eventually reaching her head. Unable to take any kind of food, she was speedily incapable of yielding any sup port to her infant. The dear little creature has been a great sufferer in consequence, and shortly dwindled away to a mere skeleton. Dr. Henderson, one of the devoted men going out under the auspices of the London Missionary Society, has been unceasing in his attentions, and but for his kindness and skill, under God's blessing, I question whether she could have survived. Ultimately the disease was effectually subdued: but, both the doctor and the captain considered the shock to her system of such moment as to render it incumbent upon her to return home for a season. Such was also the solemn conviction of her own mind. Nothing could exceed the cheerfulness with which she consented to accompany me in this work, believing firmly that God called me to it; and I am persuaded that she never found anything so trying to her as to have to avow her impression that, for her own safety, the welfare of our little ones, and my personal advantage, she must, for a season, tear herself from me. Had the sweet children been out of question she would have repudiated the idea of leaving me; no consideration could have induced her to have taken the step, as she would rather have persevered in the voyage, and risked her life for my happiness. But in her own affecting words she felt it utterly impossible to sustain the fatigue and sickness of the voyage; and the thought continually pressed itself upon her,what can my husband do for the mission if left with the care of these children? He must of necessity be seriously hindered in his work; whereas by my returning home for a time, the probability is I shall save my life, be enabled to effect suitable arrangements for the good of my children, and at length join him in his labours for the good of the heathen, invigorated in health, and fully prepared for earnest co-operation with him in his glorious enterprise." Such, after repeated and prayerful deliberations, was the view she calmly presented, and her serious decision in reference to the future was in unison with it. You may judge of my own struggles in reflecting on the import of such a procedure. Intense and protracted, extending over two nights and a day, was the mental conflict through which I passed in respect to my own duty in the matter. Could I deem it right to separate myself from the wife and children of my tenderest affection? Was it likely that I could impress on their cheeks the parting kiss, which should deprive me of their caresses and cheering presence for an indefinite period, certainly for years, probably for life? So nature enquired. But throughout the agony grace was given. An invisible presence realized the promises of God, a divine voice speaking inwardly, with increasing distinctness, and overpowering authority, served to bear me up, and guide me to right conclusions. I could not forget, in my sorrow, the dignity and grandeur of the cause to which I had consecrated myself. The boundless love of God towards a sin-stricken world, as unfolded in the economy of redemption; the infinite condescension and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ in voluntarily taking upon himself the shame-the curse of human iniquity; the wondrously benevolent purpose of the ever blessed Trinity, to have all men saved and brought unto the knowledge of the truth;" the matchless mercy exemplified in my own individual salvation; the mournful fact that hundreds of millions of our race are yet in ignorance of the amazing benefits of the Gospel provided for them equally as for me; the clearly revealed duty of the church of God to carry it to every part of the world, the glad tidings of salvation through a crucified Saviour, these, and other views of like nature, were impressively apprehended. Moreover, I remembered that nothing could have been more sincere than my desire to be led of God in the assumption of the responsibilities I now bear. That desire had resolved itself into most earnest and daily prayer for His promised guidance. I sought by all possible means the clear intimation of His will. Wishful, as I was, to be His honoured servant in carrying the Gospel to regions beyond, yet fearful of going on such a mission uncalled, I entreated that, if it were not my sphere, I might have difficulties meeting me at every step. There was nothing in the state of my own health, or that of my family, to occasion any misgivings as to the result; and, as you know, every thing else was arranged with comparative ease. No prospect of worldly advantage would have led me to such a severance from home and friends, but the joy of helping on the kingdom of Christ in the earth-specially the dark places of the earth-made me willing, cheerfully willing, to forego all plans for personal comfort and convenience: Such being my case-my conviction having been so profoundly deep-God's providence having so clearly accorded with my individual impressions, the Church having extended to me its confidence and its call, and everything, up to this time, having indicated my decision to be right, how could I now, even with this dark cloud over my head, conclude myself in the wrong? No, it could not be. My heart, my conscience, testified I was right. God's voice within me proclaimed my course to be onward. The self-denying sacrifice of my blessed Redeemer loudly appealed to my gratitude and love, and bade me proceed. The wretched debasement, the perilous condition of the myriads of souls in China, towards whom my heart has so long gone out in intensest sympathy, were arranged in touching character before my mind, and seemed to implore me, in melting strains, on no account to go back. What could I do? What, my dear Sir, would you have done? What would the Members of our Committee have done? I had only one way open to me; that way I have taken. Yes, I felt I must go forward. I felt I must meet the trial of parting with those most dear to me, convinced that in this -the most distressing of all my allotments-I should, sooner or later, see the salvation of God. My beloved wife, with a magnanimity which I cannot sufficiently admire, most affectionately encouraged me in this decision. declared herself so fully convinced of my Divine call to the mission work, that were I to think of returning on her account, she would not allow any consideration whatever to take her on shore. An imperative sense of duty has actuated her throughout, and I venture to think that results will show that she has done right. She And now, my dear Sir, the thing is actually done. This night I have said to her, and to my dear children, good bye. They are gone; and my first act, on attaining any command over my feelings, is to write to you. I well know that many will be led to question the propriety of the step; and, in the absence of correct information, some may go so far as to deem it an evil omen in regard to the interests of the Mission. For this I am prepared. Still, if such consequences can be avoided, by the timely circulation of a just version of the case, I am most anxious to insure it. You will fully understand how concerned I shall be to know, as soon as possible, the judgment of the Committee on the matter. I shall be abundantly encouraged if I find that they approve of my course, since their verdict will be sure to be endorsed by the Connexion. I can only repeat that I have most anxiously sought to do right, and that I have acted throughout to the best of my judgment, and with a most conscientious regard to the interests of the Connexion and the glory of God. My joy will only be equalled by my gratitude to you, my dear Sir, if I find, on my arrival at Shanghai, a communication expressive of their approval of my course. I cannot too earnestly ask this favour, and I am confident you will be only too ready to grant it. While I may take the liberty of saying that I consider the arrangement entirely a thing of personal privation, I believe it will not be found to exert the slightest uufavourable influence on the Mission. On the contrary, seeing that, for twelve or eighteen months, little can be done in the way of actual effort for the evangelization of the people, I shall most sacredly use the unexpected and undesired freedom from domestic cares in securing, by the most sedulous application to my studies, the requisite attainments for effectively operating on the native mind. I would also observe that, while nothing can compensate for absence from each other, I shall always have the consolation that my dear wife, in the midst of devoted and affectionate relatives, lacks no attention or supply, essential to the comfort of herself and our little ones. Neither shall I need to fear, should her residence in England be prolonged beyond the period thought of, that the spiritual interests of our children will be overlooked, as I am sure it will be her incessant aim to bring them up for God. And now, my dear Sir, I must bring this painful letter to a close. I know you will so fully enter into my experi ence as to allow for its many defects. I should say, ere I close, that the brethren on board kindly volunteered an expression of their sympathy with me under my trial, and of their entire concurrence in my final decisions, if I considered it of any consequence in giving satisfaction to you and to the Committee. Grateful as I was for this kindness, I scarcely thought it requisite, especially as brother Innocent engaged to furnish you with all the facts of the would have extended to now, I should certainly have asked the favour of a line from you on the subject of my last; as it is, I fear I must wait my arrival in China for such a gratification, as I believe we positively sail to-morrow. I am still feeling most acutely, in reference to my trial. Every now and then the darkness of the cloud thickens, and I seem to have no cheering ray to relieve it. The Tempter seems for a moment to rush in upon my spirit with deadly fury, as though he would use the circumstance for my destruction. I am very thankful to say, however, that such experiences are only very temporary, as I am soon enabled to rally my confidence in God, and to triumph in the thought that He mixes my cup. Mysterious as is this dispensation, and heavily as my soul is afflicted by it, I have yet unutterable consolation in the belief,-the firm belief,-that its results will proclaim its wisdom and goodness. Surely "the Father of Mercies" must have given me this detention at Portsmouth as a sweet pledge of future blessing. Our little band appear lost in wonder at the event. One and all see in it a cause for the profoundest grati tude. Never did disciples more thoroughly appreciate the blessed and heavenly character of gospel privileges thou did we last Lord's day. We entered the House of God, and engaged in the exercises of the sanctuary as we have seldom done before. We worshipped at the Highbury Independent Chapel, of which the Rev. Mr. Young, a minister of some eminence, is the pastor. One of our number preached a most appropriate sermon, with an overflowing heart. After service, we all assembled at the Lord's table, and communed with Him in his sufferings and death, as perhaps we had never done before. How shall I speak of the influence of that fellowship? It is not in my power to set it forth. I verily think, had we been beating in the channel two years in place of two weeks, we should have counted that means of grace abundantly more than a compensation for all the storms and anxieties of the way. O, how fully Jesus revealed himself unto us. I went into the chapel greatly cast down; I came away delighting myself in the Lord. I took my seat amongst christian friends, only too thankful for the opportunity, but still groaning beneath my load of trial; but as the service proceeded, I realized the truthfulness of the testimony that "They that wait upon the Lord shall mount as on the wings of eagles," and when honored by being called upon to take part in the ordinance, I found a precious relief, and increased blessing in extolling and magnifying the name of the Lord. At its close, you would have been delighted could you have witnessed the manner in which our little missionary company greeted each other, thanked God and took courage. Nor would you have been less gladdened to have beheld the warm and tearful recognitions extended to us by both pastor and people. Names and distinctions were all forgotten, and we thought only of our oneness in Christ. It is customary here for the Independent and Baptist churches to unite monthly for prayer for God's blessing on missionary operations. The meeting is held alternately in their respective chapels. Singularly, this evening was the night in course for holding the meeting, and the chapel to which it fell was the splendid chapel with which is associated the name and labours of the now sainted Griffin. His memoir I read some years ago with great delight. He was a faithful man, full of the Holy Ghost. He took special interest in missions, and trained his people to do the same, so that they have been very remarkable for their liberality and zeal in the good cause. In consequence of the meeting, an invitation was given to the missionaries, their wives and all their personal friends, who had come from London and various places to see them, to meet for tea at the Rev. Mr. Young's, and afterwards proceeded to the meeting. This was readily accepted. Subsequently we were informed that a gentleman of Mr. Young's congregation, a man of great wealth and influence, insisted on having us at his house, where he proposed inviting the ministers of the town to meet us. There we have been, and a high treat we have had in intercourse with the various brethren labouring in this part of the vineyard. Your representatives were not allowed t occupy a lower position in the regards pid than those of our number, who, fran denominational relationship, might have been expected to receive more special attention. We were treated with the same respect, and shared equally with them the most decided proofs of affection. It was very pleasing to me to find our Connexion known to some of the ministers, and to hear the eulogiums pronounced on the spirit of our polity, and specially on the liberality of our people in taking up China as a field of missionary operation. One minister of very superior mind said we might confidently expect now that our success as a body would be greatly augmented, and he assured me he should look out, from time to time, for information as to our progress. He spoke with much pleasure of the happy intercourse he had enjoyed with some of our ministers, and said that now, whenever thrown into the sphere of our operations, he should make himself known as a deeply interested friend of Messrs. Innocent and Hall. At 7 o'clock we assembled in the magnificent chapel at Portsea. It is said to hold 2500 persons, and there is a church connected with it consisting of 1400 members. We were all to have a word to the people, but one or two of our brethren were so enlarged as to take double the time allotted, and consequently two of us were not heard. You will be glad to know, however, that my excellent colleague addressed the people, and I am sure did justice to the occasion. He was listened to with great interest. The proceedings will be given in the Portsmouth paper, a reporter being present for the purpose. After service we repaired to the house of a Baptist gentleman, a magistrate of the town, where we again received the most hospitable regard. And thus terminated an eventful day. We leave Portsmouth richly blessed in ourselves, and the pastors and people with whom we have so happily associated, declare we are leaving an unusual blessing behind us. They deem the thing most providential in its character, assuring us that it will tell greatly on their future doings for the mission cause. And, my dear sir, is it not a very glorious matter for us to think of, that by this strange and totally unlooked for event, we have secured the warm sympathies, and shall be followed by the fervent prayers of some 12 ministers and 2000 people. To God be all the praise! It will please you to learn that my fellow travellers, both ladies and gentlemen, are doing all they can to cheer and sustain me in my loss. My very excellent friend, Mr. Macgowen, for whom I conceived an ardent attachment when I met with him in London, has shewn me the utmost consideration. He and his amiable wife insists on my living with them in China, and declare they will count it a high pleasure to have me under their care. How strange this is? The fact of your sending for me to London, secured me his acquaintance. I bade him good bye, with the understanding that he would sail for China in a week or two. I could not forbear expressing my regret to him at the time, that he should be leaving before us, feeling as I did, that he was truly a kindred soul-though far my superior. To his own surprise, he is informed afterwards that he is not to sail before the other brethren; in this circumstance I found occasion for thankfulness and joy. But will it not be remarkable if all this should end in my finding a home under his roof, and becoming bound to him by the most intimate ties? "What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us ?" I will close by again reiterating my solemn conviction, that I am in my right place. The conflict through which I have passed, and I may say am passing, will only serve to brace me up for more formidable encounters. I feel I shall be a better man, a more valiant soldier in consequence. It seems to me as though, after all I have gone through in the course of my life, I could bring myself to almost any engagement, if the discipline result in an increase of all the qualities essential to bold and daring enterprise for Christ, then surely it will be good. I can truly say, that I never more earnestly than now, entered into the Apostle's determination "to know only Christ and him crucified." By God's help, which I know I shall have, I will succeed in my work. I have thought much of the way in which my separation from my dear wife, and my precious children, may be regarded by others, and occasionally Satan has used the matter to my sore disquietude; but I now rejoice in the thought that God "knoweth the way of the righteous," and He is fully acquainted with the motives actuating me in this distressing occurrence, and will take up my cause. I now leave it, and go on in my march, confident that His presence will go with me, and that my way shall be made plain. My colleague and his dear wife and children are in perfect health; I am grateful to say also that is my own condition. Leaving this hurried note to its fate, which, after all, I am tempted not to send; I close by once more desiring my kindest christian regards to dear Mrs. Stacey. I am, my ever dear sir, Yours in undying affection, Rev. J. Stacey. |