by surprise, puts his hands in our necks, tears our fans, robs us of ribbands, forces letters out of our hands, looks into any of our papers, and a thousand other rudenesses. Now what will desire of you is, to acquaint him, by printing this, that if he does not marry one of us very suddenly, we have all agreed, the next time he pretends to be merry, to affront him, and use him like a clown as he is. In the name of the sisterhood I take my leave of you, and am, as they all are, other, for the speculation of this day. Cicero tells us,* that Plato reports Socrates, upon receiving his sentence, to have spoken to his judges in the following manner : 'I have great hopes, O my judges, that it is infinitely to my advantage that I am sent to death: for it must of necessity be, that one of these two things must be the consequence. Death must take away all these senses, ór convey me to another life. If all sense is to be taken away, and death is no more than that profound sleep without dreams in which we are sometimes buried, oh, heavens! how 'I and several others of your female readers know in life preferable to such a state? desirable it is to die! How many days do we have conformed ourselves to your rules, even if it be true that death is but a passage to But to our very dress. There is not one of us but Your constant reader and well-wisher. MR. SPECTATOR, mus, others. has reduced our outward petticoat to its an- places which they who lived before us do now tient sizeable circumference, though indeed inhabit, how much still happier is it to go from those who call themselves judges to apwe retain still a quilted one underneath; which makes us not altogether unconformable pear before those who really are such; before Minos, Rhadamanthus, Eacus, and Triptoleto the fashion; but it is on condition Mr. Spectator extends not his censure too far. But we and to meet men who have lived with justice and truth? Is this, do you think, no find you men secretly approve our practice, by imitating our pyramidical form. The skirt happy journey? Do you think it nothing to of your fashionable coats forms as large a cir-speak with Orpheus, Museus, Homer, and cumference as our petticoats; as these are set Hesiod? I would, indeed, suffer many deaths With what particular out with whalebone, so are those with wire, to enjoy these things. to increase and sustain the bunch of fold that delight should It Ik to Palamedes, Ajax, and hangs down on each side; and the hat, I per- iniquity of their judges. I should examine the who like me have suffered by the ceive is decreased in just proportion to our wisdom of that great prince, who carried such head-dresses. We make a regular figure, but I defy your mathematics to give name to the mighty forces against Troy; and argue with form you appear in. Your architecture is mere Ulysses and Sisyphus upon difficult points, as I have in conversation here, without being gothic, and betrays a worse genius than ours; therefore if you are partial to your own sex, But let not in danger of being condemned. those shall be less than I am now, among you who have pronounced me` an innocent man be afraid of death. No harm can arrive at a good man, whether dead or living; his affairs are always under the direction of the gods; nor will I believe the fate which is allotted to me myself this day to have arrived by chance; nor have I aught to say either against my judges or ascusers, but that they thought they did me an injury.—But I detain you too long, it is time that I retire to death, and you to your affairs of life; which of us has the better is known to the gods, but to no mortal man.' T. 'Your humble servant.' No. 146.] Friday, August 17, 1711. Nemo vir magnus sine aliquo afflatu divino unquam fuit. We know the highest pleasure our minds are capable of enjoying with composure, when we read sublime thoughts commumicated to us by men of great genius and eloquence. The divine Socrates is here represented in Such is the entertainment we meet with in the a figure worthy his great wisdom and philophilosophic parts of Cicero's writings. Iruth sophy, worthy the greatest mere man that and good sense have here so charming a dress, ever breathed. But the modern discourse is that they could hardly be more agreeably re-written upon a subject no less than the dissopresented with the addition of poetical fiction, lution of nature itself. Oh how glorious is and the power of numbers. This ancient au- the old age of that great man, who has spent thor, and a modern one, have fallen into my his time in such contemplations as has made hands within these few days; and the impres- this being, what only it should be, an educasions they have left upon me have at the pre- tion for heaven! He has, according to the sent quite spoiled me for a merry fellow. The lights of reason and revelation, which seemed modern is that admirable writer the author of to him clearest, traced the steps of Omnipo-. The Theory of the Earth. The subjects with tence. He has with a celestial ambition, as far which I have lately been entertained in them as it is consistent with humility and devoboth bear a near affinity; they are upon en- tion, examined the ways of Providence, from quiries into hereafter, and the thoughts of the the creation to the dissolution of the visible latter seem to me to be raised above those of world. How pleasing must have been the the former, in proportion to his advantages speculation, to observe Nature and Providence of scripture and revelation. If I had a mind move together, the physical and moral world to it, I could not at present talk of any thing march the same pace: to observe paradise and else; therefore I shall translate a passage in the one, and transcribe a paragraph out of the * Tusculan. Quæstion. lib. 1. eternal spring the seat of innocence, troubled |lected, that I take the liberty to offer your seasons and angry skies the portion of wick-consideration some particulars on that subject. edness and vice. When this admirable author And what more worthy your observation than has reviewed all that is past, or is to come, this? A thing so public, and of so high conwhich relates to the habitable world, and run sequence. It is indeed wonderful, that the through the whole face of it, how could a frequent exercise of it should not make the guardian angel, that had attended it through performers of that duty more expert in it. This all its courses or changes, speak more emphatically at the end of his charge, than does our author when he makes, as it were, a funeral oration over this globe, looking to the point where it once stood? inability, as I conceive, proceeds from the little care that is taken of their reading, while boys and at school, where, when they are got into Latin, they are looked upon as above English, the reading of which is wholly neglected, Let us only, if you please, to take leave of or at least read to very little purpose, without this subject, reflect upon this occasion on the any due observations made to them of the provanity and transient glory of this habitable per accent and manner of reading; by this world. How by the force of one element means they have acquired such ill habits as breaking loose upon the rest, all the varieties will not easily be removed. The only way of nature, all the works of art, all the labours that I know of to remedy this, is to propose of men are reduced to nothing. All that we some person of great ability that way as a admired and adored before as great and mag-pattern for them; example being most effectunificent, is obliterated or vanished; and an-al to convince the learned, as well as instruct other form and face of things, plain, simple, the ignorant. The and every where the same, overspreads the 'You must know, sir, I have been a conwhole earth. Where are now the great em- stant frequenter of the service of the church pires of the world, and their great imperial of England for above these four years last past, cities? their pillars, trophies, and monuments and until Sunday was seven-night never disof glory? show me where they stood, read the covered, to so great a degree, the excellency inscription, tell me the victor's name. What of the Common-Prayer. When, being at Saint remains, what impressions, what difference, or James's Garlick-Hill church,* I heard the serdistinction, do you see in this mass of fire? vice read so distinctly, so emphatically, and Rome itself, eternal Rome, the great city, the so fervently, that it was next to an impossiempress of the world, whose domination and bility to be unattentive. My eyes and my superstition, ancient and modern, make a great thoughts could not wander as usual, but were part of the history of the earth, what is become confined to my prayers. I then considered I of her now? She laid her foundations deep, addressed myself to the Almighty, and not to and her palaces were strong and sumptuous. a beautiful face. And when I reflected on my "She glorified herself, and lived deliciously, former performances of that duty, I found and said in her heart, I sit a queen, and shall I had run it over as a matter of form, in comsee no sorrow :" But her hour is come, she is parison to the manner in which I then diswiped away from the face of the earth, and charged it. My mind was really affected, and buried in everlasting oblivion. But it is not fervent wishes accompanied my words. cities only, and works of men's hands, but the Confession was read with such a resigned hueverlasting hills, the mountains and rocks of milify, the Absolution with such a comfortable the earth are melted as wax before the sun, authority, the Thanksgivings with such a reliand "their place is no where found." Here gious joy, as made me feel those affections of stood the Alps, the load of the earth, that co- the mind in a manner I never did before. To vered many countries, and reached their arms remedy therefore the grievance above comfrom the ocean to the Black Sea; this huge plained of, I humbly propose, that this excelmass of stone is softened and dissolved as a lent reader, upon the next and every annual tender cloud into rain. Here stood the Afri-assembly of the clergy of Sion-college, and all can mountains, and Atlas with his top above other conventions, should read prayers before the clouds; there was frozen Caucases, and them. For then those that are afraid of Taurus, and Imaus, and the mountains of Asia; stretching their mouths, and spoiling their and yonder towards the north, stood the Riph-soft voices, will learn to read with clearness, æan hills clothed in ice and snow. All these loudness, and strength. Others that affect a are vanished, dropt away as the snow upon their heads. "Great and marvellous are thy works, just and true are thy ways, thou King of saints! Hallelujah.' "'* No. 147.] Saturday, August 18, 1711. T. rakish, negligent air, by folding their arms and lolling on their books, will be taught a decent behaviour, and comely erection of body. Those that read so fast, as if impatient of their work, may learn to speak deliberately. There is another sort of persons, whom I call Pindaric readers, as being confined to no set measure; deliberation, and the five or six subsequent these pronounce five or six words with great ones with as great celerity: the first part of a sentence with a very exalted voice, and the latter part with a submissive one: sometimes * The rector of this parish at that time was Mr. Phillip Stubbs, afterwards archdeacon of St. Alban's. * again with one sort of a tone, and immedi-|lence. I remember to have heard Doctor ately after with a very different one. These Ssay in his pulpit, of the Commongentlemen will learn of my admired reader an Prayer, that, at least, it was as perfect as any evenness of voice and delivery, and all who thing of human institution. If the gentlemen are innocent of these affectations, but read who err in this kind would please to recollect with such an indifferency as if they did not the many pleasantries they have read upon understand the language, may then be in- those who recite good things with an ill grace, formed of the art of reading movingly and they would go on to think that what in that fervently, how to place the emphasis, and give case is only ridiculous, in themselves is impithe proper accent to each word, and how to ous. But leaving this to their own reflections, vary the voice according to the nature of the I shall conclude this trouble with what Cæsar sentence. There is certainly a very great dif- said upon the irregularity of tone in one who ference between the reading a prayer and a read before him, "Do you read or sing? If Gazette, which I beg of you to inform a set you sing, you sing very ill."t of readers, who affect, forsooth, a certain gentleman-like familiarity of tone, and mend the language as they go on, crying, instead of 'pardoneth and absolveth,' pardons and ab- No. 148.] Monday, August 20, 1711. solves. These are often pretty classical scholars, and would think it an unpardonable sin to read Virgil or Martial with so little taste as they do divine service. T. "Your most humble servant.' -Exempta juvat spinis è pluribus una. Better one thorn pluck'd out, than all remain. This indifferency seems to me to rise from the endeavour of avoiding the imputation of My correspondents assure me that the enorcant, and the false notion of it. It will be pro- mities which they lately complained of, and I per therefore to trace the original and signifi- published an account of, are so far from being cation of this word. Cant' is, by some peo- amended, that new evils arise every day to inple, derived from one Andrew Cant, who, they terrupt their conversation, in contempt of my say, was a presbyterian minister in some illite- reproofs. My friend who writes from the cofrate part of Scotland, who by exercise and use fee-house near the Temple, informs me that the had obtained the faculty, alias gift, of talking in gentleman who constantly sings a voluntary in the pulpit in such a dialect, that it is said he was spite of the whole company, was more musical understood by none but his own congregation, than ordinary after reading my paper; and and not by all of them. Since master Cant's has not been contented with that, but has danctime, it has been understood in a larger ed up to the glass in the middle of the room, sense, and signifies all sudden exclamations, and practised minuet-steps to his own humwhinings, unusual tones, and in fine all pray-ming. The incorrigible creature has gone still ing and preaching, like the unlearned of the farther, and in the open coffee-house, with one Presbyterians. But I hope a proper elevation hand extended as leading a lady in it, he has of voice, a due emphasis and accent, are not danced both French and country-dances, and to come within this description. So that our admonished his supposed partner by smiles readers may still be as unlike the Presbyterians and nods to hold up her head and fall back, as they please. The dissenters (I mean such according to the respective facings and evoluas I have heard) do indeed elevate their voices, tions of the dance. Before this gentleman bebut it is with sudden jumps from the lower to gan this his exercise, he was pleased to clear the higher part of them; and that with so lit- his throat by coughing and spitting a full half tle sense or skill, that their elevation and ca- hour; and as soon as he struck up, he appealdence is bawling and muttering. They make ed to an attorney's clerk in the room, whether use of an emphasis, but so improperly, that it he hit as he ought, Since you from death have is often placed on some very insignificant par- saved me?' and then asked the young fellow ticle, as upon if' or 'and.' Now if these im-(pointing to a chancery-bill under his arm) proprieties have so great an effect on the peo-whether that was an opera-score he carried or ple, as we see they have, how great an influ- not? Without staying for an answer, he fell inence would the service of our church, contain- to the exercise above-mentioned, and practised ing the best prayers that ever were composed, his airs to the full house who were turned upon and that in terms most affecting, most humble, him, without the least shame or repentance for and most expressive of our wants and depen- his former transgressions. dence on the object of our worship, disposed I am to the last degree at a loss what to do in most proper order, and void of all confusion; with this young fellow, except I declare him what influence, I say, would these prayers an outlaw, and pronounce it penal for any have, were they delivered with a due empha-one to speak to him in the said house which sis, and apposite rising and variation of voice, he frequents, and direct that he be obliged to the sentence concluded with a gentle cadence, drink his tea and coffee without sugar, and and in a word, with such an accent and turn of not receive from any person whatsoever any speech as is peculiar to prayer. thing above mere necessaries. 'As the matter of worship is now managed, in dissenting congregations, you find insignificant words and phrases raised by a lively vehemence; in our own churches, the most exalt ed sense depreciated, by a dispassionate indo As we in England are a sober people, and generally inclined rather to a certain bashful *Probably Dr. Smalridge. Si legis, cantas: si cantas, male cantas. But I must not omit the dearer part of man ness of behaviour in public, it is amazing ed upon me any day since I came to town last, whence some fellows come whom one meets and has communicated to me as a secret, that with in this town; they do not at all seem to he designed in a very short time to tell me be the growth of our island; the pert, the a secret; but I shall know what he means, talkative, all such as have no sense of the ob- he now assures me, in less than a fortnight's servation of others, are certainly of foreign time. extraction. As for my part, I am as much surprised when I see a talkative Englishman, kind, I mean the ladies, to take up a whole as I should be to see the Indian pine growing paper upon grievances which concern the men on one of our quickest hedges. Where these only; but shall humbly propose, that we change creatures get sun enough, to make them such fools for an experiment only. A certain set lively animals and dull men, is above my phi- of ladies complain they are frequently perlosophy. plexed with a visitant, who affects to be wiser There are another kind of impertinents than they are; which character he hopes to which a man is perplexed with in mixed com- preserve by an obstinate gravity, and great pany, and those are your loud speakers. guard against discovering his opinion upon These treat mankind as if we were all deaf; any occasion whatsoever. A painful silence they do not express but declare themselves. has hitherto gained him no farther advanMany of these are guilty of this outrage out of tage, than that as he might, if he had behavvanity, because they think all they say is well; ed himself with freedom, been excepted against, or that they have their own persons in such ve- but as to this and that particular, he now of neration, that they believe nothing which con- fends in the whole. To relieve these ladies, cerns them can be insignificant to any body my good friends and correspondents, I shall else. For these people's sake, I have often la- exchange my dancing outlaw for their dumb mented that we cannot close our ears with as visitant, and assign the silent gentleman all much ease as we can our eyes. It is very un- the haunts of the dancer; in order to which, easy that we must necessarily be under perse-I have sent them by the penny-post the followcution. Next to these bawlers, is a troublesome ing letters for their conduct in their new concreature who comes with the air of your friend versations. and your intimate, and that is your whisperer. There is one of them at a coffee house which I 6 SIR, 'I have, you may be sure, heard of your irmyself frequent, who observing me to be a regularities without regard to my observations man pretty well made for secrets, gets by me, upon you; but shall not treat you with so and with a whisper tells me things which all much rigour as you deserve. If you will give the town knows. It is no very hard matter to yourself the trouble to repair to the place guess at the source of this impertinence, which mentioned in the postscript to this letter at is nothing else but a method of mechanic art seven this evening, you will be conducted into of being wise. You never see any frequent in a spacious room well-lighted, where there are it, whom you can suppose to have any thing in ladies and music. You will see a young lady the world to do. These persons are worse than laughing next the window to the street; you bawlers, as much as a secret enemy is more may take her out, for she loves you as well as dangerous than a declared one. I wish this she does any man, though she never saw you my coffee-house friend would take this for an in- before. She never thought in her life, any timation, that I have not heard one word he more than yourself. She will not be surprishas told me for these several years; whereas ed when you accost her, nor concerned when he now thinks me the most trusty repository of you leave her. Hasten from a place where his secrets. The whisperers have a pleasant you are laughed at, to one where you will way of ending the close conversation, with be admired. You are of no consequence, saying aloud, Do not you think so?" Then therefore go where you will be welcome for whisper again, and then aloud, But you being so. SIR, 'Your humble servant.' 'The ladies whom you visit, think a wise know that person:' then whisper again. The thing would be well enough, if they whispered to keep the folly of what they say among friends; but, alas, they do it to preserve the importance of their thoughts. I am sure I man the most impertinent creature living, could name you more than one person whom therefore you cannot be offended that they are no man living ever heard talk upon any sub-displeased with you. Why will you take pains ject in nature, or ever saw in his whole life to appear wise, where you would not be the with a book in his hand, that, I know not how, more esteemed for being really so? Come to can whisper something like knowledge of what us; forget the gigglers; let your inclination has and does pass in the world; which go along with you whether you speak or are would think he learned from some familiar silent; and let all such women as are in a clan spirit that did not think him worthy to receive or sisterhood go their own way; there is no the whole story. But in truth whisperers deal room for you in that company who are of the only in half accounts of what they entertain common taste of the sex. you with. A great help to their discourse is, That the town says, and people begin to talk very freely, and they had it from persons too considerable to be named, what they tell you when things are riper.' My friend has wink you 'For women born to be controll'd * Waller. T. No. 149.] Tuesday, August 21, 1711. Cui in manu sit quem esse dementem velit, Who has it in her pow'r to make men mad, for where the men are equal, there is no doubt riches ought to be a reason for preference. After this manner, my dear child, I would have you abstract them from their circumstances; for you are to take it for granted, that he who is very humble only because he is poor, is the very same man in nature, with him who is haughty because he is rich. 'When you have gone thus far, as to consi THE following letter, and my answer, shall der the figure they make towards you; you take up the present speculation. are therefore to consider whether you had rather oblige, than receive an obligation. will please, my dear, next to consider the appearance you make towards them. If they are " MR. SPECTATOR, men of discerning, they can observe the mo'I am the young widow of a country gentle- tives of your heart: and Florio can see when man, who has left me entire mistress of a large he is disregarded only upon account of fortune, fortune, which he agreed to as an equivalent which makes you to him a mercenary creafor the difference in our years. In these cir- ture; and you are still the same thing to Strecumstances it is not extraordinary to have a phon, in taking him for his wealth only: you crowd of admirers; which I have abridged in my own thoughts, and reduced to a couple of candidates only, both young, and neither of 'The marriage-life is always an insipid, a them disagreeable in their persons: according vexatious, or a happy condition. The first is, to the common way of computing, in one the when two people of no genius or taste for estate more than deserves my fortune, in the themselves meet together, upon such a settleother my fortune more than deserves the estate. ment as has been thought reasonable by pa. When I consider the first, I own I am so far a rents and conveyancers from an exact valuawoman I cannot avoid being delighted with the tion of the land and cash of both parties. In thoughts of living great; but then, he seems to this case the young lady's person is no more receive such a degree of courage from the regarded, than the house and improvements knowledge of what he has, he looks as if he in purchase of an estate: but she goes with was going to confer an obligation on me; and her fortune, rather than her fortune with her. the readiness he accosts me with, makes me These make up the crowd or vulgar of the rich, jealous I am only hearing a repetition of the and fill up the lumber of human race, without same things he has said to a hundred women beneficence towards those below them, or resbefore. When I consider the other, I see my-pect towards those above them; and lead a self approached with so much modesty and despicable, independent, and useless life, respect, and such a doubt of himself, as betrays, without sense of the laws of kindness, goodmethinks, an affection within, and a belief at nature, mutual offices, and the elegant satisthe same time that he himself would be the factions which flow from reason and virtue. only gainer by my consent. What an unex'The vexatious life arises from a conjuncceptionable husband could I make out of both!tion of two people of quick taste and resentbut since that is impossible, I beg to be con-ment, put together for reasons well known to cluded by your opinion. It is absolutely in their friends, in which especial care is taken to your power to dispose of Your most obedient servant, MADAM, 'SYLVIA.' behaviour; when alone they revile each other's person and conduct. In company they are in a purgatory, when only together in a hell. avoid (what they think the chief of evils) poverty, and ensure to them riches, with every evil besides. These good people live in a constant constraint before company, and too great familiarity alone. When they are within ob'You do me great honour in your applica-servation they fret at each other's carriage and tion to me on this important occasion; I shall therefore talk to you with the tenderness of a father, in gratitude for your giving me the authority of one. You do not seem to make 'The happy marriage is, where two persons any great distinction between these gentlemen meet and voluntarily make choice of each as to their persons; the whole question lies up- other, without principally regarding or neg. on their circumstances and behaviour. If the lecting the circumstances of fortune or beauone is less respectful because he is rich, and ty. These may still love in spite of adverthe other more obsequious because he is not sity or sickness: the former we may in some so, they are in that point moved by the same measure defend ourselves from, the other is principle, the consideration of fortune, and you the portion of our very make. When you must place them in each other's circumstances have a true notion of this sort of passion, before you can judge of their inclination. To your humour of living great will vanish out of avoid confusion in discussing this point, I will your imagination, and you will find love has call the richer man Strephon, and the other nothing to do with state. Solitude, with the Florio. If you believe Florio with Strephon's person beloved, has a pleasure, even in a woestate would behave himself as he does now, man's mind, beyond show or pomp. You are Florio is certainly your man; but if you think therefore to consider which of your lovers will Strephon, were he in Florio's condition, would like you best undressed, which will bear with be as obsequious as Florio is now, you you most when out of humour; and your way ought for your own sake to choose Strephon ; to this is to ask of yourself, which of them you VOL. 1. 25 |