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poor, dear Dick!

He used to say that Croaker rhymed to joker, and so we used to laugh.

Hon. His fate affects me.

Cro. Ay, he grew sick of this miserable life, where we do nothing but eat and grow hungry, dress and undress, get up and lie down while reason, that should watch like a nurse by our side, falls asleep as fast as we do.

Hon. To say truth, if we compare that part of life which is to come by that which is past, the prospect is hideous.

Cro. Life at the best is but a fro'ward child, that must be coaxed and humored till it falls asleep, and then all the care is

over.

Hon. Very true, sir; nothing can exceed the vanity of our existence but the folly of our pursuits. We wept when we came into the world, and every day tells us why.

Cro. Ah, my dear friend, it is a perfect satisfaction to be miserable with you. My son shall not lose the benefit of such fine conversation; - I'll just step home for him: I am willing -to show him so much seriousness in one scarce older than himself. And what if I bring my last letter to the Gazetteer on the increase and progress of earthquakes? It will amuse us, I promise you. I there prove that the earthquake is coming to pay us a visit, from Lisbon to the Canary Islands, from the Canary Islands to Palmyra, from Palmyra to Constantinople, and from Constantinople to London.

4. PARENTAL ODE TO MY INFANT SON. — Hood.

This humorous piece affords a good exercise in change of pitch, as there will naturally be a marked contrast in the tones of the verses the poet is supposed to be uttering to himself, while in the act of composition, and those exclamations he addresses personally to the child or the child's mother.

THOU happy, happy elf!

(But stop

first let me kiss away that tear) Thou tiny image of myself!

(My love, he's poking peas into his ear)

Thou merry, laughing sprite! with spirits feather light,
Untouched by sorrow, and unsoiled by sin

(Good heavens! the child is swallowing a pin !)

F

Thou little tricksy Puck,

With antic toys so funnily bestuck,

Light as the singing bird that wings the air,

(The door! the door! he'll tumble down the stair!) Thou darling of thy sire!

(Why, Jane, he'll set his pinafore afire!)

Thou imp of mirth and joy!

In love's dear chain so strong and bright a link,

Thou idol of thy parents

(Drat the boy!

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Fit playfellow for fays by moonlight pale,
In harmless sport and mirth,

(The dog will bite him if he pulls its tail!)

Thou human humming-bee, extracting honey
From every blossom in the world that blows,
Singing in youth's Elysium ever sunny,
(Another tumble-that's his precious nose!)
Thy father's pride and hope!

(He'll break the mirror with that skipping-rope!) With pure heart newly stamped from nature's mint, (Where did he learn that squint?)

Thou young domestic dove!

(He'll have that jug off with another shove!)

Dear nursling of the hymeneal nest!

(Are those torn clothes his best?)

Little epitome of man!

(He'll climb upon the table, that's his plan!) Touched with the beauteous tints of dawning life, (He's got a knife !)

Thou enviable being!

No storms, no clouds, in thy blue sky foreseeing,
Play on, play on, my elfin John!

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(I knew so many cakes would make him sick!) With fancies buoyant as the thistle-down, Prompting the face grotesque, and antic brisk,

With many a lamb-like frisk,

(He's got the scissors, snipping at your gown,)

Thou pretty opening rose!

(Go to your mother, child, and wipe your nose!)
Balmy, and breathing music like the south,

(He really brings my heart into my mouth!)
Fresh as the morn, and brilliant as its star,
(I wish that window had an iron bar!)
Bold as the hawk, yet gentle as the dove
(I'll tell you what, my love,

I cannot write unless he's sent above!)

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Sir Lucius, an Irish gentleman, after having encouraged Acres to send a challenge for a fancied affront, consents to act as his second. The two appear on the field, Sir Lucius carrying pistols, and followed by Acres. To express the heart-sinking cowardice of the latter and the cool demeanor of the former will task the reader's powers of personation.

Acres. By my valor, then, Sir Lucius, forty yards is a good distance. Odds levels and aims! I say it is a good dis

tance.

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Sir Lucius. Is it for muskets or small field-pieces? Upon my conscience, Mr. Acres, you must leave those things to me. - Stay, now—I'll show you. (Measures paces along the floor.) There, now, that is a very pretty distance, a pretty gentleman's distance.

Acr. Zounds! we might as well fight in a sentry-box! I tell you, Sir Lucius, the further he is off, the cooler I shall take my aim.

Sir L. Faith! then I suppose you would aim at him best of all if he was out of sight!

Acr. No, Sir Lucius; but I should think forty or eight-andthirty yards

Sir L. Pooh! pooh! nonsense! Three or four feet between the mouths of your pistols is as good as a mile.

Acr. Odds bullets, no! — by my valor! there is no merit in killing him so near! Do, my dear Sir Lucius, let me bring

him down at a long shot: -a long shot, Sir Lucius, if you love me!

Sir L. Well, the gentleman's friend and I must settle that. But tell me now, Mr. Acres, in case of an accident, is there any little will or commission I could execute for you ?

Acr. I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius but I don't understand

Sir L. Why, you may think there's no being shot at without a little risk; and if an unlucky bullet should carry a quie'tus with it I say it will be no time then to be bothering you about family matters.

Acr. A quietus!

if that should be the case

-

or would it - I'm told there

Sir L. For instance, now would choose to be pickled and sent home? you be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey? is very snug lying in the Abbey.

Acr. Pickled! Snug lying in the Abbey!

mors! Sir Lucius, don't talk so!

Odds tre

Sir L. I suppose, Mr. Acres, you never were engaged in an affair of this kind before.

Acr. No, Sir Lucius, never before.

Sir L. Ah! that's a pity! there's nothing like being used to a thing. Pray, now, how would you receive the gentleman's shot?

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there, Sir Lucius

there. (Puts himself in an attitude.) A side front, hey? I'll make myself small enough; I'll stand edgeways. Sir L. Now you're quite out for if

I take my aim

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you

(Leveling the pistol at him.)

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stand so when

are you sure it is not cocked?

Acr. But but—you don't know own head!

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Sir L. Pooh! be easy. Well, now, if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance; for, if it misses a vital part of your right side, 't will be very hard if it don't succeed on the left.

Acr. A vital part!

Sir L. But there, fix yourself so-(placing him) - let him see the broadside of your full front; there, now, a ball or two

may pass clean through your body, and never do any harm at all.

Acr. Can go through me, a ball or two clean through me! Sir L. Ay, may they; and it is much the genteelest attitude into the bargain.

Acr. Look'ee, Sir Lucius! I'd just as lieve be shot in an awkward posture as a genteel one; so, by my valor! I wil. stand edgeways.

Sir L. (Looking at his watch.) Sure, they don't mean t disappoint us. Ha! no, I think I see them coming.

Acr. Hey!

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what!- coming!

Sir L. Ay. Who are those yonder, getting over the stile? Acr. There are two of them, indeed!

Sir L. Run!

come

hey, Sir Lucius! we-we

Acr. No, -I

Well let them

we we

say, we won't run, by my valor!

Sir L. What's the matter with you?

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won't run!

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Lucius! but I-I-I don't feel quite so bold, somehow, as I

did.

Sir L. O, fy! Consider your honor.

Acr. Aytrue my honor. Do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two every now and then about my honor.

Sir L. Well, here they're coming.

Acr. Sir Lucius, if I wa'n't with you, I should almost think I was afraid! If my valor should leave me !

come and go.

Sir L. Then pray keep it fast while you have it.

- Valor will

Acr. Sir Lucius, I doubt it is going!-yes-my valor is certainly going!—it is sneaking off! I feel it oozing out, as it were, at the palms of my hands!

Sir L. Your honor! your honor! Here they are.

Acr. O mercy! now- that I was safe at Clod Hall! or could be shot before I was aware ! (SIR LUCIUS takes Acres by the arm and leads him reluctantly off)

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