauderent, dolerent, suo potius quam alterius arbitrio. Tull. Epist.

At hæc etiam servis semper libera fuerunt, timerent,

Even slaves were always at liberty to fear, rejoice, and

grieve, at their own rather than another's pleasure.

world, I desire you would explain a little this No. 137.] Tuesday, August 7, 1711. sort of men, and not let us historians be ranked, as we are in the imaginations of ordinary people, among common liars, make-bates, impostors, and incendiaries. For your instruction herein, you are to know that an historian in conversation is only a person of so pregnant a fancy, that he cannot be contented with ordinaIt is no small concern to me, that I find so ry occurrences. I know a man of quality of our order, who is of the wrong side of forty- whose portion it is to live in servitude, that many complaints from that part of mankind three, and has been of that age, according to those whom they depend upon will not allow Tully's jest, for some years since, whose vein them to be even as happy as their condition is upon the romantic. Give him the least oc- will admit of. There are, as these unhappy casion, and he will tell you something so very correspondents inform me, masters who are particular that happened in such a year, and offended at a cheerful countenance, and think in such company, where by the by was pre-a servant is broke loose from them, if he does sent such a one, who was afterwards made not preserve the utmost awe in their presence. such a thing. Out of all these circumstances, There is one who says, if he looks satisfied, his in the best language of the world, he will join master asks him, 'What makes him so pert together, with such probable incidents, an ac- this morning?' if a little sour, Hark ye, sircount that shows a person of the deepest pene-rah, are not you paid your wages?' The poor tration, the honestest mind, and withal some- creatures live in the most extreme misery thing so humble when he speaks of himself, together; the master knows not how to pre that you would admire. Dear sir, why should this be lying! There is nothing so instructive. It seems this person is of a sullen nature, that serve respect, nor the servant how to give it. He has withal the gravest aspect; something so he knows but little satisfaction in the midst of very venerable and great! Another of these a plentiful fortune, and secretly frets to see historians is a young man whom we would take any appearance of content in one that lives in, though he extremely wants parts; as peo- upon the hundredth part of his income, while ple send children (before they can learn any he is unhappy in the possession of the whole. thing) to school, to keep them out of harm's Uneasy persons, who cannot possess their own way.He tells things which have nothing minds, vent their spleen upon oll who depend at all in them, and can neither please nor disupon them; which, I think, is expressed in a please, but merely take up your time to no manner of purpose, no manner of delight; but lively manner in the following letters. he is good-natured, and does it because he loves to be saying something to you, and entertain you.

• SIR,

August 2, 1711.

'I have read your Spectator of the third of the last month, and wish I had the happiness of 'I could name you a soldier that hath done being preferred to serve so good a master as very great things without slaughter; he is Sir Roger. The character of my master is prodigiously dull and slow of head, but what the very reverse of that good and gentle he can say is for ever false, so that we must bave him.

'Give me leave to tell you of one more, who is a lover; he is the most afflicted creature in VOL. I.

* This is an allusion to Dryden's play of All for Love, or The World well Lost. It is generally considered the best dramatic production of that great man. 23

'I am your loving friend, PATIENCE GIDDY."

knight's. All his directions are given, and his again, and then she will not go out at all, and mind revealed by way of contraries: as when then will go too, and orders the chariot. Now, any thing is to be remembered, with a peculiar good Mr. Specter, I desire you would, in the cast of face he cries, "Be sure to forget now.' behalf of all who serve froward ladies, give If I am to make haste back, "Do not come out in your paper, that nothing can be done these two hours; be sure to call by the way without allowing time for it, and that one can upon some of your companions." Then ano-not be back again with what one was sent for, ther excellent way of his is, if he sets me any if one is called back before one can go a step thing to do, which he knows must necessarily for that they want. And if you please, let take up half a day, he calls ten times in a quar- them know that all mistresses are as like as ter of an hour to know whether I have done all servants. yet. This is his manner; and the same perverseness runs through all his actions, according as the circumstances vary. Besides all this, he is so suspicious, that he submits himThese are great calamities; but I met the self to the drudgery of a spy. He is as unhappy himself as he makes his servants: he other day in the Five-fields, towards Chelsea, a pleasanter tyrant than either of the above is constantly watching us, and we differ no more in pleasure and liberty than as a jailer represented. A fat fellow was puffing on in and a prisoner. He lays traps for faults, and his open waistcoat; a boy of fourteen in a no sooner makes a discovery, but falls into livery, carrying after him his cloak, upper such language, as I am more ashamed of for coat, hat, wig, and sword. The poor lad was coming from him, than for being directed to ready to sink with the weight, and could not me. This, sir, is a short sketch of a master I keep up with his master, who turned back have served upwards of nine years; and though every half furlong, and wondered what made I have never wronged him, I confess my des- the lazy young dog lag behind. pair of pleasing him has very much abated my endeavour to do it. If you will give me leave to steal a sentence out of my master's Clarendon, I shall tell you my case in a word, Being used worse than I deserved, I cared less to deserve well than I had done."

man.

'I am, Sir, your humble servant,
'RALPH VALET.

DEAR MR. SPECTATOR,

There is something very unaccountable, that people cannot put themselves in the condition of the persons below them, when they consider the commands they give. But there is nothing more common, than to see a fellew (who if he were reduced to it, would not be hired by any man living) lament that he is troubled with the most worthless dogs in na

ture.

regard he has to them in their private persons, as well as in respect that they are his servants. If there be any occasion, wherein they may in themselves be supposed to be unfit to attend their master's concerns, by reason of any attention to their own, he is so good as to place himself in their condition. I thought it very becoming in him, when at dinner the other day, he made an apology for want of more attendants. He said, 'One of my footmen is gone to the wedding of his sister, and the other I do not expect to wait, because his father died but two days ago.'

It would, perhaps, be running too far out of common life to urge, that he who is not master "I am the next thing to a lady's woman, and of himself and his own passions, cannot be a am under both my lady and her woman. I am proper master of another. Equanimity in a so used by them both, that I should be very man's own words and actions, will easily difglad to see them in the Specter. My lady her- fuse itself through his whole family. Pamself is of no mind in the world, and for that philia has the happiest household of any man reason her woman is of twenty minds in a mo- I know, and that proceeds from the humane ment. My lady is one that never knows what to do with herself; she pulls on and puts off every thing she wears twenty times before she resolves upon it for that day. I stand at one end of the room, and reach things to her woWhen my lady asks for a thing, I hear, and have half brought it, when the woman meets me in the middle of the room to receive it, and at that instant she says, "No she will not have it." Then I go back, and her woman comes up to her, and by this time she will have that, and two or three things more in an inThe woman and I run to each other; I am loaded and delivering the things to her, when my lady says she wants none of all these things, and we are the dullest creatures in the No. 138.] Wednesday, August 8, 1711. world, and she the unhappiest woman living, for she shall not be drest in any time. Thus we stand not knowing what to do, when our good lady with all the patience in the world tells us as plain as she can speak, that she will have temper because we have no manner of understanding; and begins again to dress, and see if we can find out of ourselves what we are to do. When she is dressed she goes to dinner, and after she has disliked every thing there, she calls for a coach, then commands it in

stant.

T.

Utitur in re non dubiâ testibus non necessariis.-Tull.

He uses unnecessary proofs in an indisputable point.

ONE meets now and then with persons who are extremely learned and knotty in expounding clear cases. Tully tells us of an author that spent some pages to prove that generals could not perform the great enterprises