less than five persons, of tolerable figure too rejected :—that when nothing (as they easily as times go: but the misfortune is, that four of perceived) of this nature could bring him to the five are professed followers of the mode. their purpose, assurance of his being entirely They would face me down, that all women of unengaged before hand, and safe from all their good sense ever were, and ever will be, lati- after-expectations, (the only stratagem left to tudinarians in wedlock: and always did, and draw him in) was given him:-that pursuant will give and take, what they profanely term to this the donation itself was without delay, conjugal liberty of conscience. before several reputable witnesses, tendered to The two first of them, a captain and a mer-him gratis, with the open profession of not the chant, to strengthen their arguments, pretend least reserve, or most minute condition; but to repeat after a couple of ladies of quality and that yet, immediately after induction, his inwit, that Venus was always kind to Mars; and sidious introducer (or her crafty procurer, what soul that has the least spark of generosi- which you will) industriously spread the rety can deny a man of bravery any thing? And port which had reached my ears, not only in how pitiful a trader that, whom no woman but the neighbourhood of that said church, but in his own wife will have correspondence and London, in the university, in mine and his own dealings with? Thus these; whilst the third, country, and wherever else it might probably the country 'squire confessed, that indeed he obviate his application to any other woman, was surprised into good breeding, and entered and so confine him to this alone: and in a into the knowledge of the world unawares: word, that as he never did make any previthat dining the other day at a gentleman's ous offer of his service, or the least step to house, the person who entertained was obliged her affection; so on his discovery of these to leave him with his wife and nieces; where designs thus laid to trick him, he could not they spoke with so much contempt of an ab- but afterwards, in justice to himself, vindicate sent gentleman for being so slow at a hint, both his innocence and freedom, by keeping that he resolved never to be drowsy, unman- his proper distance. nerly, or stupid, for the future at a friend's house; and on a hunting morning not to pursue the game either with the husband abroad, or with the wife at home. 'The next that came was a tradesman, no less full of the age than the former; for he had the galiantry to tell me, that at a late junket which he was invited to, the motion being made, and the question being put, it was by maid, wife, and widow resolved nemine contradicente, that a young sprightly journeyman is absolutely necessary in theiy way of business; to which they had the assent and concurrence of their husbands present. I dropped him a courtesy, and gave him to understand that was his audience of leave. I am reckoned pretty, and have had very many advances besides these; but have been This is his apology, and I think I shall be satisfied with it. But I cannot conclude my tedious epistle without recommending to you not only to resume your former chastisement, but to add to your criminals the simoniacal ladies, who seduce the sacred order into the difficulty of either breaking a mercenary troth made to them, whom they ought not to deceive, or by breaking or keeping it offending against Him whom they cannot deceive. Your assistance and labours of this sort would be of great benefit, and your speedy thoughts on this subject would be very seasonable to, • Sir. T. 'Your most humble servant, very averse to hear any of them, from my ob- No. 299.] Tuesday, February 12, 1711-12. servation on those above-mentioned, until I hoped some good from the character of my present admirer, a clergyman. But I find even among them there are indirect practices in relation to love, and our treaty is at present a little in suspense, until some circumstances are cleared. There is a charge against him among the women, and the case is this: It is alleged, that a certain endowed female would have appropriated herself to, and consolidated herself with a church which my divine now enjoys (or, which is the same thing, did prostitute herself to her friend's doing this for her): that my ecclesiastic, to obtain the one, did engage himself to take off the other that lay on hand; but that on his success in the spiritual, he again renoun ced the carnal. Malo Venusinam, quám te, Cornelia, mater Juv. Sat. vi. 166. Some country girl, scarce to a courtesy bred, Ir is observed, that a man improves more by reading the story of a person eminent for prudence and virtue, than by the finest rules and precepts of morality. In the same manner a representation of those calamities and 'I put this closely to him, and taxed him misfortunes which a weak man suffers from with disingenuity. He to clear himself made wrong measures, and ill-concerted schemes of the subsequent defence, and that in the most life, is apt to make a deeper impression upon solemn manner possible :-that he was applied our minds, than the wisest maxims and into, and instigated to accept of a benefice:- structions that can be given us, for avoiding that a conditional offer thereof was indeed the like follies and indiscretions in our own made him at first, but with disdain by hi private conduct. It is for this reason that I lay before my reader the following letter, noise in the house, in a language which nobody and leave it with him to make his own use of understands, except my Lady Mary. She next it, without adding any reflections of my own set herself to reform every room of my house, upon the subject matter. " MR. SPECTATOR, having glazed all my chimney-pieces with looking-glasses, and planted every corner with such heaps of china, that I am obliged to move about 'Having carefully perused a letter sent you my own house with the greatest caution and by Josiah Fribble, Esq. with your subsequent circumspection, for fear of hurting some of discourse upon pin-money, I do presume to our brittle furniture. She makes an illumitrouble you with an account of my own case, nation once a week with wax candles in one which I look upon to be no less deplorable of the largest rooms, in order, as she phrases than that of 'squire Fribble. I am a person of it, to see company: at which time she always no extraction, having begun the world with a desires me to be abroad, or to confine myself small parcel of rusty iron, and was for some to the cockloft, that I may not disgrace her years commonly known by the name of Jack among her visitants of quality. Her footmen, Anvil.* I have naturally a very happy genius as I told you before, are such beaus that I do for getting money, insomuch that by the age not much care for asking them questions; of five and twenty, I had scraped together four when I do, they answer me with a saucy frown, thousand two hundred pounds, five shillings, and say that every thing which I find fault and a few odd pence. I then launched out with was done by my Lady Mary's order. into considerable business, and became a bold She tells me, that she intends they shall wear trader both by sea and land, which in a few swords with their next liveries, having lately years raised me a very great fortune. For observed the footmen of two or three persons these my good services I was knighted in the of quality hanging behind the coach with swords thirty-fifth year of my age, and lived with great by their sides. As soon as the first honeymoon dignity among my city neighbours by the name was over, I represented to her the unreasonof Sir John Anvil. Being in my temper very ableness of those daily innovations which she ambitious, I was now bent upon making a fa- made in my family; but she told me, I was no mily, and accordingly resolved that my de- longer to consider myself as Sir John Anvil, scendants should have a dash of good blood in but as her husband; and added, with a frown, their veins. In order to this, made love to that I did not seem to know who she was. I the Lady Mary Oddly, an indigent young wo-was surprised to be treated thus, after such man of quality. To cut short the marriage- familiarities as had passed between us. But treaty, I threw her a carte blanche, as our she has since given me to know, that whatever news-papers call it, desiring her to write upon freedoms she may sometimes indulge me in, it her own terms. She was very concise in her she expects in general to be treated with the demands, insisting only that the disposal of respect that is due to her birth and quality. my fortune, and the regulation of my family, Our children have been trained up from their should be entirely in her hands. Her father infancy with so many accounts of their moand brothers appeared exceedingly averse to ther's family, that they know the stories of all this match, and would not see me for some the great men and women it has produced. time; but at present are so well reconciled, Their mother tells them, that such an one that they dine with me almost every day, and commanded in such a sea-engagement, that have borrowed considerable sums of me; which their great-grandfather had a horse shot under my Lady Mary very often twits me with, when him at Edge-hill, that their uncle was at the she would show me how kind her relations siege of Buda, and that her mother danced in are to me. She had no portion, as I told you a ball at court with the Duke of Monmouth; before; but what she wanted in fortune she with abundance of fiddle-faddle of the same makes up in spirit. She at first changed my name to Sir John Envil, and at present writes herself Mary Enville. I have had some children by her, whom she has christened with the surnames of her family, in order, as she tells to wear out the homeliness of their rentage by the father's side. Our eldest son is the honourable Oddly Enville, Esq. and our eldest daughter Harriot Enville. Upon her first coming into my family, she turned off a parcel of very careful servants, who had been long with me, and introduced in their stead a couple of black-a-moors, and three or four very genteel fellows in laced liveries, besides her French woman, who is perpetually making a me, nature. I was the other day a little out of countenance at a question of my little daughter Harriot, who asked me, with a great deal of innocence, why I never told them of the generals and admirals that had been in my family? paAs for my eldest son, Oddly, he has been so spirited up by his mother, that if he does not mend his manners I shall go near to disinherit him. He drew his sword upon me before he was nine years old, and told me that he expected to be used like a gentleman: upon my offering to correct him for his insolence, my Lady Mary stept in between us, and told me that I ought to consider there was some difference between his mother and mine. She is perpetually finding out the features of her * It is said by some, that the author of this letter alluded Own relations in every one of my children, to- -Gore, of Tring, and Lady Mary Compton; but though, by the way, I have a little chub-faced others, with more probability, that it refers to Sir Am-boy as like me as he can stare, if I durst say brows Crowley and his Lady. See Tat. ed. 1786, ci. 8vo. The latter changed his name from Crowley to Crawley, so: but what most angers me, when she the folly of which seems to be ridiculed above, by the sees me playing with any of them upon my change of Anvil into Envil. knee, she has begged me more than once to converse with the children as little as possi- This method, in each case, would save appearble, that they may not learn any of my awk-ances; but as those who offend on the fond ward tricks. side are by much the fewer, I would have you 'You must farther know, since I am open-begin with them, and go on to take notice of ing my heart to you, that she thinks herself a most impertinent license married women my superior in sense, as much as she is in qua- take, not only to be very loving to their spouses lity, and therefore treats me like a plain well-in public, but also make nauseous allusions to meaning man, who does not know the world. private familiarities and the like. Lucina is She dictates to me in my own business, sets a lady of the greatest discretion, you must me right in points of trade, and if I disagree know, in the world; and withal very much a with her about any of my ships at sea, won-physician. Upon the strength of these two ders that I will dispute with her, when I know qualities there is nothing she will not speak of very well that her great-grandfather was a before us virgins; and she every day talks flag-officer. with a very grave air in such a manner as is ve To complete my sufferings, she has teas-ry improper so much as to be hinted at but to ed me for this quarter of a year last past to re-obviate the greatest extremity. Those whom move into one of the squares at the other end they call good bodies, notable people, hearty of the town, promising, for my encourage-neighbours, and the purest goodest company ment, that I shall have as good a cock-in the world, are the great offenders in this loft as any gentleman in the square; to which kind. Here I think I have laid before you an the Honourable Oddly Enville, Esq. always open field for pleasantry; and hope you will adds, like a jack-a-napes as he is, that he show these people that at least they are not hopes it will be as near the court as pos- witty in which you will save from many a sible. blush a daily sufferer, who is very much 'Your most humble servant, of 'In short, Mr. Spectator, I am so much out my natural element, that to recover my old way of life, I would be content to begin the world again, and be plain Jack Anvil; but, alas! I am in for life, and am bound to subscribe myself, with great sorrow of heart, Your humble servant, 'JOHN ENVILLE, KNT.' L. 'SUSANNA LOVEWORTH.' MR. SPECTATOR, In yours of Wednesday the 30th past, you and your correspondents are very severe on a sort of men, whom you call male coquettes ; but without any other reason, in my apprehension, than that of paying a shallow compliment to the fair-sex, by accusing some men of No. 300.] Wednesday, February 13, 1711-12. imaginary faults, that the women may not Diversum vitio vitium prepé majus. Hor. Ep. xviii. Lib. 1. 5. Another failing of the mind, seem to be the more faultly sex; though at the same time you suppose there are some so weak as to be imposed upon by fine things and false Greater than this, of a quite different kind.-Pooley. addresses. I cannot persuade myself that your MR. SPECTATOR, design is to debar the sexes the benefit of each other's conversation within the rules of ho'WHEN you talk of the subject of iove, and nour; nor will you, I dare say, recommend to the relations arising from it, methinks you them, or encourage the common tea-table should take care to leave no fault unobserved talk, much less that of politics and matters of which concerns the state of marriage. The state: and if these are forbidden subjects of great vexation that I have observed in it is, discourse, then, as long as there are any wothat the wedded couple seem to want oppor-men in the world who take a pleasure in heartunities of being often enough alone together, ing themselves praised, and can bear the sight and are forced to quarrel and be fond before of a man prostrate at their feet, so long I shall company. Mr. Hotspur and his lady, in a room make no wonder, that there are those of the full of their friends, are ever saying something other sex who will pay them those impertinent so smart to each other, and that but just humiliations. We should have few people such within rules, that the whole company stand in fools as to practise flattery, if all were so wise the utmost anxiety and suspense, for fear of as to despise it. I do not deny but you would their falling into extremities which they could do a meritorious act, if you could prevent all not be present at. On the other side, Tom impositions on the simplicity of young women; Faddle and his pretty spouse, wherever they but I must confess, I do not apprehend you come, are billing at such a rate, as they think have laid the fault on the proper persons; and must do our hearts good to behold them. Can- if I trouble you with my thoughts upon it, I not you possibly propose a mean between be- promise myself your pardon. Such of the sex ing wasps and doves in public? I should think, as are raw and innocent, and most exposed to if you advised to hate or love sincerely it would these attacks, have, or their parents are much be better for if they would be so discreet as to blame if they have not, one to advise and to hate from the very bottom of their hearts, guard them, and are obliged themselves to their aversion would be too strong for little take care of them; but if these, who ought gibes every moment: and if they loved with to hinder men from all opportunities of this that calm and noble valour which dwells in sort of conversation, instead of that encourage the heart, with a warmth like that of life- and promote it, the suspicion is very just that blood, they would not be so impatient of their there are some private reasons for it; and passions as to fall into observable fondness. I will leave it to you to determine on which side a part is then acted. Some women there which have once made us remarkable in the are who are arrived at years of discretion, I world, that we endeavour to persuade ourmean are got out of the hands of their parents selves it is not in the power of time to rob us and governors, and are set up for themselves, of them. We are eternally pursuing the same who are yet liable to these attempts; but if methods which first procured us the applauses these are prevailed upon, you must excuse me of mankind. It is from this notion that an if I lay the fault upon them, that their wisdom author writes on, though he is come to dotage; is not grown with their years. My client, without ever considering that his memory is Mr. Strephon, whom you summoned to de-impaired, and that he hath lost that life, and clare himself, gives you thanks however for your warning, and begs the favour only to enlarge his time for a week, or to the last day of the term, and then he will appear gratis, and pray no day over. Yours, 'PHILANTROPOS.' MR. SPECTATOR, those spirits, which formerly raised his fancy, and fired his imagination. The same folly hinders a man from submitting his behaviour to his age, and makes Clodius, who was a celebrated dancer at five-and-twenty, still love to hobble in a minuet, though he is past threescore. It is this, in a word, which fills the town with elderly fops and superannuated coquettes. Canidia, a lady of this latter species, passed I was last night to visit a lady whom I much esteem, and always took for my friend; by me yesterday in a coach. Canidia was an but met with so very different a reception from haughty beauty of the last age, and was folwhat I expected, that I cannot help applying lowed by crowds of adorers, whose passions onmyself to you on this occasion. In the room ly pleased her, as they gave her opportunities of that civility and familiarity I used to be of playing the tyrant. She then contracted treated with by her, an affected strangeness in that awful cast of the eye and forbidding frown, her looks, and coldness in her behaviour, plain which she has not yet laid aside, and has still ly told me I was not the welcome guest which all the insolence of beauty without its charms. the regard and tenderness she has often ex-If she now attracts the eyes of any beholders, pressed for me gave me reason to flatter my-it is only by being remarkably ridiculous; even self to think I was. Sir, this is certainly a her own sex laugh at her affectation; and the great fault, and I assure you a very common men, who always enjoy an ill-natured pleasure one; therefore I hope you will think it a fit in seeing an imperious beauty humbled and subject for some part of a Spectator. Be pleas- neglected, regard her with the same satisfaced to acquaint us how we must behave our- tion that a free nation sees a tyrant in disselves towards this valetudinary friendship, subject to so many heats and colds, and you will oblige, Sir, SIR, 'Your humble servant, I cannot forbear acknowledging the delight your late Spectators on Saturdays have given me; for they are written in the honest spirit of criticism, and called to my mind the following four lines I had read long since in a prologue to a play called Julius Cæsar,* which has deserved a better fate. The verses are addressed to the little critics: grace. Will Honey comb, who is a great admirer of the gallantries in King Charles the Second's reign, lately communicated to me a letter written by a wit of that age to his mistress, who it seems was a lady of Canidia's humour; and though I do not always approve of my friend Will's taste, I liked this letter so well, that I took a copy of it, with which I shall here present my reader: MADAM, 'To Chloe. Since my waking thoughts have never been able to influence you in my favour, I am resolved to try whether my dreams can make any impression on you. To this end I shall give you an account of a very odd one which my fancy presented to me last night, within a few hours after I left you. The 'Methought I was unaccountably conveyed into the most delicious place mine eyes ever beheld it was a large valley divided by a river of the purest water I had ever seen. ground on each side of it rose by an easy ascent, and was covered with flowers of an infinite variety, which, as they were reflected in the water, doubled the beauties of the place, or rather formed an imaginary scene more beautiful than the real. On each side of the river was a range of lofty trees, whose boughs were loaded with almost as many birds as leaves. Every tree was full of harmony. 'I had not gone far in this pleasant valley, when I perceived that it was terminated by a most magnificent temple. The structure was ancient and regular. On the top of it was change you suffered in this embrace. For my figured the god Saturn, in the same shape and own part, though I am still too full of the dress that the poets usually represent Time. dreadful idea, I will not shock you with a de'As I was advancing to satisfy my curosity scription of it. I was so startled at the sight, by a nearer view, I was stopped by an object that my sleep immediately left me, and I found far more beautiful than any I had before dis-myself awake, at leisure to consider of a dream covered in the whole place. I fancy, madam, which seems too extraordinary to be without you will easily guess that this could hardly be a meaning. I am, madam, with the greatest any thing but yourself: in reality it was so; passion, you lay extended on the flowers by the side of the river, so that your hands, which were X. thrown in a negligent posture, almost touched Your most obedient, -Lachrymæque decoræ, the water. Your eyes were closed; but if your No. 302.] Friday, February 15, 1711-12. Becoming sorrows, and a virtuous mind I READ what I give for the entertainment of this day with a great deal of pleasure, and publish it just as it came to my hands. I shall be very glad to find there are many guessed at for Emilia. MR. SPECTATOR, I 'While I was wholly taken up in these reflections, the doors of the temple flew open with a very great noise, and lifting up my eyes, I saw two figures, in human shape, coming into the valley. Upon a nearer survey, I found them to be Youth and Love. The first was encircled with a kind of purple light, that 'If this paper has the good fortune to be spread a glory over all the place; the other honoured with a place in your writings, I shall held a flaming torch in his hand. I could ob- be the more pleased, because the character of serve, that all the way as they came towards Emilia is not an imaginary but a real one. us, the colours of the flowers appeared more have industriously obscured the whole by the lively, the trees shot out in blossoms, the birds addition of one or two circumstances of ne threw themselves into pairs, and serenaded consequence, that the person it is drawn from them as they passed: the whole face of nature might still be concealed; and that the writer of glowed with new beauties. They were no it might not be in the least suspected, and for sooner arrived at the place where you lay, the form of a letter; but if, besides the faults some other reasons, I choose not to give it in than they seated themselves on each side of you. On their approach methought I saw a of the composition, there be any thing in it new bloom arise in your face, and new charms more proper for a correspondent than the diffuse themselves over your whole person. You Spectator himself to write, I submit it to your appeared more than mortal; but, to my great better judgment, to receive any other model surprise, continued fast asleep, though the two think fit. deities made several gentle efforts to awaken you. you I am, Sir, 'Your very humble servant.' After a short time, Youth (displaying a There is nothing which gives one so pleasing pair of wings, which I had not before taken a prospect of human nature, as the contemplanotice of) flew off. Love still remained, and tion of wisdom and beauty: the latter is the holding the torch which he had in his hand peculiar portion of that sex which is therefore. before your face, you still appeared as beauti- called fair; but the happy concurrence of both ful as ever. The glaring of the light in your these excellencies in the same person, is a chaeyes at length awakened you, when to my great racter too celestial to be frequently met with. surprise, instead of acknowledging the favour Beauty is an over-weening self-sufficient thing, of the deity, you frowned upon him, and struck careless of providing itself any more substanthe torch out of his hand into the river. The tial ornaments; nay, so little does it consult god, after having regarded you with a look its own interests, that it too often defeats that spoke at once his pity and displeasure, itself, by betraying that innocence which renflew away. Immediately a kind of gloom over-ders it lovely and desirable. As therefore virspread the whole place. At the same time I tue makes a beautiful woman appear more saw a hideous spectre enter at one end of the beautiful, so beauty makes a virtuous woman valley. His eyes were sunk into his head, his really more virtuous. Whilst I am considering face was pale and withered, and his skin puck-these two perfections gloriously united in one ered up in wrinkles. As he walked on the sides person, I cannot help representing to my mind of the bank the river froze, the flowers faded, the image of Emilia. the trees shed their blossoms. the birds drop- Who ever beheld the charming Emilia withped from off the boughs, and fell dead at his out feeling in his breast at once th glow of feet. By these marks I knew him to be Old love, and the tenderness of virtuous friendship? Age. You were seized with the utmost horror The unstudied graces of her behaviour, and the and amazement at his approach. You endea-pleasing accents of her tongue, insensibly draw voured to have fled, but the phantom caught you on to wish for a nearer enjoyment of them, you in his arms. You may easily guess at the but even her smiles carry in them a silent reVOL. I. 50 |