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designs shortly to publish a new edition of only the present instant, and do not taste Diogenes Laertius, to add this treatise of even that. When one of this order hapmine by way of supplement; I shall now, pens to be a man of fortune, the expense to let the world see what may be expected of his time is transferred to his coach and from me (first begging Mr. Spectator's horses, and his life is to be measured by leave that the world may see it) briefly their motion, not his own enjoyments or touch upon some of my chief observations, sufferings. The chief entertainment one and then subscribe myself your humble of these philosophers can possibly propose servant. In the first place I shall give you to himself, is to get a relish of dress. This, two or three of their maxims: the funda- methinks, might diversify the person he is mental one, upon which their whole system weary of (his own dear self) to himself. I is built, is this, viz. "That time being an have known these two amusements make implacable enemy to, and destroyer of all one of these philosophers make a very things, ought to be paid in his own coin, tolerable figure in the world; with variety and be destroyed and murdered without of dresses in public assemblies in town, mercy, by all the ways that can be invent- and quick motion of his horses out of it; ed.' Another favourite saying of theirs is, now to Bath, now to Tunbridge, then to That business was only designed for Newmarket, and then to London, he has knaves, and study for blockheads. A in process of time brought it to pass, that third seems to be à ludicrous one, but has his coach and his horses have been mena great effect upon their lives; and is this, tioned in all those places. When the loun That the devil is at home.' Now for their gers leave an academic life, and instead of manner of living: and here I have a large this more elegant way of appearing in the field to expatiate in; but I shall reserve polite world, retire to the seats of their anparticulars for my intended discourse, and cestors, they usually join a pack of dogs, now only mention one or two of their and employ their days in defending their principal exercises. The elder proficients poultry from foxes; I do not know any employ themselves in inspecting mores ho- other method that any of this order have minum multorum, in getting acquainted ever taken to make a noise in the world; with all the signs and windows in the town. but I shall enquire into such about this Some are arrived to so great a knowledge, town as have arrived at the dignity of being that they can tell every time any butcher loungers by the force of natural parts, kills a calf, every time an old woman's cat without having ever seen a university; and is in the straw; and a thousand other mat- send my correspondent for the embellishters as important. One ancient philosopher ment of his book, the names and history contemplates two or three hours every day of those who pass their lives without any over a sun-dial; and is true to the dial, incidents at all; and how they shift coffeehouses and chocolate-houses from hour to hour, to get over the insupportable labour of doing nothing.



As the dial to the sun,
Although it be not shone upon."

Our younger students are content to carry
their speculations as yet no farther than
bowling-greens, billiard-tables, and such
like places. This may serve for a sketch No. 55.] Thursday, May 3, 1711.
of my design; in which I hope I shall have
your encouragement. I am, Sir, yours,'

-Intus et in jecore ægro
Nascuntur Domini-


Pers. Sat. v. 120. Our passions play the tyrant in our breasts.


I must be so just as to observe I have forMOST of the trades, professions, and merly seen of this sect at our other university; though not distinguished by the ap-original either from the love of pleasure of of living among mankind, take their pellation which the learned historian, my the fear of want. The former, when it correspondent, reports they bear at Cam- becomes too violent, degenerates into luxubridge. They were ever looked upon as a ry, and the latter into avarice. As these people that impaired themselves more by two principles of action draw different their strict application to the rules of their order, than any other students whatever. ways, Persius has given us a very humourOthers seldom hurt themselves any further ous account of a young fellow who was than to gain weak eyes, and sometimes headaches; but these philosophers are seized all over with a general inability, indolence, and weariness, and a certain impatience of the place they are in, with a heaviness in removing to another.

The loungers are satisfied with being merely part of the number of mankind, without distinguishing themselves from amongst them. They may be said rather to suffer their time to pass than to spend it, without regard to the past, or prospect of the future. All they know of this life is

home upon a long voyage, by Avarice, and afterby Luxury. I shall set down the pleadings of these two imaginary persons, as in the original, with Mr. Dryden's transthey are

lation of them:

Mane, piger, stertis: surge, inquit Avaritia; eja
Surge. Negas, instat, surge, inquit. Non queo. Surge.
Et quid agam? Rogitas? saperdas advehe ponto,
Castoreum, stuppas, ebenum, thus, lubrica Coa.
Tolle recens primus piper e sitiente camelo.
Verte aliquid; jura. Sed Jupiter audiet. Eheu!
Baro, regustatum digito terebrare salinum
Contentus perages, si vivere cum Jove tendis.

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Jam pueris pellem succinctus, et cenophorum aptas;
Ocyus ad navem. Nil obstat quin trabe vasta
Egæuin rapias, nisi solers Luxuria ante
Seductum moneat; Quo deinde insane ruis? Quo?
Quid tibi vis? Calido sub pectore mascula bilis
Intumuit, quam non extinxerit urna cicutæ ?
Tun' mare transilias? Tibi torta cannabe fulto
Cœna sit in transtro? Veientanumque rubellum
Exhalet vapida læsum pice sessilis obba?
Quid petis? Ut nummi, quos hic quincunce modesto
Nutrieras, pergant avidos sudare deunces?
Indulge genio: carpamus dulcia; nostrum est
Quod vivis; cinis, et manes, et fabula fies.
Vive memor lethi; fugit hora. Hoc quod loquor,

inde est.

En quid agis? Duplici in diversum scinderis hamo.
Hunccine, an hunc sequeris ?-' Sat. v. 132.

'Whether alone or in thy harlot's lap,
When thou wouldst take a lazy morning's nap;
Up, up, says Avarice; thou snor'st again,
Stretchest thy limbs, and yawn'st, but all in vain.
The rugged tyrant no denial takes;

At his command th' unwilling sluggard wakes.
What must I do? he cries; What? says his lord;
Why rise, make ready, and go straight aboard;
With fish, from Euxine seas, thy vessel freight;
Flax, castor, Coan wines, the precious weight
Of pepper, and Sabean incense, take

With thy own hands, from the tir'd camel's back,
And with post-haste thy running markets make;
Be sure to turn the penny; lie and swear;

Tis wholesome sin: but Jove, thou say'st will hear.
Swear, fool, or starve, for the dilemma's even;
A tradesman thou! and hope to go to heav'n?

Resolv'd for sea, the slaves thy baggage pack,
Each saddled with his burden on his back:
Nothing retards thy voyage now, but he,
That soft, voluptuous prince, call'd Luxury;
And he may ask this civil question; Friend,
What dost thou make a shipboard? To what end?
Art thou of Bethlem's noble college free?
Stark, staring mad, that thou would'st tempt the sea?
Cubb'd in a cabin, on a matrass laid,

On a brown George, with lousy swabbers fed;
Dead wine, that stinks of the Borachio, sup
From a fowl jack, or greasy maple cup?

Say would'st thou bear all this, to raise thy store,
From six i' th' hundred to six hundred more?
Indulge, and to thy genius freely give;

For, not to live at ease, is not to live.

and prosperity. At such times men natur-
ally endeavour to outshine one another in
pomp and splendour, and having no fears to
alarm them from abroad, indulge them-
selves in the enjoyment of all the plea-
sures they can get into their possession;
which naturally produces avarice, and
an immoderate pursuit after wealth and

lation of those two great principles of ac-
As I was humouring myself in the specu-
tion, I could not forbear throwing my
thoughts into a little kind of allegory or
fable, with which I shall here present my

There were two very powerful tyrants
engaged in a perpetual war against each
other, the name of the first was Luxury,
Iand of the second Avarice. The aim of
each of them was no less than universal
monarchy over the hearts of mankind.
Luxury had many generals under him,
who did him great service, as Pleasure,
Mirth, Pomp, and Fashion. Avarice was
likewise very strong in his officers, being
faithfully served by Hunger, Industry,
Care, and Watchfulness: he had likewise
a privy-counsellor who was always at his
elbow, and whispering something or other
in his ear: the name of this privy-coun-
sellor was Poverty. As Avarice con-
ducted himself by the counsels of Poverty,
his antagonist was entirely guided by the
dictates and advice of Plenty, who was his
first counsellor and minister of state, that
concerted all his measures for him, and
never departed out of his sight. While
these two great rivals were thus contend-
Death stalks behind thee, and each flying hour ing for empire, their conquests were very
Does some loose remnant of thy life devour.
Live, while thou liv'st; for death will make us all
Luxury got possession of one
A name, a nothing but an old wife's tale.
heart, and Avarice of another. The father
Speak: wilt thou Avarice or Pleasure choose
To be thy lord? Take one, and one refuse.'
of a family would often range himself un-
der the banners of Avarice, and the son
When a government flourishes in con- under those of Luxury. The wife and the
quests, and is secure from foreign attacks, husband would often declare themselves
it naturally falls into all the pleasures of on the two different parties: nay, the same
luxury; and as these pleasures are very person would very often side with one in
expensive, they put those who are ad- his youth, and revolt to the other in his old
dicted to them upon raising fresh supplies age. Indeed the wise men of the world
of money, by all the methods of rapacious- stood neuter; but alas! their numbers were
ness and corruption; so that avarice and not considerable. At length, when these
luxury very often become one complicated two potentates had wearied themselves with
principle of action, in those whose hearts waging war upon one another, they agreed
are wholly set upon ease, magnificence, upon an interview, at which neither of
and pleasure. The most elegant and cor- their counsellors were to be present. It is
rect of all the Latin historians observes, said that Luxury began the parley, and af-
that in his time, when the most formidable ter having represented the endless state of
states of the world were subdued by the Ro-war in which they were engaged, told his
mans, the republic sunk into those two vices enemy, with a frankness of heart which is
of a quite different nature, luxury and ava- natural to him, that he believed they two
rice:* and accordingly describes Catiline as should be very good friends were in not for
one who coveted the wealth of other men, the instigations of Poverty, that pernicious
at the same time that he squandered away counsellor, who made an ill use of his ear,
his own. This observation on the corn- and filled him with groundless apprehen-
monwealth, when it was in its height of sions and prejudices.
power and riches, holds good of all go-plied, that he looked upon Plenty (the first
vernments that are settled in a state of ease minister of his antagonist) to be a much
more destructive counsellor than Poverty,
for that he was perpetually suggesting


Alieni appetens, sui profusus.-Sal.

To this Avarice re

pleasures, banishing all the necessary cau- | friend of mine, whom I have formerly mentions against want, and consequently un- tioned, prevailed upon one of the interpredermining those principles on which the ters of the Indian kings, to inquire of them, government of Avarice was founded. At if possible, what tradition they have among last, in order to an accommodation, they them of this matter: which, as well as he agreed upon this preliminary; that each of could learn by many questions which he them should immediately dismiss his privy- asked them at several times, was in subcounsellor. When things were thus far stance as follows:adjusted towards a peace, all other differences were soon accommodated, insomuch that for the future they resolved to live as good friends and confederates, and to share between them whatever conquests were made on either side. For this reason, we now find Luxury and Avarice taking possession of the same heart, and dividing the same person between them. To which I shall only add, that since the discarding of the counsellors above-mentioned, Avarice supplies Luxury in the room of Plenty, as Luxury prompts Avarice in the place of Poverty.


No. 56.] Friday, May 4, 1711.

Felices errore suo.


Lucan, i. 454.

The visionary, whose name was Marraton, after having travelled for a long space under a hollow mountain, arrived at length on the confines of this world of spirits, but could not enter it by reason of a thick forest made up of bushes, brambles, and pointed thorns, so perplexed and interwoven with one another, that it was impossible to find a passage through it. Whilst he was looking about for some track or pathway that might be worn in any part of it, he saw a huge lion crouched under the side of it, who kept his eye upon him in the same posture as when he watches for his prey. The Indian immediately started back, whilst the lion rose with a spring, and leaped towards him. Being wholly destitute of all other weapons, he stooped down to take up a huge stone in his hand; but to his infinite surprise grasped nothing, and found the supposed stone to be only the apparition of one. If he was disappointed on this side, he was as much pleased on the other, when he found the lion, which had seized on his left shoulder, had no power to hurt him, and was only the ghost of that ravenous creature which it appeared to be. He no sooner got rid of this impotent ene my, but he marched up to the wood, and after having surveyed it for some time, endeavoured to press into one part of it that was a little thinner than the rest; when again, to his great surprise, he found the bushes made no resistance, but that he walked through briars and brambles with the same ease as through the open air; and in short, that the whole wood was nothing else but a wood of shades. He immediately concluded, that this huge thicket of thorns and brakes was designed as a kind of fence or quickset hedge to the ghosts it enclosed; and that probably their soft substances might be torn by these subtle points and prickles, which were too weak to make any impressions in flesh and blood. With this thought he resolved to travel through this intricate wood; when by degrees he felt a gale of perfumes breathing upon him, that grew stronger and sweeter in propor tion as he advanced. He had not proceeded much further, when he observed the thorns and briers to end, and gave place to a thousand beautiful green trees covered with blossoms of the finest scents and colours, There is a tradition among the Ameri- that formed a wilderness of sweets, and cans, that one of their countrymen de- were a kind of lining to those ragged scenes scended in a vision to the great repository which he had before passed through. As of souls, or, as we call it here, to the other he was coming out of this delightful part world; and that upon his return he gave of the wood, and entering upon the plains his friends a distinct account of every thing it enclosed, he saw several horsemen rushhe saw among those regions of the dead. Aing by him, and a little while after he heard

Happy in their mistake. THE Americans believe that all creatures have souls, not only men and women, but brutes, vegetables, nay, even the most inanimate things, as stocks and stones. They believe the same of all the works of art, as of knives, boats, looking-glasses; and that as any of these things perish, their souls go into another world, which is inhabited by the ghosts of men and women. For this reason they always place by the corpse of their dead friend a bow and arrows, that he may make use of the souls of them in the other world, as he did of their wooden bodies in this. How absurd soever such an opinion as this may appear, our European philosophers have maintained several notions altogether as improbable. Some of Plato's followers in particular, when they talk of the world of ideas, entertain us with substances and beings no less extravagant and chimerical. Many Aristotelians have likewise spoken as unintelligibly of their substantial forms. I shall only instance Albertus Magnus, who, in his dissertation upon the load-stone, observing that fire will destroy its magnetic virtues, tells us that he took particular notice of one as it lay glowing amidst a heap of burning coals, and that he perceived a certain blue vapour to arise from it, which he believed might be the substantial form, that is in our West Indian phrase, the soul of the loadstone.


will talk an hour together upon a sweet- | petticoat. Had not this accident broke off meat. He entertains his mother every night the debate, nobody knows where it would with observations that he makes both in have ended. town and court: as what lady shows the nicest fancy in her dress; what man of quality wears the fairest wig; who has the finest linen, who the prettiest snuff-box, with many other the like curious remarks, that may be made in good company.

On the other hand, I have very frequently the opportunity of seeing a rural Andromache, who came up to town last winter, and is one of the greatest fox-hunters in the country. She talks of hounds and horses, and makes nothing of leaping over a sixbar gate. If a man tells her a waggish story, she gives him a push with her hand in jest, and calls him an impudent dog; and if her servant neglects his business, threatens to kick him out of the house. I have heard her in her wrath call a substantial tradesman a lousy cur; and remember one day, when she could not think of the name of a person, she described him in a large company of men and ladies by the fellow with the broad shoulders.


There is one consideration which I would earnestly recommend to all my female readers, and which, I hope, will have some weight with them. In short, it is this, that there is nothing so bad for the face as party zeal. It gives an ill-natured cast to the eye and a disagreeable sourness to the look; be sides that it makes the lines too strong, and flushes them worse than brandy. I have seen a woman's face break out in heats, as she has been talking against a great lord, whom she had never seen in her life; and indeed I never knew a party-woman that kept her beauty for a twelve-month. I would therefore advise all my female readers, as they value their complexions, to let alone all disputes of this nature; though at the same time, I would give free liberty to all superannuated motherly partisans to be as violent as they please, since there will be no danger either of their spoiling their faces, or of their gaining converts.

For my own part I think a man makes an odious and despicable figure that is violent in a party; but a woman is too sincere to mitigate the fury of her principles with temper and discretion, and to act with that caution and reservedness which are requi site in our sex. When this unnatural zeal gets into them, it throws them into ten thousand heats and extravagancies; their generous souls set no bounds to their love, or to their hatred; and whether a whig or a tory, a lap-dog or a gallant, an opera or a puppet-show, be the object of it, the passion, while it reigns, engrosses the whole woman.

I remember when Dr. Titus Oates* was

If those speeches and actions, which in their own nature are indifferent, appear ridiculous when they proceed from a wrong sex, the faults and imperfections of one sex transplanted into another, appear black and monstrous. As for the men, I shall not in this paper any further concern myself about them; but as I would fain contribute to make womankind, which is the most beautiful part of the creation, entirely amiable, and wear out all those little spots and blemishes that are apt to rise among the charms which nature has poured out upon them, I shall, dedicate this paper to their service. The spot which I would here endeavour to clear them of, is that party rage in all his glory, I accompanied my friend which of late years is very much crept into Will Honeycomb in a visit to a lady of his their conversation. This is, in its nature, acquaintance. We were no sooner sat a male vice, and made up of many angry down, but upon casting my eyes about the and cruel passions that are altogether re-room, I found in almost every corner of it pugnant to the softness, the modesty, and a print that represented the doctor in all those other endearing qualities which are magnitudes and dimensions. A little after, natural to the fair sex. Women were form- as the lady was discoursing with my friend, ed to temper mankind, and soothe them into and held her snuff-box in her hand, who tenderness and compassion; not to set an should I see in the lid of it but the doctor. edge upon their minds, and blow up in them It was not long after this when she had octhose passions which are too apt to rise of casion for her handkerchief, which, upon their own accord. When I have seen a the first opening, discovered among the pretty mouth uttering calumnies and invec- plaits of it the figure of the doctor. Upon tives, what would I not have given to have this my friend Will, who loves raillery, stopt it? How have I been troubled to see told her, that if he was in Mr. Truelove's some of the finest features in the world grow place (for that was the name of her hus pale, and tremble with party rage? Ca- band) he should be made as uneasy by a milla is one of the greatest beauties in the handkerchief as ever Othello was. British nation, and yet values herself more afraid,' said she, Mr. Honeycomb, you upon being the virago of one party, than are a tory: tell me truly, are you a friend upon being the toast of both. The dear to the doctor, or not? Will, instead of creature, about a week ago, encountered making her a reply, smiled in her face (for the fierce and beautiful Penthesilea across indeed she was very pretty) and told her, a tea-table; but in the height of her anger, that one of her patches was dropping off. as her hand chanced to shake with the earnestness of the dispute, she scalded her *The name of Dr. T. Oates is here substituted for fingers, and spilt a dish of tea upon her that of Dr. Sacheverell, who is the real person meant.

I am

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