Laughter, while it lasts, slackens and un-the basest among the people. Don Quixote is braces the mind, weakens the faculties, and an instance of the first, and Lucian's gods of causes a kind of remissness and dissolution in the second. It is a dispute among the critics, all the powers of the soul; and thus far it may whether burlesque poetry runs best in heroic be looked upon as a weakness in the compo- verse, like that of the Dispensary; or in dogsition of human nature. But if we consider grel, like that of Hudibras. I think where the frequent reliefs we receive from it, and how often it breaks the gloom which is apt to depress the mind and damp our spirits, with transient unexpected gleams of joy, one would take care not to grow too wise for so great a pleasure of life. the low character is to be raised, the heroic is the proper measure; but when an hero is to be pulled down and degraded, it is best done in doggrel. If Hudibras had been set out with as much wit and humour in heroic verse as he is in The talent of turning men into ridicule, and doggrel, he would have made a much more exposing to laughter those one converses with, agreeable figure than he does; though the is the qualification of little ungenerous tem- generality of his readers are so wonderfully pers. A young man with this cast of mind pleased with the double rhymes, that I do not cuts himself off from all manner of improve- expect many will be of my opinion in this parment. Every one has his flaws and weak- ticular nesses; nay, the greatest blemishes are often I shall conclude this essay upon laughter found in the most shining characters; but with observing, that the metaphor of laughing, what an absurd thing is it to pass over all the applied to fields and meadows when they are valuable parts of a man, and fix our attention in flower, or to trees when they are in bloson his infirmities? to observe his imperfections som, runs through all languages; which I have more than his virtues? and to make use of not observed of any other metaphor, excepting him for the sport of others, rather than for that of fire and burning when they are applied our own improvement? to love. This shows that we naturally regard 6 We therefore very often find, that persons laughter, as what is in itself both amiable and the most accomplished in ridicule are those beautiful. For this reason likewise Venus has who are very shrewd at hitting a blot, without gained the title of prouidns, the laughterexerting any thing masterly in themselves. As loving dame,' as Waller has translated it, and there are many eminent critics who never writ is represented by Horace as the goddess who a good line, there are many admirable buf- delights in laughter. Milton, in a joyous asfoons that animadvert upon every single defect sembly of imaginary persons, has given us a in another, without ever discovering the least very poetical figure of laughter. His whole beauty of their own. By this means, these band of mirth is so finely described, that I unlucky little wits often gain reputation in shall set down the passage at length. the esteem of vulgar minds, and raise themselves above persons of much more laudable characters. If the talent of ridicule were employed to laugh men out of vice and folly, it might be of some use to the world; but instead of this, we find that it is generally made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking every thing that is solemn and serious, decent and praiseworthy in human life. We may observe, that in the first ages of the world, when the great souls and masterpieces of human nature were produced, men shined by a noble simplicity of behaviour, and were strangers to those little embellishments which are so fashionable in our prescet conversation. And it is very remarkable, that notwithstanding we fall short at present of the ancients in poetry, painting, oratory, history, architecture, and all the noble arts and sciences which depend more upon genius than experience,, we exceed them as much in doggrel No. humour, burlesque, and all the trivial arts of ridicule We meet with more raillery among the moderns, but more good sense among the ancients. But come, thou goddess, fair and free, Quips, and cranks, and wanton wiles, And in thy right hand lead with thee 250.] L'Allegro v. 11, &c. Monday, December 17, 1711. Disce docendus adhuc, quæ censet amiculus, ut ci Yet hear what an unskilful friend can say: The two great branches of ridicule in writing are comedy and burlesque. The first ridicules persons by drawing them in their proper characters, the other by drawing them quite unlike themselves. Burlesque is therefore of two kinds; the first represents mean persons in the accoutrements of heroes; the other de- 'You see the nature of my request by the scribes great persons acting and speaking like Latin motto which I address to you. I am 'MR SPECTATOR, very sensible I ought not to use many words to an amorous roguish look derive their title even you, who are one of but few; but, the following from the sheep, and we say such a one has a piece, as it relates to speculation in propriety | sheep's eye, not so much to denote the innoof speech, being a curiosity in its kind, begs cence as the simple slyness of the cast. Nor your patience. It was found in a poetical vir- is this metaphorical inoculation a modern intuoso's closet among his rarities; and since vention, for we find Homer taking the freedom the several treatises of thumbs, ears, and noses, to place the eye of an ox, bull, or cow in one have obliged the world, this of eyes is at your of his principal goddesses, by that frequent service. expression of Βοώπις πότνια "Ηρη. The ox-ey'd venerable Juno. "Now as to the peculiar qualities of the eye that fine part of our constitution seems as much the receptacle and seat of our passions, and at least it is the outward portal to introappetites, and inclinations as the mind itself; duce them to the house within, or rather the common thoroughfare to let our affections pass in and out. Love, anger, pride and avarice, "The first eye of consequence (under the invisible Author of all) is the visible luminary of the universe. This glorious Spectator is said never to open his eyes at his rising in a morning, without having a whole kingdom of adorers in Persian silk waiting at his levee. Millions of creatures derive their sight from this original, who, besides his being the great director of optics, is the surest test whether eyes be of the same species with that of an eagle, or that of an owl. The one he emboldens with a manly assurance to look, speak, act, or plead before the faces of a numerous all visibly move in those little orbs. I know assembly; the other he dazzles out of countea youg lady that cannot see a certain gentlenance into a sheepish dejectedness. The sunman pass by without showing a secret desire proof eye dares lead up a dance in a full court, of seeing him again by a dance in her eyeand without blinking at the lustre of beauty, balls; nay, she cannot for the heart of her, can distribute an eye of proper complaisance help looking half a street's length after any to a room crowded with company, each of man in a gay dress. You cannot behold a covewhich deserves particular regard: while the tous spirit walk by a goldsmith's shop without other sneaks from conversation, like a fearful casting a wishful eye at the heaps upon the debtor, who never dares to look out, but when he can see nobody, and no body him. "The next instance of optics is the famous Argus, who, (to speak the language of Cambridge) was one of a hundred; and being used as a spy in the affairs of jealousy, was obliged to have all his eyes about him. We have no account of the particular colours, casts, and turns of this body of eyes; but as he was pimp for his mistress Juno, it is probable he used all the modern leers, sly glances, and other ocular activities to serve his purpose. Some look upon him as the then king at arms to the heathenish deities; and make no more of his eyes than of so many spangles of his herald's coat. counter. Does not a haughty spirit show the temper of his soul in the supercilious roll of his eye; and how frequently in the height of passion does that moving picture in our head start and stare, gather a redness and quick flashes of lightning, and make all its humours sparkle with fire, as Virgil finely describes it, "As for the various turns of the eye-sight, such as the voluntary or involuntary, the half "The next upon the optic list is old Janus, or the whole leer, I shall not enter into a very who stood in a double-sighted capacity, like a particular account of them; but let me obperson placed betwixt two opposite looking-serve, that oblique vision, when natural was glasses, and so took a sort of retrospective cast anciently the mark of bewitchery and magical at one view. Copies of this double-faced way fascination, and to this day it is a malignant are not yet out of fashion with many profes-ill look; but when it is forced and affected, it sions, and the ingenious artists pretend to keep carries a wanton design, and in playhouses, up this species by double-headed canes and and other public places, this occular intimation spoons; but there is no mark of this faculty, is often an assignation for bad practices. But except in the emblematical way, of a wise ge- this irregularity in vision, together with such neral having an eye to both front and rear, or enormities as tipping the wink, the circuma pious man taking a review and prospect of spective roll, the side-peep through a thin his past and future state at the same time. hood or fan, must be put in the class of heter "I must own, that the names, colours, qua- optics, as all wrong notions of religion are lities and turns of eyes vary almost in every ranked under the general name of heterodox. head; for, not to mention the common appel- All the perņicious applications of sight are lations of the black, the blue, the white, the more immediately under the direction of a grey, and the like; the most remarkable are Spectator, and I hope you will arm your readthose that borrow their titles from animals, by ers against the mischiefs which are daily done virtue of some particular quality of resem- by killing eyes, in which you will highly oblige blance they bear to the eyes of the respective your wounded unknown friend, creatures; as that of a greedy rapacious aspect takes its name from the cat, that of a sharp piercing nature from the hawk, those of MR SPECTATOR, 'T. B.' 'You professed in several papers your par ticular endeavours in the province of Spec-1 get the parliament to listen to me, who look tator, to correct the offences committed by upon me, forsooth, as a crack, and a proStarers, who disturb whole assemblies without jector; so that despairing to enrich either myany regard to time, place, or modesty. You self or my country by this public-spiritedness, complained also, that a starer is not usually I would make some proposals to you relating a person to be convinced by the reason of the to a design which I have very much at heart, thing, nor so easily rebuked as to amend by and which may procure me a handsome subadmonitions. I thought therefore fit to ac-sistence, if you will be pleased to recomquaint you with a convenient mechanical way, mend it to the cities of London and Westwhich may easily prevent or correct staring,minster. by an optical contrivance of new perspective- 'The post I would aim at, is to be comptrollglasses, short and commodious like opera-er-general of the London Cries, which are at glasses, fit for short-sighted people as well as present under no manner of rules or discipline. others, these glasses making the objects ap- I think I am pretty well qualified for this place, pear either as they are seen with the naked as being a man of very strong lungs, of great eye, or more distinct, though somewhat less insight into all the branches of our British trades than life, or bigger and nearer. A person may and manufactures, and of a competent skill in by the help of this invention, take a view of music. another without the impertinence of staring; 'The Cries of London may be divided into at the same time it shall not be possible to vocal and instrumental. As for the latter, they know whom or what he is looking at. One are at present under a very great disorder. may look towards his right or left hand, when A freeman of London has the privilege of dishe is supposed to look forwards. This is set turbing a whole street for an hour together, forth at large, in the printed proposals for the sale of these glasses, to be had at Mr. Dillon's in Long-Acre, next door to the White Heart. Now, sir, as your Spectator has occasioned the publishing of this invention for the benefit of modest spectators, the inventor desires your admonitions concerning the decent use of it; and hopes, by your recommendation, that for the future beauty may be beheld without the torture and confusion which it suffers from the insolence of starers. By this means you will relieve the innocent from an insult which there Vocal cries are of a much larger extent, is no law to punish, though it is a greater and indeed so full of incongruities and barbaoffence than many which are within the cog-risms, that we appear a distracted city to fornizance of justice. I am, Sir, 6 ABRAHAM SPY.' No. 251.] Tuesday, December 18, 1711. -Linguæ centum sunt, oraque centum, Ferrea vox -A hundred mouths, a hundred tongues, And throats of brass inspir'd with iron lungs. Dryden. THERE is nothing which more astonishes a foreigner, and frights a country squire, than the Cries of London. My good friend Sir Roger often declares that he cannot get them out of his head or go to sleep for them, the first week that he is in town. On the contrary Will Honeycomb calls them the Ramage de la Ville, and prefers them to the sound of larks and nightingales, with all the music of the fields and woods. I have lately received a let with the twanking of a brass-kettle or a fryingpan. The watchman's thump at midnight startles us in our beds, as much as the breaking in of a thief. The sow-gelder's horn has indeed something musical in it, but this is seldom heard within the liberties. I would therefore propose, that no instrument of this nature should be made use of, which I have not tuned and licensed, after having carefully examined in what manner it may affect the ears of her majesty's liege subjects. eigners, who do not comprehend the meaning of such enormous outcries. Milk is generally sold in a note above E-la, and in sounds so exceeding shrill, that it often sets our teeth on edge. The chimney-sweeper is confined to no certain pitch; he sometimes utters himself in the deepest base, and sometimes in the sharpest treble; sometimes in the highest, and sometimes in the lowest note of the gamut. The same observation might be made on the retailers of small-coal, not to mention broken glasses or brick-dust. In these therefore, and the like cases, it should be my care to sweeten and mellow the voices of those itinerant tradesmen, before they make their appearance in our streets, as also to accommodate their cries to their respective wares and to take care in particular, that those may not make the most noise who have the least to sell, which is very observable in the venders of card-matches, to whom I cannot but apply the old proverb of "Much cry but little wool." 'Some of these last-mentioned musicians ter from some very odd fellow upon this sub-are so very loud in the sale of these trifling ject, which I shall leave with my reader, without saying any thing further of it. " SIR, 'I am a man out of all business, and would willingly turn my head to any thing for an honest livelihood. I have invented several projects for raising many millions of money without burdening the subject, but I cannot manufactures, that an honest splenetic gentleman of my acquaintance bargained with one of them never to come into the street where he lived. But what was the effect of this contract? why, the whole tribe of card-match-makers which frequent that quarter, passed by his door the very next day, in hopes of being bought off after the same manner. 'It is another great imperfection in our London Cries, that there is no just time nor than by their words; insomuch that I have measure observed in them. Our news should sometimes seen a country boy run out to buy indeed be published in a very quick time, be-apples of a bellows mender, and ginger-bread cause it is a commodity that will not keep from a grinder of knives and scissors. Nay, so cold. It should not, however, be cried with strangely infatuated are some very eminent arthe same precipitation as fire. Yet this is ge-tists of this particular grace in a cry, that none nerally the case. A bloody battle alarms the but their acquaintance are able to guess at town from one end to another in an instant. their profession; for, who else can know, that Every motion of the French is published in so" work if I had it," should be the signification great a hurry, that one would think the enemy of a corn-cutter. were at our gates. This likewise I would take upon me to regulate in such a manner, that there should be some distinction made between the spreading of a victory, a march, or an encampment, a Dutch, a Portugal, or a Spanish mail. Nor must I omit under this head those excessive alarms with which several boisterous rustics infest our streets in turnip-season; and which are more inexcusable, because these are wares which are in no danger of cooling upon their hands.. 'For as much therefore as persons of this rank are seldom men of genius or capacity, I think it would be very proper that some man of good sense and sound judgment should preside over these public cries, who should permit none to lift up their voices in our streets, that have not tuneable throats, and are not only able to overcome the noise of the crowd, and the rattling of coaches, but also to vend their respective merchandises in apt phrases, and in the most distinct and agreeabie sounds. I do 'There are others who affect a very slow therefore humbly recommend myself as a pertime, and are in my opinion much more tunea- son rightly qualified for this post; and if I ble than the former. The cooper in particular meet with fitting encouragement, shall comswells his last note in an hollow voice, that is municate some other projects which I have by not without its harmony; nor can I forbear me, that may no less conduce to the emolubeing inspired with a most agreeable melan-ment of the public. choly, when I hear that sad and solemn air with which the public are very often asked, if they have any chairs to mend? Your own memory may suggest to you many other lamentable ditties of the same nature, in which the music is wonderfully languishing and melodious. 'I am always pleased with that particular time of the year which is proper for the pickling of dill and cucumbers; but alas! this cry, like the song of the nightingale, is not heard above two months. It would therefore be worth while to consider, whether the same air might not in some cases be adapted to other words. 'It might likewise deserve our most serious consideration, how far, in a well regulated city, those humorists are to be tolerated, who, not contented with the traditional cries of their forefathers, have invented particular songs and tunes of their own: such as was not many years since, the pastry-man, commonly known by the name of the Colly-Molly-Puff;* and such as is at this day the vender of powder and washballs, who, if I am rightly informed, goes under the name of Powder-Watt. C. 'I am, Sir, &c. 'RALPH CROTCHET. No. 252.] Wednesday, December 19, 1711. 'MR. SPECTATOR, 'I AM very sorry to find by your discourse upon the eye, that you have not thoroughly studied the nature and force of that part of a beauteous face. Had you ever been in love, you would have said ten thousand things, which it seems did not occur to you. Do but reflect upon the nonsense it makes men talk, the flames which it is said to kindle, the transport it raises, the dejection it causes in the bravest men; and if you do believe those things are expressed to an extravagance, yet you will own that the influence of it is very great, which moves men to that extravagance. Certain it is, that the whole strength of the mind is sometimes seated there; that a kind look imparts all that a year's discourse could give you, in 'I must not here omit one particular absur- one moment. What matters it what she says dity which runs through this whole vociferous to you, see how she looks," is the language generation, and which renders their cries very of all who know what love is. When the mind often not only incommodious, but altogether is thus summed up and expressed in a glance, useless to the public. I mean, that idle accomplishment which they all of them aim at, of crying so as not to be understood. Whether or no they have learned this from several of our affected singers, I will not take upon me to say; but most certain it is, that people know the wares they deal in rather by their tunes * This little man was but just able to support the basket of pastry which he carried on his head, and sung in a very peculiar tone the cant words which passed into his name, Colly-Molly-Puff. There is a half sheet print of him in the Set of London Cries, M. Lauron, del. P. Tempest, exc. Grainger's Biographical History of England. did you never observe a sudden joy arise in the countenance of a lover? Did you never see the attendance of years paid, overpaid, in an instant? You a Spectator, and not know that the intelligence of affection is carried on by the eye only; that good-breeding has made the tongue falsify the heart, and act a part of con * ADAPTED. With various power the wonder-working eye Nescio quis teneros oculus mihi fascinat agnos. tinual restraint, while nature has preserved the you, that women are better qualified to suceyes to herself, that she may not be disguised ceed in oratory than the men, and believe this or misrepresented. The poor bride can give is to be resolved into natural causes. You her hand, and say, "I do," with a languishing have mentioned only the volubility of their air, to the man she is obliged by cruel parents tongues; but what do you think of the silent to take for mercenary reasons, but at the same flattery of their pretty faces, and the persuatime she cannot look as if she loved; her eye sion which even an insipid discourse carries is full of sorrow and reluctance sits in a tear, with it when flowing from beautiful lips, to while the offering of a sacrifice is performed in which it would be cruel to deny any thing? what we call the marriage ceremony. Do you It is certain too, that they are possessed of never go to plays? Cannot you distinguish some springs of rhetoric which men want, such between the eyes of those who go to see, from as tears, fainting fits, and the like, which I those who come to be seen? I am a woman have been employed upon occasion, with good turned of thirty, and am on the observation a success. You must know that I am a plain little; therefore if you, or your correspondent, man, and love my money; yet I have a spouse had consulted me in your discourse on the eye, who is so great an-orator in this way, that she I could have told you that the eye of Leonora draws from me what sums she pleases. Every is slily watchful while it looks negligent; she room in my house is furnished with trophies looks round her without the help of the glasses of her eloquence. rich cabinets, piles of china, you speak of, and yet seems to be employed on japan sereens, and costly jars; and if you objects directly before her. This eye is what were to come into my great parlour, you would affects chance-medley, and on a sudden, as if fancy yourself in an India warehouse. Besides it attended to another thing, turns all its charms this she keeps a squirrel, and I am doubly against an ogler. The eye of Lusitania is an taxed to pay for the china he breaks. She is instrument of premeditated murder; but the seized with periodical fits about the time of design being visible, destroys the execution of the subscriptions to a new opera, and is drownit; and with much more beauty than that of ed in tears after having seen any woman there Leonora, it is not half so mischievous. There in finer clothes than herself. These are arts is a brave soldier's daughter in town, that by of persuasion purely feminine, and which a her eye has been the death of more than ever tender heart cannot resist. What I would thereher father made fly before him. A beautiful fore desire of you, is, to prevail with your eye makes silence eloquent, a kind eye makes friend who has promised to dissect a female contradiction an assent, an enraged eye makes tongue, that he would at the same time give beauty deformed. This little member gives us the anatomy of a female eye, and explain life to every other part about us, and I believe the springs and sluices which feed it with such the story of Argus implies no more, than that ready supplies of moisture; and likewise show the eye is in every part; that is to say, every by what means, if possible, they may be stopother part would be mutilated, were not its ped at a reasonable expense. Or indeed, since force represented more by the eye than even there is something so moving in the very image by itself. But this is heathen Greek to those of weeping beauty, it would be worthy his art who have not conversed by glances. This, sir, to provide, that these eloquent drops may no is a language in which there can be no deceit, more be lavished on trifles, or employed as nor can a skilful observer be imposed upon by servants to their wayward wills: but reserved looks, even among politicians and courtiers. If for serious occasions in life, to adorn generous you do me the honour to print this among pity, true penitence, or real sorrow. your speculations, I shall in my next make T. you a present of secret history, by trans 'I am &c.' lating all the looks of the next assembly of No 253] Thursday, December 20. 1711. ladies and gentlemen into words, to adorn some future paper. 'I am, Sir. Your faithful friend, " MR. SPECTATOR, 'MARY HEARTFREE. I have a sot of a husband that lives a very scandalous life; who wastes away his body and fortune in debaucheries; and is immovea Indignor quicquam reprehendi, non quia crasse I feel my honest indignation rise, ble to all the arguments I can urge to him. I great mind than the abhorrence of envy would gladly know whether in some cases a and detraction. This passion reigns more cudgel may not be allowed as a good figure of among bad poets than among any other set speech, and whether it may not be lawfully of men. used by a female orator. 'Your humble servant, 6 BARBARA CRABTREE. 6 MR. SPECTATOR, 'Though I am a practitioner in the law of some standing, and have heard many eminent pleaders in my time, as well as other eloquent speakers of both universities, yet I agree with As there are none more ambitious of fame, than those who are conversant in poetry, it is very natural for such as have not succeeded in it to depreciate the works of those who have For since they cannot raise themselves to the reputation of their fellow-writers, they must endeavour to sink that to their own pitch, if they would still keep themselves upon a le vel with them. |