'man nature is itself often imputed to her as her particular 'imperfection or defect.

'I take it to be a rule proper to be observed in all occur'rences of life, but more especially in the domestic or ma'trimonial part of it, to preserve always a disposition to be 'pleased. This cannot be supported but by considering things in their right light, and as nature has formed them, and not as our own fancies and appetites would have them. He then, who took a young lady to his bed with no other 'consideration than the expectation of scenes of dalliance, and thought of her (as I said before) only as she was to administer to the gratification of desire; as that desire flags, will, without her fault, think her charms and her merit 'abated; from hence must follow indifference, pevishness, and rage. But the man who brings his reason to support his 'passion, and beholds what he loves as liable to all the calamities of human life, both in body and mind, and even at 'the best what must bring upon him new cares and new re'lations; such a lover, I say, will form himself accordingly, 'and adapt his mind to the nature of his circumstances. This latter person will be prepared to be a father, a friend, 'an advocate, a steward for people yet unborn, and has proper affections ready for every incident in the marriage 'state. Such a man can hear the cries of children with pity, 'instead of anger; and when they run over his head, he is 'not disturbed by their noise, but is glad of their mirth and 'health. Tom Trusty has told me, that he thinks it doubles 'his attention to the most intricate affair he is about, to hear 'his children, for whom all his cares are applied, make a 'noise in the next room: On the other side, Will Sparkish 'cannot put on his periwig, or adjust his solitaire at the glass, for the noise of those damn'd nurses and squalling 'brats; and then ends with a gallant reflection on the comforts of matrimony, runs out of their hearing, and drives to 'the chocolate-house.

According as the husband is disposed in himself, every circumstance in his life is to give him torment or pleasure. 'When the affection is well placed, and supported by the 'considerations of duty, honour and friendship, which are in the highest degree engaged in this alliance, there can nothing rise in the common course of life, or from the blows 'or favours of fortune, in which a man will not find matter ' of some delight unknown to a single condition.

He who sincerely loves his wife and family, and studies

to improve that affection in himself, conceives pleasuse from the most indifferent things: while the married man, who has not bid adieu to the fashions and false gallantries of the town, is perplexed with every thing around him. In both these cases, indeed, men cannot make a sillier figure, than in repeating such pleasure and pains to the rest of the world; but I speak of them only as they sit upon those that are involved in them. As I visit all sorts of people, I cannot indeed but smile when a good lady tells her hus band what extraordinary things the child spoke since he went out, things which would afford very little entertainment to one not turned to reflection: but I love to remark on the happiness of a life in which things of no moment 'give occasion of hope, self-satisfaction and triumph. I have known an ill-natured coxcomb, for want of this disposition, silence the whole family as a set of silly women and children, for recounting things which were really above his own 'capacity.

I am verily persuaded that whatever is delightful in human life, is to be enjoyed in greater perfection in the married, than in a single condition. He that has this passion in perfection, in occasions of joy can say to himself, besides his own satisfaction, How happy will this make my wife * and children! Upon occurrences of distress or danger can comfort himself, But all this while my wife and children are safe. There is something in it that doubles satisfaction, because others participate them; and dispels afflictions, because others are exempt from them. All who are married without this relish of their circumstances, are either in a tasteless indolence and negligence, which is hardly to be attained; or else live in the hourly repetition of sharp answers, eager upbraidings, and distracted re'proaches. In a word, the marriage state, with and without the affection suitable to it, is the completest image of heaven and hell we are capable of receiving in this life.. If love be any refinement, conjugal love must be certainly so in a much higher degree. There is no comparison between the frivolous affectation of attracting the eyes of women with whom you are only captivated by way of amusement, and of whom, perhaps, you know nothing more than their features; and a regular uniform endeavour to make yourself valuable both as a friend and lover, to one whom you have chosen to be the companion of your life. The first is the spring of a thousand fopperies, silly artiß

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'ces, falshoods, and perhaps barbarities; or at best, rises no higher than a kind of dancing-school breeding, to give the 'person a more sparkling air. The latter is the parent of 'substantial virtues and agreeable qualities, and cultivates 'the mind while it improves the behaviour. The passion of 'love to a mistress, even where it is most sincere, resembles 'too much the flame of a fever; that to a wife is like the vital heat.

I have often thought, if the letters written by men of 'good nature to their wives, were to be compared with those 'written by men of gallantry to their mistresses, the former notwithstanding any inequality of style, would appear to have the advantage. Friendship, tenderness and constancy, 'dressed in simplicity of expression, recommend themselves by a more native elegance than passionate raptures, extravagant encomiums, and slavish adoration. If we were per'mitted to search the cabinet of the beautiful Narcissa, among heaps of epistles from several admirers which are there pre'served with equal care, how few should we find but would 'make any one sick in the reading, except those who are flattered by them! But in how different a style must the 'wise Benevolus, who converses with that good sense and good humour among all his friends, write to a wife who is the worthy object of his utmost affection! Benevolus, both in publick and private, and all occasions of life, appears to 'have every good quality and desirable ornament. Abroad, 'he is reverenced and esteemed; at home, beloved and hap'py. The satisfaction he enjoys there, settles into an ha'bitual complacency, which shines in his countenance, enlivens his wit, and seasons his conversation. Even those of 'his acquaintance, who have ever seen him in his retirement, 'are sharers in the happiness of it; and it is very much ow'ing to his being the best and best-beloved of husbands, that he is the most steadfast of friends, and the most agreeable ' of companions.

There is a sensible pleasure in contemplating such beautiful instances of domestick life. The happiness of the con'jugal state appears heightened to the highest degree it is 'capable of, when we see two persons of accomplished 'minds, not only united in the same interests and affection, but in their taste of the same improvements, pleasures, and 'diversions. Pliny, one of the finest gentlemen and politest 'writers of the age in which he lived, has left us his letter to Hispulla, his wife's aunt, one of the most agreeable fami

ly-pieces of this kind I ever met with. I shall end this discourse with a translation of it; and I believe the reader will be of my opinion, that conjugal love is drawn in it with a delicacy which makes it appear to be, as I have repre'sented it, an ornament as well as a virtue.'

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PLINY to HISPULLA.

"AS I remember the great affection which was between you and your excellent brother, and know you love his daughter as your own, so as not only to express the ten"derness of the best of aunts, but even to supply that of the "best of fathers. I am sure it will be a pleasure to you to "hear that she proves worthy of her father, worthy of you, " and of your and her ancestors. Her ingenuity is admira"ble; her frugality is extraordinary. She loves me, the "surest pledge of her virtue; and adds to this, a wonderful "disposition to learning, which she has acquired from her "affection to me. She reads my writings, studies them, and even gets them by heart. You would smile to see the concern she is in when I have a cause to plead, and the joy "she shews when it is over. She finds means to have the first news brought her of the success I met with in court, how I am heard, and what decree is made. If I recite any thing "in publick, she cannot refrain from placing herself in some corner to hear, where, with the utmost delight, she feasts upon my applause. Sometimes she sings my verses, and accompanies them with the lute, without any master except 66 love, the best of instructors. From these instances I take the most certain omens of our perpetual and increasing 'happiness; since her affection is not founded on my youth "and person, which must gradually decay; but she is in love "with the immortal part of me, my glory and reputation. Nor, indeed, could less be expected from one who had the happiness to receive her education from you; who, in your house, was accustomed to every thing that was virtuous and decent, and even began to love me by your recommen"dation. For, as you had always the greatest respect for my mother, you were pleased from my infancy to form me, to commend me, and kindly to presage I should be one day "what my wife fancies I am. Accept therefore, our united thanks; mine, that you have bestowed her on me; and "her's that you have given me to her, as a mutual grant of "joy and felicity."

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福巷

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LETTER LXII.

From the Mistress of a Boarding-School to one of her late Pupils, who had requested her Advice in the important Article of Marriage.

Dear Laura,

HARMONY-GROVE.

THE obligations under which you lay me, by your generous confidence, and affectionate expressions of regard, induce me again to assume the preceptress towards you, and to gratify your wishes, by imparting my sentiments on your present situation and prospects.

I am told by my daughter, who had the honour of bearing your letter, that you are, what I always expected you would be, an object of general admiration. Yet I trust, your good sense will enable you duly to distinguish and treat the seve ral candidates for your favour.

It is, indeed, my young friend, a matter of the most serious consequence, which lays upon your mind and awakens your anxiety. Your friends are studious of your welfare, and kindly concerned that the important die on which the happiness of your life depends, should be judiciously cast. You doubtless remember, that I discoursed upon this subject in my concluding lessons to your class.

Disparity of tempers, among other things which were then. suggested, and which you will doubtless recollect, was represented, as tending to render life uncomfortable. But there are other disparities which may be equally hostile to your peace.

Disparity of years is very apt to occasion the indulgence of passions destructive of conjugal felicity. The great difference between the sprightly fancy, vivacity, and enterprize of youth, and the deliberate caution, phlegmatic coldness, and sententious wisdom of age, render them very unpleasant companions to each other. Marriage between persons of these opposite descriptions, is commonly the result of pecuniary motives, with one party, at least: the suspicion of this, in the other, must necessarily produce discontent, uneasiness and disaffection.

Age is naturally jealous of respect, and apprehensive of being slighted. The most trifling and unmeaning attentions will therefore be construed amiss. For an excessive desire of being objects of supreme regard is almost invariably accompanied with a strong persuasion of being the reverse.