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ply with the vicious taste which still prevails | No. 280.] Monday, January 21, 1711-12. so much among modern writers.
Principibus placuisse viris non ultima laus est.
Hor. Ep. xvii. Lib.1.35.
To please the great is not the smallest praise.-Creech.
But since several thoughts may be natural which are low and groveling, an epic poet should not only avoid such sentiments as are unnatural or affected, but also such as are mean and vulgar. Homer has opened a great field of raillery to men of more delicacy than great-able or unwelcome to those with whom he conness of genius, by the homeliness of some of verses, according to the motive from which his sentiments. But as I have before said, that inclination appears to flow. If your conthese are rather to be imputed to the simplicity cern for pleasing others arises from an innate of the age in which he lived, to which I may also benevolence, it never fails of success; if from add, of that which he described, than to any a vanity to excel, its disappointment is no less imperfection in that divine poet. Zoilus among certain. What we call an agreeable man, is the antients, and Monsieur Perrault, among he who is endowed with the natural bent to do the moderns, pushed their ridicule very far acceptable things from a delight he takes in upon him, on account of some such sentiments. them merely as such; and the affectation of There is no blemish to be observed in Virgil that character is what constitues a fop. Under under this head, and but a very few in Milton. these leaders one may draw up all those who I shall give but one instance of this impro- make any manner of figure, except in dumb priety of thought in Homer, and at the same show. A rational and select conversation is comtime compare it with an instance of the same posed of persons, who have the talent of pleasnature, both in Virgil and Milton. Sentiments ing with delicacy of sentiments flowing from which raise laughter, can very seldom be ad- habitual chastity of thought; but mixed committed with any decency into an heroic poem, pany is frequently made up of pretenders to whose business it is to excite passions of a much mirth, and is usually pestered with constrained nobler nature. Homer, however, in his cha-obscene, and painful witticisms. Now and then racters of Vulcan and Thersites, in his story of you may meet with a man so exactly formed Mars and Venus, in his behaviour of Irus, and for pleasing, that it is no matter what he is in other passages, has been observed to have doing or saying, that is to say, that there need lapsed into the burlesque character, and to be no manner of importance in it, to make him have departed from that serious air which gain upon every body who hears or beholds seems essential to the magnificence of an epic him. This felicity is not the gift of nature poem. I remember but one laugh in the whole only, but must be attended with happy circumÆneid, which rises in the fifth book, upon Mo-stances, which add a dignity to the familiar notes, where he is represented as thrown over-behaviour which distinguishes him whom we board, and drying himself upon a rock. But call an agreeable man. It is from this that this piece of mirth is so well-timed, that the every body loves and esteems Polycarpus. severest critic can have nothing to say against He is in the vigour of his age and the gaiety it; for it is in the book of games and diversions of life, but has passed through very conspicuwhere the reader's mind may be supposed suf-ous scenes in it: though no soldier, he has shaficiently relaxed for such an entertainment. red the danger, and acted with great gallantry The only piece of pleasantry in Paradise Lost, and generosity on a decisive day of battle. is where the evil spirits are described as rally-To have those qualities which only make other ing the angels upon the success of their new men conspicuous in the world as it were suinvented artillery. This passage I look upon pernumerary to him, is a circumstance which to be the most exceptionable in the whole poem gives weight to his most indifferent actions; as being nothing else but a string of puns, for as a known credit is ready cash to a trader, and those too very indifferent ones.
-Satan beheld their plight,
And to his mates thus in derision call'd:
As they would dance; yet for a dance they seem'd
To whom thus Belial in like gamesome mood;
Milton's Par. Lost, b. vi. 1. 609, &c.
so is acknowledged merit immediate distinc tion, and serves in the place of equipage to a gentleman. This renders Polycarpus graceful in mirth, important in business, and regarded with love in every ordinary occurrence. But not to dwell upon characters which have such particular recommendations to our hearts, let us turn our thoughts rather to the methods of pleasing which must carry men through the world who cannot pretend to such advantages. Falling in with the particular humour or manner of one above you, abstracted from the general rules of good behaviour, is the life of a slave. A parasite differs in nothing from the meanest servant, but that the footman hires himself for bodily labour, subjected to go and come at the will of his master, but the other gives up his very soul: he is prostituted to speak, and professes to think after the mode of him whom he courts. This servitude to a patron, in an honest nature, would be more grievous than that of wearing hislivery; there
attributed to indulging himself in some fashionable vice rather than an irreproachable poverty, which saved his credit with those on whom he depended.
fore we will speak of those methods only, attribute the thinness they told him of, to the
same order in the species, was the band of this No. 281.] Tuesday, January 22, 1711-12.
Pectoribus inhians spirantia consulit exta. Virg. En. iv. 64 Anxious the reeking entrails he consults. Cunning people, hypocrites, all who are but HAVING already given an account of the half virtuous, or half wise, are incapable of tast-dissection of a beau's head, with the several ing the refined pleasure of such an equal com- discoveries made on that occasion; I shall pany as could wholly exclude the regard of here, according to my promise, enter upon fortune in their conversations. Horace, in the the dissection of a coquette's heart, and comdiscourse from whence I take the hint of the municate to the public such particulars as present speculation, lays down excellent rules we observed in that curious piece of anatofor conduct in conversation with men of power; my. but he speaks with an air of one who had no I should perhaps have waved this undertakneed of such an application for any thing ing, had I not been put in mind of my promise which related to himself. It shows he under- by several of my unknown correspondents, stood what it was to be a skilful courtier, by who are very importunate with me to make just admonitions against importunity, and an example of the coquette, as I have alreashowing how forcible it was to speak modest-dy done of the beau. It is therefore in comly of your own wants. There is indeed some-pliance with the request of friends, that I have thing so shameless in taking all opportunities looked over the minutes of my former dream, to speak of your own affairs, that he who is in order to give the public an exact relation of guilty of it towards him on whom he depends, it, which I shall enter upon without farther fares like the beggar who exposes his sores, preface. which, instead of moving compassion, makes the man he begs of turn away from the object.
Our operator, before he engaged, in this visionary dissection, told us, that there was nothing in his art more difficult than to lay 1 cannot tell what is become of him, but I open the heart of a coquette, by reason of the remember about sixteen years ago an honest many labyrinths and recesses which are to be fellow, who so justly understood how disagree-found in it, and which do not appear in the able the mention or appearance of his wants heart of any other animal. would make him, that I have often reflected He desired us first of all to observe the periupon him as a counterpart of Irus, whom I cardium, or outward case of the heart, which have formerly mentioned. This man, whom we did very attentively; and by the help of I have missed for some years in my walks, our glasses discerned in it millions of little and have heard was some way employed scars, which seemed to have been occasioned about the army, made it a maxim, that good by the points of innumerable darts and arrows, wigs, delicate linen, and a cheerful air, were that from time to time had glanced upon the to a poor dependent the same that working outward coat; though we could not discover tools are to a poor artificer. It was no small the smallest orifice, by which any of them had entertainment to me, who knew his circum-entered and pierced the inward substance. stances, to see him, who had fasted two days, Every smatterer in anatomy knows that this
pericardium, or case of the heart, contains in We are informed that the lady of this heart it a thin reddish liquor, supposed to be bred when living, received the addresses of several from the vapours which exhale out of the who made love to her, and did not only give neart, and, being stopped here, are condensed each of them encouragement, but made every into this watery substance. Upon examining one she conversed with believe that she rethis liquor, we found that it had in it all the garded him with an eye of kindness; for which qualities of that spirit which is made use of in reason we expected to have seen the impresthe thermometer, to show the change of wea-sions of multitudes of faces among the several plaits and foldings of the heart; but to our
Nor must I here omit an experiment one of great surprise not a single print of this nathe company assured us he himself had made ture discovered itself until we came into the with this liquor, which he found in great quan- very core and centre of it. We there observtity about the heart of a coquette whom he had ed a little figure, which, upon applying our formerly dissected. He affirmed to us, that he glasses to it, appeared dressed in a very fanhad actually enclosed it in a small tube made tastic manner. The more I looked upon it, after the manner of a weather-glass; but that the more thought I had seen the face before, instead of acquainting him with the variations but could not possibly recollect either the of the atmosphere, it showed him the quality place or time; when at length, one of the of those persons who entered the room where company, who had examined this figure more it stood. He affirmed also that it rose at the nicely than the rest, showed us plainly by the approach of a plume of feathers, an embroider-make of its face, and the several turns of its ed coat or a pair of fringed gloves; and that features, that the little idol which was thus it fell as soon as an ill-shaped periwig, a clum-lodged in the very middle of the heart was sy pair of shoes, or an unfashionable coat came the deceased beau, whose head I gave some into his house. Nay, he proceeded so far as account of in my last Tuesday's paper. to assure us, that upon his laughing aloud when he stood by it, the liquor mounted very sensibly, and immediately sunk again upon his looking serious. In short, he told us, that he knew very well by this invention, whenever he had a man of sense, or a coxcomb in his
Having cleared away this pericardium, or case, and liquor above-mentioned, we came to the heart itself. The outward surface of it was extremely slippery, and the mucro, or point, so very cold withal, that upon endeavouring to take hold of it, it glided through the fingers like a smooth piece of ice.
As soon as we had finished our dissection, we resolved to make an experiment of the heart, not being able to determine among ourselves the nature of its substanee, which differed in so many particulars from that of the heart in other females. Accordingly we laid it in a pan of burning coals, when we observed in it a certain salamandrine quality, that made it capable of living in the midst of fire and flame, without being consumed, or so much as singed.
As we were admiring this strange phænomenon, and standing round the heart in a circle, it gave a most prodigious sigh, or raThe fibres were turned and twisted in a ther crack, and dispersed all at once in smoke more intricate and perplexed manner than and vapour. This imaginary noise, which methey are usually found in other hearts; inso-thought was louder than the burst of a cannon, much that the whole heart was wound up to- produced such a violent shake in my brain, gether in a Gordian knot, and must have had that it dissipated the fumes of sleep, and left very irregular and unequal motions, while it me in an instant broad awake. L. was employed in its vital function.
-Spes incerta futuri.
One thing we thought very observable, No. 282.] Wednesday, January 23, 1711-12. namely, that upon examining all the vessels which came into it, or issued out of it, we could not discover any communication that it had with the tongue.
Virg. En. viii. 580.
Hopes and fears in equal balance lald.-Dryden. We could not but take notice likewise, that several of those little nerves in the heart which IT is a lamentable thing that every man is are affected by the sentiments of love, hatred, full of complaints, and constantly uttering senand other passions, did not descend to this be-tences against the fickleness of fortune, when fore us from the brain, but from the muscles people generally bring upon themselves all the which lie about the eye. calamities they fall into, and are constantly Upon weighing the heart in my hand, I heaping up matter for their own sorrow and found it to be extremely light, and conse- disappointment. That which produces the quently very hollow, which I did not wonder greatest part of the delusions of mankind, is at, when, upon looking into the inside of it, a false hope which people indulge with so sanI saw multitudes of cells and cavities running guine a flattery to themselves, that their hearts one within another, as our historians describe are bent upon fantastical advantages which the apartments of Rosamond's bower. Several they had no reason to believe should ever have of these little hollows were stuffed with innu- arrived to them. By this unjust measure of merable sorts of trifles, which I shall forbear calculating their happiness, they often mourn giving any particular account of, and shall with real affliction for imaginary losses. When therefore only take notice of what lay first I am talking of this unhappy way of accountand uppermost, which upon our unfolding it, ing for ourselves, I cannot but reflect upon a and applying our microscopes to it, appeared particular set of people, who, in their own to be a flame-coloured hood.
favour, resolve every thing that is possible into it is in that sex the only season in which they what is probable, and then reckon on that can advance their fortunes. But if we turn probability as on what must certainly happen. our thoughts to the men, we see such crowds Will Honeycomb, upon my observing his look-unhappy, from no other reason, but an illing on a lady with some particular attention, grounded hope, that it is hard to say which gave me an account of the great distresses they rather deserve, our pity or contempt. It which had laid waste that her very fine face, is not unpleasant to see a fellow, grown old and had given an air of melancholy to a very in attendance, and after having passed half agreeable person. That lady, and a couple of a life in servitude, call himself the unhappiest sisters of hers, were, said Will, fourteen years of all men, and pretend to be disappointed, ago, the greatest fortunes about town; but because a courtier broke his word. He that without having any loss, by bad tenants, by promises himself any thing but what may nabad securities, or any damage by sea or land turally arise from his own property or labour, are reduced to very narrow circumstances. and goes beyond the desire of possessing above They were at that time the most inaccessible two parts in three even of that, lays up for haughty beauties in town; and their preten- himself an increasing heap of afflictions and sions to take upon them at that unmerciful disappointments. There are but two means in rate, were raised upon the following scheme, the world of gaining by other men, and these according to which all their lovers were an-are by being either agreeable or considerable. swered. The generality of mankind do all things for Our father is a youngish man, but then our their own sakes; and when you hope any thing mother is somewhat older, and not likely to from persons above you, if you cannot say, 'I have any children: his estate being 8001. per can be thus, agreeable, or thus serviceable,' it annum, at twenty years purchase, is worth is ridiculous to pretend to the dignity of being 16,000l. Our uncle, who is above fifty, has unfortunate when they leave you; you were 4001. per annum, which at the aforesaid rate, injudicious in hoping for any other than to be is 8,000l. There is a widow aunt, who has neglected for such as can come within these 10,000l. at her own disposal, left by her hus descriptions of being capable to please, or band, and an old maiden aunt, who has 6,000l. serve your patron, when his humour or interThen our father's mother has 9001. per an-ests call for their capacity either way. num, which is worth 18,000l. and 1,000/ each It would not methinks be a useless compariof us has of our own, which cannot be tak-son between the condition of a man who shuns en from us. These summed up together stand all the pleasures of life, and of one who makes thus: it his business to pursue them. recluse makes his austerities while the luxurious man gains uneasiness from his enjoyments. difference in the happiness of him who is macerated by abstinence, and his who is surfeited with excess? He who resigns the world has no temptation to envy, hatred, malice, anger, but is in constant possession of a serene mind: he who follows the pleasures of it, which are in their very nature disappointing, is in constant search of care, solitude, remorse, and confusion.
18.000 3,000 Total,.. 61,000
This equally divided between us three amounts to 20,000l. each: an allowance being given for enlargement upon common fame, we may lawfully pass for 30,000l. fortunes.'
" MR. SPECTATOR,
Hope in the comfortable, nothing but What is the
Jan. 14, 1712.
In prospect of this, and the knowledge of| 'I am a young woman, and have my fortune their own personal merit, every one was con- to make, for which reason I come constantly to temptible in their eyes, and they refused those church to hear divine service, and make conoffers which had been frequently made them. quests; but one great hinderance in this my But mark the end. The mother dies, the fa- design is, that our clerk, who was once a garther is married again and has a son; on him dener, has this Christmas so over-decked the was entailed the father's, uncle's, and grand-church with greens, that he has quite spoiled mother's estate. This cut off 42,000l. The my prospect; insomuch that I have scarce seen maiden aunt married a tall Irishman, and with the young baronet I dress at these three weeks, her went the 6,000l. The widow died, and though we have both been very constant at left but enough to pay her debts and bury her; our devotions, and do not sit above three pews so that there remained for these three girls but off. The church, as it is now equipped, looks their own 1,0001. They had by this time more like a green-house than a place of worpassed their prime, and got on the wrong ship. The middle aisle is a very pretty shady side of thirty; and must pass the remainder walk, and the pews look like so many arbours of their days, upbraiding mankind that on each side of it. The pulpit itself has such they mind nothing but money, and bewailing clusters of ivy, holly, and rosemary about it, that virtue, sense, and modesty, are had at present in no manner of estimation.
I mention this case of ladies before any other because it is the most irreparable; for though youth is the time least capable of reflection,
that a light fellow in our pew took occasion to say, that the congregation heard the word out of a bush, like Moses. Sir Anthony Love's pew in particular is so well hedged, that all my batteries have no effect. I am obliged to shoot at
random among the boughs, without taking any but it is in the power of every one alike to manner of aim. Mr. Spectator, unless you practice this virtue, and I believe there are will give orders for removing these greens, I very few persons, who if they please to reflect shall grow a very awkward creature at church, on their past lives will not find that had they and soon have little else to do there but to say saved all those little sums which they have my prayers. I am in haste, spent unnecessarily, they might at present have been masters of a competent fortune. Diligence justly claims the next place to thrift: I find both these excellently well recommended to common use in the three following Italian proverbs:
'Your most obedient servant,
Thursday, January 24, 1711-12.
Pers. Prolog. ver. 10
LUCIAN rallies the philosophers in his time, who could not agree whether they should admit riches into the number of real goods; the professors of the severer sects, threw them quite out, while others as resolutely inserted
Never do that by proxy which you can do yourself.
A third instrument of growing rich is me thod in business, which, as well as the two former, is also attainable by persons of the meanest capacities.
The famous De Witt, one of the greatest statesmen of the age in which he lived, being asked by a friend how he was able to despatch I am apt to believe, that as the world grew that mulitude of affairs in which he was enmore polite, the rigid doctrines of the first gaged? replied, that his whole art consisted in were wholly discarded; and I do not find any doing one thing at once. If,' says he, 'I have one so hardy at present as to deny that there any necessary despatches to make, I think of are very great advantages in the enjoyment of nothing else until those are finished: if any a plentiful fortune. Indeed the best and wisest domestic affairs require my attention, I give of men, though they may possibly despise a myself up wholly to them until they are set good part of those things which the world calls in order." pleasures, can, I think, hardly be insensible In short, we often see men of dull and of that weight and dignity which a moderate phlegmatic tempers arriving to great estates, share of wealth adds to their characters, coun- by making a regular and orderly disposition sels, and actions. of their business, and that without it the greatWe find it is a general complaint in profes- est parts and most lively imaginations rather sions and trades, that the richest members of puzzle their affairs, than bring them to an hapthem are chiefly encouraged, and this is false-py issue.
ly imputed to the ill-nature of mankind, who From what has been said, I think I may lay are ever bestowing their favours on such as it down as a maxim, that every man of good least want them. Whereas if we fairly consi- common sense may, if he pleases, in his parder their proceedings in this case, we shall ticular station of life, most certainly be rich. find them founded on undoubted reason: The reason why we sometimes see that men since supposing both equal in their natural of the greatest capacities are not so, is either integrity, I ought, in common prudence, to because they despise wealth in comparison of fear foul play from an indigent person, ra- something else; or at least are not content ther than from one whose circumstances seem to be getting an estate, unless they may do to have placed him above the bare temptation it in their own way, and at the same time of money. enjoy all the pleasures, and gratifications of
But besides these ordinary forms of growing rich, it must be allowed that there is room for genius as well in this, as in all other circumstances of life.
This reason also makes the 'commonwealth life. regard her richest subjects, as those who are most concerned for her quiet and interest, and consequently fittest to be intrusted with her highest employments. On the contrary, Catiline's saying to those men of desperate fortunes, who applied themselves to him, and of whom he afterwards composed his army, that they had nothing to hope for but a civil war, was too true not to make the impressions he desired.
Though the ways of getting money were long since very numerous, and though so many new ones have been found out of late years, there is certainly still remaining so large a field for invention, that a man of an indifferent head might easily sit down and draw up I believe I need not fear but that what I such a plan for the conduct and support of his have said in praise of money, will be more life, as was never yet once thought of. than sufficient with most of my readers to We daily see methods put in practice by excuse the subject of my present paper, hungry and ingenious men, which demonwhich I intend as an essay on the ways to strate the power of invention in this parraise a man's fortune, or the art of grow-ticular. ing rich.
It is reported of Scaramouch, the first faThe first and most infallible method towards mous Italian comedian, that being at Paris and the attaining of this end is thrift. All men in great want, he bethought himself of conare not equally qualified for getting money, stantly plying near the poor of a noted per