and therefore he has not waited for being sentenced to it. "That he is conscious there is nothing more improper than such a complaint in good company, in that they must pity, whether they think the lamenter ill or not; and that the complainant must make a silly figure, whether he is pitied or not. "Your petitioner humbly prays that he may have people to know how he does, and he will make his appearance. you may with authority censure whatever looks ill, and is offensive to the sight; the worst nuisance of which kind, methinks, is the scandalous appearance of poor in all parts of this wealthy city. Such miserable objects affect the compassionate beholder with dismal ideas, discompose the cheerfulness of his mind, and deprive him of the pleasure he might otherwise take in surveying the grandeur of our metropolis. Who can without remorse see a disabled "The valetudinarian was likewise easily sailor, the purveyor of our luxury, destitute excused: and the society, being resolved of necessaries? Who can behold the honest not only to make it their business to pass soldier that bravely withstood the enemy, their time agreeably for the present season, prostrate and in want among friends? It but also to commence such habits in them- were endless to mention all the variety of selves as may be of use in their future con-wretchedness, and the numberless poor that duct in general, are very ready to give into a fancied or real incapacity to join with their measures, in order to have no humourist, proud man, impertinent or sufficient fellow, break in upon their happiness. Great evils seldom happen to disturb company; but indulgence in particularities of humour is the seed of making half our time hang in suspense, or waste away under real discomposures. not only singly, but in companies, implore your charity. Spectacles of this nature every where occur; and it is unaccountable that amongst the many lamentable cries that infest this town, your comptrollergeneral should not take notice of the most shocking, viz. those of the needy and afflicted. I cannot but think he waived it merely out of good breeding, choosing rather to waive his resentment than upbraid Among other things, it is carefully pro- his countrymen with inhumanity: however, vided that there may not be disagreeable let not charity be sacrificed to popularity; familiarities. No one is to appear in the and if his ears were deaf to their complaint, public rooms undressed, or enter abruptly let not your eyes overlook their persons. into each other's apartment without inti-There are, I know, many impostors among mation. Every one has hitherto been so them. Lameness and blindness are cercareful in his behaviour, that there has but tainly very often acted; but can those who one offender, in ten days' time, been sent have their sight and limbs employ them into the infirmary, and that was for throw-better than in knowing whether they are ing away his cards at whist. counterfeited or not? I know not which of He has offered his submission in the the two misapplies his senses most, he who following terms: pretends himself blind to move compassion, or he who beholds a miserable object with“The humble Petition of Jeoffry Hotspur, out pitying it. But in order to remove such "Showeth, Esq. "Though the petitioner swore, stamped, and threw down his cards, he has all imaginable respect for the ladies, and the whole impediments, I wish, Mr. Spectator, you would give us a discourse upon beggars, that we may not pass by true objects of charity, or give to impostors. I looked out of my window the other morning earlier company. than ordinary, and saw a blind beggar, an "That he humbly desires it may be con-hour before the passage he stands in is sidered, in the case of gaming, there are many motives which provoke the disorder. "That the desire of gain, and the desire of victory, are both thwarted in losing. "That all conversations in the world have indulged human infirmity in this case. "Your petitioner therefore most humbly prays, that he may be restored to the company: and he hopes to bear ill-fortune with a good grace for the future, and to demean himself so as to be no more than cheerful when he wins, than grave when he loses." T. No. 430.] Monday, July 14, 1712. frequented, with a needle and a thread thriftily mending his stockings. My astonishment was still greater, when I beheld a lame fellow, whose legs were too big to walk within an hour after, bring him a pot of ale. I will not mention the shakings, distortions, and convulsions, which many of them practise to gain an alms; but sure I am they ought to be taken care of in this condition, either by the beadle or the magistrate. They, it seems, relieve their posts, according to their talents. There is the voice of an old woman never begins to beg till nine in the evening; and then she is destitute of lodging, turned out for want of rent, and has the same ill fortune every night in the year. You should employ an officer to hear the distress of each beggar that is constant at a particular place, who is ever in the same tone, and succeeds because his audience is continually changing, "For higher of the genial bed by far, though he does not alter his lamentation. THOMAS MEANWELL.' No. 431.] Tuesday, July 15, 1712. Quid dulcius hominum generi a natura datum est, quam sui quique liberi ? What is there in nature so dear to a man as his own children? 'SIR,—I was last Sunday highly transported at our parish-church; the gentleman in the pulpit pleaded movingly in behalf of the poor children, and they for themselves much more forcibly by singing a hymn; and I HAVE lately been casting in my thoughts I had the happiness of being a contributor the several unhappinesses of life, and comto this little religious institution of innocents, and am sure I never disposed of paring the infelicities of old age to those of infancy. The calamities of children are money more to my satisfaction and advan- due to the negligence and misconduct of tage. The inward joy I find in myself, and parents; those of age to the past life which the good-will I bear to mankind, make me led to it. I have here the history of a boy heartily wish those pious works may be en- and girl to their wedding-day, and I think couraged, that the present promoters may I cannot give the reader a livelier image of reap delight, and posterity the benefit of the insipid way in which time uncultivated them. But whilst we are building this passes, than by entertaining him with their beautiful edifice, let not the old ruins re-authentic epistles, expressing all that was main in view to sully the prospect. Whilst we are cultivating and improving this young hopeful offspring, let not the ancient and helpless creatures be shamefully neglected. The crowds of poor, or pretended poor, in every place, are a great reproach to us, and eclipse the glory of all other charity. It is the utmost reproach to society, that there should be a poor man unrelieved, or a poor rogue unpunished. I hope you will think no part of human life out of your consideration, but will, at your leisure, give us the history of plenty and want, and the natural gradations towards them, calculated for the cities of London and Westminster. I am, sir, your most humble servant, 'T. D.' remarkable in their lives, till the period of their life above-mentioned. The sentence at the head of this paper, which is only a warm interrogation, What is there in nature so dear as a man's own children to him?' is all the reflection I shall at present make on those who are negligent or cruel in the education of them. 'MR. SPECTATOR,-I am now entering into my one and twentieth year, and do not know that I had one day's thorough satisfaction since I came to years of any reflection, till the time they say others lose their liberty-the day of my marriage. I am son to a gentleman of a very great estate, who resolved to keep me out of the vices of the MR. SPECTATOR,-I beg you would be age; and, in order to it, never let me see pleased to take notice of a very great inde-any thing that he thought could give me cency, which is extremely common, though, any pleasure. At ten years old I was put to a I think, never yet under your censure. It grammar-school, where my master receivis, sir, the strange freedoms some ill-bred ly, and have no regard to my having a great ed orders every post to use me very severemarried people take in company; the unestate. At fifteen I was removed to the seasonable fondness of some husbands, and the ill-timed tenderness of some wives. university, where I lived, out of my father's They talk and act as if modesty was only want, till I was big enough to be married, great discretion, in scandalous poverty and fit for maids and bachelors, and that too and I was sent for to see the lady who sends before both. I was once, Mr. Spectator, where the fault I speak of was so very fla- you the underwritten. When we were put together, we both considered that we could grant, that (being, you must know, a very Bashful fellow, and several young ladies in another, and, out of a desire of liberty, ennot be worse than we were in taking one the room,) I protest I was quite out of countered into wedlock. My father says I am tenance. Lucina, it seems, was breeding; and she did nothing but entertain the company with a discourse upon the difficulty of reckoning to a day; and said she knew those who were certain to an hour; then fell a laughing at a silly inexperienced creature, who was a month above her time. Upon her husband's coming in, she put several questions to him; which he, not caring to resolve, "Well," cries Lucina, "I shall have 'em all at night.”—But lest I should seem guilty of the very fault I write against, I shall only entreat Mr. Spectator to correct such misdemeanors. another gentleman. I am, sir, your most now a man, and may speak to him like humble servant, RICHARD RENTFREE.' 'MR. SPEC, I grew tall and wild at my mother's, who is a gay widow, and did not care for showing me, till about two years and a half ago; at which time my guardianuncle sent me to a boarding-school, with orders to contradict me in nothing, for I had been misused enough already. I had not been there above a month when, being in the kitchen, I saw some oatmeal on the with directions on both sides to be in love with one another; and in three weeks time we were married. I regained my former health and complexion, and am now as happy as the day is long. Now, Mr. Spec, I desire you would find out some name for these craving damsels, whether dignified or distinguished under some or all of the following denominations, to wit, "Trasheaters, Oatmeal-chewers, Pipe-champers, Chalk-lickers, Wax-nibblers, Coal-scranchers, Wall-peelers, or Gravel-diggers;" and, good sir, do your utmost endeavour to prevent (by exposing) this unaccountable folly, so prevailing among the young ones of our sex, who may not meet with such sudden good luck as, sir, your constant reader, and very humble servant, T. "SABINA GREEN, 'Now SABINA RENTFREE.' --Inter strepit anser olores. Virg. Ecl. ix. 30. 'Oxford, July 14. dresser; I put two or three corns in my mouth, liked it, stole a handful, went into my chamber, chewed it, and for two months after never failed taking toll of every pennyworth of oatmeal that came into the house; but one day playing with a tobaccopipe between my teeth, it happened to break in my mouth, and the spitting out the pieces left such a delicious roughness on my tongue, that I could not be satisfied till I had champed up the remaining part of the pipe. I forsook the oatmeal and stuck to the pipes three months, in which time I had dispensed with thirty-seven foul pipes, all to the bowls: they belonged to an old gentleman, father to my governess. He locked up the clean ones. I left off eating of pipes, and fell to licking of chalk. I was soon tired of this. I then nibbled all the red wax of our last ball-tickets, and, three weeks after, the black wax from the burying-tickets of the old gentleman. Two months after this, I lived upon thunder- No. 432.] Wednesday, July 16, 1712. bolts, a certain long round blueish stone which I found among the gravel in our garden. I was wonderfully delighted with this; but thunder-bolts growing scarce, I fastened tooth and nail upon our garden-wall, which I stuck to almost a twelvemonth, and had in that time peeled and devoured half a foot towards our neighbour's yard. I now thought myself the happiest creature in the world; and I believe, in my conscience, I had eaten quite through, had I had it in my chamber; but now I became lazy and unwilling to stir, and was obliged to seek food nearer home. I then took a strange hankering to coals; I fell to scranching 'em, and had already consumed, I am certain, as much as would have dressed my wedding dinner, when my uncle came for me home. He was in the parlour with my governess, when I was called down. I went in, fell on my knees, for he made me call him father; and when I expected the blessing I asked, the good gentleman, in a surprise, turns himself to my governess, and asks, "whether this (pointing to me) was his daughter? This," added he, "is the very picture of death. My child was a plump-faced, hale, fresh-coloured girl; but this looks as if she was half-starved, a mere skeleton." My governess, who is really a good woman, assured my father I had wanted for nothing; and withal told him I was continually eating some trash or other, and that I was almost eaten up with the green-sickness, her orders being never to cross me. But this magnified but little with my father, who presently, in a kind of pet, paying for my board, took me home with him. I had not been long at home, but one Sunday at church (I shall never forget it) I saw a young neighbouring gentleman that pleased me hugely; I liked him of all men I ever saw in my life, and began to wish I could be as pleasing to him. The very next day he came with his father a visiting to our house: we were left alone together, invitation in one of your papers to every 'MR. SPECTATOR,-According to a late man who pleases to write, I have sent you the following short dissertation against the vice of being prejudiced. Your most humble servant. "Man is a sociable creature, and a lover of glory; whence it is, that when several persons are united in the same society, they are studious to lessen the reputation of others, in order to raise their own. The wise are content to guide the springs in silence, and rejoice in secret at their regular progress. To prate and triumph is the part allotted to the trifling and superficial. The geese were providentially ordained to save the Capitol. Hence it is, that the invention of marks and devices to distinguish parties is owing to the beaus and belles of this island. Hats moulded into different cocks and pinches, have long bid mutual defiance; patches have been set against patches in battle array: stocks have risen and fallen in proportion to head-dresses; and peace and war been expected, as the white or the red hood hath prevailed. These are the standard-bearers in our contending armies, the dwarfs and 'squires who carry the impresses of the giants or knights, not born to fight themselves, but to prepare the way for the ensuing combat. "It is a matter of wonder to reflect how far men of weak understanding, and strong fancy, are hurried by their prejudices, even to the believing that the whole body of the adverse party are a band of villains and dæmons. Foreigners complain that the English are the proudest nation under heaven. Perhaps they too have their share: but be that as it will, general charges kind of fame. These copiers of men, like those of authors or painters, run into affectations of some oddness, which perhaps was not disagreeable in the original, but sits ungracefully on the narrow-souled tran against bodies of men is the fault I am "By such early corrections of vanity, while boys are growing into men, they will gradually learn not to censure superficially; but imbibe those principles of general kindness and humanity, which alone can make them easy to themselves, and beloved by others. This spirit of rivalship, which heretofore reigned in the two universities, is extinct, and almost over betwixt college and "Reflections of this nature have expungcollege. In parishes and schools the thirst ed all prejudice out of my heart; insomuch, for glory still obtains. At the seasons of that though I am a firm protestant, I hope foot-ball and cock-fighting, these little re-to see the pope and cardinals without viopublics reassume their national hatred to each other. My tenant in the country is verily persuaded, that the parish of the enemy hath not one honest man in it. lent emotions; and though I am naturally grave, I expect to meet good company at Paris. I am, sir, your humble servant. 'MR. SPECTATOR,-I find you are a "I always hated satires against women, general undertaker, and have, by your corand satires against men: I am apt to sus- respondents or self, an insight into most pect a stranger who laughs at the religion things; which makes me apply myself to of the faculty: my spleen rises at a dull you at present, in the sorest calamity that rogue who is severe upon mayors and al-ever befel man. My wife has taken somedermen; and I was never better pleased than with a piece of justice executed upon the body of a Templar who was very arch upon parsons. "The necessities of mankind require various employments; and whoever excels in his province is worthy of praise. All men are not educated after the same manner, nor have all the same talents. Those who are deficient deserve our compassion, and have a title to our assistance. All cannot be bred in the same place; but in all places there arise, at different times, such persons as do honour to their society, which may raise envy in little souls, but are admired and cherished by generous spirits. thing ill of me, and has not spoke one word, good or bad, to me, or any body in the family, since Friday was seven-night. What must a man do in that case? Your advice would be a great obligation to, sir, your most humble servant, RALPH THIMBLETON.' 'July 15, 1712. MR. SPECTATOR,-When you want a trifle to fill up a paper, in inserting this you will lay an obligation on your humble ser vant, OLIVIA.' "DEAR OLIVIA,—It is but this moment I have had the happiness of knowing to whom I am obliged for the present I received the second of April. I am heartily sorry it did not come to hand the day before; for I cannot but think it very hard upon people to lose their jest, that offer at one but once a-year. I congratulate myself however upon the earnest given me of something farther intended in my favour, for I am told that the man who is thought worthy by a lady to make a fool of stands fair enough in her opinion to become one day her husband. Till such time as I have the honour of being sworn, I take leave to subscribe myself, dear Olivia, your fool elect, NICODEMUNCIO." "It is certainly a great happiness to be educated in societies of great and eminent men. Their instructions and examples are of extraordinary advantage. It is highly proper to instil such a reverence of the governing persons, and concern for the honour of the place, as may spur the growing members to worthy pursuits and honest emulation; but to swell young minds with vain thoughts of the dignity of their own brotherhood, by debasing and vilifying all others, doth them a real injury. By this means I have found that their efforts have become languid, and their prattle irksome, as thinking it sufficient praise that they are children of so illustrious and ample a family. I should think it a surer as well as more generous method, to set before the No. 433.] Thursday, July 17, 1712. eyes of youth such persons as have made a noble progress in fraternities less talked of; which seems tacitly to reproach their sloth, who loll so heavily in the seats of mighty improvement. Active spirits hereby would enlarge their notions; whereas, by a servile imitation of one, or perhaps two, admired men in their own body, they can only gain a secondary and derivative Perlege Mæonio cantatas carmine ranas, T. Mart. Epig. clxxxiii. 14. To banish anxious thought, and quiet pain, Read Homer's frogs, or my more trifling strain. THE moral world, as consisting of males and females, is of a mixed nature, and filled with several customs, fashions, and ceremonies, which would have no place in it were there but one sex. Had our species | to time, and supplied with their respective no females in it, men would be quite differ- subjects. ent creatures from what they are at present: their endeavours to please the opposite sex polishes and refines them out of those manners which are most natural to them, and often sets them upon modelling themselves, not according to the plans which they approve in their own opinions, but according to those plans which they think are most agreeable to the female world. In a word, man would not only be an unhappy, but a rude unfinished creature, were he conversant with none but those of his own make. Women, on the other side, are apt to form themselves in every thing with regard to that other half of reasonable creatures with whom they are here blended and confused: their thoughts are ever turned upon appearing amiable to the other sex; they talk, and move, and smile, with a design upon us; every feature of their faces, every part of their dress, is filled with snares and allurements. There would be no such animals as prudes or coquettes in the world, were there not such an animal as man. In short, it is the male that gives charms to woman-kind, that produces an air in their faces, a grace in their motions, a softness in their voices, and a delicacy in their complexions. These two states were engaged together in a perpetual league, offensive and defensive; so that if any foreign potentate offered to attack either of them, both of the sexes fell upon him at once, and quickly brought him to reason. It was remarkable that for many ages this agreement continued inviolable between the two states, notwithstanding, as was said before, they were husbands and wives; but this will not appear so wonderful, if we consider that they did not live together above a week in a year. In the account which my author gives of the male republic, there were several customs very remarkable. The men never shaved their beards, or paired their nails, above once in a twelvemonth, which was probably about the time of the great annual meeting upon their frontiers. I find the name of a minister of state in one part of their history, who was fined for appearing too frequently in clean linen; and of a certain great general, who was turned out of his post for effeminacy, it having been proved upon him by several credible witnesses that he washed his face every morning. If any member of the commonwealth had a soft voice, a smooth face, or a supple behaviour, he was banished into the commonwealth of females, where, he was treatAs this mutual regard between the two ed as a slave, dressed in petticoats, and set sexes tends to the improvement of each of a spinning. They had no titles of honour them, we may observe that men are apt to among them, but such as denoted some degenerate into rough and brutal natures bodily strength or perfection, as such-a-one who live as if there were no such things as the tall,' such-a-one 'the stocky,' such-awomen in the world; as, on the contrary, one 'the gruff.' Their public debates were women who have an indifference or aver-generally managed with kicks and cuffs, sion for their counterparts in human nature are generally sour and unamiable, sluttish and censorious. insomuch that they often came from the council-table with broken shins, black eyes, and bloody noses. When they would reI am led into this train of thoughts by a proach a man in the most bitter terms, little manuscript which is lately fallen into they would tell him his teeth were white, my hands, and which I shall communicate or that he had a fair skin and a soft hand. to the reader, as I have done some other The greatest man I meet with in their hiscurious pieces of the same nature without tory, who was one who could lift five huntroubling him with any inquiries about the dred weight, and wore such a prodigious author of it. It contains a summary ac- pair of whiskers as had never been seen in count of two different states which bordered the commonwealth before his time. These upon one another. The one was a common-accomplishments, it seems, had rendered wealth of Amazons, or women without men; the other was a republic of males, that had not a woman in the whole community. As these two states bordered upon one another, it was their way, it seems, to meet upon their frontiers at a certain season of the year, where those among the men who had not made their choice in any former meeting, associated themselves with particular women, whom they were afterwards obliged to look upon as their wives in every one of these yearly rencounters. him so popular, that if he had not died very seasonably, it is thought he might have enslaved the republic. Having made this short extract out of the history of the male commonwealth, I shall look into the history of the neighbouring state, which consisted of females; and if I find any thing in it, will not fail to communicate it to the public. The children that sprung up from this al- No. 434.] Friday, July 18, 1712. liance, if males, were sent to their respective fathers; if females, continued with their mothers. By means of this anniversary carnival, which lasted about a week, the commonwealths were recruited from time C. Quales Threiciæ, cum flumina Thermodoontis Virg. Æn. viii. 660. |