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seemed, at least to me, to be surrounded with so many difficulties, that, notwith standing the unknown advantages which might have accrued to me thereby, I gave over all hopes of attaining it; and I believ had never thought of it more, but that my memory has been lately refreshed by see ing some of these ingenious gentlemen ply in the open streets, one of which I saw re ceive so suitable a reward to his labours that though I know you are no friend of story-telling, yet I must beg leave to trou

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To the Spectator-General of Great Britain. | From the farther end of the Widow's Coffee-house in Devereux-court. Monday evening, twenty. eight minutes and a half past six. 'DEAR DUMB,-In short, to use no farther preface, if I should tell you that I have seen a hackney-coachman, when he has come to set down his fare, which has consisted of two or three very fine ladies, hand them out, and salute every one of them with an air of familiarity, without giving the least offence, you would perhaps think me guilty of a gasconade. But to clear my-ble you with this at large. self from that imputation, and to explain About a fortnight since, as I was divert this matter to you, I assure you that there ing myself with a pennyworth of walnuts a are many illustrious youths within this city, the Temple gate, a lively young fellow i who frequently recreate themselves by a fustian jacket shot by me, beckoned driving of a hackney-coach: but those coach, and told the coachman he wanted t whom, above all others, I would recom- go as far as Chelsea. They agreed upo mend to you, are the young gentlemen be- the price, and this young gentleman mount longing to the inns of court. We have, I the coach-box: the fellow, staring at him think, about a dozen coachmen, who have desired to know if he should not drive unti chambers here in the Temple; and, as it is they were out of town. No, no, replied he reasonable to believe others will follow He was then going to climb up to him, bu their example, we may perhaps in time (if received another check, and was then or it shall be thought convenient) be drove to dered to get into the coach, or behind it Westminster by our own fraternity, allow for that he wanted no instructors; "But b ing every fifth person to apply his medita- sure, you dog you," says he, "do not bill tions this way, which is but a modest com- ne. The fellow thereupon surrendere putation, as the humour is now likely to his whip, scratched his head, and crep take. It is to be hoped, likewise, that there into the coach. Having myself occasion to are in the other nurseries of the law to be go into the Strand about the same time, w found a proportionable number of these started both together; but the street bein hopeful plants, springing up to the ever- very full of coaches, and he not so able lasting renown of their native country. Of coachman as perhaps he imagined himself how long standing this humour has been, II had soon got a little way before him know not. The first time I had any particular reason to take notice of it was about this time twelvemonth, when, being upon Hampstead-heath with some of these studious young men, who went thither purely for the sake of contemplation, nothing would serve them but I must go through a course of this philosophy too; and, being ever willing to embellish myself with any commendable qualification, it was not long ere they persuaded me into the coachbox; nor indeed much longer, before I underwent the fate of my brother Phaeton; for, having drove about fifty paces with pretty good success, through my own natural sagacity, together with the good instructions of my tutors, who to give them their due, were on all hands encouraging and assisting me in this laudable undertaking: I say, sir, having drove above fifty paces with pretty good success, I must needs be exercising the lash; which the horses resented so ill from my hands, that they gave a sudden start, and thereby pitched me directly upon my head, as I very well remembered about half an hour afterwards; which not only deprived me of all the knowledge I had gained for fifty yards before, but had like to have broke my neck into the bargain. After such a severe reprimand, you may imagine I was not very easily prevailed with to make a second attempt; and indeed, upon mature deliberation, the whole science

often, however, having the curiosity to cas
my eye back upon him, to observe how h
behaved himself in this high station; which
he did with great composure, until he cam
to the pass, which is a military term th
brothers of the whip have given to th
strait at St. Clement's church. When h
was arrived near this place, where are al
ways coaches in waiting, the coachme
began to suck up the muscles of the
cheeks, and to tip the wink upon each
other, as if they had some roguery in the
heads, which I was immediately convince
of; for he no sooner came within reach, b
the first of them with his whip took th
exact dimension of his shoulders, which
very ingeniously called endorsing: and i
deed, I must say, that every one of the
took due care to endorse him as he cam
through their hands. He seemed at first
little uneasy under the operation, and wi
going in all haste to take the numbers
their coaches; but at length, by the medi
tion of the worthy gentleman in the coac
his wrath was assuaged, and he prevaile
upon to pursue his journey; though indee
I thought they had clapped such a spoke
his wheel, as had disabled him from bein
a coachman for that day at least: for I ar
only mistaken, Mr. Spec, if some of thes
endorsements were not wrote with so stron
a hand that they are still legible. Upon m
inquiring the reason of this unusual saluta

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tion, they told me, that it was a custom away many of their effects, granted them among them, whenever they saw a brother their petition: when the women, to his great tottering or unstable in his post, to lend surprise, came out of the place with every him a hand, in order to settle him again one her husband upon her back. The emtherein. For my part, I thought their al-peror was so moved at the sight, that he legations but reasonable, and so marched burst into tears; and, after having very hoff Besides our coachmen, we abound in much extolled the women for their conjudivers other sorts of ingenious robust youth, gal affection, gave the men to their wives, lswho, I hope, will not take it ill if I defer and received the duke into his favour. sgiving you an account of their several recreations to another opportunity. In the mean time, if you would but bestow a little of your wholesome advice upon our coachmen, it might perhaps be a reprieve to some of their necks. As I understand you have several inspectors under you, if you would but send one amongst us here in the Temple, I am persuaded he would not want employment. But I leave this to your own consideration, and am, sir, your hum-upon him to be the mouth of our sex, replied, ble servant,


"The ladies did not a little triumph at this story, asking us at the same time, whether in our consciences we believed that the men in any town in Great Britain would, upon the same offer, and at the same conjuncture, have loaden themselves with their wives; or rather, whether they would not have been glad of such an opportunity to get rid of them? To this my very good friend, Tom Dapperwit, who took

that they would be very much to blame if they would not do the same good office for the women, considering that their strength P.S. I have heard our critics in the would be greater, and their burdens lighter. coffee-house hereabout talk mightily of the As we were amusing ourselves with disunity of time and place. According to my courses of this nature, in order to pass away notion of the matter, I have endeavoured the evening, which now begins to grow teat something like it in the beginning of my dious, we fell into that laudable and primiepistle. I desire to be informed a little as tive diversion of questions and commands. to that particular. In my next I design to I was no sooner vested with the regal augive you some account of excellent water-thority, but I enjoined all the ladies, under men, who are bred to the law, and far outdo the land students above-mentioned." pain of my displeasure, to tell the company ingeniously, in case they had been at the siege above-mentioned, and had the same offers made them as the good women of that place, what every one of them would have brought off with her, and have thought most worth the saving? There were several merry answers made to my question, which entertained us until bed-time. This filled my mind with such a huddle of ideas, that, upon my going to sleep, I fell into the following dream:

No. 499.] Thursday, October 2, 1712.

Naribus indulges

-Nimis uncia


Pers. Sat. i. 40.
-You drive the jest too far.-Dryden.

My friend Will Honeycomb has told me, for about this half year, that he had a great mind to try his hand at a Spectator, and that he would fain have one of his writing my works. This morning I received the following letter, which, after having rectihed some little orthographical mistakes, I shall make a present of to the public.

I saw a town of this island, which shall be nameless, invested on every side, and the inhabitants of it so strained as to cry for quarter. The general refused any other terms than those granted to the abovementioned town of Hensburg, namely, that the married women might come out with DEAR SPEC, I was about two nights what they could bring along with them. go in company with very agreeable young Immediately the city gates flew open, and People of both sexes, where, talking of some a female procession appeared, multitudes your papers which are written on conju- of the sex followed one another in a row, al love, there arose a dispute among us, and staggering under their respective burmed whether there were not more bad husbands dens. I took my stand upon an eminence the world than bad wives. A gentleman, in the enemy's camp, which was appointed who was advocate for the ladies, took this for the general rendezvous of these female ccasion to tell us the story of a famous carriers, being very desirous to look into ege in Germany, which I have since found their several ladings. The first of them related in my historical dictionary, after had a huge sack upon her shoulders, which the following manner. When the emperor she set down with great care. Upon the Conrade the Third had besieged Guelphus, opening of it, when l'expected to have seen duke of Bavaria, in the city of Hensburg, her husband shot out of it, I found it was women, finding that the town could not filled with china-ware. The next appeared possibly hold out long, petitioned the em- in a more decent figure, carrying a handwith peror that they might depart out of it, with some young fellow upon her back: I could much as each of them could carry. The not forbear commending the young woman mperor, knowing they could not convey for her conjugal affection, when, to my VOL. II.

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raillery on marriage, and one who has often tried his fortune that way without success. I cannot however dismiss this letter, without observing, that the true story on which it is built does honour to the sex, and that, in order to abuse them, the writer is obliged to have recourse to dream and fiction.

Huc natas adjice septem,

great surprise, I found that she had left the | good man at home, and brought away her gallant. I saw the third, at some distance, with a little withered face peeping over her shoulder, whom I could not suspect for any but her spouse, until upon her setting him down I heard her call him dear pug, and found him to be her favourite monkey. A fourth brought a huge bale of cards along with her, and the fifth a Bologna lap-dog; for her husband, it seems, being a very No. 500.] Friday, October 3, 1712. burly man, she thought it would be less trouble for her to bring away little Cupid. The next was the wife of a rich usurer, loaden with a bag of gold; she told us that her spouse was very old, and by the course of nature could not expect to live long; and that to show her tender regards for him, she had saved that which the poor man loved better than his life. The next came towards us with her son upon her back, who, we were told, was the greatest rake in the place, but so much the mother's darling, that she left her husband behind with a large family of hopeful sons and daughters, for the sake of this graceless youth.

'It would be endless to mention the several persons, with their several loads, that appeared to me in this strange vision. All the place about me was covered with packs of ribands, brocades, embroidery, and ten thousand other materials, sufficient to have furnished a whole street of toy-shops. One of the women, having a husband, who was none of the heaviest, was bringing him off upon her shoulders, at the same time that she carried a great bundle of Flanders lace under her arm; but finding herself so overloaden, that she could not save both of them, she dropped the good man, and brought away the bundle. In short, I found but one husband among this great mountain of baggage, who was a lively cobbler, that kicked and spurred all the while his wife was carrying him on, and, as it was said, he had scarce passed a day in his life without giving her the discipline of the strap.

I cannot conclude my letter, dear Spec, without telling thee one very odd whim in this my dream. I saw, methought, a dozen women employed in bringing off one man; I could not guess who it should be, until upon his nearer approach I discovered thy short phiz. The women all declared that it was for the sake of thy works, and not thy person, that they brought thee off, and that it was on condition that thou shouldst continue the Spectator. If thou thinkest this dream will make a tolerable one, it is at thy service, from, dear Spec, thine, sleeping and waking,


The ladies will see by this letter what I have often told them, that Will is one of those old-fashioned men of wit and pleasure of the town, that shows his parts by


Et todidem juvenes; et mox generosque nurufque:
Quærite nunc, habeat quam nostra superbia causam.
Ovid Met. Lib. vi. 182.

Seven are my daughters, of a form divine,
With seven fair sons, an indefective line.
Go, fools, consider this, and ask the cause
From which my pride its strong presumption draws.

'SIR,--You, who are so well acquainted with the story of Socrates, must have read how, upon his making a discourse concerning love, he pressed his point with so much success, that all the bachelors in his audience took a resolution to marry by the first opportunity, and that all the married men immediately took horse and galloped home to their wives. I am apt to think your discourses, in which you have drawn so many agreeable pictures of marriage, have had a very good effect this way in England. We are obliged to you, at least, for having taken off that senseless ridicule, which for many years the witlings of the town have turned upon their fathers and mothers. For my own part, I was born in wedlock, and I do not care who knows it; for which rea son, among many others, I should look upon myself as a most insufferable coxcomb, did I endeavour to maintain that cuckoldom was inseparable from marriage, or to make use of husband and wife as terms of re proach. Nay, sir, I will go one step far ther, and declare to you, before the whol world, that I am a married man, and a the same time I have so much assurance a not to be ashamed of what I have done.

'Among the several pleasures that ac company this state of life, in which you have described in your former papers there are two you have not taken notice of and which are seldom cast into the accoun by those who write on this subject. You must have observed, in your speculation on human nature, that nothing is mor gratifying to the mind of man than powe or dominion; and this I think myself amply possessed of, as I am the father of a family I am perpetually taken up in giving ou orders, in prescribing duties, in hearin parties, in administering justice, and in dis tributing rewards and punishments. T speak in the language of the centurion, say unto one, Go, and he goeth; and to an other, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it. In short, sir, I look upon my family as a patriarchal sovereignty, in which I am myself both


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king and priest. All great governments to most of those with whom I converse, are nothing else but clusters of these little namely, that a man who has many chilprivate royalties, and therefore I consider dren, and gives them a good education, is the masters of families as small deputy- more likely to raise a family, than he who ad governors, presiding over the several little has but one, notwithstanding he leaves him parcels and divisions of their fellow-sub- his whole estate. For this reason I cannot jects. As I take great pleasure in the forbear amusing myself with finding out a administration of my government in par- general, an admiral, or an alderman of ticular, so I look upon myself not only as a London, a divine, a physician, or a lawyer, more useful, but as a much greater and among my little people who are now perhappier man than any bachelor in England haps in petticoats; and when I see the moof my rank and condition. therly airs of my little daughters when they are playing with their puppets, I cannot but flatter myself that their husbands and children will be happy in the possession of such wives and mothers.

'There is another accidental advantage in marriage, which has likewise fallen to my share; I mean the having a multitude f children. These I cannot but regard as very great blessings. When I see my little 'If you are a father, you will not perhaps troop before me, I rejoice in the additions think this letter impertinent; but if you are which I have made to my species, to my a single man, you will not know the meancountry, and to my religion, in having pro-ing of it, and probably throw it into the fire. duced such a number of reasonable crea- Whatever you determine of it, you may tures, citizens, and Christians. I am pleased assure yourself that it comes from one who to see myself thus perpetuated; and as is your most humble servant, and wellthere is no production_comparable to that wisher, PHILOGAMUS,' a human creature, I am more proud of 0. having been the occasion of ten such glorius productions, than if I had built a hun


Saturday, October 4, 1712.

Durum : sed levius fit patientia
Quicquid corrigere est nefas.

Hor. Od. xxiv. Lib. 1. 19.

dred pyramids at my own expense, or No. 501.] published as many volumes of the finest wit and learning. In what a beautiful light has the holy scripture represented Abdon, one of the judges of Israel, who had forty sons and thirty grandsons, that rode on threescore and ten ass colts, according to the magnificence of the eastern countries! How must the heart of the old man rejoice, when he saw such a beautiful procession of his own descendants, such a numerous cavalcade of his own raising! For my own part, I can sit in my own parlour with great content when I take a review of half a dozen little boys mounting upon hobby horses, and of as many little girls tutoring their babies, each of them endeavouring to excel the rest, and to do something that may gainmy favour and approbation. I canquestion but he who has blessed me with so many children, will assist my endeavours in providing for them. There is ne thing I am able to give each of them, How are we tortured with the absence which is a virtuous education. I think it is of what we covet to possess, when it apSir Francis Bacon's observation, that in a pears to be lost to us! What excursions umerous family of children, the eldest is does the soul make in imagination after it! often spoiled by the prospect of an estate, and how does it turn into itself again, more and the youngest by being the darling of the foolishly fond and dejected at the disapparents; but that some one or other in the pointment! Our grief, instead of having remiddle, who has not perhaps been regard-course to reason, which might restrain it, ed, has made his way in the world, and searches to find a farther nourishment. It overtopped the rest. It is my business to calls upon memory to relate the several implant in every one of my children the passages and circumstances of satisfaction me seeds of industry, and the same which we formerly enjoyed; the pleasures mest principles. By this means I think I we purchased by those riches that are have a fair chance, that one or other of taken from us; or the power and splendour may grow considerable in some way of our departed honours; or the voice, the rother of life, whether it be in the army, words, the looks, the temper and affections in the fleet, in trade or any of the three of our friends that are deceased. It needs learned professions; for you must know, sir, must happen from hence that the passion that, from long experience and observation, should often swell to such a size as to burst am persuaded of what seems a paradox the heart which contains it, if time did not

'Tis hard but when we needs must bear, Enduring patience makes the burden light.-Creech As some of the finest compositions among the ancients are in allegory, I have endeavoured, in several of my papers, to revive that way of writing, and hope I have not been altogether unsuccessful in it; for I find there is always a great demand for those particular papers, and cannot but observe that several authors have endeavoured of late to excel in works of this nature. Among those, I do not know any one who has succeeded better than a very ingenious gentleman, to whom I am obliged for the following piece, and who was the author of the vision in the 460th paper.


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make these circumstances less strong and lively, so that reason should become a more equal match for the passion, or if another desire which becomes more present did not overpower them with a livelier representation. These are thoughts which I had when I fell into a kind of vision upon this subject, and may therefore stand for a proper introduction to a relation of it.

I found myself upon a naked shore, with company whose afflicted countenances witnessed their conditions. Before us flowed a water, deep, silent, and called the river of Tears, which, issuing from two fountains on an upper ground, encompassed an island that lay before us. The boat which plied in it was old and shattered, having been sometimes overset by the impatience and haste of single passengers to arrive at the other side. This immediately was brought to us by Misfortune who steers it, and we were all preparing to take our places, when there appeared a woman of a mild and composed behaviour, who began to deter us from it, by representing the dangers which would attend our voyage. Hereupon some who knew her for Patience, and some of those too who until then cried the loudest, were persuaded by her, and returned back. The rest of us went in, and she (whose good-nature would not suffer her to forsake persons in trouble) desired leave to accompany us, that she might at least administer some small comfort or advice while we sailed. We were no sooner embarked but the boat was pushed off, the sheet was spread; and being filled with sighs, which are the winds of that country, we made a passage to the farther bank, through several difficulties of which the most of us seemed utterly regardless.

When we landed, we perceived the island to be strangely overcast with fogs, which no brightness could pierce, so that a kind of gloomy horror sat always brooding over it. This had something in it very shocking to easy tempers, insomuch that some others, whom Patience had by this time gained over, left us here, and privily conveyed themselves round the verge of the island to find a ford by which she told them they might escape.

For my part, I still went along with those who were for piercing into the centre of the place; and joining ourselves to others whom we found upon the same journey, we marched solemnly as at a funeral, through bordering hedges of rosemary, and through a grove of yew-trees, which love to overshadow tombs and flourish in the church-yards. Here we heard on every side the wailings and complaints of several of the inhabitants, who had cast themselves disconsolately at the feet of trees; and as we chanced to approach any of these we might perceive them wringing their hands, beating their breasts, tearing their hair, or after some other manner, visibly agitated with vexation. Our sorrows were

heightened by the influence of what we heard and saw, and one of our number was wrought up to such a pitch of wildness, as to talk of hanging himself upon a bough which shot temptingly across the path we travelled in; but he was restrained from it by the kind endeavours of our above-mentioned companion.

We had now gotten into the most dusky silent part of the island, and by the redou bled sounds of sighs, which made a doleful whistling in the branches, the thickness of air, which occasioned faintish respiration, and the violent throbbings of heart which more and more affected us, we found that we approached the Grotto of Grief. It was a wide, hollow, and melancholy cave, sunk deep in a dale, and watered by rivulets that had a colour between red and black. These crept slow and half congealed amongst its windings, and mixed their heavy murmurs with the echo of groans that rolled through all the passages. In the most retired parts of it sat the doleful being herself; the path to her was strewed with goads, stings, and thorns; and her throne on which she sat was broken into a rock, with ragged pieces pointing upwards for her to lean upon. A heavy mist hung above her; her head oppressed with it reclined upon her arm. Thus did she reign over her disconsolate subjects, full of herself to stupidity, in eternal pensiveness, and the profoundest silence. On one side of her stood Dejection, just dropping into a swoon, and Paleness, wasting to a skeleton; on the other side were Care inwardly tormented with imaginations, and Anguish suffering outward troubles to suck the blood from her heart in the shape of vultures. The whole vault had a genuine dismalness in it, which a few scattered lamps, whose blueish flames arose and sunk in their urns, discovered to our eyes with increase. Some of us fell down, overcome and spent with what they suffered in the way, and were given over to those tormenters that stood on either hand of the presence; other galled and mortified with pain, recovered the entrance, where Patience, whom we had left behind, was still waiting to re ceive us.

With her (whose company was now be come more grateful to us by the want we had found of her) we winded round the grotto, and ascended at the back of it, ou of the mournful dale in whose bottom it lay On this eminence we halted, by her advice to pant for breath; and lifting our eyes, which until then were fixed downwards felt a sullen sort of satisfaction, in observ ing, through the shades, what numbers hac entered the island. This satisfaction, which appears to have ill-nature in it, was ex cusable, because it happened at a time when we were too much taken up with our own concern, to have respect to that of others; and therefore we did not consider them as suffering, but ourselves as not suf

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