greatly beneficial to my friend; and that in any thing, in which I am perfect master of my person and fortunes. But I would not in bravery visit my friend when he is sick of the plague, unless I can do him good equal at least to my danger; but I will procure him physicians and prayers, all the assistances that he can receive, and that he can desire, if they be in my power: and when he is dead, I will not run into his grave and be stifled with his earth; but I will mourn for him, and perform his will, and take care of his relatives, and do for him as if he were alive; and I think that is the meaning of that hard saying of a Greek poet *; *Ανθρωπ ̓, ἀλλήλοισιν ἀπόπροθεν μεν ἑταῖροι· Πλὴν τούτου, παντὸς χρήματός ἐστι κόρος. To me, though distant, let thy friendship fly; Of such immortal abstracted pure friendships indeed there is no great plenty, and to see brothers hate each other is not so rare as to see them love at this rate. The dead and the absent have but few friends, say the Spaniards; but they who are the same to their friend drónoо0v, when he is in another country, or in another world, these are they who are fit to preserve the sacred fire for eternal sacrifices, and to perpetuate the memory of those exemplar friendships of the best men, which have filled the world with history and wonder: for in no other sense but this can it be true that friendships are pure loves, regarding to do good more than to receive it. He that is a friend after death, hopes not for a recompense from his friend, and makes no bargain either for fame or love; but is rewarded with the conscience and satisfaction of doing bravely: but then this is demonstration that they choose friends best, who take persons so worthy that can and will do so. This is the profit and usefulness of friendship; and he that contracts such a noble union, must take care that his friend be such who can and will; but hopes that himself shall be first used, and put to act it. I will not have such a friendship that is good for nothing, but I hope that I shall be on the giving and assisting part; and yet if both the friends be so noble, and hope and strive to do the benefit, I cannot well say which ought to yield, and whether that a Gaisford, p. 244. friendship were braver that could be content to be unprosperous, so his friend might have the glory of assisting him ;— or that which desires to give assistances in the greatest measures of friendship: but he that chooses a worthy friend that himself in the days of sorrow and need might receive the advantage, hath no excuse, no pardon, unless himself be as certain to do assistances, when evil fortune shall require them :the sum of this answer to this inquiry I give you in a pair of Greek verses. ἴσον θεῷ σὺ τοὺς φίλους τιμῶν θέλει Ἐν τοῖς κακοῖς δὲ τοὺς φίλους εὐεργέτει. Friends are to friends as lesser gods, while they But when a dark cloud comes, grudge not to lend 3. The last inquiry is, how friendships are to be conducted; that is, what are the duties in presence and in absence; whether the friend may not desire to enjoy his friend as well as his friendship? The answer to which in a great measure depends upon what I have said already and if friendship be a charity in society, and is not for contemplation and noise, but for material comforts and noble treatments and usages, this is no peradventure, but that if I buy land, I may eat the fruits, and if I take a house I may dwell in it; and if I love a worthy person, I may please myself in his society and in this there is no exception, unless the friendship be between persons of a different sex: for then not only the interest of their religion, and the care of their honour, but the worthiness of their friendship, require that their intercourse be prudent, and free from suspicion and reproach. And if a friend is obliged to bear a calamity, so he secure the honour of his friend; it will concern him to conduct his intercourse in the lines of a virtuous prudence, so that he shall rather lose much of his own comfort, than she any thing of her honour; and in this case the noises of people are so to be regarded, that next to innocence they are the principal. But when, by caution and prudence and severe conduct, a friend hath done all that he or she can to secure fame and honourable reports; after this, their noises are to be despised: they must not fright us from our friendships, nor from her fairest intercourses; I may lawfully pluck the clusters from my own vine, though he that walks by, calls me thief. But by the way, Madam, you may see how much I differ from the morosity of those cynics, who would not admit your sex into the communities of a noble friendship. I believe some wives have been the best friends in the world; and few stories can outdo the nobleness and piety of that lady, that sucked the poisonous, purulent matter from the wound of our brave prince in the Holy Land, when an assassin had pierced him with a venomed arrow. And if it be told that women cannot retain counsel, and therefore can be no brave friends; I can best confute them by the story of Porcia, who, being fearful of the weakness of her sex, stabbed herself into the thigh to try how she could bear pain; and finding herself constant enough to that suf ferance, gently chid her Brutus for not daring to trust her, since now she perceived that no torment could wrest that secret from her, which she hoped might be intrusted to her. If there were not more things to be said for your satisfaction, I could have made it disputable whether have been more illustrious in their friendships, men or women? I cannot say that women are capable of all those excellences, by which men can oblige the world; and therefore a female friend in some case is not so good a counsellor as a wise man, and cannot so well defend my honour; nor dispose of reliefs and assistances, if she be under the power of another: but a woman can love as passionately, and converse as pleasantly, and retain a secret as faithfully, and be useful in her proper ministries; and she can die for her friend as well as the bravest Roman knight; and we find that some persons have engaged themselves as far as death upon a less interest than all this amounts to: such were the Evxwλquaïoi, as the Greeks call them; the Devoti' of a prince or general; the Assassins amongst the Saracens; the Soldurii amongst the old Gauls: they did as much as a friend could do. And if the greatest services of a friend can be paid for by an ignoble price, we cannot grudge to virtuous and brave women that they be partners in a noble friendship, since their conversation and returns can add so many moments to the felicity of our lives and therefore though a knife cannot enter as far as a sword, yet a knife may be more useful to some purposes, and in every thing, except it be against an enemy. A man is the best friend in trouble, but a woman may be equal to him in the days of joy: a woman can as well increase our comforts, but cannot so well lessen our sorrows: and therefore we do not carry women with us when we go to fight; but, in peaceful cities and times, virtuous women are the beauties of society and the prettinesses of friendship. And when we consider that few persons in the world have all those excellences, by which friendship can be useful and illustrious, we may as well allow women as men to be friends; since they can have all that which can be necessary and essential to friendships, and these cannot have all by which friendships can be accidentally improved; in all, some abatements will be made; and we shall do too much honour to women if we reject them from friendships, because they are not perfect: for if to friendships we admit imperfect men, because no man is perfect; he that rejects women, does find fault with them because they are not more perfect than men; which either does secretly affirm that they ought and can be perfect, or else it openly accuses men of injustice and partiality. I hope you will pardon me that I am a little gone from my undertaking: I went aside to wait upon the women and to do countenance to their tender virtues : I am now returned, and, if I were to do the office of a guide to uninstructed friends, would add the particulars following. Madam, you need not read them now, but when any friends come to be taught by your precept and example how to converse in the noblest conjurations, you may put these into better words and tell them, 1. That the first law of friendship is, they must neither ask of their friend what is indecent; nor grant it if themselves be asked. For it is no good office to make my friend more vicious or more a fool; I will restrain his folly, but not nurse it; I will not make my groom the officer of my lust and vanity. There are villains who sell their souls for bread, that offer sin and vanity at a price: I should be unwilling my friend should know I am vicious; but if he could be brought to minister to it, he is not worthy to be my friend and if I could offer it to him, I do not deserve to clasp hands with a virtuous person. 2. Let no man choose him for his friend whom it shall be possible for him ever after to hate; for though the society may justly be interrupted, yet love is an immortal thing, and I will never despise him whom I could once think worthy of my love. A friend that proves not good, is rather to be suffered, than any enmities be entertained: and there are some outer offices of friendship and little drudgeries, in which the less worthy are to be employed, and it is better that he be below-stairs than quite thrown out of doors. 3. There are two things which a friend can never pardon, a treacherous blow and the revealing of a secret, because these are against the nature of friendship; they are the adulteries of it, and dissolve the union; and in the matters of friendship, which is the marriage of souls, these are the proper causes of divorce: and therefore I shall add this only, that secrecy is the chastity of friendship, and the publication of it is a prostitution and direct debauchery; but a secret, treacherous wound is a perfect and unpardonable apostasy. I remember a pretty apologue that Bromiard tells,-A fowler in a sharp frosty morning having taken many little birds for which he had long watched, began to take up his nets; and nipping the birds on the head laid them down. A young thrush, espying the tears trickling down his cheeks by reason of the extreme cold, said to her mother, that certainly the man was very merciful and compassionate that wept so bitterly over the calamity of the poor birds: but her mother told her more wisely, that she might better judge of the man's disposition by his hand than by his eye;-and if the hands do strike treacherously, he can never be admitted to friendship, who speaks fairly and weeps pitifully. Friendship is the greatest honesty and ingenuity in the world. 4. Never accuse thy friend, nor believe him that does; if thou dost, thou hast broken the skin: but he that is angry with every little fault, breaks the bones of friendship. And when we consider that in society and the accidents of every day, in which no man is constantly pleased or displeased with the same things, we shall find reason to impute the change unto ourselves; and the emanations of the sun are still glorious, when our eyes are sore: and we have no reason to be angry with an eternal light, because we have a |