obligation of being the more ready to enter a plate of six guineas' value, three heats, into it.

by any horse, mare, or gelding, that hath But those men only are truly great, who not won above the value of 57. the winning place their ambition rather in acquiring to horse to be sold for 10l. to carry 10 stone themselves the conscience of worthy enter-weight, if 14 hands high; if above or under prises, than in the prospect of glory which to carry or be allowed weight for inches, attends them. These exalted spirits would and to be entered Friday the 15th, at the rather be secretly the authors of events Swan in Coleshill, before six in the evenwhich are serviceable to mankind, than, ing. Also a plate of less value to be run for without being such, to have the public fame by asses. The same day a gold ring to be of it. Where, therefore, an eminent merit grinned for by men.' is robbed by artifice or detraction, it does but increase by such endeavours of its enemies. The impotent pains which are taken to sully it, or diffuse it among a crowd to the injury of a single person, will naturally produce the contrary effect; the fire will blaze out, and burn up all that attempt to smother what they cannot extinguish.

exhibited by the 107. race-horses may proThe first of these diversions that is to be bably have its use; but the two last, in which the asses and men are concerned, seem to me altogether extraordinary and running asses at Coleshill, or how making unaccountable. Why they should keep There is but one thing necessary to keep mouths turn to account in Warwickshire, the possession of true glory, which is, to more than in any other parts of England, I hear the opposers of it with patience, and all the Olympic games, and do not find any cannot comprehend. I have looked over preserve the virtue by which it was acquired. When a man is thoroughly per- at grinning. However it be, I am informed thing in them like an ass-race, or a match suaded that he ought neither to admire, that several asses are now kept in bodywish for, or pursue any thing but what is clothes, and sweated every morning upon exactly his duty, it is not in the power of the heath; and that all the country-fellows seasons, persons, or accidents, to diminish within ten miles of the Swan, grin an hour his value. He only is a great man who can or two in their glasses every morning, in neglect the applause of the multitude, and order to qualify themselves for the 9th of enjoy himself independent of its favour. October. The prize which is proposed to This is indeed an arduous task: but it should be grinned for, has raised such an ambition comfort a glorious spirit that it is the highest among the common people of out-grinning step to which human nature can arrive. Triumph, applause, acclamation, are dear one another, that many very discerning to the mind of man; but it is still a more the faces in the county; and that a Warpersons are afraid it should spoil most of exquisite delight to say to yourself, you wickshire man will be known by his grin, have done well, than to hear the whole human race pronounce you glorious, except is by his tail. The gold ring which is made as Roman Catholics imagine a Kentish man you yourself can join with them in your own the prize of deformity, is just the reverse reflections. A mind thus equal and uni- of the golden apple that was formerly made form, may be deserted by little fashionable the prize of beauty, and should carry for admirers and followers, but will ever be its poesy the old motto inverted: had in reverence by souls like itself. The branches of the oak endure all the seasons of the year, though its leaves fall off in autumn; and these too will be restored with the returning spring. T.

No. 173.] Tuesday, September 18, 1711.

'Detur tetriori.'

Or, to accommodate it to the capacity of
the combatants,

The frightfull'st grinner
Be the winner.

painter to be present at this great contro-
versy of faces, in order to make a collection
of the most remarkable grins that shall be
there exhibited.

In the meanwhile I would advise a Dutch

-Remove fera monstra, tuæque Saxificos vultus, quæcunque ea, tolle Medusa. Ovid, Met. v. 216. Hence with those monstrous features, and, O! spare That Gorgon's look, and petrifying stare.-P. I must not here omit an account which I IN a late paper I mentioned the project matches from a gentleman, who, upon lately received of one of these grinningof an ingenious author for the erecting of reading the above-mentioned advertiseseveral handicraft prizes to be contended ment, entertained a coffee-house with the for by our British artisans, and the influ- following narrative: Upon the taking of ence they might have towards the im- Namure, amidst other public rejoicings provement of our several manufactures. I made on that occasion, there was a gold have since that been very much surprised ring given by a whig justice of peace to be by the following advertisement, which I grinned for. The first competitor that enind in the Post-boy of the 11th instant, and tered the lists, was a black swarthy Frenchgain repeated in the Post-boy of the 15th. On the 9th of October next will be run and being a man naturally of a withered man, who accidentally passed that way, for upon Coleshill-heath in Warwickshire, look, and hard features, promised himself

good success. He was placed upon a table | sion. I would nevertheless leave to the in the great point of view, and looking upon consideration of those who are the patrons the company, like Milton's Death,

'Grinn'd horribly a ghastly smile

L

Hæc memini et victum frustra contendere Thyrsin.
Virg. Ecl. vii. 69.
The whole debate in mem'ry I retain,
When Thyrsis argued warmly, but in vain.-P.

of this monstrous trial of skill, whether or no they are not guilty, in some measure, of an affront to their species, in treating after His muscles were so drawn together on this manner the human face divine,' and each side of his face, that he showed twenty turning that part of us, which has so great teeth at a grin, and put the country in some an image impressed upon it, into the image pain, lest a foreigner should carry away the of a monkey; whether the raising such honour of the day; but upon a further trial silly competitions among the ignorant, prothey found he was master only of the merry posing prizes for such useless accomplishgrin. ments, filling the common people's heads The next that mounted the table was a with such senseless ambitions, and inspiring malecontent in those days, and a great mas- them with such absurd ideas of superiority ter in the whole art of grinning, but parti- and pre-eminence, has not in it something cularly excelled in the angry grin. He did immoral as well as ridiculous. his part so well, that he is said to have made half a dozen women miscarry; but the justice being apprized by one who stood No. 174.] Wednesday, September 19, 1711. near him, that the fellow who grinned in his face was a Jacobite, and being unwilling that a disaffected person should win the gold ring, and be looked upon as the best grinner in the country, he ordered the oaths to be tendered unto him upon his quitting the table, which the grinner refusing he mon than animosities between parties that THERE is scarce any thing more com was set aside as an unqualified person. cannot subsist but by their agreement: this There were several other grotesque figures was well represented in the sedition of the that presented themselves, which it would members of the human body in the old be too tedious to describe. I must not how-Roman fable.* It is often the case of lesser ever omit a ploughman who lived in the confederate states against a superior power, farther part of the country, and being very which are hardly held together, though lucky in a pair of long lantern-jaws, wrung their unanimity is necessary for their com his face into such a hideous grimace, that every feature of it appeared under a differ- the landed and trading interests of Great mon safety; and this is always the case of ent distortion. The whole company stood Britain; the trader is fed by the product of astonished at such a complicated grin, and the land, and the landed man cannot be were ready to assign the prize to him, had clothed but by the skill of the trader: and it not been proved by one of his antagonists, yet those interests are ever jarring. that he had practised with verjuice for some We had last winter an instance of this days before, and had a crab found upon him at our club, in Sir Roger de Coverley and at the very time of grinning; upon which Sir Andrew Freeport, between whom there the best judges of grinning declared it as is generally a constant, though friendly on their opinion, that he was not to be looked position of opinions. It happened that one upon as a fair grinner, and therefore or- of the company, in an historical discourse, dered him to be set aside as a cheat. The prize it seems at length fell upon a a proverbial phrase to intimate breach was observing, that Carthaginian faith was cobbler, Giles Gorgon by name, who pro-leagues. Sir Roger said it could hardly be duced several new grins of his own inven- otherwise: that the Carthaginians were the tion, having been used to cut faces for many greatest traders in the world; and as gain years together over his last. At the very is the chief end of such a people, they never first grin he cast every human feature out of his countenance, at the second he be- pursue any other: the means to it are never came the face of a spout, at the third a regarded; they will, if it comes easily, get baboon, at the fourth a head of a bass-viol, money honestly; but if not, they will not and at the fifth a pair of nut-crackers. The scruple to attain it by fraud, or cozenage whole assembly wondered at his accom- the trader's account, but to overreach him and indeed, what is the whole business of plishments, and bestowed the ring on him who trusts to his memory? But were not unanimously; but, what he esteemed more that so, what can there great and noble than all the rest, a country wench, whom expected from him whose attention is ever he had wooed in vain for above five years fixed upon balancing his books, and watch before, was so charmed with his grins, and ing over his expences? And at best let the applauses which he received on all sides, that she married him the week following, and to this day wears the prize upon her finger, the cobbler having made use of it as his wedding ring.

This paper might perhaps seem very impertinent, if it grew serious in the conclu

frugality and parsimony be the virtues of dealing below a gentleman's charity to the the merchant, how much is his punctual

poor, or hospitality among his neighbours? Captain Sentry observed Sir Andrew very Livii Hist. Dec. 1. Lib. ii. cap. ii.

reproach. For a man to be mistaken in
the calculation of his expense, in his ability
to answer future demands, or to be imper-
tinently sanguine in putting his credit to
too great adventure, are all instances of as
much infamy, as with gayer nations to be
failing in courage, or common honesty.

"that

diligent in hearing Sir Roger, and had a
mind to turn the discourse, by taking notice
n general, from the highest to the lowest
parts of human society, there was a secret,
hough unjust, way among men, of indulging
che seeds of ill-nature and envy, by com-
paring their own state of life to that of an-
other, and grudging the approach of their 'Numbers are so much the measure of
neighbour to their own happiness; and on every thing that is valuable, that it is not
the other side, he, who is the less at his ease, possible to demonstrate the success of any
repines at the other, who he thinks has un-action, or the prudence of any undertak-
Justly the advantage over him. Thus the ing, without them. I say this in answer
civil and military lists look upon each other to what Sir Roger is pleased to say,
with much ill-nature; the soldier repines little that is truly noble can be expected
at the courtier's power, and the courtier from one who is ever poring on his cash-
Tallies the soldier's honour; or, to come to book, or balancing his accounts." When I
lower instances, the private men in the have my returns from abroad, I can tell to
horse and foot of an army, the carmen and a shilling, by the help of numbers, the profit
coachmen in the city streets, mutually look or loss by my adventure; but I ought also
upon each other with ill-will, when they to be able to show that I had reason for
are in competition for quarters, or the way making it, either from my own experience
in their respective motions.
or that of other people, or from a reason-
It is very well, good captain,' inter-able presumption that my returns will be
rupted Sir Andrew: you may attempt to sufficient to answer my expense and hazard;
turn the discourse if you think fit; but I and this is never to be done without the
must however have a word or two with Sir skill of numbers. For instance, if I am to
Roger, who, I see, thinks he has paid me trade to Turkey, I ought beforehand to
off, and been very severe upon the mer- know the demand of our manufactures
chant. I shall not,' continued he, 'at this there, as well as of their silks in England,
time remind Sir Roger of the great and and the customary prices that are given
noble monuments of charity and public for both in each country. I ought to have
spirit, which have been erected by mer- a clear knowledge of these matters before-
chants since the reformation, but at present hand, that I may presume upon sufficient
content myself with what he allows us, par- returns to answer the charge of the cargo
simony and frugality. If it were consistent I have fitted out, the freight and assurance
with the quality of so ancient a baronet as out and home, the customs to the queen,
Sir Roger, to keep an account, or measure and the interest of my own money, and be-
things by the most infallible way, that of sides all these expenses a reasonable profit
numbers, he would prefer our parsimony to myself. Now what is there of scandal in
to his hospitality. If to drink so many this skill? What has the merchant done,
hogsheads is to be hospitable, we do not that he should be so little in the good graces
contend for the fame of that virtue; but it of Sir Roger? He throws down no man's
would be worth while to consider, whether inclosures, and tramples upon, no man's
So many artificers at work ten days together corn; he takes nothing from the industrious
by my appointment, or so many peasants labourer; he pays the poor man for his
made merry on Sir Roger's charge, are the work; he communicates his profit with
men more obliged? I believe the families mankind; by the preparation of his cargo,
of the artificers will thank me more than and the manufacture of his returns, he
the household of the peasants shall Sir furnishes employment and subsistence to
Roger. Sir Roger gives to his men, but I greater numbers than the richest noble-
place mine above the necessity or obliga- man; and even the nobleman is obliged to
tion of my bounty. I am in very little pain him for finding out foreign markets for the
for the Roman proverb upon the Carthagi-produce of his estate, and for making a
nian traders; the Romans were their pro- great addition to his rents: and yet it is cer-
fessed enemies: I am only sorry no Cartha-tain that none of all these things could be
ginian histories have come to our hands: done by him without the exercise of his
we might have been taught perhaps by skill in numbers.
them some proverbs against the Roman This is the economy of the merchant;
generosity, in fighting for, and bestowing and the conduct of the gentleman must be
people's goods. But since Sir Roger the same, unless by scorning to be the
has taken occasion, from an old proverb, steward, he resolves the steward shall be
to be out of humour with merchants, it the gentleman. The gentleman, no more
should be no offence to offer one not quite than the merchant, is able, without the
so old, in their defence. When a man hap- help of numbers, to account for the success
pens to break in Holland, they say of him of any action, or the prudence of any ad-
that "he has not kept true accounts." This venture. If, for instance, the chase is his
phrase, perhaps, among us, would appear whole adventure, his only returns must be
a soft or humourous way of speaking, but the stag's horns in the great hall, and the
with that exact nation it bears the highest fox's nose upon the stable door. Without

other

doubt Sir Roger knows the full value of number of her gazers lessened, resolved these returns: and if beforehand he had not to part with me so, and began to play computed the charges of the chase, a gen- so many new tricks at her window, that it tleman of his discretion would certainly was impossible for me to forbear observing have hanged up all his dogs: he would her. I verily believe she put herself to the never have brought back so many fine expense of a new wax baby on purpose to horses to the kennel; he would never have plague me; she used to dandle and play gone so often, like a blast, over fields of with this figure as impertinently as if it had corn. If such too had been the conduct been a real child: sometimes she would let of all his ancestors, he might truly have fall a glove or a pin-cushion in the street, boasted at this day, that the antiquity of and shut or open her casement three or his family had never been sullied by a trade; four times in a minute. When I had ala merchant had never been permitted with most weaned myself from this, she came his whole estate to purchase a room for his in shift-sleeves, and dressed at the winpicture in the gallery of the Coverleys, or to dow. I had no way left but to let down my claim his descent from the maid of honour. curtains, which I submitted to, though it But it is very happy for Sir Roger that the considerably darkened my room, and was merchant paid so dear for his ambition. It pleased to think that I had at last got the is the misfortune of many other gentlemen better of her; but was surprised the next to turn out of the seats of their ancestors, morning to hear her talking out of her to make way for such new masters as have window quite across the street, with anbeen more exact in their accounts than other woman that lodges over me. I am themselves; and certainly he deserves the since informed that she made her a visit, estate a great deal better who has got it and got acquainted with her within three by his industry, than he who has lost it by hours after the fall of my window-curtains his negligence.

T.

'Sir, I am plagued every moment in the day, one way or other, in my own chambers; and the Jezebel has the satisfaction to know,

No. 175.] Thursday, September 20, 1711. that though I am not looking at her, I am
Proximus a tectis ignis defenditur ægre.-
Ovid. Rem. Am. v. 625.
To save your house from neighb'ring fire is hard.
Tate.

I SHALL this day entertain my readers with two or three letters I have received from my correspondents: the first discovers to me a species of females which have hitherto escaped my notice, and is as fol

lows:

listening to her impertinent dialogues, that
pass over my head. I would immediately
change my lodgings, but that I think it
might look like a plain confession that I
am conquered; and besides this, I am told
that most quarters of the town are infested
with these creatures. If they are so, I am
sure it is such an abuse as a lover of learn-
ing and silence ought to take notice of
I am, sir, yours,

ing myself observed a nest of Jezebels near the Temple, who make it their diversion that at the same time they may see them to draw up the eyes of young Templars; stumble in an unlucky gutter which runs under the window.

&c.' 'MR. SPECTATOR,-I am a young gentleman of a competent fortune, and a suffi- that my young student is touched with a I am afraid, by some lines in this letter, cient taste of learning, to spend five or six distemper which he hardly seems to dream hours every day very agreeably among my books. That I might have nothing to divert of, and is too far gone in it to receive adme from my studies, and to avoid the noise vice. However, I shall animadvert in due of coaches and chairmen, I have taken time on the abuse which he mentions, havlodgings in a very narrow street, not far from Whitehall; but it is my misfortune to be so posted, that my lodgings are directly opposite to those of a Jezebel. You are to know, sir, that a Jezebel (so called by the neighbourhood from displaying her pernicious charms at her window,) appears con'MR. S SPECTATOR, I have lately read stantly dressed at her sash, and has a thou- the conclusion of your forty-seventh specu sand little tricks and fooleries to attract the lation upon butts with great pleasure, and eyes of all the idle young fellows in the have ever since been thoroughly persuaded neighbourhood. I have seen more than six that one of those gentlemen is extremely persons at once from their several windows necessary to enliven conversation. I had observing the Jezebel I am now complain- an entertainment last week upon the water, ing of. I at first looked on her myself with for a lady to whom I make my addresses, the highest contempt, could divert myself with several of our friends of both sexes with her airs for half an hour, and after- To divert the company in general, and to wards take up my Plutarch with great show my mistress in particular my genius tranquillity of mind; but was a little vexed for raillery, I took one of the most cele to find that in less than a month she had considerably stolen upon my time, so that I resolved to look at her no more. But the Jezebel, who, as I suppose, might think it a diminution to her honour, to have the

о

brated butts in town along with me. It is with the utmost shame and confusion that I must acquaint you with the sequel of my adventure. As soon as we were got into the boat, I played a sentence or two at my

utt which I thought very smart, when my | London milliner, I am not able to inform
1 genius, who I verily believe inspired you; but among the rest, there was one
im purely for my destruction, suggested cherry-coloured riband, consisting of about
him such a reply, as got all the laughter half a dozen yards, made up in the figure
his side. I was dashed at so unexpected of a small head-dress. The aforesaid lady
turn; which the butt perceiving, resolved had the assurance to affirm amidst a circle
ot to let me recover myself, and pursuing of female inquisitors, who were present at
is victory, rallied and tossed me in a most the opening of the box, that this was the
nmerciful and barbarous manner until we newest fashion worn at court. Accordingly
ame to Chelsea. I had some small success the next Sunday, we had several females,
hile we were eating cheese-cakes; but who came to church with their heads
oming home, he renewed his attacks with dressed wholly in ribands, and looked like
is former good fortune, and equal diver- so many victims ready to be sacrificed.
on to the whole company. In short, sir, This is still a reigning mode among us.
must ingenuously own that I never was At the same time we have a set of gentle-
handled in all my life: and to complete men who take the liberty to appear in all
my misfortune, I am since told that the public places without any buttons to their
utt, flushed with his late victory, has coats, which they supply with several little
nade a visit or two to the dear object of silver hasps, though our freshest advices
y wishes, so that I am at once in danger from London make no mention of any such
flosing all my pretensions to wit, and fashion; and we are something shy of af-
y mistress into the bargain. This, sir, fording matter to the button-makers for a
a true account of my present troubles, second petition.
hich you are the more obliged to assist
ne in, as you were yourself in a great
neasure the cause of them, by recom-
nending to us an instrument, and not in-
tructing us at the same time how to play
pon it.

I have been thinking whether it might not be highly convenient, that all butts hould wear an inscription affixed to some part of their bodies, showing on which side hey are to be come at, and that if any of hem are persons of unequal tempers, there hould be some method taken to inform the world at what time it is safe to attack them, and when you had best let them alone. But, submitting these matters to your more erious consideration, I am, sir, yours, &c.' I have indeed, seen and heard of several young gentlemen under the same misfor

'What I would humbly propose to the
public is, that there may be a society
erected in London, to consist of the most
skilful persons of both sexes, for the in-
spection of modes and fashions; and that
hereafter no person or persons shall pre-
sume to appear singularly habited in any
part of the country, without a testimonial
from the aforesaid society, that their dress
is answerable to the mode at London. By
this means, sir, we shall know a little
whereabout we are.

'If you could bring this matter to bear,
you would very much oblige great numbers
of your country friends, and among the rest,
your very humble servant.
'JACK MODISH.'

X

me with my present correspondent. The N176.] Friday, September 21, 1711.

est rule I can lay down for them to avoid he like calamities for the future, is thooughly to consider, not only "Whether heir companions are weak," but "Wheher themselves are wits."

The following letter comes to me from Exeter, and being credibly informed that hat it contains is matter of fact, I shall my reader as it was sent to me.

ive it

Parvula, pumilio, zagsτav μα, tota merum sal.
Lucr. iv. 1155,

A little, pretty, witty, charming she!
THERE are in the following letter, mat-
ters, which I, a bachelor, cannot be sup-
posed to be acquainted with: therefore
shall not pretend to explain upon it until
farther consideration, but leave the author
of the epistle to express his condition his

own way.

Exeter, Sept. 7. MR. SPECTATOR,-You were pleased in late speculation to take notice of the in- 'MR. SPECTATOR,-I do not deny but onvenience we lie under in the country, in you appear in many of your papers to unot being able to keep pace with the derstand human life pretty well; but there ashion. But there is another misfor- are very many things which you cannot une which we are subject to, and is no possibly have a true notion of, in a single ess grievous than the former, which has life; these are such as respect the married itherto escaped your observation. I mean state; otherwise I cannot account for your The having things palmed upon us for Lon- having overlooked a very good sort of peoon fashions, which were never once heard ple, which are commonly called in scorn

f there.

A lady of this place had some time since box of the newest ribands sent down by he coach. Whether it was her own malicious invention, or the wantonness of

a

"the Hen-peckt." You are to understand
that I am one of those innocent mortals
who suffer derision under that word, for
being governed by the best of wives. It
would be worth your consideration to enter