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to her impertinent dialogues, that pass over my | to be come at, and that if any of them are perhead. I would immediately change my lodg-sons of unequal tempers, there should be some ings, but that I think it might look like a method taken to inform the world at what plain confession that I am conquered; and time it is safe to attack them, and when you besides this, I am told that most quarters of had best let them alone. But, submitting these the town are infested with these creatures. matters to your more serious consideration, If they are so, I am sure it is such an abuse, as a lover of learning and silence ought to take notice of.

'I am, Sir, yours, &c.'

I am afraid, by some lines in this letter, that my young student is touched with a distemper which he hardly seems to dream of, and is too far gone in it to receive advice. However, shall animadvert in due time on the abuse which he mentions, having myself observed a nest of Jezebels near the Temple, who make it their diversion to draw up the eyes of young Templars, that at the same time they may see them stumble in an unlucky gutter which runs under the window.


I am, Sir, yours, &c.'

I have, indeed, seen and heard of several young gentlemen under the same misfortune with my present correspondent. The best rule I can lay down for them to avoid the like calamities for the future, is thoroughly to consider, not only "Whether their companions are weak," but "Whether themselves are wits."

The following letter comes to me from Exeter, and being credibly informed that what it contains is matter of fact, I shall give it my reader as it was sent to me;


Exeter, Sept. 7.

'You were pleased in a late speculation 'I have lately read the conclusion of your to take notice of the inconvenience we lie forty-seventh speculation upon butts with great under in the country, in not being able to pleasure, and have ever since been thoroughly keep pace with the fashion. But there is anpersuaded that one of those gentlemen is ex- other misfortune which we are subject to, tremely necessary to enliven conversation. I and is no less grievous than the former, had an entertainment last week upon the water which has hitherto escaped your observation. for a lady to whom I make my addresses, with I mean the having things palmed upon us for several of our friends of both sexes. To divert London fashions, which were never once heard the company in general, and to show my mis- of there. tress in particular my genius for raillery, I took

'A lady of this place had some time since one of the most celebrated butts in town along a box of the newest ribands sent down by* the with me. It is with the utmost shame and coach. Whether it was her own malicious inconfusion that I must acquaint you with the vention, or the wantonness of a London milsequel of my adventure. As soon as we were liner, I am not able to inform you; but among got into the boat, I played a sentence or two the rest, there was one cherry-coloured riband, at my butt which I thought very smart, when consisting of about half a dozen yards, made my ill genius, who I verily believe inspired him up in the figure of a small head-dress. The purely for my destruction, suggested to him aforesaid lady had the assurance to affirm asuch a reply, as got all the laughter on his midst a circle of female inquisitors, who were side. I was dashed at so unexpected a turn; present at the opening of the box, that this was which the butt perceiving, resolved not to let the newest fashion worn at court. Accordingly me recover myself, and pursuing his victory, the next Sunday, we had several females, who rallied and tossed me in a most unmerciful came to church with their heads dressed wholly and barbarous manner until we came to Chel- in ribands, and looked like so many victims sea. I had some small success while we were ready to be sacrificed. This is still a reigning eating cheese-cakes; but coming home, he mode among us. At the same time we have renewed his attacks with his former good-a set of gentlemen who take the liberty to apfortune, and equal diversion to the whole com-pear in all public places without any buttons pany. In short, sir, I must ingenuously own to their coats, which they supply with several that I never was so handled in all my life; and little silver hasps, though our freshest advices to complete my misfortune, I am since told from London make no mention of any such that the butt, flushed with his late victory, fashion; and we are something shy of affordhas made a visit or two to the dear object of ing matter to the button-makers for a second my wishes, so that I am at once in danger of petition. losing all my pretensions to wit, and my mis- 'What I would humbly propose to the pubtress into the bargain. This, sir, is a true lic is, that there may be a society erected in account of my present troubles, which you London, to consist of the most skilful persons are the more obliged to assist me in, as you of both sexes, for the inspection of modes and were yourself in a great measure the cause of them, by recommending to us an instrument, and not instructing us at the same time how to play upon it.

fashions; and that hereafter no person or persons shall presume to appear singularly habited in any part of the country, without a testimonial from the aforesaid society, that their dress 'I have been thinking whether it might is answerable to the mode at London. By this not be highly convenient, that all butts should means, sir, we shall know a little whereabout wear an inscription affixed to some part of we are. their bodies, showing on which side they are

'If you could bring this matter to bear you

would very much oblige great numbers of your derstood in the representation of a hen-peckt country friends, and among the rest,


'Your very humble servant,

No. 176.] Friday, September 21, 1711.
Parvula, pumilio, agitav μa, tota merum sal.

Lucr. iv. 1155.

A little, pretty, witty, charming she! THERE are in the following letter, matters, which I, a bachelor, cannot be supposed to be acquainted with: therefore shall not pretend to explain upon it until farther consideration, but leave the author of the epistle to express his condition his own way.


life, but I shall take leave to give you an account of myself, and my own spouse. You are to know that I am reckoned no fool, have on several occasions been tried whether I will take ill-usage, and the event has been to my advantage; and yet there is not such a slave in Turkey as I am to my dear. She has a good share of wit, and is what you call a very pretty agreeable woman. I perfectly doat on her, and my affection to her gives me all the anxieties imaginable but that of jealousy. My being thus confident of her, I take, as much as I can judge of my heart, to be the reason, that whatever she does, though it be never so much against my inclination, there is still left something in her manner that is amiable. She will sometimes look at me with an assumed grandeur, and pretend to resent that I have not had respect enough for her opinion in such an 'I do not deny but you appear in many of instance in company. I cannot but smile at your papers to understand human life pretty the pretty anger she is in, and then she prewell; but there are very many things which tends she is used like a child. In a word, our you cannot possibly have a true notion of, in a great debate is, which has the superiority in single life; these are such as respect the mar-point of understanding. She is eternally formried state; otherwise I cannot account for ing an argument of debate; to which I very your having overlooked a very good sort of indolently answer, "Thou art mighty pretty." people, which are commonly called in scorn To this she answers, All the world but you "the Hen-peckt." You are to understand that think I have as much sense as yourself." I reI am one of those innocent mortals who suffer peat to her, "Indeed you are pretty." Upon derision under that word, for being governed this there is no patience; she will throw down by the best of wives. It would be worth your any thing about her, stamp, and pull off her consideration to enter into the nature of affec- head-clothes. "Fy, my dear," say I, "how tion itself, and tell us according to your philo- can a woman of your sense fall into such an sophy, why it is that our dears should do what intemperate rage? This is an argument that they will with us, shall be froward, ill-natured, never fails. Indeed, my dear," says she, assuming, sometimes whine, at others rail, you make me mad sometimes, so you do, then swoon away, then come to life, have the with the silly way you have of treating me like use of speech to the greatest fluency imagin- a pretty idiot." Well, what have I got by putable, and then sink away again, and all be- ting her into good humour? Nothing, but that cause they fear we do not love them enough; I must convince her of my good opinion by my that is, the poor things love us so heartily, that they cannot think it possible we should be able to love them in so great a degree, which makes them take on so. I say, sir, a true good-natured man, whom rakes and libertines call hen peckt, shall fall into all these different moods with his dear life, and at the same time see they are wholly put on; and yet not be hardhearted enough to tell the dear good creature that she is an hypocrite.

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practice; and then I am to give her possession of my little ready money, and, for a day and a half following, dislike all she dislikes, and extol every thing she approves. I am so exquisitely fond of this darling, that I seldom see any of my friends, I am uneasy in all companies until I see her again: and when I come home she is in the dumps, because she says she is sure I came so soon only because I think her handsome. I dare not upon this occasion This sort of good men is very frequent in laugh; but though I am one of the warmest the populous and wealthy city of London, and churchmen in the kingdom, I am forced to rail is the true hen-peckt man. The kind creature at the times, because she is a violent Whig. cannot break through his kindnesses so far as Upon this we talk politics so long, that she is to come to an explanation with the tender soul, convinced I kiss her for her wisdom. It is a and therefore goes on to comfort her when common practice with me to ask her some nothing ails her, to appease her when she is question concerning the constitution, which not angry, and to give her his cash when he she answers me in general out of Harringknows she does not want it: rather than be ton's Oceana. Then I commend her strange uneasy for a whole month, which is computed memory, and her arm is immediately locked by hard-hearted men the space of time which in mine. While I keep her in this temper a froward woman takes to come to herself, if she plays before me, sometimes dancing in you have courage to stand out.

the midst of the room, sometimes striking an There are indeed several other species of air at her spinnet, varying her posture and the hen-peckt, and in my opinion they are cer- her charms in such a manner that I am in tainly the best subjects the queen has; and for continual pleasure. She will play the fool if that reason I take it to be your duty to keep us allow her to be wise! but if she suspects I above contempt. like her for her trifling, she immediately grows


I do not know whether I make myself un-grave.

These are the toils in which I am taken, world, we must examine it by the following and I carry off my servitude as well as most rules: men; but my application to you is in behalf of First, whether it acts with steadiness and the hen-peckt in general, and I desire a dis- uniformity in sickness and in health, in prossertation from you in defence of us. You have, perity and in adversity; if otherwise, it is to as I am informed, very good authorities in our be looked upon as nothing else but an irradifavour, and hope you will not omit the mention cation of the mind from some new supply of of the renowned Socrates, and his philosophic spirits, or a more kindly circulation of the resignation to his wife Xantippe. This would blood. Sir Francis Bacon mentions a cunning be a very good office to the world in general, solicitor, who would never ask a favour of a for the hen-peckt are powerful in their quality great man before dinner; but took care to and numbers, not only in cities, but in courts; prefer his petition at a time when the party in the latter they are ever the most obsequi- petitioned had his mind free from care, and his ous, in the former the most wealthy of all men. appetites in good humour. Such a transient When you have considered wedlock thorough-temporary good-nature as this, is not that phily, you ought to enter into the suburbs of mat- lanthropy, that love of mankind, which derimony, and give us an account of the thral- serves the title of a moral virtue. dom of kind keepers, and irresolute lovers; The next way of a man's bringing his good the keepers who cannot quit their fair ones, nature to the test is, to consider whether it though they see their approaching ruin: the operates according to the rules of reason and lovers who dare not marry, though they duty: for, if notwithstanding its general beneknow they never shall be happy without the volence to mankind, it makes no distinction mistresses whom they cannot purchase on between its objects, if it exerts itself promisother terms. cuously towards the deserving and undeserv'What will be a greater embellishment to ing, if it relieves alike the idle and the indiyour discourse will be, that you may find in- gent, if it gives itself up to the first petitioner, stances of the haughty, the proud, the frolic, and lights upon any one rather by accident the stubborn, who are each of tham in secret than choice, it may pass for an amiable indownright slaves to their wives, or mistresses.stinct, but must not assume the name of a I must beg of you in the last place to dwell moral virtue. upon this, that the wise and valiant in all ages The third trial of good-nature will be the have been hen-peckt; and that the sturdy examining ourselves, whether or no we are able tempers who are not slaves to affection, owe to exert it to our own disadvantage, and emthat exemption to their being inthralled by am- ploy it upon proper objects, notwithstanding bition, avarice, or some, meaner passion. I any little pain, want, or inconvenience, which have ten thousand thousand things more to say, may arise to ourselves from it. In a word, but my wife sees me writing, and will, accord- whether we are willing to risk any part of ing to custom, be consulted, if I do not seal our fortune, or reputation, or health, or ease, this immediately. for the benefit of mankind. Among all these expressions of good-nature, I shall single out that which goes under the general name of charity, as it consists in relieving the indigent; that being a trial of this kind which offers itself to us almost at all times, and in every place.




No. 177.] Saturday, September 22, 1711.

Quis enim bonus, aut face dignus Arcanâ, qualem Cereris vult esse sacerdos, Ulla aliena sibi credat mala?

Juv. Sat. xv. 140.

Who can all sense of others' ills escape,

Is but a brute, at best, in human shape. Tate.

I should propose it as a rule, to every one who is provided with any competency of fortune more than sufficient for the necessaries of life, to lay aside a certain portion of his income for the use of the poor. This I would look upon as an offering to Him who has a right In one of my last week's papers I treated of to the whole, for the use of those whom, in good-nature, as it is the effect of constitution; the passage hereafter mentioned, he has deI shall now speak of it as a moral virtue. The scribed as his own representatives upon earth. first may make a man easy in himself and At the same time we should manage our chariagreeable to others, but implies no merit in ty with such prudence and caution, that we him that is possessed of it. A man is no more may not hurt our own friends or relations, to be praised upon this account, than because whilst we are doing good to those who are he has a regular pulse, or a good digestion. strangers to us. This good-nature however in the constitution, This may possibly be explained better by an which Mr. Dryden somewhere calls a milki-example than by a rule.

ness of blood,' is an admirable ground-work Eugenius is a man of an universal good-nafor the other. In order therefore, to try our ture, and generous beyond the extent of his good-nature, whether it arises from the body fortune; but withal so prudent, in the econoor the mind, whether it be founded in the ani- my of his affairs, that what goes out in chamal or rational part of our nature; in a word, rity is made up by good management. Euwhether it be such as is entitled to any other genius has what the word calls two hundred reward, besides that secret satisfaction and pounds a year; but never values himself contentment of mind which is essential to it, above nine-score, as not thinking he has a and the kind reception it procures us in the right to the tenth part, which he always ap

words, but the sense of it is to this purpose: What I spent I lost; what I possessed is left to others; what I gave away remains with me.*

propriates to charitable uses. To this sum hetaph of a charitable man, which has very frequently makes other voluntary additions, much pleased me. I cannot recollect the insomuch that in a good year, for such he accounts those in which he has been able to make greater bounties than ordinary, he has given above twice that sum to the sickly and Since I am thus insensibly engaged in sacred indigent. Eugenius prescribes to himself ma writ, I cannot forbear making an extract of ny particular days of fasting and abstinence, several passages which I have always read in order to increase his private bank of charity, with great delight in the book of Job. It is and sets aside what would be the current ex- the account which that holy man gives of his penses of those times for the use of the poor. behaviour in the days of his prosperity, and if He often goes afoot where his business calls considered only as a human composition, is him, and at the end of his walk has given a a finer picture of a charitable and good-naturshilling, which in his ordinary methods of ed man than is to be met with in any other expense would have gone for coach-hire, to author.

the first necessitous person that has fallen in 'Oh that I were as in months past, as in the his way. I have known him, when he has days when God preserved me: When his canbeen going to a play or an opera, divert the dle shineth upon my head, and when by his money which was designed for that purpose, light I walked through darkness: When the upon an object of charity whom he has met Almighty was yet with me; when my children with in the street; and afterwards pass his were about me: When I washed my steps evening in a coffee-house, or at a friend's fire with butter, and the rock poured out rivers side, with much greater satisfaction to him- of oil. self, than he could have received from the most exquisite entertainments of the theatre. By these means he is generous without impoverishing himself, and enjoys his estate by making it the property of others.

'When the ear heard me, then it blessed me; and when the eye saw me, it gave witness to me. Because I delivered the poor that cried, and the fatherless, and him that had none to help him. The blessing of him that was ready to perish There are a few men so cramped in their pri- came upon me, and I caused the widow's heart vate affairs, who may not be charitable after to sing for joy. I was eyes to the blind, and this manner, without any disadvantage to feet was I to the lame: I was a father to the themselves, or prejudice to their families. It poor, and the cause which I knew not I searchis but sometimes sacrificing a diversion or con- ed out. Did not I weep for him that was in venience to the poor, and turning the usual trouble? was not my soul grieved for the poor? course of our expenses into a better channel. Let me be weighed in an even balance, that This is, I think, not only the most prudent and God may know mine integrity. If I did desconvenient, but the most meritorious piece of pise the cause of my man-servant or of my charity, which we can put in practice. By this maid-servant when they contended with me; method, we in some measure share the neces- what then shall I do when God riseth up? and sities of the poor at the same time that we re-when he visiteth, what shall I answer him? lieve them, and make ourselves not only their Did not he that made me in the womb, make patrons, but their fellow-sufferers. him? and did not one fashion us in the womb?

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Sir Thomas Brown, in the last part of his If I have withheld the poor from their desire, Religio Medici, in which he describes his cha- or have caused the eyes of the widow to fail: rity in several heroic instances, and with a no- Or have eaten my morsel myself alone, and ble heat of sentiment, mentions that verse in the fatherless hath not eaten thereof: If I the proverbs of Solomon, He that giveth to have seen any perish for want of clothing, or the poor, lendeth to the Lord:'*"There is any poor without covering: If his loins have more rhetoric in that one sentence, says he, not blessed me, and if he were not warmed than in a library of sermons; and indeed, if with the fleece of my sheep? If I have lifted those sentences were understood by the rea- up my hand against the fatherless, when I der, with the same emphasis as they are deli-saw my help in the gate; then let mine arm vered by the author, we needed not those vo-fall from my shoulder-blade, and mine arm lumes of instructions, but might be honest by be broken from the bone. If I have rejoiced an epitome."t at the destruction of him that hated me, or

This passage in scripture is, indeed, wonder-lifted up myself when evil found him: (Neifully persuasive; but I think the same thought|ther have I suffered my mouth to sin, by wishis carried much farther in the New Testament, ing a curse to his soul.) The stranger did not where our Saviour tells us in a most pathetic lodge in the street; but I opened my doors manner, that he shall hereafter regard the to the traveller. If my land cry against me, clothing of the naked, the feeding of the hungry, and the visiting of the imprisoned, as offices done to himself, and reward them accordingly. Pursuant to those passages in holy scripture, I have somewhere met with the epi

*Prov. xix. 17.

The epitaph alluded to is (or was) in St. George's
Church at Doncaster in Yorkshire, and runs in old English

How now, who is heare? That I spent that I had:
I Robin of Doncastere That I gave, that I have:
And Margaret my feare That I left, that I lost.
A. D. 1579.

+ Brown's Rel. Medici, Part II. Sect. 13. f. 1659. p. 2. Quoth Robertus Byrst, who in this world did reign threeMatt. xxv. 31. et seqq.

score years and seven, and yet lived not one.

No. 178.] Monday, September 24, 1711.

Comis in uxorem
Civil to his wife.

Hor. Lib. 2. Ep. ii. 133.

I CANNOT defer taking notice of this letter.

or that the furrows likewise therefore com- shall I give you an account of the distraction plain: If I have eaten the fruits thereof with- of it? Could you but conceive how cruel I am out money, or have caused the owners one moment in my resentment, and at the enthereof to lose their life; let thistles grow suing minute, when I place him in the coninstead of wheat, and cockle instead of bar dition my anger would bring him to, how ley.* L. compassionate; it would give you some notion how miserable I am, and how little I deserve it. When I remonstrate with the greatest gentleness that is possible against unhandsome appearances, and that married persons are under particular rules; when he is in the best humour to receive this, I am answered only: That I expose my own reputation and sense if I am but too good a judge of your paper of take this into serious consideration, and adI appear jealous. I wish, good sir, you would the 15th instant, which is a master-piece; Imonish husbands and wives, what terms they mean that of jealousy: but I think it unwor- ought to keep towards each other. Your thy of you to speak of that torture in the thoughts on this important subject will have breast of a man, and not to mention also the the greatest reward, that which descends pangs of it in the heart of a woman. on such as feel the sorrows of the afflicted, have very judiciously, and with the greatest Give me leave to subscribe myself, penetration imaginable, considered it as woman is the creature of whom the diffidence is raised but not a word of a man, who is so unmerciful as to move jealousy in his wife, I had it in my thoughts, before I received and not care whether she is so or not. It is the letter of this lady, to consider this dreadful possible you may not believe there are such passion in the mind of a woman; and the tyrants in the world; but alas, I can tell you smart she seems to feel does not abate the of a man who is ever out of humour in his inclination I had to recommend to husbands wife's company, and the pleasantest man in a more regular behaviour, than to give the the world every where else; the greatest slo- most exquisite of torments to those who love ven at home when he appears to none but his them, nay whose torments would be abated if family, and most exactly well dressed in all they did not love them.


'Your unfortunate humble servant,



other places. Alas, sir, is it of course, that It is wonderful to observe how little is made to deliver one's self wholly into a man's power of this inexpressible injury, and how easily without possibility of appeal to any other ju- men get into a habit of being least agreeable, risdiction but his own reflections, is so little an where they are most obliged to be so. obligation to a gentleman, that he can be of this subject deserves a distinct speculation, fended and fall into a rage, because my heart and I shall observe for a day or two the behaswells tears into my eyes when I see him in a viour of two or three happy pairs I am accloudy mood? I pretend to no succour, and quainted with, before I pretend to make a syshope for no relief but from himself; and yet tem of conjugal morality. I design in the first he that has sense and justice in every thing place to go a few miles out of town, and there else, never reflects, that to come home only to I know where to meet one who practises all sleep off an intemperance, and spend all the the parts of a fine gentleman in the duty of time he is there as if it were a punishment, an husband. When he was a bachelor much cannot but give the anguish of a jealous mind. business made him particularly negligent in He always leaves his home as if he were going his habit; but now there is no young lover to court, and returns as if he were entering a living so exact in the care of his person. One jail. I could add to this, that from his com- who asked, Why he was so long washing his pany and his usual discourse, he does not scru- mouth, and so delicate in the choice and ple being thought an abandoned man, as to wearing of his linen? was answered, "Behis morals. Your own imagination will say cause there is a woman of merit obliged to enough to you concerning the condition of me receive me kindly, and I think it incumbent his wife; and I wish you would be so good as upon me to make her inclination go along with to represent to him, for he is not ill-natured, her duty.' and reads you much, that the moment I hear If a man would give himself leave to think, the door shut after him, I throw myself upon he would not be so unreasonable as to expect my bed, and drown the child he is so fond of debauchery and innocence could live in comwith my tears, and often frighten it with my merce together; or hope that flesh and blood cries; that I curse my being; that I run to my is capable of so strict an allegiance, as that a glass all over bathed in sorrows, and help the fine woman must go on to improve herself till utterance of my inward anguish by beholding she is as good and impassive as an angel, only the gush of my own calamities as my tears to preserve fidelity to a brute and a satyr. fall from my eyes. This looks like an ima- The lady who desires me for her sake to end gined picture to tell you, but indeed this is one one of my papers with the following letter, I of my pastimes. Hitherto I have only told am persuaded, thinks such a perseverance you the general temper of my mind, but how very impracticable.


*Job xxix. 2, &c. xxx. 25, &c. xxxi. 6, &c. passim. VOL. I.


Stay more at home. I know where you 30

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