of beauty, heightened by virtue, and command- this select body of friends, who entertained me ing our esteem and love, while it draws our with several remarks which they and others observation! How faint and spiritless are the had made upon these my speculations, as also charms of a coquette, when compared with the with the various success which they had met real loveliness of Sophronia's innocence, piety, with among their several ranks and degrees of good-humour, and truth; virtues which add a readers. Will Honeycomb told me, in the softnew softness to her sex, and even beautify her est manner he could, that there were some beauty! That agreeableness which must other- ladies (but for your comfort, says Will, they wise have appeared no longer in the modest are not those of the most wit) that were ofvirgin, is now preserved in the tender mother, fended at the liberties I had taken with the the prudent friend, and the faithful wife. Col- opera and the puppet-show; that some of them ours artfully spread upon canvass may enter-were likewise very much surprised, that I tain the eye, but not affect the heart; and she should think such serious points as the dress who takes no care to add to the natural graces and equipage of persons of quality, proper of her person any excelling qualities, may be subjects for raillery. allowed still to amuse, as a picture, but not to triumph as a beauty. When Adam is introduced by Milton, describing Eve in Paradise, and relating to the angel the impressions he felt upon seeing her at her first creation, he does not represent her like a Grecian Venus, by her shape or features, but by the lustre of her mind which shone in them, and gave them their power of charming: "Grace was in all her steps, heav'n in her eye, In all her gestures dignity and love!". He was going on, when Sir Andrew Freeport took him up short, and told him that the papers he hinted at, had done great good in the city, and that all their wives and daughters were the better for them; and further added, that the whole city thought themselves very much obliged to me for declaring my generous intentions to scourge vice and folly as they appear in a multitude, without condescending to be a publisher of particular intrigues and cuckoldoms. In short,' says Sir Andrew, 'if you avoid that foolish beaten road of falling upon aldermen and citizens, and employ your pen paper must needs be of general use.' • Without this irradiating power, the proud-upon the vanity and luxury of courts, your est fair-one ought to know, whatever her glass may tell her to the contrary, that her most perfect features are uninformed and dead. a I cannot better close this moral, than by a short epitaph written by Ben Johnson with spirit which nothing could inspire but such an object as I have been describing: No. 34.] Monday, April 9, 1711. -parcit Cognatis maculis similis fera- Upon this my friend the Templar told Sir Andrew, that he wondered to hear a man of his sense talk after that manner; that the city had always been the province for satire, and that the wits of King Charles's time jested upon nothing else during his whole reign. He then showed, by the examples of Horace, Juvenal, Boileau, and the best writers of every age, that the follies of the stage and court had never been accounted too sacred for ridicule, how great soever the persons might be that patronized them. 'But after all,' says he, 'I think your raillery has made too great an excursion, in attacking several persons of the inns of court; and I do not believe you can show me any precedent for your behaviour in that particular.' My good friend Sir Roger de Coverley, who had said nothing all this while, began his speech with a pish! and told us, that he wondered to see so many men of sense so very serious upon fooleries. 'Let our good friend, says he, attack every one that deserves it; I THE club of which I am a member, is very would only advise you, Mr. Spectator,' applyluckily composed of such persons as are en- ing himself to me, to take care how you medgaged in different ways of life, and deputed as dle with country 'squires They are the ornait were out of the most conspicuous classes of ments of the English nation; men of good mankind. By this means I am furnished with heads and sound bodies! and, let me tell you, the greatest variety of hints and materials, some of them take it ill of you, that you men and know every thing that passes in the differ- tion fox-hunters with so little respect.' ent quarters and divisions, not only of this Captain Sentry spoke very sparingly on this great city, but of the whole kingdom. My rea-occasion. What he said was only to commend ders too have the satisfaction to find that there my prudence in not touching upon the army, is no rank or degree among them who have not and advised me to continue to act discreetly in their representative in this club, and that there that point. is always somebody present who will take care of their respective interests, that nothing may be written or published to the prejudice or infringement of their just rights and privileges. I last night sat very late in company with By this time I found every subject of my speculations was taken away from me, by one or other of the club: and began to think myself in the condition of the good man that had one wife who took a dislike to his grey hairs, and another to his black, till by their picking out what each of them had an aversion to, they left his head altogether bald and naked. ners, I shall use my utmost endeavours to make an example of it. I must, however, entreat every particular person, who does me the honour to be a reader of this paper, never to While I was thus musing with myself, my think himself, or any one of his friends, or worthy friend the clergyman, who, very luckily enemies, aimed at in what is said: for I profor me, was at the club that night, undertook mise him, never to draw a faulty character He told us, that he wondered any which does not fit at least a thousand people; order of persons should think themselves too or to publish a single paper, that is not written considerable to be advised. That it was not in the spirit of benevolence, and with a love quality, but innocence, which exempted men of mankind. from reproof. That vice and folly ought to my cause. be attacked wherever they could be met with, and especially when they were placed in high No. 35.] Tuesday, April 10, 1711. ces. Risu inepto res ineptior nulla est. Mart. C. Nothing so foolish as the laugh of fools. and conspicuous stations of life. He further added, that my paper would only serve to aggravate the pains of poverty, if it chiefly exposed those who are already depressed, and in some measure turned into ridicule, by the meanness of their conditions and circumstan- which authors are more apt to miscarry than He afterward proceeded to take notice in works of humour, as there is none in which of the great use this paper might be of to the pub-they are more ambitious to excel. It is not an lic, by reprehending those vices which are too imagination that teems with monsters, an head trivial for the chastiseinent of the law, and too that is filled with extravagant conceptions, fantastical for the cognizance of the pulpit. He which is capable of furnishing the world with then advised me to prosecute my undertaking diversions of this nature; and yet, if we look with cheerfulness, and assured me, that who- into the productions of several writers, who ever might be displeased with me, I should be set up for men of humour, what wild irregu approved by all those whose praises do hon-lar fancies, what unnatural distortions of our to the persons on whom they are bestow-thought do we meet with? If they speak noned. sense, they believe they are talking humour: The whole club pay a particular deference and when they have drawn together a scheme to the discourse of this gentleman, and are of absurd inconsistent ideas, they are not able drawn into what he says, as much by the can-to read it over to themselves without laughing. did ingenuous manner with which he delivers These poor gentlemen endeavour to gain themhimself, as by the strength of argument and selves the reputation of wits and humourists, force of reason which he makes use of. Will by such monstrous conceits as almost qualify Honeycomb immediately agreed that what he them for Bedlam; not considering that huhad said was right; and that, for his part, he mour, should always lie under the check of would not insist upon the quarter which he had reason, and that it requires the direction of demanded for the ladies. Sir Andrew gave up the nicest judgment, by so much the more as the city with the same frankness. The Tem- it indulges itself in the most boundless freeplar would not stand out, and was followed by doms. There is a kind of nature that is to be Sir Roger and the Captain; who all agreed observed in this sort of compositions, as well that I should be at liberty to carry the war as in all other; and a certain regularity of into what quarter I pleased; provided I con- thought which must discover the writer to tinued to combat with criminals in a body, be a man of sense, at the same time that he and to assault the vice without hurting the appears altogether given up to caprice. For person. my part, when I read the delirious mirth of an unskilful author, I cannot be so barbarous as to divert myself with it, but am rather apt to pity the man, than to laugh at any thing he writes.. This debate, which was held for the good of mankind, put me in mind of that which the Roman triumvirate were formerly engaged in for their destruction. Every man at first stood hard for his friend, till they found that by this The deceased Mr. Shadwell, who had himmeans they should spoil their proscription: self a great deal of the talent which I am treatand at length, making a sacrifice of all their ing of, represents an empty rake, in one of his acquaintance and relations, furnished out a plays, as very much surprised to hear one say, very decent execution. that breaking of windows was not humour; Having thus taken my resolutions to march and I question not but several English readers on boldly in the cause of virtue and good sense, will be as much startled to hear me affirm, that and to annoy their adversaries in whatever de- many of those raving incoherent pieces, which gree or rank of men they may be found; I are often spread among us under odd chimerishall be deaf for the future to all the remon-cal titles, are rather the offsprings of a distemstrances that shall be made to me on this ac-pered brain than works of humour. count. If Punch grows extravagant, I shall It is indeed much easier to describe what is reprimand him very freely if the stage be- not humour, than what is; and very difficult comes a nursery of folly and impertinence, Ito define it otherwise than as Cowley has done shall not be afraid to animadvert upon it. In wit, by negatives. Were I to give my own short if I meet with any thing in city, court, notions of it, I would deliver them after Pla or country, that shocks modesty or good man-to's manner, in a kind of allegory, and by sup. posing Humour to be a person, deduce to him island. But as this would be a very invidious all his qualifications, according to the follow-task, I shall only observe in general, that False ing genealogy. Truth was the founder of the Humour differs from the True, as a monkey family, and the father of Good Sense. Good does from a man. poverty. Sense was the father of Wit, who married a First of all, He is exceedingly given to little lady of collateral line called Mirth, by whom apish tricks and buffooneries. he had issue Humour. Humour therefore beSecondly, He so much delights in mimickry, ing the youngest of this illustrious family, and that it is all one to him whether he exposes by descended from parents of such different it vice and folly, luxury and avarice; or, on dispositions, is very various and unequal in the contrary, virtue and wisdom, pain and his temper; sometimes you see him putting on grave looks and a solemn habit, sometimes airy in his behaviour and fantastic in his dress; insomuch that at different times he appears as serious as a judge, and as jocular as a Merry-Andrew.. But as he has a great deal of the mother in his constitution, whatever mood he is in, he never fails to make his company laugh. Thirdly, He is wonderfully unlucky, insomuch that he will bite the hand that feeds him, and endeavour to ridicule both friends and foes indifferently. For having but small talents, he must be merry where he can, not where he should. Fourthly, Being entirely void of reason, he pursues no point either of morality or instruction, but is ludicrous only for the sake of being so. But since there is an impostor abroad, who takes upon him the name of this young gentleman, and would willingly pass for him in Fifthly, Being incapable of any thing but the world, to the end that well-meaning per-mock representations, his ridicule is always sons may not be imposed upon by cheats, I personal, and aimed at the vicious man, or the would desire my readers, when they meet writer; not at the vice, or the writing. with this pretender, to look into his parent- I have here only pointed at the whole speage, and to examine him strictly, whether or cies of false humourists; but as one of my no he be remotely allied to Truth, and lineally principal designs in this paper is to beat down descended from Good Sense; if not, they that malignant spirit, which discovers itself in may conclude him a counterfeit. They may the writings of the present age, I shall not likewise distinguish him by a loud and exces- scruple, for the future, to single out any of the sive laughter, in which he seldom gets his small wits, that infest the world with such company to join with him. For as True Hu- compositions as are ill-natured, immoral, and mour generally looks serious, while every absurd. This is the only exception which 1 body laughs about him; False Humour is shall make to the general rule I have prescrib always laughing, whilst every body about ed myself, of attacking multitudes, since every him looks serious. I shall only add, if he has honest man ought to look upon himself as in a not in him a mixture of both parents, that is, natural state of war with the libeller and lamif he would pass for the offspring of Wit with- pooner, and to annoy them wherever they fall out Mirth, or Mirth without Wit, you may in his way. This is but retaliating upon them, conclude him to be altogether spurious and a and treating them as they treat others. cheat. The impostor of whom I am speaking, de scends originally from Falsehood, who was the No. 36.] Wednesday, April 11, 1711. C. -Immania monstra Perferimus Virg. Æn. iii. 583. Things the most out of nature we endure. mother of Nonsense, who was brought to bed of a son called Frenzy, who married one of the daughters of Folly, commonly known by the name of Laughter, on whom he begot that monstrous infant of which I have here been speaking. I shall set down at length the ge- I SHALL not put myself to any farther pains nealogical table of False Humour, and at the for this day's entertainment, than barely to same time, place under it the genealogy of publish the letters and titles of petitions from True Humour, that the reader may at one the playhouse, with the minutes I have made view behold their different pedigrees and rela-upon the latter for my conduct in relation to them. tions: Falsehood. Frenzy. -Laughter. False Humour. Truth. I might extend the allegory, by mentioning several of the children of False Humour, who are more in number than the sands of the sea, and might in particular enumerate the many sons and daughters which he has begot in this 'Drury-lane, April the 9th. Upon reading the project which is set forth in one of your late papers, of making an alliance between all the bulls, bears, elephants. and lions, which are separately exposed to public view in the cities of London and Westminster; together with the other wonders, shows, and monsters, whereof you made respective mention in the said speculation; we, the chief actors of this playhouse, met and sat upon the said design. It is with great delight that we expect the execution of this work; and in order to contribute to it we have given warning to all our ghosts to get their livelihoods where they can, and not to appear among us after day-break of the 16th instant. We are The petition of all the Devils of the playresolved to take this opportunity to part with house in behalf of themselves and families, every thing which does not contribute to the setting forth their expulsion from thence, with representation of human life; and shall make certificates of their good life and conversation, a free gift of all animated utensils to your pro-and praying relief. jector. The hangings you formerly mention The ment of this petition referred to Mr. ed are run away as are likewise a set of Chr. Rich, who made them devils. chairs, each of which was met upon two legs The petition of the Grave-digger in Hamlet, going through the Rose tavern at two this morn- to command, the pioneers in the expedition of ing. We hope, sir, you will give proper notice Alexander.Granted. a ADVERTISEMENT. to the town that we are endeavouring at these The petition of William Bullock, to be Hephregulations; and that we intend for the future estion to Pinkethman the Great. -Granted. to show no monsters, but men who are converted into such by their own industry and affectation. If you will please to be at the house toA widow gentlewoman, well born both by father and night, you will see me do my endeavour to mother's side, being the daughter of Thomas Prater, once show some unnatural appearances which are an eminent practitioner in the law, and of Letitia Tattle, in vogue among the polite and well-bred. I am family well known in all parts of this kingdom, having been reduced by misfortunes to wait on several great to represent, in the character of a fine lady persons, and for some time to be a teacher at a boardingdancing, all the distortions which are frequent-school of young ladies, giveth notice to the public, that ly taken for graces in mien and gesture. This, she hath lately taken a house near Bloomsbury-square, sir, is a specimen of the methods we shall take commodiously situated next the fields, in a good air; where she teaches all sorts of birds of the loquacious kind, to expose the monsters which come within the as parrots, starlings, magpies, and others, to imitate hunotice of a regular theatre; and we desire man voices in greater perfection than ever was yet pracnothing more gross may be admitted by you tised. They are not only instructed to pronounce words Spectators for the future. We have cashier-distinctly, and in a proper tone and accent, but to speak the language with great purity and volubility of tongue, ed three companies of theatrical guards, and together with all the fashionable phrases and compliments design our kings shall for the future make love, now in use, either at tea-tables or visiting-days. Those and sit in council, without an army; and wait that have good voices may be taught to sing the newest only your direction, whether you will have opera-airs, and, if required, to speak either Italian or French, paying something extraordinary above the comthem reinforce king Porus, or join the troops mon rates. They whose friends are not able to pay the of Macedon. Mr. Pinkethman resolves to full prices, may be taken as half boarders. She teaches consult his pantheon of heathen gods in oppo- such as are designed for the diversion of the public, and sition to the oracle of Delphos, and doubts not As she has often observed with much concern how indeto act in enchanted woods on the theatres, by the great. but he shall turn the fortune of Porus, when cent an education is usually given, these innocent creahe personates him. I am desired by the. com-tures, which in some measure is owing to their being pany to inform you, that they submit to your fence of chaste and tender-ears, they learn ribaldry, obplaced in rooms next the street, where, to the great ofcensures; and shall have you in greater venescene songs, and immodest expressions from passengers, ration than Hercules was of old, if you can and idle people, as also to cry fish and card-matches, witla drive monsters from the theatre; and think other useless parts of learning to birds who have rich your merit will be as much greater than his, as them in the back part of her said house; where she suffriends, she has fitted up proper and neat apartments for to convince is more than to conquer. 'I am, Sir, your most obedient servant, SIR, T. D. When I acquaint you with the great and unexpected vicissitudes of my fortune, I doubt not but I shall obtain your pity and favour. I have for many years past been Thunderer to the playhouse; and have not only made as much noise out of the clouds as any predecessor of mine in the theatre that ever bore that fers none to approach them but herself, and a servant maid who is deaf and dumb, and whom she provided on purpose to prepare their food, and cleanse their cages; having found by long experience how hard a thing it is for those to keep silence who have the use of speech, and the dangers her scholars are exposed to, by the strong impressions that are made by harsh sounds, and vulgar dialects. In short, if they are birds of any parts or ca pacity, she will undertake to render them so accomplished in the compass of a twelvemonth, that they shall be fit conversation for such ladies as love to choose their friends and companions out of this species. character, but also have descended and spoke No. 37.] Thursday, April 12, 1711. on the stage as the bold Thunderer in The -Non illa colo calathisvė Minervæ R. Virg. En. vii. 805, Unbred to spinning, in the loom unskill'd. Dryden. Rehearsal. When they got me down thus low, they thought fit to degrade me further, and make me a ghost. I was contented with this for these two last winters; but they carry their tyranny still further, and not satisfied that I am banished from above ground, they have given me to understand that I am wholly to SOME months ago, my friend Sir Roger, bedepart their dominions, and taken from me ing in the country, enclosed a letter to me, dieven my subterraneous employment. Now, sir, rected to a certain lady whom I shall here call what I desire of you is, that if your undertaker by the name of Leonora, and as it contained thinks fit to use fire-arms (as other authors matters of consequence, desired me to deliver have done) in the time of Alexander, I may it to her with my own hand. Accordingly I be a cannon against Porus, or else provide for waited upon her ladyship pretty early in the me in the burning of Persepolis, or what other method you shall think fit. SALMONEUS, of Covent Garden.' morning, and was desired by her woman to walk into her lady's library, till such time as she was in readiness to receive me. The very All the Classic Authors in wood. Advice to a Daughter. The New Atalantis, with a Key to it. A Prayer-Book: with a bottle of Hungary sound of a lady's library gave me a great curiosity to see it; and as it was some time before the lady came to me, I had an opportunity of turning over a great many of her books, which were ranged together in a very beautiful order. At the end of the folios (which were finely bound and gilt) were great jars of china placed one above another in a very noble piece of architecture. The quartos were separated from the octavos by a pile of smaller vessels, which rose in a delightful pyramid. The octavos were bounded by tea-dishes of all shapes, colours, and sizes, which were so disposed on a wooden frame, that they looked like one continued pillar indented with the finest strokes of sculpture, and stained with the greatest variety of dies. That part of the library which was I was taking a catalogue in my pocket-book designed for the reception of plays and pamph- of these, and several other authors, when Leolets, and other loose papers, was enclosed in a nora entered, and upon my presenting her kind of square, consisting of one of the pretti-with a letter from the knight, told me, with est grotesque works that I ever saw, and made an unspeakable grace that she hoped Sir Roup of scaramouches, lions, monkies, mandar-ger was in good health: I answered Yes, for I ines, trees, shells, and a thousand other odd hate long speeches, and after a bow or two refigures in china ware. In the midst of the tired. Seneca's Morals. Taylor's Holy Living and Dying. La Ferte's Instructions for Country dances. room was a small japan table with a quire Leonora was formerly a celebrated beauty, of gilt paper upon it, and on the paper a silver and is still a very lovely woman. She has been snuff-box made in the shape of a little book. Ia widow for two or three years, and being unfound there were several other counterfeit fortunate in her first marriage, has taken a books upon the upper shelves, which were resolution never to venture upon a second. carved in wood, and served only to fill up the She has no children to take care of, and leaves numbers like faggots in the muster of a regiment. I was wonderfully pleased with such a mixt kind of furniture, as seemed very suitable both to the lady and the scholar, and did not know at first whether I should fancy myself in a grotto, or in a library. the management of her estate to my good friend Sir Roger. But as the mind naturally sinks into a kind of lethargy, and falls asleep, that is not agitated by some favourite pleasures and pursuits, Leonora has turned all the passions of her sex into a love of books and reUpon my looking into the books, I found tirement. She converses chiefly with men (as there were some few which the lady had bought she has often said herself) but it is only in their for her own use, but that most of them had writings; and admits of very few male visibeen got together, either because she had tants, except my friend Sir Roger, whom she heard them praised, or because she had seen hears with great pleasure, and without scanthe authors of them. Among several that I dal. As her reading has lain very much among examined, I very well remember these that romances, it has given her a very particular follow: Ogleby's Virgil. Dryden's Juvenal. Cassandra. Cleopatra. Astræa. Sir Isaac Newton's, Works. turn of thinking, and discovers itself even in her house, her gardens, and her furniture. Sir Roger has entertained me an hour together with a description of her country seat, which is situated in a kind of wilderness, about an hundred miles distant from London, and looks like a little enchanted palace. The rocks about The Grand Cyrus; with a pin stuck in one her are shaped into artificial grottos covered of the middle leaves, Pembroke's Arcadia. with woodbines and jasimines. The woods are cut into shady walks, twisted into bowers, and Locke on Human Understanding; with a filled with cages of turtles. The springs are paper of patches in it. A Spelling Book. made to run among pebbles, and by that means taught to murmur very agreeably. They are A Dictionary for the explanation of hard likewise collected into a beautiful lake that is in habited by a couple of swans, and empties itself by a little rivulet which runs through a green meadow, and is known in the family by the name of The Purling Stream.' The knight likewise tells me, that this lady preserves her game better than any of the gentlemen in the country, not (says Sir Roger) that she sets so great a value upon her patridges and pheasants, as upon her larks and nightingales. For she says that every bird which is killed in her ground, will spoil a concert, and that she shall certainly miss him the next year, When I think how oddly this lady is improv |