No. 14.] Friday, March 16, 1710-11. Mrs. Rachel herself is gone thither also. There now appear among us none but a few ordinary people, who come to church only to say their prayers, so that I have no work worth speaking of but on Sundays. I have placed my son at the Piazzas, to acquaint the I was reflecting this morning upon the spirit ladies that the bell rings for church, and that it and humour of the public diversions five-and-stands on the other side of the garden; but twenty years ago, and those of the present they only laugh at the child. time; and lamented to myself, that though in I desire you would lay this before all the those days they neglected their morality, they world, that I may not be made such a tool for kept up their good sense; but that the beau the future, and that punchinello may choose monde, at present, is only grown more child-hours less canonical. As things are now, Mr. ish, not more innocent than the former. Powell has a full congregation, while we have While I was in this train of thought, an odd a very thin house; which if you can remedy, fellow, whose face I have often seen at the you will very much oblige, Sir, playhouse, gave me the following letter with these words: Sir, the Lion presents his humble service to you, and desired me to give this into your own hands." SIR, 6 "From my den in the Haymarket, Yours, &c. The following epistle I find is from the undertaker of the masquerade. SIR, We 'I have observed the rules of my mask so carefully (in not inquiring into persons) that I * I have read all your papers, and have stifl- cannot tell whether you were one of the comed my resentment against your reflections up-pany or not, last Tuesday; but if you were not, on operas, until that of this day, wherein you and still design to come, I desire you would, plainly insinuate, that Signior Nicolini and my- for your own entertainment, please to admonish self have a correspondence more friendly than the town, that all persons indifferently are not is consistent with the valour of his character, fit for this sort of diversion. I could wish, or the fierceness of mine. I desire you would, sir, you could make them understand that it for your own sake, forbear such intimations is a kind of acting to go in masquerade, and for the future; and must say it is a great piece a man should be able to say or do things proof ill-nature in you, to show so great an esteem per for the dress in which he appears. for a foreigner, and to discourage a Lion that have now and then rakes in the habit of Rois your own countryman. man senators, and grave politicians in the dress I take notice of your fable of the lion and of rakes. The misfortune of the thing is, that man, but am so equally concerned in that mat-people dress themselves in what they have a ter, that I shall not be offended to which soever mind to be, and not what they are fit for. There of the animals the superiority is given. You is not a girl in the town, but let her have her have misrepresented me, in saying that I am a will in going to a mask, and she shall dress as country gentleman, who act only for my diver- a shepherdess. But let me beg of them to sion; whereas, had I still the same woods to read the Arcadia, or some other good romance, range in which I once had when I was a fox-before they appear in any such character at hunter, I should not resign my manhood for a maintenance; and assure you, as low as my circumstances are at present, I am so much a man of honour, that I would scorn to be any beast for bread, but a lion. Yours, &c.' I had no sooner ended this, than one of my landlady's children brought me in several others, with some of which I shall make up my present paper, they all having a tendency to the same subject, viz. the elegance of our present diversions. my house. The last day we presented, every body was so rashly habited, that when they came to speak to each other, a nymph with a crook had not a word to say but in the pert style of the pit bawdry; and a man in the habit of a philosopher was speechless, till an occasion offered of expressing himself in the refuse of the tiring rooms. We had a judge that danced a minuet, with a quaker for his partner, while half a dozen harlequins stood by as spectators: a Turk drank me off two bottles of wine, and a Jew eat me up half a ham of bacon. If I can bring my design to bear, and make the maskers preserve their Covent Garden, March 13. characters in my assemblies, I hope you will 'I have been for twenty years under-sexton allow there is a foundation laid for more eleof this parish of St. Paul's, Covent-garden, gant and improving gallantries than any the and have not missed tolling in to prayers six town at present affords, and consequently that times in all those years; which office I have you will give your approbation to the endeaperformed to my great satisfaction, until this vours of, fortnight last past, during which time I find my congregation take the warning of my bell, morning and evening, to go to a puppet-show I am very glad the following epistle obliges set forth by one Powell under the Piazzas. By me to mention Mr. Powell a second time in the this means I have not only lost my two cus-same paper; for indeed there cannot be too tomers, whom I used to place for sixpence a great encouragement given to his skill in mopiece over againt Mas. Rachel Eyebright, but tions, provided he is under proper restrictions. 'SIR, Sir, Your most obedient humble servant.' 'SIR, between the trees, I must own I was not a litTHE opera at the Haymarket, and that un-tle astonished to see a well-dressed young felder the little Piazza in Covent-garden, being at low, in a full-bottomed wig, appear in the present the two leading diversions of the town,midst of the sea, and without any visible conand Mr. Powell professing in his advertise-cern taking snuff, ments to set up Whittington and his Cat 'I shall only observe one thing further, in against Rinaldo and Armida, my curiosity which both dramas agree; which is, that by led me the beginning of last week to view the squeak of their voices the heroes of each both these performances, and make my ob-are eunuchs; and as the wit in both pieces is servations upon them. equal, I must prefer the performance of Mr. Powell, because it is in our own language. First, therefore, I cannot but observe that Mr. Powell wisely forbearing to give his company a bill of fare before-hand, every scene is new and unexpected; whereas it is certain, that the undertakers of the Haymarket, hav-No. ing raised too great an expectation in their printed opera, very much disappoint their audience on the stage. 'I am, &c.' 15.] Saturday, March 17, 1710-11. Ovid, Ars Am. i. 159. The king of Jerusalem is obliged to come Light minds are pleased with trifles. from the city on foot, instead of being drawn. WHEN I was in France, I used to gaze with in a triumphant chariot by white horses, as my great astonishment at the splendid equipages, opera-book had promised me; and thus, while and party-coloured habits, of that fantastic I expected Armida's dragoons should rush for- nation. I was one day in particular contemward towards Argentes, I found the hero was plating a lady that sat in a coach adorned with obliged to go to Armida, and hand her out of gilded Cupids, and finely painted with the her coach. We had also but a very short al- loves of Venus and Adonis. The coach was lowance of thunder and lightning; though I drawn by six milk-white horses, and loaded cannot in this place omit doing justice to the behind with the same number of powdered boy who had the direction of the two painted footmen. Just before the lady were a couple dragons, and made them spit fire and smoke. of beautiful pages, that were stuck among the He flashed out his rosin in such just propor-harness, and by their gay dresses and smiling tions, and in such due time, that I could not features, looked like the elder brothers of the forbear conceiving hopes of his being one day little boys that were carved and painted in a most excellent player. I saw, indeed, but every corner of the coach. two things wanting to render his whole action complete, I mean the keeping his head a little lower, and hiding his candle. after a long and intimate acquaintance, she forsook, upon the account of this shining equipage, which had been offered to her by one of great riches, but a crazy constitution. The circumstances in which I saw her, were, it seems, the disguises only of a broken heart, and a kind of pageantry to cover distress, for in two months after she was carried to her grave with the same pomp and magnificence, being sent thither partly by the loss of one lover, and partly by the possession of ano ther. The lady was the unfortunate Cleanthe, who afterwards gave an occasion to a pretty melancholy novel. She had, for several years, I observed that Mr. Powell and the under-received the addresses of a gentleman, whom, takers of the opera had both the same thought, and I think much about the same time, of introducing animals on their several stages, though indeed with very different success. The sparrows and chaffinches at the Haymarket fly as yet very irregularly over the stage; and instead of perching on the trees, and performing their parts, these young actors either get into the galleries, or put out the candles; whereas Mr. Powell has so well disciplined his pig, that in the first scene he and Punch dance a minuet together. I am informed, however, that Mr. Powell resolves to excel his adversa- I have often reflected with myself on this ries in their own way; and introduce larks in unaccountable humor in womankind, of being his next opera of Susannah, or Innocence Betrayed, which will be exhibited next week, with a pair of new Elders. The moral of Mr. Powell's drama is violated, I confess, by Punch's national reflections on the French, and King Harry's laying his leg upon the Queen's lap, in too ludicrous a manner, before so great an assembly. smitten with every thing that is showy and superficial; and on the numberless evils that befall the sex, from this light fantastical disposition. I myself remember a young lady that was very warmly solicited by a couple of importunate rivals, who, for several months together, did all they could to recommend themselves, by complacency of behaviour, 'As to the mechanism and scenery, every and agreeableness of conversation. At length thing, indeed, was uniform, and of a piece, when the competition was doubtful, and the and the scenes were managed very dexterous-lady undetermined in her choice, one of the ly; which calls on me to take notice, that at the Haymarket, the undertakers forgetting to change the side-scenes, we were presented with a prospect of the ocean in the midst of a delightful grove; and though the gentlemen The usual conversation of ordinary women on the stage had very much contributed to the very much cherishes this natural weakness of beauty of the grove, by walking up and down being taken with outside and appearance. young lovers very luckily bethought himself of adding a supernumerary lace to his liveries, which had so good an effect, that he married her the very week after, ter. Talk of a new-married couple, and you imme-She considers her husband as her steward, and diately hear whether they keep their coach and looks upon discretion and good housewifery as six, or eat in plate. Mention the name of an little domestic virtues, unbecoming a woman absent lady, and it is ten to one but you learn of quality. She thinks life lost in her own fasomething of her gown and petticoat. A ball mily, and fancies herself out of the world, is a great help to discourse, and a birth-day when she is not in the ring, the playhouse, or the furnishes conversation for a twelvemonth af-drawing-room. She lives in a perpetual moA furbelow of precious stones, an hat tion of body, and restlessness of thought, and buttoned with a diamond, a brocade waistcoat is never easy in any one place, when she thinks or petticoat, are standing topics. In short, there is more company in another. The missthey consider only the drapery of the species, ing of an opera the first night, would be more and never cast away a thought on those orna-afflicting to her than the death of a child. She ments of the mind that make persons illustri- pities all the valuable part of her own sex, and ous in themselves, and useful to others. When calls every woman of a prudent, modest, and women are thus perpetually dazzling one ano- retired life, a poor-spirited, unpolished creather's imaginations, and filling their heads with ture. What a mortification would it be to nothing but colours, it is no wonder that they Fulvia, if she knew that her setting herself are more attentive to the superficial parts of to view is but exposing herself, and that she life, than the solid and substantial blessings of grows contemptible by being conspicuous? it. A girl, who has been trained up in this I cannot conclude my paper, without observkind of conversation, is in danger of every ing, that Virgil has very finely touched upon embroidered coat that comes in her way. A this female passion for dress and show, in the pair of fringed gloves may be her ruin. In a character of Camilla; who though she seems word, lace and ribands, silver and gold gal- to have shaken off all the other weaknesses of loons, with the like glittering gewgaws, are so her sex, is still described as a woman in this many lures to women of weak minds and low particular. The poet tells us, that after having educations, and when artificially displayed, made a great slaughter of the enemy, she unare able to fetch down the most airy coquette fortunately cast her eye on a Trojan, who wore from the wildest of her flights and rambles. an embroidered tunic, a beautiful coat of mail, True happiness is of a retired nature, and an with a mantle of the finest purple. 'A golden enemy to pomp and noise; it arises, in the bow,' says he, hung upon his shoulder; his first place, from the enjoyment of one's self; garment was buckled with a golden clasp, and and in the next, from the friendship and con- his head covered with an helmet of the same versation of a few select companions; it loves shining metal.' The Amazon immediately shade and solitude, and naturally haunts groves singled out this well-dressed warrior, being and fountains, fields and meadows: in short, it seized with a woman's longing for the pretty feels every thing it wants within itself, and re- trappings that he was adorned with: ceives no addition from multitudes of witnesses and spectators. On the contrary, false happiness loves to be in a crowd, and to draw the eyes of the world upon her. She does not receive any satisfaction from the applauses which This heedless pursuit after these glittering she gives herself, but from the admiration which she raises in others. She flourishes in trifles, the poet (by a nice concealed moral) recourts and palaces, theatres and assemblies, presents to have been the destruction of his and has no existence but when she is looked female hero." upon. Totumque incauta per agmen No. 16.] En. xi. 782. Monday, March 19, 1710-11. C. Quid verum atque decens curo et rogo, et omnis in hoc sum. What right, what true, what fit we justly call, Pope. Aurelia, though a woman of great quality: delights in the privacy of a country life, and passes away a great part of her time in her own walks and gardens. Her husband, who is her bosom friend and companion in her solitudes, has been in love with her ever since he knew her. They both abound with good sense, consummate virtue, and a mutual esteem; and I HAVE received a letter, desiring me to be are a perpetual entertainment to one another. very satirical upon the little muff that is now Their family is under so regular an economy, in fashion; another informs me of a pair of in its hours of devotion and repast, employ- silver garters buckled below the knee, that ment and diversion, that it looks like a little have been lately seen at the Rainbow coffeecommonwealth within itself. They often go house in Fleet-street; a third sends me an into company, that they may return with the heavy complaint against fringed gloves. To greater delight to one another; and sometimes be brief, there is scarce an ornament of either live in town, not to enjoy it so properly, as to sex which one or other of my correspondents grow weary of it, that they may renew in has not inveighed against with some bitterness, themselves the relish of a country life. By and recommended to my observation, I must, this means they are happy in each other, be- therefore, once for all, inform my readers, that loved by their children, adored by their ser- it is not my intention to sink the dignity of this vants, and are become the envy, or rather the delight, of all that know them. How different to this is the life of Fulvia! my paper, with reflections upon red heels or top-knots, but rather to enter into the passions of mankind, and to correct those depraved sen timents that give birth to all those little extra- the harlot and the drunkard, whom I shall envagancies which appear in their outward dress deavour to expose; and shall consider the crime and behaviour. Foppish and fantastic orna- as it appears in the species, not as it is circumments are only indications of vice, not criminal stanced in an individual. I think it was Caliin themselves. Extinguish vanity in the mind, gula, who wished the whole city of Rome had and you naturally retrench the little superflui- but one neck, that he might behead them at a ties of garniture and equipage. The blossoms blow. I shall do, out of humanity, what that will fall of themselves when the root that nou- emperor would have done in the cruelty of his rishes them is destroyed. temper, and aim every stroke at a collective body of offenders. At the same time I am very sensible that nothing spreads a paper like private calumny and defamation; but as my speculations are not under this necessity, they are not exposed to this temptation. I shall therefore, as I have said, apply my remedies to the first seeds and principles of an affected dress, without descending to the dress itself; though at the same time I must own that I have thoughts of creating an officer under me, to be entitled, 'The Censor of small Wares,' In the next place, I must apply myself to my and of allotting him one day in the week for party correspondents, who are continually the execution of such his office. An operator teasing me to take notice of one another's of this nature might act under me, with the proceedings. How often am I asked by both same regard as a surgeon to a physician; the sides, if it is possible for me to be an unconone might be employed in healing those blotches cerned spectator of the rogueries that are comand tumours which break out in the body, mitted by the party which is opposite to him while the other is sweetening the blood, and that writes the letter. About two days since, rectifying the constitution. To speak truly, I was reproached with an old Grecian law, that the young people of both sexes are so wonder- forbids any man to stand as a neuter, or a fully apt to shoot out into long swords or sweep-looker-on in the divisions of his country. Howing trains, bushy head-dresses or full bottom-ever, as I am very sensible my paper would ed periwigs; with several other incumbrances lose its whole effect, should it ran out into the of dress, that they stand in need of being outrages of a party, I shall take care to keep pruned very frequently, lest they should be clear of every thing which looks that way. If oppressed with ornaments, and over-run with I can any way assuage private inflammations, the luxuriance of their habits. I am much or allay public ferments, I shall apply myin doubt, whether I should give the prefer-self to it with my utmost endeavours: but will ence to a quaker that is trimmed close, and never let my heart reproach me with having almost cut to the quick, or to a beau that done any thing towards increasing those feuds is loaden with such a redundance of excres-and animosities, that extinguish religion, decences. I must therefore desire my corres-face government, and make a nation miserable. pondents to let me know how they approve What I have said under the three foregoing my project, and whether they think the erect-heads will, I am afraid, very much retrench ing of such a petty censorship may not turn the number of my correspondents. I shall to the emolument of the public; for I would therefore acquaint my reader, that if he has not do any thing of this nature rashly and without advice. started any hint which he is not able to pursue, if he has met with any surprising story which There is another set of correspondents to he does not know how to tell, if he has discovwhom I must address myself in the second ered any epidemical vice which has escaped place; I mean such as fill their letters with my observation, or has heard of any uncomprivate scandal, and black accounts of particu-mon virtue which he would desire to publish; lar persons and families. The world is so full in short, if he has any materials that can furof ill-nature, that I have lampoons sent me by nish out an innocent diversion, I shall promise people who cannot spell, and satires composed him my best assistance in the working of them by those who scarce know how to write. By up for a public entertainment. the last post in particular, I received a packet This paper my reader will find was intended of scandal which is not legible; and have a for an answer to a multitude of correspondwhole bundle of letters in women's hands, that ents; but I hope he will pardon me if I single are full of blots and calumnies, insomuch, that out one of them in particular, who has made when I see the name Calia, Phillis, Pastora, me so very humble a request, that I cannot or the like, at the bottom of a scrawl, I con- forbear complying with it. clude of course, that it brings me some account of a fallen virgin, a faithless wife, or an amorous widow. I must therefore inform these March 15, 1710-11. my correspondents, that it is not my design to 'I am at present so unfortunate as to have be a publisher of intrigues and cuckoldoms, or nothing to do but to mind my own business; to bring little infamous stories out of their pre- and therefore beg of you that you will be sent lurking holes into broad day-light. If I pleased to put me into some small post under attack the vicious, I shall only set upon them you. I observe that you have appointed your in a body; and will not be provoked by the printer and publisher to receive letters and adworst usage I can receive from others, to make vertisements for the city of London, and shall an example of any particular criminal. In think myself very much honoured by you, if short, I have so much of a Drawcansir in me, you will appoint me to take in letters and adthat I shall pass over a single foe to charge vertisements for the city of Westminster and whole armies. It is not Lais nor Silenus, but dutchy of Lancaster. Though I cannot pro เ SIR, To the Spectator. mise to fill such an employment with sufficient self-love. For my own part, I am a little unabilities, I will endeavour to make up with happy in the mould of my face, which is not industry and fidelity what I want in parts quite so long as it is broad. Whether this might and genius. "I am, Sir, Your most obedient servant, Juv. Sat. x. 191. Dryden. not partly arise from my opening my mouth much seldomer than other people, and by consequence not so much lengthening the fibres of my visage, I am not at leisure to determine. C. However it be, I have been often put out of countenance by the shortness of my face, and was formerly at great pains in concealing it by wearing a periwig with an high fore-top, and letting my beard grow. But now I have thoroughly got over this delicacy, and could be contented with a much shorter, provided it might qualify me for a member of the merry club, which the following letter gives me an 'MOST PROFOUND SIR, SINCE Our persons are not of our own mak-account of. I have received it from Oxford, ing, when they are such as appear defective or and as it abounds with the spirit of mirth and uncomely, it is, methinks, an honest and laud-good humour, which is natural to that place, able fortitude to dare to be ugly; at least to I shall set it down word for word as it came to keep ourselves from being abashed with a con-me. sciousness of imperfections which we cannot help, and in which there is no guilt. I would not defend an haggard beau, for passing away Having been very well entertained, in the much time at a glass, and giving softness and last of your speculations that I have yet seen, languishing graces to deformity: all I intend by your specimen upon clubs, which I thereis, that we ought to be contented with our fore hope you will continue, I shall take the countenance and shape, so far, as never to give liberty to furnish you with a brief account of ourselves an uneasy reflection on that subject. such a one as, perhaps, you have not seen in It is to the ordinary people, who are not accus- all your travels, unless it was your fortune to tomed to make very proper remarks on any touch upon some of the woody parts, of the occasion, matter of great jest, if a man enters African continent, in your voyage to or from with a prominent pair of shoulders into an as- Grand Cairo. There have arose in this universembly, or is distinguished by an expansion of sity (long since you left us without saying any mouth, or obliquity of aspect. It is happy for thing) several of these inferior hebdomadal a man that has any of these oddnesses about societies, as the Punning club, the Witty club, him, if he can be as merry upon himself, as and amongst the rest, the Handsome club; others are apt to be upon that occasion. When as a burlesque upon which, a certain merry he can possess himself with such a cheerful- species, that seem to have come into the ness, women and children, who are at first world in masquerade, for some years last past frighted at him, will afterwards be as much have associated themselves together, and aspleased with him. As it is barbarous in others sumed the name of the Ugly club. This illto rally him for natural defects, it is extremely favoured fraternity consists of a president and agreeable when he can jest upon himself for twelve fellows; the choice of which is not conthem. fined by patent to any particular foundation, Madam Maintenon's first husband* was an (as St. John's men would have the world behero in this kind, and has drawn many plea-lieve, and have therefore erected a separate santries from the irregularity of his shape, society within themselves) but liberty is left to which he describes as very much resembling elect from any school in Great Britain, providthe letter Z. He diverts himself likewise by ed the candidates be within the rules of the representing to his reader the make of an en-club, as set forth in a table, entitled, 'The Act gine and pully, with which he used to take off of Deformity; a clause or two of which I shall his hat. When there happens to be any thing transmit to you. ridiculous in a visage, and the owner of it 'I. That no person whatsoever shall be adthinks it an aspect of dignity, he must be of mitted without a visible queerity in his aspect, very great quality to be exempt from raillery. or peculiar cast of countenance; of which the The best expedient therefore is to be pleasant president and officers for the time being are to upon himself. Prince Harry and Falstaff, in determine, and the president to have the castShakespeare, have carried the ridicule upon ing voice. fat and lean as far as it will go. Falstaff is II. That a singular regard be had upon humourously called woolsack, bedpresser, and examination, to the gibbosity of the gentlemen hill of flesh; Harry, a starvelling, an elves- that offer themselves as founders' kinsmen; skin, a sheath, a bow-case, and a tuck. There or to the obliquity of their figure, in what sort is, in several incidents of the conversation be- soever. tween them, the jest still kept up upon the III. That if the quantity of any man's person. Great tenderness and sensibility in nose be eminently miscalculated, whether as this point is one of the greatest weaknesses of to length or breadth, he shall have a just pretence to be elected. The celebrated Paul Scarron, author of the Roman Comique. Lastly, That if there shall be two or more competitors for the same vacancy, cæteris pd |