ment which the practice of physic finds | prescription. I have heard of a porter, among us. Well-constituted governments who serves as a knight of the post under have always made the profession of a one of these operators, and, though he was physician both honourable and advanta- never sick in his life, has been cured of all geous. Homer's Machaon and Virgil's the diseases in the Dispensary. These are Iapsis were men of renown, heroes in war, the men whose sagacity has invented elixand made at least as much havoc among irs of all sorts, pills, and lozenges, and take their enemies as among their friends. it as an affront if you come to them before Those who have little or no faith in the you are given over by every body else. abilities of a quack, will apply themselves Their medicines are infallible, and never to him, either because he is willing to sell fail of success-that is, of enriching the dochealth at a reasonable profit, or because the tor, and setting the patient effectually at rest. patient, like a drowning man, catches at I lately dropt into a coffee-house at every twig, and hopes for relief from the Westminster, where I found the room hung most ignorant, when the most able physi- round with ornaments of this nature. There cians give him none. Though imprudence were elixirs, tinctures, the Anodyne Fotus, and many words are as necessary to these English pills, electuaries, and, in short, more itinerary Galens, as a laced hat to a merry-remedies than I believe there are diseases. Andrew, yet they would turn very little to the advantage of the owner, if there were not some inward disposition in the sick man to favour the pretensions of the mountebank. Love of life in the one, and of money in the other, creates a good correspondence between them.

At the sight of so many inventions, I could not but imagine myself in a kind of arsenal or magazine where store of arms was reposited against any sudden invasion. Should you be attacked by the enemy sideways, here was an infallible piece of defensive armour to cure the pleurisy: should a dis'There is scarce a city in Great Britain temper beat up your head-quarters, here but has one of this tribe, who takes it into you might purchase an impenetrable helhis protection, and on the market-day ha- met: or, in the language of the artist, a rangues the good people of the place with cephalic tincture; if your main body be asaphorisms and receipts. You may depend saulted, here are various kinds of armour upon it he comes not there for his own pri- in case of various onsets. I began to convate interest, but out of a particular affec- gratulate the present age upon the happition to the town. I remember one of these ness men might reasonably hope for in life, public-spirited artists at Hammersmith, when death was thus in a manner defeated, who told his audience, that he had been and when pain itself would be of so short born and bred there; and that, having a a duration, that it would but just serve to special regard for the place of his nativity, enhance the value of pleasure. While I he was determined to make a present of was in these thoughts, I unluckily called to five shillings to as many as would accept mind a story of an ingenious gentleman of of it. The whole crowd stood agape, and the last age, who, lying violently afflicted ready to take the doctor at his word; when with the gout, a person came and offered putting his hand into a long bag, as every his services to cure him by a method which one was expecting his crown-piece, he he assured him was infallible; the servant drew out a handful of little packets, each who received the message carried it up to of which he informed the spectators was his master, who, inquiring whether the constantly sold at five shillings and six-person came on foot or in a chariot, and pence, but that he would bate the odd five shillings to every inhabitant of that place: the whole assembly immediately closed with this generous offer, and took off all his physic, after the doctor had made them vouch for one another, that there were no foreigners among them, but that they were all Hammersmith men.

There is another branch of pretenders to this art, who, without either horse or pickleherring, lie snug in a garret, and send down notice to the world of their extraordinary parts and abilities by printed bills and advertisements. These seem to have derived their custom from an eastern nation which Herodotus speaks of, among whom it was a law, that, whenever any cure was performed, both the method of the cure, and an account of the distemper, should be fixed in some public place; but, as customs will corrupt, these our moderns provide themselves of persons to attest the cure before

publish or make an experiment of the

being informed that he was on foot: "Go," says he, "send the knave about his business: was his method as infallible as he pretends, he would long before now have been in his coach and six." In like manner I conclude that, had all these advertisers arrived to that skill they pretend to, they would have had no need for so many years successively to publish to the world the place of their abode, and the virtues of their medicines. One of these gentlemen indeed pretends to an effectual cure for leanness: what effects it may have upon those who have tried it I cannot tell; but I am credibly informed, that the call for it has been so great, that it has effectually cured the doctor himself of that distemper. Could each of them produce so good an instance of the success of his medicines, they might soon persuade the world into an opinion of them.

'I observe that most of the bills agree in one expression, viz, that "with God's bless

Propp'd on his lance the pensive hero stood,

ing" they perform such and such cures: | husband I was married to at fourteen, by this expression is certainly very proper and my uncle and guardian, (as I afterwards emphatical, for that is all they have for it. discovered,) by way of sale, for the third And if ever a cure is performed on a patient part of my fortune. This fellow looked upon where they are concerned, they can claim me as a mere child he might breed up after no greater share in it than Virgil's Iapis in his own fancy: if he kissed my chamberthe curing of Eneas; he tried his skill, was maid before my face, I was supposed so very assiduous about the wound, and indeed ignorant, how could I think there was any was the only visible means that relieved the hurt in it? When he came home roaring hero; but the poet assures us it was the drunk at five in the morning, it was the particular assistance of a deity that speeded custom of all men that live in the world. the operation. An English reader may see I was not to see a penny of money, for, poor the whole story in Mr. Dryden's transla- thing, how could I manage it? He took a tion: handsome cousin of his into the house (as he said,) to be my house-keeper, and to govern my servants; for how should I know how to rule a family? While she had what money she pleased, which was but reasonable for the trouble she was at for my good, I was not to be so censorious as to dislike familiarity and kindness between near relations. I was too great a coward to contend, but not so ignorant a child to be thus imposed upon. I resented his contempt as I ought to do, and as most poor passive blinded wives do, until it pleased heaven to take away my tyrant, who left me free possession of my own land, and a large jointure. My youth and money brought me many lovers, and several endeavoured to establish an interest in my heart while my husband was in his last sickness; the honourable Edward Waitfort was one of the first who addressed to me, advised to it by a cousin of his that was my intimate friend, and knew

And heard, and saw, unmov'd, the mourning crowd.
The fam'd physician tucks his robes around,
With ready hands, and hastens to the wound.
With gentle touches he performs his part,
This way and that soliciting the dart,
And exercises all his heavenly art.

All soft'ning simples, known of sov'reign use,
He presses out, and pours their noble juice;
These first infus'd, to lenify the pain,

He tugs with pincers, but he tugs in vain.
Then to the patron of his art he pray'd:
The patron of his art refus'd his aid.

But now the goddess mother, mov'd with grief,
And pierc'd with pity hastens her relief.

A branch of healing dittany she brought,
Which in the Cretan fields with care she sought;
Rough in the stem, which woolly leaves surround;
The leaves with flowers, the flow'rs with purple

crown'd;

Well known to wounded goats; a sure relief
To draw the pointed steel, and ease the grief.
This Venus brings, in clouds involv'd; and brews
Th' extracted liquor with Ambrosian dews,
And od'rous penance: unseen she stands,
Temp'ring the mixture with her heavenly hands;
And pours it in a bowl already crown'd

With juice of medicinal herbs, prepar'd to bathe the to a penny what I was worth. Mr. Wait

wound.

The leech, unknowing of superior art,

Which aids the cure, with this foments the part;
And in a moment ceas'd the raging smart.
Staunch'd in the blood and in the bottom stands
The steel, but scarcely touch'd with tender hands,
Moves up and follows of its own accord;
And health and vigour are at once restor`d.
Iapis first perceiv'd the closing wound;
And first the footsteps of a god he found:
'Arms, arms!' he cries,' the sword and shield prepare,
And send the willing chief, renew'd, to war.
This is no mortal work, no cure of mine,
Nor art's effect, but done by hands divine.'

Virg. Æn. Lib. xii. 391, &c.

No. 573.] Wednesday, July 28, 1714.

-Castigata remordent.
Juv. Sat. ii. 35.
Chastised, the accusation they retort.

My paper on the club of widows, has brought me in several letters; and, amongst the rest, a long one from Mrs. President, as follows:

'SMART SIR,-You are pleased to be very merry, as you imagine, with us widows: and you seem to ground your satire on our receiving consolation so soon after the death of our dears, and the number we are pleased to admit for our companions; but you never reflect what husbands we have buried, and how short a sorrow the loss of them was capable of occasioning. For my own part, Mrs. President as you call me, my first

fort is a very agreeable man, and every body would like him as well as he does himself, if they did not plainly see that his esteem and love is all taken up, and by such an object as it is impossible to get the better of; I mean himself. He made no doubt of marrying me within four or five months, and began to proceed with such an assured easy air, that piqued my pride not to banish him; quite contrary, out of pure malice, I heard his first declaration with so much innocent surprise, and blushed so prettily, I perceived it touched his very heart, and he thought me the best-natured silly poor thing on earth. When a man has such a notion of a woman, he loves her better than he thinks he does. I was overjoyed to be thus revenged on him for designing on my fortune; and finding it was in my power to make his heart ache, I resolved to complete my conquest, and entertained several other pretenders. The first impression of my undesigning innocence was so strong in his head, he attributed all my followers to the inevitable force of my charms; and, from several blushes and side glances, concluded himself the favourite; and when I used him like a dog for my diversion, he thought it was all prudence and fear; and pitied the violence I did my own inclinations to comply with my friends, when I married Sir Nicholas Fribble, of sixty years of age. You know, sir, the case of Mrs. Medlar.

I hope you would not have had me cry out himself, and what a glory would it be for my eyes for such a husband. I shed tears me, and how I should be envied, made me enough for my widowhood a week after accept of being third wife to my lord Frimy marriage; and when he was put in his day. I proposed from my rank and his grave, reckoning he had been two years estate, to live in all the joys of pride; but dead, and myself a widow of that standing, how was I mistaken! he was neither exI married three weeks afterwards John travagant, nor ill-natured, nor debauched. Sturdy, Esq. his next heir. I had indeed I suffered however more with him than some thoughts of taking Mr. Waitfort, but with all my others. He was splenetic. I I found he could stay; and besides, he was forced to sit whole days hearkening to thought it indecent to ask me to marry his imaginary ails; it was impossible to tell again until my year was out; so, privately what would please him, what he liked when resolving him for my fourth, I took Mr. the sun shined made him sick when it Sturdy for the present. Would you believe rained: he had no distemper, but lived in it, sir, Mr. Sturdy was just five-and-twenty, constant fear of them all. My good genius about six foot high, and the stoutest fox- dictated to me to bring him acquainted with hunter in the country, and I believe I wished Dr. Gruel; from that day he was always ten thousand times for my old Fribble again; contented, because he had names for all he was following his dogs all the day, and his complaints; the good doctor furnished all the night keeping them up at table with him with reasons for all his pains; and prehim and his companions: however, I think scriptions for every fancy that troubled him; myself obliged to them for leading him a in hot weather he lived upon juleps, and chase in which he broke his neck. Mr. let blood to prevent fevers; when it grew Waitfort began his addresses anew; and I cloudy, he generally apprehended a converily believe I had married him now, but sumption. To shorten the history of this there was a young officer in the guards that wretched part of my life, he ruined a good had debauched two or three of my ac- constitution by endeavouring to mend it; quaintance, and I could not forbear being a and took several medicines, which ended little vain of his courtship. Mr. Waitfort in taking the grand remedy, which cured heard of it, and read me such a lecture upon both him and me of all our uneasiness. After the conduct of women, I married the officer his death, I did not expect to hear any more that very day, out of pure spite to him. of Mr. Waitfort. I knew he had renounced Half an hour after I was married I received me to all his friends, and been very witty a penitential letter from the honourable Mr. upon my choice, which he affected to talk Edward Waitfort, in which he begged par- of with great indifferency. I gave over don for his passion, as proceeding from the thinking of him, being told that he was enviolence of his love. I triumphed when I gaged with a pretty woman and a great read it, and could not help, out of the pride fortune; it vexed me a little, but not enough of my heart, showing it to my new spouse; to make me neglect the advice of my cousin and we were very merry together upon it. Wishwell, that came to see me the day my Alas! my mirth lasted a short time; my lord went into the country with Russel; she young husband was very much in debt told me experimentally, nothing put an unwhen I married him, and his first action faithful lover and a dear husband so soon afterwards was to set up a gilt chariot and out one's head as a new one, and at the six, in fine trappings before and behind. I same time proposed to me a kinsman of had married so hastily, I had not the pru-her's. "You understand enough of the dence to reserve my estate in my own world," said she, "to know money is the hands; my ready money was lost in two most valuable consideration; he is very nights at the Groom-porter's; and my dia- rich, and I am sure cannot live long; he has mond necklace, which was stole I did not a cough that must carry him off soon." I know how, I met in the street upon Jenny knew afterwards she had given the selfWheedle's neck. My plate vanished piece same character of me to him; but, however, by piece: and I had been reduced to down-I was so much persuaded by her, I hastened right pewter, if my officer had not been deliciously killed in a duel, by a fellow that had cheated him of five hundred pounds, and afterwards, at his own request, satisfied him and me too, by running him through the body. Mr. Waitfort was still in love, and told me so again; and, to prevent all fears of ill usage, he desired me to reserve every thing in my own hands: but now my acquaintance began to wish me joy of his constancy, my charms were declining, and I could not resist the delight I took in showing the young flirts about town it was yet in my power to give pain to a man of sense; this, and some private hopes he would hang

on the match for fear he should die before the time came; he had the same fears, and was so pressing, I married him in a fortnight, resolving to keep it private a fortnight longer. During this fortnight Mr. Waitfort came to make me a visit: he told me he had waited on me sooner, but had that respect for me, he would not interrupt me in the first day of my affliction for my dead lord; that, as soon as he heard I was at liberty to make another choice, he had broke off a match very advantageous for his fortnne, just upon the point of conclu sion, and was forty times more in love with me than ever. I never received more

Non possidentem multa vocaveris
Recte beatum; rectius occupat
Nomen beati, qui Deorum
Muneribus sapienter uti,
Duramque callet pauperiem pati.

Hor. Od. ix. Lib. 4. 45.

Believe not those that lands possess,
And shining heaps of useless ore,
The only lords of happiness:

But rather those that know
For what kind fates bestow,
And have the art to use the store:
That have the generous skill to bear
The hated weight of poverty.-Creech.

pleasure in my life than from this declara- | No. 574.] Friday, July 30, 1714. tion; but I composed my face to a grave air, and said the news of his engagement had touched me to the heart, that in a rash jealous fit I had married a man I could never have thought on, if I had not lost all hopes of him. Good-natured Mr. Waitfort had liked to have dropped down dead at hearing this, but went from me with such an air as plainly showed me he had laid all the blame upon himself, and hated those friends that had advised him to the fatal application; he seemed as much touched by my misfortune as his own, for he had not the least doubt I was still passionately I WAS once engaged in discourse with a in love with him. The truth of the story Rosicrucian about the great secret.' As is, my new husband gave me reason to re- this kind of men (I mean those of them who pent I had not staid for him; he had mar. are not professed cheats) are overrun with ried me for my money, and I soon found enthusiasm and philosophy, it was very he loved money to distraction; there was amusing to hear this religious adept des nothing he would not do to get it; nothing he canting on his pretended discovery. He would not suffer to preserve it; the smallest talked of the secret as of a spirit which expense kept him awake whole nights; and lived within an emerald, and converted when he paid a bill, it was with as many every thing that was near it to the highest sighs, and after as many delays, as a man perfection it is capable of. It gives a lusthat endures the loss of a limb. I heard tre,' says he, to the sun, and water to the nothing but reproofs for extravagancy what- diamond. It irradiates every metal, and ever I did. I saw very well that he would enriches lead with all the properties of have starved me, but for losing my jointures; gold. It heightens smoke into flame, flame and he suffered agonies between the grief into light, and light into glory.' He farther of seeing me have so good a stomach, and added, that a single ray of it dissipates the fear that, if he had made me fast, it pain, and care, and melancholy, from the might prejudice my health. I did not doubt person on whom it falls. In short,' says he, he would have broke my heart, if I did not its presence naturally changes every place break his, which was allowable by the law into a kind of heaven.' After he had gone of self-defence. The way was very easy. on for some time in this unintelligible cant, I resolved to spend as much money as II found that he jumbled natural and moral could; and, before he was aware of the ideas together in the same discourse, and stroke, appeared before him in a two thou- that his great secret was nothing else but sand pound diamond necklace: he said content. nothing, but went quietly to his chamber, This virtue does indeed produce, in some and, as it is thought, composed himself with measure, all those effects which the alchya dose of opium. I behaved myself so well mist usually ascribes to what he calls the upon the occasion, that to this day I be- philosopher's stone; and if it does not bring lieve he died of an apoplexy. Mr. Wait- riches, it does the same thing, by banishing fort was resolved not to be too late this the desire of them. If it cannot remove the time, and I heard from him in two days. I disquietudes arising out of man's mind, am almost cut of my weeds at this present body, or fortune, it makes him easy under writing, and very doubtful whether I will them. It has indeed a kindly influence on marry him or no. I do not think of a se- the soul of man, in respect of every being venth for the ridiculous reason you men- to whom he stands related. It extinguishes tion, but out of pure morality that I think all murmur, repining, and ingratitude, toso much constancy should be rewarded, wards that Being who has allotted him his though I may not do it after all perhaps. I part to act in this world. It destroys all do not believe all the unreasonable malice inordinate ambition, and every tendency to of mankind can give a pretence why I corruption, with regard to the community should have been constant to the memory wherein he is placed. It gives sweetness to of any of the deceased, or have spent much his conversation, and a perpetual serenity time in grieving for an insolent, insignifi- to all his thoughts. cant, negligent, extravagant, splenetic, or covetous husband: my first insulted me, my second was nothing to me, my third disgusted me, the fourth would have ruined me, the fifth tormented me, and the sixth would have starved me. If the other ladies you name would thus give in their husbands' pictures at length, you would see they have had as little reason as myself to lose their hours in weeping and wailing. VOL. II.

46

Among the many methods which might be made use of for the acquiring of this virtue, I shall only mention the two following. First of all, a man should always consider how much he has more than he wants: and, secondly, how much, more unhappy he might be than he really is.

First of all, a man should always con-. sider how much he has more than he wants. I am wonderfully pleased with the reply