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visited at seven of the clock on Thursday disperse melancholy, and put our faculties in evening. The colonel, whom you charged me good humour. To which some will add, that to see no more, is in town. T.

MARTHA HOUSEWIFE.'

No. 179.] Tuesday, September 25, 1711.

Centuria seniorum agitant expertia frugis:
Celsi prætereunt austera poëmata Rhames.
Omne tulit punctum qui miscuit utile dulci,
Lectorem delectando, pariterque monendo.

Old age is only fond of moral truth,
Lectures too grave disgust aspiring youth;
But he who blends instrcution with delight,
Wins every reader, nor in vain shall write.- P.

the British climate, more than any other, makes entertainments of this nature in a manner necessary.

If what I have here said does not recommend, it will at least excuse, the variety of my speculations. I would not willingly laugh but in order to instruct, or if I sometimes fail in this point, when my mirth ceases to be instructive, it shall never cease to be innocent. A Hor. Ars Poet. v. 341. scrupulous conduct in this particular, has, perhaps, more merit in it than the generality of readers imagine; did they know how many thoughts occur in a point of humour, which a discreet author in modesty suppresses; how I MAY cast my readers under two general many strokes of raillery present themselves, divisions, the mercurial and the saturnine. which could not fail to please the ordinary The first are the gay part of my disciples, taste of mankind, but are stifled in their birth who require speculations of wit and humour: by reason of some remote tendency which the others are those of a more solemn and they carry in them to corrupt the minds of sober turn, who find no pleasure but in papers those who read them; did they know how of morality and sound sense. The former call many glances of ill-nature are industriously every thing that is serious, stupid; the latter avoided for fear of doing injury to the reputalook upon every thing as impertinent that is tion of another, they would be apt to think ludicrous. Were I always grave, one half of kindly of those writers who endeavour to my readers would fall off from me: were I al- make themselves diverting, without being imways merry, I should lose the other. I make moral. One may apply to these authors that it therefore my endeavour to find out enter-passage in Waller :

quires some genius and invention to appear

such without them.

tainments of both kinds, and by that means, Poets lose half the praise they would have got, perhaps, consult the good of both, more than Were it but known what they discreetly blot. I should do, did I always write to the particuAs nothing is more easy than to be a wit, lar taste of either. As they neither of them with all the above-mentioned liberties, it reknow what I proceed upon, the sprightly reader, who takes up my paper in order to be diverted, very often finds himself engaged unaWhat I have here said is not only in regard wares in a serious and profitable course of to the public, but with an eye to my particular thinking; as on the contrary, the thoughtful correspondent, who has sent me the following man, who perhaps may hope to find some-letter, which I have castrated in some places thing solid, and full of deep reflection, is very often insensibly betrayed into a fit of mirth. upon these considerations :

In a word, the reader sits down to my entertainment without knowing his bill of fare, and has therefore at least the pleasure of hoping there may be a dish to his palate.

SIR,

Having lately seen your discourse upon a match of grinning, I cannot forbear giving you an account of a whistling match, which, with I must confess, were I left to myself, I many others, I was entertained with about should rather aim at instructing than divert-three years since at the Bath. The prize was ing; but if we will be useful to the world, we a guinea, to be conferred upon the ablest whismust take it as we find it. Authors of profess-tler, that is, on him who could whistle clearest, ed severity discourage the looser part of man- and go through his tune without laughing, to kind from having any thing to do with their writings. A man must have virtue in him, before he will enter upon the reading of a Seneca or an Epictetus. The very title of a moral treatise has something in it austere and shocking to the careless and inconsiderate.

which at the same time he was provoked by the antick postures of a merry-andrew, who was to stand upon the stage and play his tricks in the eye of the performer. There were three competitors for the guinea- The first was a ploughman of a very promising aspect; his features For this reason several unthinking persons were steady, and his muscles composed in so fall in my way, who would give no attention inflexible a stupidity, that upon his first appearto lectures delivered with a religious serious-ance every one gave the guinea for lost. The ness or a philosophic gravity. They are en- pickled herring however found the way to snared into sentiments of wisdom and virtue shake him; for upon his whistling a country when they do not think of it; and if by that jig, this unlucky wag danced to it with such means they arrive only at such a degree of variety of distortions and grimaces, that the consideration as may dispose them to listen to countryman could not forbear smiling upon more studied and elaborate discourses, I shall him, and by that means spoiled his whistle, not think my speculations useless. I might and lost the prize.

likewise observe, that the gloominess in which The next that mounted the stage was an sometimes the minds of the best men are in-under-citizen of the Bath, a person remarkable volved, very often stands in need of such little among the inferior people of that place for his incitements to mirth and laughter, as are apt to great wisdom, and his broad band. He con

tracted his mouth with so much gravity, and, that all his former victories. For my own part, if he might dispose his mind to be more serious I were to draw his picture, I should be for tak than ordinary, began the tune of The Chil-ing him no lower than to the peace of Ryswick, dren in the Wood. He went through part of it just at the end of his triumphs, and before his with good success, when on a sudden the wit at reverse of fortune and even then I should not his elbow, who had appeared wonderfully forbear thinking his ambition had been vain, grave and attentive for some time, gave him a and unprofitable to himself and his people. touch upon the left shoulder, and stared him 'As for himself, it is certain he can have in the face with so bewitching a grin, that the gained nothing by his conquests, if they have whistler relaxed his fibres into a kind of sim- not rendered him master of more subjects, per, and at length burst out into an open more riches, or greater power. What I shall laugh. The third who entered the lists was a be able to offer upon these heads, I resolve to footman, who in defiance of the merry-andrew submit to your consideration. and all his arts, whistled a Scotch tune, and an Italian sonata, with so settled a countenance that he bore away the prize, to the great admiration of some hundreds of persons, who, as well as myself were present at this trial of skill. Now, sir, I humbly conceive, whatever you have determined of the grinners, the whistlers ought to be encouraged, not only as their art is practised without distortion, but as it improves country music, promotes gravity, and teaches ordinary people to keep their countenances, if they see any thing ridiculous in their betters; besides that it seems an entertainment very particularly adapted to the Bath, as it is usual for a rider to whistle to his horse when he would make his water pass. 'I am, Sir, &c.

6 POSTSCRIPT.

'To begin then with his increase of subjects. From the time he came of age, and has been a manager for himself, all the people he had ac quired were such only as he had reduced by his wars, and were left in his possession by the peace; he had conquered not above one. third part of Flanders, and consequently no more than one third part of the inhabitants of that province.

'About one hundred years ago the houses in that country were all numbered, and by a just computation the inhabitants of all sorts could not then exceed 750,000 souls. And if any man will consider the desolation by almost perpetual wars, the numerous armies that have lived almost ever since at discretion upon the people, and how much of their commerce has been removed for more security to other places, he will have little reason to imagine that their · After having despatched these two import-numbers have since increased; and therefore ant points of grinning and whistling, I hope with one-third part of that province that you will oblige the world with some reflections prince can have gained no more than oneupon yawning, as I have seen it practised on a third part of the inhabitants, or 250,000 new twelfth-night among other Christmas gambols at the house of a very worthy gentleman, who subjects, even though it should be supposed they were all contented to live still in their naalways entertains his tenants at that time of tive country, and transfer their allegiance to a the year. They yawn for a Cheshire cheese, and begin about midnight, when the whole "The fertility of this province, its convenient company is disposed to be drowsy. He that situation for trade and commerce, its capacity yawns widest, and at the same time so natu- for furnishing employment and subsistence to rally as to produce the most yawns among the spectators, carries home the cheese. If you been maintained here, make it credible that great numbers, and the vast armies that have handle this subject as you ought, I question the remaining two-thirds of Flanders are equal not but your paper will set half the kingdom a to all his other conquests; and consequently yawning, though I dare promise you it will neby all, he cannot have gained more than 750,000 ver make any body fall asleep.' L. new subjects, men, women, and children, espe cially if a deduction shall be made of such as have retired from the conqueror, to live under their old masters.

No. 180.] Wednesday, September 26, 1711.

Delirant reges, plectuntur Achivi.
Hor. Lib. 1. Ep. ii. 14.
The monarch's folly makes the people rue.-P.

new master.

'It is time now to set his loss against his profit, and to show for the new subjects he had acquired, how many old ones he had lost in the acquisition. I think that in his wars he has seldom brought less into the field in all places

PAE following letter has so much weight and good sense, that I cannot forbear inserting than 200,000 fighting men, besides what have it, though it relates to a hardened sinner, whom have very little hopes of reforming, viz. Lewis XIV. of France.

6 MR. SPECTATOR,

been left in garrisons: and I think the common computation is, that of an army, at the end of a campaign, without sieges or battles, scarce four-fifths can be mustered of those that Amidst the variety of subjects of which came into the field at the beginning of the you have treated, I could wish it had fallen in year. His wars at several times, until the last your way, to expose the vanity of conquests. peace, have held about 20 years; and if 40,000 This thought would naturally lead one to the yearly lost, or a fifth part of his armies, are to French king, who has been generally esteemed be multiplied by 20, he cannot have lost less the greatest conqueror of our age, till her ma- than 800,000 of his old subjects, and all ablejesty's armies had torn from him so many of bodied men; a greater number than the new bis countries, and deprived him of the fruit of subjects he had acquired.

'But this loss is not all. Providence seems to steal a kingdom; if he had gone on conto have equally divided the whole mass of man-quering as he did before, his ruin had been kind into different sexes, that every woman long since finished. This brings to my mind may have her husband, and that both may a saying of King Pyrrhus, after he had a second equally contribute to the continuance of the time beat the Romans in a pitched battle, and species. It follows then, that for all the men was complimented by his generals; "Yes," that have been lost, as many women must have says he, "such another victory and I am quite lived single, and it were but charity to believe, undone." And since I have mentioned Pyrrhus they have not done all the service they were I will end with a very good, though known, capable of doing in their generation. In so story of this ambitious madman. When he long a course of years great part of them must had shown the utmost fondness for his expehave died, and all the rest must go off at last, dition against the Romans, Cyneas, his chief without leaving any representatives behind. minister, asked him what he proposed to himBy this account he must have lost not only self by this war? "Why," says Pyrrhus, "to 800,000 subjects, but double that number, and conquer the Romans, and reduce all Italy to all the increase that was reasonably to be ex-my obedience."-"What then?" says Cyneas. pected from it. "To pass over into Sicily," says Pyrrhus, "and

'It is said in the last war there was a famine then all the Sicilians must be our subjects." in his kingdom, which swept away two millions" And what does "your majesty intend next?" of his people. This is hardly credible. If the" Why truly," says the king, "to conquer Carloss was only of one-fifth part of that sum, it thage, and make myself master of all Africa.” was very great. But it is no wonder there" And what, sir," says the minister, "is to be should be famine, where so much of the people's the end of all your expeditions?" "Why then," substance is taken away for the king's use, says the king, "for the rest of our lives we that they have not sufficient left to provide will sit down to good wine."-" How, sir," reagainst accidents: where so many of the men plied Cyneas, "to better than we have now are taken from the plough to serve the king in before us? Have we not already as much as his wars, and a great part of the tillage is left we can drink?" to the weaker hands of so many women and 'Riot and excess are not the becoming chachildren. Whatever was the loss, it must un-racters of princes; but if Pyrrhus and Lewis doubtedly be placed to the account of his had debauched like Vitellius, they had been less ambition. hurtful to their people.

And so must also the destruction or banishment of 3 or 400,000 of his reformed subjects; he could have no other reasons for valuing those lives so very cheap but only to recommend himself to the bigotry of the Spanish

nation.

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No. 181.] Thursday, September 27, 1711.
His lacrymis vitam damus, et miserescimus ultrò.
Virg. En. ii. 145.
Mov'd by these tears, we pity and protect.

'How should there be industry in a country where all property is precarious? What subject will sow his land, that his prince may reap the whole harvest? Parsimony and frugality must be strangers to such a people; for I AM more pleased with a letter that is filled will any man save to-day, what he has reason with touches of nature than of wit. The folto fear will be taken from him to-morrow?lowing one is ofthis kind; And where is the encouragement for marrying? Will any man think of raising children, without any assurance of clothing for their backs,

or so much as food for their bellies? And thus

itself.

6

'SIR,

touched upon

families, I do not remember that you have Among all the distresses which happen in by his fatal ambition, he must have lessened the consent of their parents. I am one of the marriage of children without the number of his subjects, not only by these unfortunate persons. I was about fifteen slaughter and destruction; but by prevent when I took the liberty to choose for myself; ing their very births, he has done as much as was possible towards destroying posterity pleasure of an inexorable father, who, though and have ever since languished under the disblessed with very fine children, can never be he sees me happy in the best of husbands, and prevailed upon to forgive me. He was so kind deed it makes my breach of duty, in some to me before this unhappy accident that inmeasure, inexcusable; and at the same time that I love him above all things, and would die creates in me such a tenderness towards him, to be reconciled to him. I have thrown myself at his feet, and besought him with tears to and spurns me from him. pardon me; but he always pushes me away, veral letters to him, but he will neither open I have written se

Is this then the great, the invincible Lewis? This the immortal man, the tout puissant, or the almighty as his flatterers have called him? Is this the man that is so celebrated for his conquests? For every subject he has acquired, has he not lost three that were his inheritance? Are not his troops fewer, and those neither so well fed, clothed, or paid, as they were formerly, though he has now so much greater cause to exert himself? And what can be the reason of all this, but that his revenue is a great deal less, his subjects are either poorer, or not so many to be plundered by constant taxes for his use?

It is well for him he had found out a way

The kingdom of Spain, seized by Louis XIV. in 1701.

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nor receive them. About two years ago I sent Among innumerable arguments which might my little boy to him, dressed in a new apparel; be brought against such an unreasonable probut the child returned to me crying, because ceeding, I shall only insist on one. We make he said his grandfather would not see him, and it the condition of our forgiveness that we forhad ordered him to be put out of his house. give others. In our very prayers we desire no My mother is won over to my side, but dares more than to be treated by this kind of renot mention me to my father, for fear of pro- taliation. The case therefore before us seems voking him, About a month ago he lay sick to be what they call a case in point;' the upon his bed, and in great danger of his life relation between the child and father, being I was pierced to the heart at the news, and what comes nearest to that between a creature could not forbear going to inquire after his and its Creator. If the father is inexorable health. My mother took this opportunity of to the child who has offended, let the offence speaking in my behalf; she told him, with be of never so high a nature, how will he abundance of tears, that I was come to see address himself to the Supreme Being, under bim, that I could not speak to her for weep- the tender appellation of a Father, and desire ing, and that I should certainly break my heart of him such a forgiveness as he himself refuses if he refused at that time to give me his bless-to grant?

ing, and be reconciled to me. He was so far To this I might add many other religious, as from relenting towards me, that he bid her well as many prudential considerations; but if speak no more of me, unless she had a mind to the last mentioned motive does not prevail, I disturb him in his last moments; for, sir, you despair of succeeding by any other, and shall must know that he has the reputation of an therefore conclude my paper with a very rehonest and religious man, which makes my mis-markable story, which is recorded in an old fortune so much the greater. God be thanked chronicle published by Freher, among the wrihe is since recovered; but his severe usage has ters of the German history. given me such a blow, that I shall soon sink Eginhart, who was secretary to Charles the under it, unless I may be relieved by any im- Great, became exceeding popular by his behapressions which the reading of this in your paviour in that post. His great abilities gained per may make upon him. him the favour of his master, and the esteem 'I am, &c.' of the whole court. Imma, the daughter of the Of all hardness of heart there is none so emperor, was so pleased with his person and inexcusable as that of parents towards their conversation, that she fell in love with him. children. An obstinate, inflexible, unforgiving As she was one of the greatest beauties of the temper is odious upon all occasions; but here it is unnatural. The love, tenderness, and compassion, which are apt to arise in us towards those who depend upon us, is that by which the whole world of life is upheld. The Supreme Being, by the transcendent excellency and goodness of his nature, extends his mercy towards all his works; and because his creatures have not such a spontaneous benevolence, and compassion towards those who are under their care and protection, he has implanted in them an instinct, that supplies the place of this inherent goodness. I have illustrated this kind of instinct in former papers, and have shown how it runs through all the species of brute creatures, as indeed the whole animal creation subsists by it.

age, Eginhart answered her with a more than equal return of passion. They stifled their flames for some time, under apprehension of the fatal consequences that might ensue. Eginhart at length resolved to hazard all, rather than live deprived of one whom his heart was so much set upon, conveyed himself one night into the princess's apartment, and knocking gently at the door, was admitted as a person who had something to communicate to her from the emperor. He was with her in private most part of the night; but upon his preparing to go away about break of day, he observed that there had fallen a great snow during his stay with the princess. This very much perplexed him, lest the prints of his feet in the snow might make discoveries to the king, who often This instinct in man is more general and used to visit his daughter in the morning. He uncircumscribed than in brutes, as being en-acquainted the princess Imma with his fears; larged by the dictates of reason and duty. For who, after some consultations upon the matif we consider ourselves attentively, we shall ter, prevailed upon him to let her carry him find that we are not only inclined to love those through the snow upon her own shoulders. It who descend from us, but that we bear a kind happened, that the emperor not being able to of Top, or natural affection, to every thing sleep, was at that time up and walking in his which relies upon us for its good and pre-chamber, when upon looking through the winservation. Dependance is a perpetual call up-dow he perceived his daughter tottering under on humanity, and a greater incitement to ten- her burden, and carrying his first minister derness and piety, than any other motive what-across the snow; which she had no sooner done, but she returned again with the utmost The man, therefore, who, notwithstanding speed to her own apartment. The emperor any passion or resentment, can overcome this was extremely troubled and astonished at this powerful instinct, and extinguish natural affec-accident: but resolved to speak nothing of it tion, debases his mind even below brutality, until a proper opportunity. In the mean time, frustrates, as much as in him lies, the great Eginhart knowing that what he had done could design of Providence, and strikes out of his not be long a secret, determined to retire from nature one of the most divine principles that court; and in order to it begged the emperor is planted in it. that he would be pleased to dismiss him, pre

soever.

tending a kind of discontent at his not having | has been for some time applied to by an Irish been rewarded for his long services. The em- fellow, who dresses very fine, and struts in a peror would not give a direct answer to his laced coat, and is the admiration of seamstressEver since I petition, but told him he would think of it, es, who are under age in town. and appointed a certain day when he would have had some knowledge of the matter, I let him know his pleasure He then called have debarred my 'prentice from pen, ink, and together the most faithful of his counsellors, paper. But the other day he bespoke some and acquainting them with his secretary's cravats of me: I went out of the shop, and left crime, asked them their advice in so delicate his mistress to put them up in a band-box in an affair. The most of them gave their opin-order to be sent to him when his man called. ion, that the person could not be too severely When I came into the shop again, I took occapunished, who had thus dishonoured his mas- sion to send her away, and found in the bottom ter. Upon the whole debate, the emperor of the box written these words, "Why would declared it was his opinion, that Eginhart's you ruin a harmless creature that loves you?" punishment would rather increase than di- then in the lid, "There is no resisting Strephon:" minish the shame of his family, and that I searched a little further, and found in the therefore he thought it the most advisable to rim of the box, "At eleven o'clock at night wear out the memory of the fact, by marrying come in a hackney-coach at the end of our him to his daughter. Accordingly, Eginhart street." This was enough to alarm me; I was called in, and acquainted by the emperor, sent away the things, and took my measures that he should no longer have any pretence of accordingly. An hour or two before the apcomplaining his services were not rewarded, pointed time I examined my young lady, and for that the princess Imma should be given him in marriage, with a dower suitable to her quality; which was soon after performed accordingly. L.

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found her trunk stuffed with impertinent letters and an old scroll of parchment in Latin, which her lover had sent her as a settlement of fifty pounds a year. Among other things, there was also the best lace I had in my shop to make him a present for cravats. I was very glad of this last circumstance, because I could very conscientiously swear againt him that he had enticed my servant away, and was her accomplice in robbing me: I procured a warrant against him accordingly. Every thing was now

As all parts of human life come under my prepared, and the tender hour of love apobservation, my reader must not make un-proaching, I who had acted for myself in my charitable inferences from my speaking know-youth the same senseless part, knew how to ingly of that sort of crime which is at present manage accordingly; therefore, after having treated of. He will, I hope, suppose know locked up my maid, and not being so much it only from the letters of correspondents, two of which you shall have as follow:

'MR. SPECTATOR,

unlike her in height and shape, as in a huddled way not to pass for her, I delivered the bundle designed to be carried off, to her lover's man, who came with the signal to receive them. 'It is wonderful to me that among the many Thus I followed after to the coach, where when enormities which you have treated of, you have I saw his master take them in, I cried out, not mentioned that of wenching, and particu- Thieves! Thieves! and the constable with his larly the ensnaring part. I mean that it is a attendants seized my expecting lover. I kept thing very fit for your pen, to expose the vil-myself unobserved until I saw the crowd suflany of the practice of deluding women. You ficiently increased, and then appeared to deare to know, sir, that I myself am a woman clare the goods to be mine; and had the satiswho have been one of the unhappy that have faction to see my man of mode put into the fallen into this misfortune, and that by the in-round-house, with the stolen wares by him, to sinuation of a very worthless fellow who served be produced in evidence against him the next others in the same manner, both before my ru- morning. This matter is notoriously known in, and since that time. I had, as soon as the to be fact; and I have been contented to save rascal left me, so much indignation and resolu- my 'prentice, and to take a year's rent of this tion, as not to go upon the town, as the phrase mortified lover, not to appear farther in the is, but took to work for my living in an obscure matter. This was some penance; but, sir, is place, out of the knowledge of all with whom I this enough for villainy of much more perwas before acquainted. nicious consequence than the trifles for which

'It is the ordinary practice and business of he was to have been indicted? Should not you, life, with a set of idle fellows about this town, and all men of any parts or honour, put things to write letters, send messages, and form ap-upon so right a foot, as that such a rascal pointments with little raw unthinking girls, should not laugh at the imputation of what and leave them after possession of them, with- he was really guilty, and dread being accused out any mercy, to shame, infamy, poverty, and of that for which he was arrested? disease. Were you to read the nauseous impertinencies which are written on these occasions, and to see the silly creatures sighing over thein, it could not but be matter of mirth as well as pity. A little 'prentice girl of mine

'In a word, sir, it is in the power of you, and such as I hope you are, to make it as infamous to rob a poor creature of her honour as her clothes. I leave this to your consideration, only take leave (which I cannot do with

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