After a due interval the wines began to come in; and the examiners assembled to adjudge the prize. The first vessel was unsealed. Its odour was such that the judges, without tasting it, pronounced unanimous condemnation. The next was opened: it had a villainous taste of clay. The third was sour and vapid. They proceeded from one cask of execrable liquor to another, till at length, in absolute nausea, they gave up the investigation. The next morning they all assembled at the gate of the king, with pale faces and aching heads. They owned that they could not recommend any competitor as worthy of the rewards. They swore that the wine was little better than poison, and intreated permission to resign the office of deciding between such detestable potions. "In the name of Belus, how can this have happened?" said the king. Merolchazzar, the high-priest, muttered something about the anger of the Gods at the toleration shown to a sect of impious heretics who ate pigeons broiled, "whereas," said he, "our religion commands us to eat them roasted. Now therefore, oh King," continued this respectable divine, "give command to thy men of war, and let them smite the disobedient people with the sword, them, and their wives, and their children, and let their houses, and their flocks, and their herds, be given to thy servants the priests. Then shall the land yield its increase, and the fruits of the earth shall be no more blasted by the vengeance of heaven.” "Nay," said the King, "the ground lies under no general curse from heaven. The season has been singularly good. The wine which thou didst thyself drink at the banquet a few nights ago, oh venerable Merolchazzar, was of this year's vintage. Dost thou not remember how thou didst praise it? It was the same night that thou wast inspired by Belus, and didst reel to and fro, and discourse sacred mysteries. These things are too hard for me. I comprehend them not. The only wine which is bad is that which is sent to my judges. Who can ex pound this to us?" The king scratched his head. courtiers scratched their heads. Upon which all the He then ordered proclamation to be made, that a purple robe and a golden chain should be given to the man who could solve this difficulty. An old philosopher, who had been observed to smile rather disdainfully when the prize had first been instituted, came forward and spoke thus: "Gomer Chephoraod, live for ever! Marvel not at that which has happened. It was no miracle, but a natural event. How could it be otherwise? It is true that much good wine has been made this year. But who would send it in for thy rewards? Thou knowest Ascobaruch who hath the great vineyards in the north, and Cohahiroth who sendeth wine every year from the south over the Persian gulf. Their wines are so delicious that ten measures thereof are sold for an hundred talents of silver. Thinkest thou that they will exchange them for thy slaves and thine asses? What would thy prize profit any who have vineyards in rich soils?" "Who then," said one of the judges, "are the wretches who sent us this poison?" "Blame them not," said the sage, "seeing that you have been the authors of the evil. They are men whose lands are poor, and have never yielded them any returns equal to the prizes which the king proposed. Wherefore, knowing that the lords of the fruitful vineyards would not enter into competition with them, they planted vines, some on rocks, and some in light sandy soil, and some in deep clay. Hence their wines are bad. For no culture or reward will make barren land bear good vines. Know therefore, assuredly, that your prizes have increased the quantity of bad but not of good wine." There was a long silence. At length the king spoke. "Give him the purple robe and the chain of gold. Throw the wines into the Euphrates; and proclaim that the Royal Society of Wines is dissolved." 29 SCENES FROM " ATHENIAN REVELS." (JANUARY 1824.) So, you young reprobate! You must be a man of wit, forsooth, and a man of quality! You must spend as if you were as rich as Nicias, and prate as if you were as wise as Pericles! You must dangle after sophists and pretty women! And I must pay for all! I must sup on thyme aud onions, while you are swallowing thrushes and hares ! I must drink water, that you may play the cottabus* with Chian wine! I must wander about as ragged as Pausont, that you may be as fine as Alcibiades! I must lie on bare boards, with a stone for my pillow, and a rotten mat for my coverlid, by the light of a wretched winking lamp, while you are marching in state, with as many torches as one sees at the feast of Ceres, to thunder with your hatchet at the doors of half the Ionian ladies in Peiræus. || This game consisted in projecting wine out of cups; it was a diversion extremely fashionable at Athenian entertainments. † Pauson was an Athenian painter, whose name was synonymous with beggary. See Aristophanes; Plutus, 602. From his poverty, I am inclined to suppose that he painted historical pictures. See Aristophanes; Plutus, 542. § See Theocritus; Idyll ii. 128. 165. This was the most disreputable part of Athens. See Aristophanes; Pax, SPEUSIPPUS. Why, thou unreasonable old man! Thou most shameless of fathers ! CALLIDEMUS. Ungrateful wretch; dare you talk so? Are afraid of the thunders of Jupiter? SPEUSIPPUS. you not Jupiter thunder! nonsense! Anaxagoras says, that thunder is only an explosion produced by CALLIDEMUS. He does! Would that it had fallen on his head for his Rationally! You audacious young sophist! I will talk rationally. Do you know that I am your father? What quibble can you make upon SPEUSIPPUS. that? Do I know that you are my father? Let us take the question to pieces, as Melesigenes would say. First, then, we must inquire what is knowledge? Secondly, what is a father? Now, knowledge, as Socrates said the other day to Theatetus*. > CALLIDEMUS. Socrates! what! the ragged flat-nosed old dotard, who walks about all day barefoot, and filches cloaks, and dissects gnats, and shoest fleas with wax? SPEUSIPPUS. All fiction! All trumped up by Aristophanes ! See Plato's Themtetus. + See Aristophanes; Nubes, 150. |